2 A.M. — November 22, 1996
SIENNA
Sienna woke suddenly, her heart pounding as hard as her head, her brain overloaded with thoughts of their children.
That full-body raw feeling was still there from having wept for so long.
She could tell it wasn’t morning yet because there was no light seeping in past the blackout blinds.
Those stupid blinds had cost a fortune, and they never worked as well as the designer said they would.
You won’t know if it’s noon or midnight! Ha! What a crock.
Next to her, Zane was snoring. Snoring?!
The nerve of that man. If the cheating wasn’t a sign that he was a sociopath, the snoring certainly was.
How could he possibly be asleep right now after what he’d done?
Correction—what he was doing. The only reason he was even in this bed was because Ivy was still up and they didn’t want her to see Zane taking his pillow to the guest room.
They needed time to figure out how to tell the kids, or even if they would tell them at all.
The only thing Sienna knew for sure was that he needed to get the hell out of their home and stay gone until she decided what she was going to do.
But beyond that, she couldn’t see a path forward.
When she returned from Burger King, bloated and burping, she told him he had to move out for a while.
Non-negotiable if he wanted any chance at a future with her.
They agreed not to tell the kids until Friday after school.
They’d need the weekend to get past the fact that their parents were taking some time apart.
A weekend. Yes, that ought to do it. Two whole days to go from being part of a happy, whole family to coming from a broken home.
If only this had happened at the start of the summer break.
Then the kids would have had nine weeks to cry and stomp and rage.
In a feat of mom strength, she had managed to hold it together for three hours after school, her emotions like raging water pounding a hastily constructed dam.
She might burst at any moment. She lied and told them she was zipping off to step class as soon as dinner was on the table, but in reality, she was going to find a place to hide until after they were in bed.
Zane had picked the kids up from school, and the entire time he was gone, Sienna stared at a photo album she’d made of Zane’s forty-fifth birthday celebration.
The party was a surprise that she’d spent months working on.
One hundred of their closest friends showed up at the house to toast to another forty-five years.
A huge white tent was erected in the yard with round tables and a stage where some of the biggest names in the industry took turns belting out tunes in between singing Zane’s praises.
Not only a hell of a talented musician, but a great man too.
No one’s as dedicated to his family as this guy right here.
Claudia got up and sang a duet with Zane.
Dolly and Kenny’s ‘Islands in the Stream.’ It was all so kitsch and oh so funny.
As Sienna stared at one of the photos, Claudia smiled back at her.
She could see her own arm around Claudia’s shoulder.
The arm of a foolish woman who thought her marriage was safe with her.
She shook with rage as she ordered herself not to call her.
Not today. She would say the most awful things, and if she did, there was a chance Claudia would record her and leak it to some tabloid, and then it would be out there forever.
What an awful bitch Sienna McCreight was, picking on a woman who just had a baby.
It wasn’t Claudia’s job to uphold their wedding vows.
That responsibility fell squarely on Zane’s shoulders. And he had failed spectacularly.
Thankfully, Ivy had gone home after school with her best friend to hang out and have supper.
Ivy would know something was wrong immediately, and she was like a Rottweiler with a bone when something was up.
Parker, who rarely looked at Sienna, seemed oblivious to the entire thing.
He made his zombie-like walk to the fridge and grabbed a carton of chocolate milk, then downed the whole thing and went to the rec room to play Super Nintendo.
Poppy noticed right away that her mom had been crying and hurried over to give her a big hug, smelling the way children do when they’ve been playing hard outside. “Mom, are you sad?”
“No, baby, I just have allergies today,” Sienna said, dropping a kiss on Poppy’s smooth forehead.
“What are you allergic to?”
“Betrayal.”
Zane, who was standing in the corner of the room trying to make himself small, let his head snap back, while Poppy looked up at her mom, her eyes narrowed in confusion. “What?”
“Umm, pollen.”
“You said betrayal,” Poppy answered.
“Mommy’s being silly.” She pulled a goofy face, then said, “Do I look frightfully bad?”
Frightfully bad—that was their little joke. A character on a cartoon they were watching in a London hotel room had used the phrase, and Poppy thought it was the greatest thing she’d ever heard. Since then, everything was frightfully bad—the weather, her day at school, tofu nuggets.
