39. Margot
THIRTY-NINE
Margot
I washed my hair. Caleb’s damp towel dried on the hook behind the door. Had he actually told me he loved me this morning before he left for work? Was it me who said it back? I giggled to myself under the hot water.
When I dried off and checked my phone still plugged into the charger, there was a text from a New York number. Ethan.
I picked it up and read it.
I’m running a few minutes behind. Ended up a on conference call with the office. Sorry.
I twisted my lips together. I wasn’t surprised. Since I had a few minutes to spare I needed to run by The Clean Queen and pick up Carrie’s tablecloth. Josie had left several messages for me that it was ready.
I didn’t know if I had forgotten it on purpose in order to avoid dropping it off at the Tranquil Harbor house. Either way, I needed to get it out of the dry cleaners and make my amends to Carrie for almost ruining it. The bright side was that I could see Lucas and tell him about my new collection of shells I’d started.
I quickly dressed and drove to the dry cleaners. Josie greeted me behind the counter.
“Good morning.” She smiled. Her hair was braided on either side of her shoulders.
“Hi. Sorry, it’s taken me so long to stop by.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve got the tablecloth. It turned out great. You’d never know there was a putrid odor right in the middle of it,” she teased.
I crinkled my nose. “Yeah, that would be me. You’re a lifesaver for taking care of it.”
“Not me,” she reminded. “That’s my mom. I just run this part of the business. I’ll be right back.”
She disappeared behind a curtain and returned a few seconds later with the tablecloth draped over a clothes hanger and wrapped in paper.
“I think it looks better than when you brought it in.”
“Thank you again.” I reached for my wallet to pay the bill.
Josie took the cash and dropped change into my palm. “Are you going to the bonfire tonight?” she asked.
“Oh. I didn’t know about it. I guess not.” I shrugged.
“I haven’t seen Caleb in a while.”
I was careful not to let the tablecloth crease when she handed it to me. “We’ve been staying in more.”
I didn’t know how to explain that over the past few weeks, we’d been in our own bubble. It was a sphere I wasn’t ready to leave yet. We were in the middle of the good part. The part where we knew each other enough to find everything sexy and cute. The part where there was still excitement and mystery, yet safety together. I didn’t want out of our summer sphere for anything, especially not a bonfire.
“It’s getting serious?”
My stomach began to flutter. I hadn’t talked to anyone about Caleb. I didn’t have anyone.
I smiled. I couldn’t hide the way I felt about him even if I wanted to. I’d always kept my love life to myself, but today I felt like telling someone I was in love.
“Very serious,” I answered. “I decided to stay.”
Josie’s eyes bulged. “For him?”
“Well…yes and no. I own the Blue Heron.” I felt like I needed to remind her. “He’s a big part of it.”
She exhaled, shuffling my receipt into the cash register drawer. “Oh. That does make it serious. I’m surprised.”
“Why?”
“No reason. I’m glad you’re staying. That’s great. And I love using the marina.”
Somehow, we had gotten off track and Josie was trying to get us back on the road. I’m not sure where things had gone wrong.
“Tell him I said hi.”
“Sure.” I hesitated in the doorway, but another customer came in with two huge duffle bags stuffed to the top. “Thanks, again.”
“Hi, Mr. Berman,” Josie greeted the man as I headed to my car. My phone beeped. Ethan was waiting for me at Reel Time.
When I walked inside, I spotted him in the corner booth near the offshore tackle. The inshore tackle was on the opposite side of the store. He looked slightly more casual today. He was wearing dress pants with a navy polo shirt. It wasn’t Marshoak fashion but it was a step down for Ethan. His hair was still wet from the shower. There were two Styrofoam cups of coffee on the table.
“I ordered one for you.”
“Thanks.” I slid in across from him.
“You weren’t kidding about this being a place with fishing poles and tackle.”
I laughed. “No. Not at all. But I promise the sausage biscuits are good. And so is the coffee.” I lifted the lid and stirred cream and sugar into mine.
He pressed his elbows into the table. “Thanks for seeing me.”
My chest tightened. “You caught me off guard last night.”
“I know. I should have called.”
“Why didn’t you?” I asked.
“Because I couldn’t talk about it on the phone.”
I studied his eyes. The flecks of blue seemed deeper against the navy shirt.
“Talk about what?” I brought the coffee to my lips. “Wait. Before you tell me whatever it is, let’s put our biscuit order in.”
“Okay. You want to get biscuits.”
