July 20 #6
Tears filled her eyes, and a lump formed in her throat. “It’s good to hear your voice too.”
“I gotta go. We’re supposed to be in bed by ten.”
“Okay. Good night.”
“Love you, Claudia.”
“Love you, too.”
She hung up the phone and stared at the television set while Mark Green tried in vain to save a patient.
Picking up her glass of wine, she had a long sip of the cool liquid, but it tasted sour somehow.
She thought about a world where she and Mike were in love, traveling the world together and performing, but during their downtime doing healthy things like going for long bike rides or hiking.
Without thinking about it, she got up from the couch and took the wine to the kitchen, then dumped it down the sink.
Over the next hour, she emptied the liquor cabinet in the kitchen, the bar cart in the dining room, and the massive bar in the rec room that opened up to the outdoor pool.
Thousands of dollars of alcohol went down the drains, one-by-one, glugging until every bottle she could find was empty.
She flushed the marijuana and the coke down the toilets.
She rinsed out all the bottles and put them in cardboard boxes in the garage for the landscaper to take the next time he came.
When she was done, she felt lighter, happier, and more hopeful than she had in a very long time.
Maybe a different future was in store for them after all.
She had no way of knowing, but she was certain of one thing—that she’d start living a lifestyle that would support Mike’s needs right away, and by the time he returned, she’d be the kind of woman a man like him needed.
The next two months were the loneliest Claudia had known.
The band was on an indefinite hiatus while Mike was in recovery, so instead of being locked in the studio, she was alone.
It had been years since she’d been in touch with her friends from her waitressing days.
She didn’t want to go home to her parents because the last thing she wanted was for them to find out where Mike was.
When she spoke to them, she pretended he was there and everything was fine and they were doing normal couple things, and wasn’t she lucky to be living on the beach in Malibu?
When Dean stopped by to rid the house of all things booze and drug-related (and there was a shocking amount of drugs left), he told her that Zane and Sienna had rented a house on Maui and would be gone until the kids had to start school again in September.
He said he was glad for them and that it was exactly what they needed right now.
She fully understood the subtext—she had created a wedge between them, and poor Zane was stuck trying to remove it.
So, left to her own devices, Claudia started taking yoga classes three times a week.
It seemed like something a health-conscious person would do.
She jogged in the mornings. Her skin brightened up, her body leaned out a little more, and she was clear-headed when she woke each day.
She spent most of her time either at Mike’s grand piano or strumming one of his many guitars while she wrote songs about love lost, loneliness, heartache and pain.
Most of the songs were about Mike, but a few were about Zane.
Her heart broke a little when she imagined him with his arms around Sienna as they watched the sun go down over the warm waters of Hawaii.
She’d stare out at the ocean, knowing that Zane was somewhere out there, thousands of miles beyond what she could see, and she wondered if he ever looked to the east toward her.
Those thoughts would bring on a heap of shame.
She should be over Zane by now. He had never been hers to begin with, and the man who needed her, who could potentially love her the way she needed to be loved, was trying to do the impossible.
But maybe she wouldn’t be able to get over Zane until a new-and-improved Mike was here to stay.
And maybe it would be easy once he returned.
She hadn’t heard a word from him since his one and only phone call over two months earlier.
According to Dean, he was due to finish his program the next week, and yet, he hadn’t asked her to come to Utah to see him graduate or accompany him for his trip home.
This worried her, and she told herself that maybe he wanted to surprise her by showing up with flowers.
The front gate buzzer sounded as soon as she returned from her morning run on the beach. Her bright blue bike shorts and her oversized tank top were covered in sweat, but she pressed the button to answer anyway. “Yes?”
“Hey, Claudia, it’s Kitty. I was hoping I could come in for a few minutes so we could talk.”
She felt a jolt of fear, although she had no idea why. “Sure,” she answered, pressing the button to open the gate.
Claudia opened the front door and watched the older woman park her Lexus in front of the house. They exchanged a quick hug, and Claudia apologized for being sweaty. “I’ve been working on getting healthy.”
“I can tell. You look great,” Kitty told her, walking past her into the house.