Poppy smiled up at her, then her mouth lost its curve in favor of a very grown-up straight line. “No, you look sad.”
“I’m fine, my little Poppy Seed,” Sienna insisted. “Now, how about a chocolate chip cookie?”
“Yes please,” Poppy said, letting go of her mom. “Oh, but I should tell you that Dad bought us ice cream on the way home.”
Sienna shot Zane a glance. “Did he now?”
“Don’t be mad at him, Mom. We begged and begged and begged.”
“Your father needs to learn to say no,” Sienna answered, immediately wishing she hadn’t said it in such a sharp tone.
Poppy shook her head, her dark brown pigtails swishing back and forth. “Oh, Dad, please never learn to say no. And don’t ever go on tour again. Life is the most fun with you here.”
Zane smiled at their little girl, but Sienna could see the guilt in his eyes. Good. He should feel guilty. Not to mention small and terrible and weak, because that’s what he was. A weak, terrible, small man who could go to hell for all she cared.
Wide awake, this scene played out in Sienna's head again, fury building in her from her toes to the top of her head until she couldn’t stand it any longer. Zane dared to let out a loud snort, this one accompanied by a contented whistling sound as he exhaled. How dare he?!
Sienna put her mouth right next to his ear and raised her voice. “WAKE UP!”
His body jerked violently, and he covered his ear with one hand. “Oww! What the hell?” he mumbled, clearly having forgotten what he’d done.
“I have something to say,” Sienna snapped.
“Jesus, Sienna, it’s the middle of the night,” he said, turning away from her.
She tapped the gold base of the bedside lamp, and it immediately shone an offending yellow glow in her eyes. “I don’t care.”
“Okay, I’m listening.” He sat up and leaned against the Ralph Lauren silk damask headboard and rubbed his eyes the same way Poppy did when she was tired.
The sight of it nearly killed Sienna. They would forever be connected by their children, whom she loved with her entire heart.
And now she’d have to separate her love for them from the pain he had inflicted on her.
But how? After all these years together and making three humans that were a perfect blend of the two of them, how was she supposed to suddenly turn off the tap to her love for him?
They were like two delicate gold chains that got tangled up in a box over the years, intertwining and wrapping knots around each other until there was no way to get them apart without breaking one or both.
Then she remembered that he’d made a perfect blend of himself with another woman, and that was the thing that would help her carefully tease out her love from her all-consuming rage until the chains were finally free of each other.
Her brain fired wildly with all the things that she was furious about, each one fighting to get out first. In the end, she went with, “Fuck you.”
There was a long pause, and her tears started to flow again. Sienna refused to speak until she knew her voice would come out strong, but it was all too painful, and her throat refused to loosen up.
“Is that what you needed to say?” he asked, his tone neither sarcastic nor empathetic. He just sounded tired.
“For starters,” she answered, digging her fingernails into her palms. “I just realized what you’ve been doing.
These past few months. You’ve been preparing for the worst, haven’t you?
You knew this might be your baby and as soon as you found out, you made us all fall in love with you, just in case. ”
Zane blew out a puff of air that made a ‘whoo’ sound that was as good as a yes.
“Do you have any idea how cruel that is?” she asked, her tone rising two octaves by the time she reached the last word.
“I was scared. I was so scared of losing you. I … panicked because I knew this could be the end of us, and I can’t let that happen.” His voice was cracked and strained the way it was after a stadium concert. “I love you. I need you, Sienna. You and the kids are my whole world.”
“Oh, shut up. You do not get to say that,” she hissed.
“But it’s true. I didn’t realize it before,” he said, sounding desperate.
“I was an idiot. Asleep at the switch for years. But this … situation woke me up. It made me want to cling to you all. To show you how much you mean to me. It’s like I was handed a death sentence and suddenly could see so clearly what matters. ”
“I’ve been such an idiot,” she scrambled to get out of the massive bed, suddenly desperate to get away from him. “Here I thought you were changing into this wonderful husband and caring dad, but the entire time, it was self-protection.”
“No, Sienn—”