16. Margot
SIXTEEN
Margot
“ D idn’t you promise me breakfast?” I teased, leaning toward Caleb.
Now that Dean was gone, I wanted to forget he had ever interrupted us, but I knew we couldn’t just jump back to the moment when we were tearing each other’s clothes off. The interruption had caused us both to take a breath.
I tried to think of it as a necessary breath. A fresh take on reality. A space for both of us to cool down and think through what was happening between us. Again.
Wasn’t this how it had always been with him?
His smirk melted everything inside me. “I did throw out the breakfast plan, but I thought you were going to make it.”
I had purchased bacon, eggs, and a loaf of bread at the island grocery. It wasn’t a five-star breakfast, but I could make something out of that for us. Bacon was always a winner.
“Are you going to tell me that you and Dean never made up?” I opened the fridge and grabbed the ingredients I needed to get started.
This was good. We should talk more before sleeping together, I told myself. This was smart. There were a lot of years to cover between us.
“Dean and I haven’t been friends since high school,” he answered. “Nothing has changed.”
“Oh? What else has he done?”
Caleb exhaled. “Are you sure you want to get into all this?”
I took my time cracking eggs into a bowl. “Yes. I want to know.”
“I don’t have anything to hide about Dean. He was a dick in high school. He’s a dick now. His family still tries to run everything on the island. They raised the rent on my mom’s bookstore after you left. They tried to put her out of business.”
I stopped with a handful of cracked eggshells in my hand. “What? Why?”
He shook his head. “Because they could. She had to change locations. It’s okay now. Her new store is doing well, and she can actually afford it. But I swear if they could buy that building, they would.”
“I’m glad her shop is back open. It’s the only one on the island, right?”
“Yeah. You should check it out. By the Page near the Flying Devil.”
I smiled. “I’ll do that. I’d love to visit a bookstore while I’m here.”
I wondered if there was more to the story, but I didn’t want to spoil what we were mending. I needed to stay in this place. A place where I could block out Lucas’s lips starting to turn blue. When I didn’t think about how I could have let him drown. How I was such a fucking mess in that moment, that I was the last person on the entire island who should have been the one to save that little boy. No, I couldn’t let this good mood slip away. I had to hold onto it and stop talking about Dean. I started whisking the eggs in a bowl.
“Scrambled okay?”
“I’m not picky.”
I made breakfast for us and sat next to Caleb while we ate our bacon, eggs, and toast. It was then I felt the utter exhaustion seep into my bones. I could barely hold my fork with a bite of egg on it. I thought I was going to doze off and end up face down in my plate of eggs at any second.
Caleb noticed. “You know, you should probably get some sleep.”
I didn’t want it to be over. Whatever this was.
“No, I’m fine,” I lied. My eyes burned. I had slept some in the hospital, but it wasn’t by definition, a good sleep. I was sore in weird places in my back and neck.
“I’ll clean up the kitchen,” he volunteered. “Go. Get some sleep.”
“But—” I tried to think of how to protest his offer and my reluctance to let him leave.
“Can I call you later?” Caleb asked, as he cleared our plates and rinsed them in the sink.
I nodded. “Yes.” Nothing sounded better to me in this moment than knowing I was going to see him again. I flashed back to the first time he asked for my number on Uncle Walt’s porch, only a few feet from where we were standing now.
“I should get back to base. I have a report to fill out on the kid. The whole accident. My supervisor isn’t going to be happy I’ve been gone so long.”
My stomach churned. “Right. You do have work to do. I’m sorry I kept you so long.” It seemed like an insufficient apology after everything he had done for me.
“Go,” he urged. “Sleep.”
“Okay. Okay.” I tried to smile. I turned to head back upstairs, but something held me in place. I didn’t want to leave the incredibly amazing man washing dishes in my kitchen.
“Caleb?”
“Yeah?”
I shook my head. “Thank you. For all of it.”
“You got it. I’ll let myself out when I’m done.”
Somehow, I managed to make it to the second floor, one step at a time.
I t was hard to breathe. My arms flailed. Every time I tried to kick, it was as if my legs were slicing through swaths of giant seaweed patches, making no progress. I pictured Lucas floating on top of the water.
“No!” I screamed.
Finally, I reached him, dragging him into my arms. I coughed and sputtered with him as I kept swimming. I struggled to drag him up the ladder. I screamed and yelled for help. No one answered. I couldn’t shake the feeling it was my fault. I was somehow responsible for why he wouldn’t breathe. How his eyes wouldn’t open. How I thought he was dead or would die in my arms until I saw the Coast Guard cutter.
I kicked and kicked until finally, I awakened myself in a fevered haze from the nightmare.
I tried to catch my breath, but this time knowing it was from the dream, not water in my throat or lungs. I closed my eyes, steadying myself.
I’m okay. Lucas is okay. I turned on the lamp next to the bed, wondering what time it was. I glanced at the old alarm clock. I couldn’t believe it. It was eight o’clock. I had slept all afternoon and through dinner.
I padded through the living room and into the bathroom where I turned on the shower and stood under hot water. I kept trying to piece it all together. I kept coming back to the same thing—through all of it, Caleb was there. Caleb never left me. And he every reason to.