This was going to be awkward. They’d never spent so much as a minute alone together, and now it would be just the two of them in this massive house. “How’re things?”
“Good,” Kitty said, making her way to the kitchen island where she dropped her purse and sunglasses. “It’s summer break which means the kids are at each other’s throats. Rusty’s restless as all hell. If you ask me, September can’t come soon enough.”
“Sounds rough,” Claudia answered, walking over to the cupboard where they kept the glasses. “Can I get you a water? Or a coffee maybe?”
“Water would be lovely.”
She took down two tall glasses and got a large bottle of Pelligrino out of the fridge, then sliced up a lime while Kitty walked to the wall of windows and stared out at the view. “It’s so gorgeous here.”
“It really is.”
“How’ve you been?”
“Um, lonely. Worried about Mike.” Claudia leaned against the far counter, watching as Kitty returned to the island and slid onto a stool.
“Yes, of course.”
Having a long sip of the refreshingly cool water, Claudia eyed the woman over her glass before setting it down.
Kitty cleared her throat, looking uncomfortable. “I’m sure you’re wondering what I’m doing here.”
“I’m a little curious.”
She fiddled with her hoop earring before she spoke. “First off, I want to say that Russ doesn’t know I’m here. No one does, actually. But I’m a believer that we women should stick together. And as such, I didn’t want you to be blindsided.”
Claudia’s knees went weak, and she knew it wasn’t from her exertion earlier.
“The guys all went to see Mike on the weekend.”
Oh, that was a nasty blow, but she knew it was merely a taste of what was coming—an amuse bouche for a meal that would make her ill. “They did?”
She nodded. “He asked them to come up there for a couple of days to talk about the future.” Without waiting for Claudia to absorb that bit of news, she went on.
“I might as well come right out and say it. The thing is, they’ve all agreed that it’ll be best for the band if you’re not part of it anymore. ”
“I see.” No, she didn’t. Tears threatened to show themselves, but she fought them back.
Kitty’s gaze softened. “I know that’s got to hurt, and I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to hear it from Dean.”
“They were going to make Dean tell me?”
“Next week, yeah. He’s working on finding you something. Sarah McLachlan is starting up some big traveling festival—all female acts. He might be able to get you a back-up gig. It sounds like an amazing opportunity. Plus, no shitty men to break your heart.”
Claudia, who wished she were sitting down, resisted the urge to slide to the floor and rest her legs against the cool tile.
“You should also know that Mike has decided he’s not capable of doing the long-term thing.
Not right now. Not when he’s going to need some space to recover.
” Kitty’s tone was one you’d use when sharing news about the next day’s weather.
It’ll start off cloudy and cool. A light rain is expected in the afternoon, with clear skies in the evening.
“He wants to make sure you’re taken care of though, so he’s got his real estate agent looking for a house for you.
It’ll be a gift. No strings attached. Apparently, she already started bidding on a gorgeous bungalow in Eagle Rock.
Very safe neighborhood. It overlooks a park.
Three bedrooms, two and a half baths. You should take it. ”
“Right, yeah,” Claudia answered, her own words sounding distant to her as her brain struggled to make sense of what was happening. “I should do that.”
“I mean, maybe things will work out with you two down the road. But for now, he needs to be on his own. He’s in a delicate state. Having to manage a relationship would be too much for him,” Kitty told her. “The last thing anyone wants is for him to relapse.”
“Definitely,” Claudia answered. “I’d never want that. That’s why I’ve been working on getting myself healthy too. So I can be there to support him, and we can move forward together.”
Kitty pursed her lips, her expression skeptical. “As nice as that is, it’s not… realistic.”
Nodding slowly, Claudia glanced down at the floor, the word realistic hammering away at her insides. It was insulting. It assumed she was too stupid to understand what had happened. A wall went up between herself and Kitty. “Right. Is there anything else?”
“It’ll be best if you’re moved out when he gets back,” Kitty answered. “Dean found a rental for you until the possession date of your new house. If you accept it, that is.”
Her nose twitched and tingled, and her throat felt tight. “I see,” she whispered.
“He’s arranged for movers to come this weekend and help you out. The rental is furnished so you don’t have to worry about any of that. Just your clothes and personal effects.”