“Absolutely.” I smiled. “They’re famous here and you can’t go home without trying one.” He hesitated but followed me to the counter where we ordered sausage biscuits with a side of tots to share. Nan promised to deliver them to our booth as soon as they were ready. I saw her eye me.
It was an unspoken awareness with most residents of Marshoak that I was with Caleb. I appreciated Nan’s loyalty to him, but it was just as irritating that I couldn’t have breakfast with someone without stirring up speculation.
We returned to our seats.
“Biscuits ordered. Okay. Now tell me why you traveled all the way to North Carolina.”
“My dad’s been diagnosed with cancer.” His voice cracked.
My insides suddenly spun into hard, tight knots. I held my breath but didn’t realize it until my lungs fought me to breathe again.
“Margot?” Ethan’s hand stretched across the Formica table toward mine.
I shook my head. “I’m so-sorry Ethan. How bad is it?”
My mouth was suddenly dry, and I chugged the coffee, but it turned into pure acid in my stomach.
“It’s almost identical to your dad’s diagnosis. I didn’t know who else to go to. Who to tell.”
I blinked back tears. “It’s Stage Four?”
He nodded. “You’re the only person I could talk to about it. You know. I was there…” The memory of falling apart in Ethan’s arms the night my father died was too much to remember. I wanted to shut everything down.
I wasn’t able to push his hand away when it encircled mine. “I’m so sorry Ethan. I am. It’s terrible. It’s the worst thing to possibly have to hear and endure. How is your dad taking the news?”
“I don’t know.”
I leaned toward him. “What do you mean? What has he said?”
“We haven’t spoken about it.”
“That’s…that’s…”
“Crazy?” He shrugged. “That’s my dad and me. We don’t talk about anything. Not even a stage four cancer diagnosis.”
“What do you think I can do?” I asked. The shock was beginning to wear off slowly. If I could focus on Ethan again and the conversation maybe I would forget this was how I felt when I heard my father’s diagnosis.
“I don’t have anyone, Margot. You were the best thing in my life. The best person in my life.” He clutched my hand harder. “I don’t think I can get through this without you. And I was there for you.”
I almost choked. He had been my boyfriend at the time, but I didn’t consider him to be the safe comfort I needed during my grief.
“What does that mean?” It was as if I was still underwater, and his words were gargled.
“I want you to come back to New York with me.”
“Your order.” Nan’s voice was sharp as she dropped two plates in front of us. I jerked my hand away from Ethan and looked up at her. She glared at me. I wanted to protest and tell her I wasn’t doing anything Caleb didn’t know about, but there were too many things happening at once.
I eked out a thank you.
“Ethan, I’m not moving back to New York.”
“I get it. You like this country mouse life you have going on.”
“Country mouse?”
“Yeah, that story we heard as kids. The city mouse and the country mouse? You’re living the country mouse version. Barely any wifi. No shopping. No subway. It’s back to basics since you’re book tanked. I get it. You’re finding yourself.”
“I am not a country mouse,” I seethed. “This is my family’s property. I’m running the marina.”
He chuckled. “You want to run a marina?”
“It doesn’t make a difference to you. We broke up. You kicked me out. There’s nothing here that’s about you.”
He exhaled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult your family’s business. Really. I’m desperate. I can’t go through this alone, Margot. I need you.”
My hands felt clammy. The biscuit, which was usually soft, fluffy and fell apart like golden butter tasted like sandpaper in my mouth. I needed to trade my coffee for water.
“I’m not available like that. You met Caleb last night.” I gave up on trying to eat any more of the biscuit and placed it on the plate.
“I’ll pay for everything. You can have half of the apartment. Anything you want, even a writing space and you can work.”
“Ethan. Stop. I don’t understand.”
“I can’t be the one who’s there with my dad. You know what’s going to happen. You’ve been through this. You can tell me what to do, what to say. You know what I should ask the doctors. You’d be there when I got home.”
I blinked. “You can hire a call girl if you need someone to wait for you with slippers when you get home. There are plenty of services full of beautiful women who are happy to get paid to do that for you. I’m not your emotional support ex-girlfriend.”
“It’s not like that. I don’t want someone else. I need you to be there. No one else knows what it’s like to watch their father die.”
I hopped up from the table. “Stop. Stop saying it.” I wanted to cover my ears like a small child. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Margot, wait.”
“No. I’ve got to go. I have a meeting with…” Before I finished my sentence, I ran out of Reel Time. I pushed back Nan and her disapproving grimace. I drove home, fighting hot tears. Fighting demons. Fighting pain.
I walked into the cottage and headed straight for my room. I cranked the AC down, climbed into bed, and cried until I fell asleep.