Chapter 43
DIANA
I know how desperate I look by agreeing to see Stella right away, but I don’t care anymore.
After what happened last night, I have to do everything I can to get back to the CEO race.
At the end of the day, you’re his little lap dog, chained up to do everything he says, and soak up everything he thinks about you.
Sophia’s words haunt every crevice in my head.
I don’t forgive her, and I don’t ever want to emulate her, but I can’t deny that there’s some truth to what she said about the privilege I have.
I’ve never stepped out of line until now and what I’ve been enduring for weeks, Sophia has been enduring her whole life.
If this truly is a test bàba is putting me through, I can’t fail it.
The announcement last night proves that every moment is numbered, which means that the time I have with Kai is also numbered.
I shake my head. It’s better this way. I can’t keep entertaining the hopes that Kai and I can ever be together. The faster I accept that, the less heartbroken I will be. Still, I can’t ignore the dull ache piercing my heart at the thought of never seeing him again.
What keeps my nerves under control is the chunky pumpkin spiced candle burning on Stella’s desk.
Her office sits on the top floor of the building, and it’s paneled with floor to ceiling windows that overlook downtown Vancouver.
Stella’s assistant told me I could wait for her in her office while she took a personal call. Even though she hasn’t shown up, her presence takes up every inch of this room.
Her chaotically organized desk is a giant, faux marble thing with gilded legs. Taped to her pink computer is a business card for Obachan’s Kitchen. Beneath it is a list of affirmations:
You are unstoppable.
You will get richer.
You will not text your ex, Derek.
I can’t help but smile at all the framed photos of a disgruntled tuxedo cat posing by famous landmarks. The photos are crammed beside a gathering of crystals illuminating Stella’s degrees from Harvard and MIT.
I had stalked her before coming in and I’ve never felt more pathetic.
Stella Dejvongsa is only a few months older than me, yet she’s already achieved so much.
She grew up in Laos, a small Southeast Asian country, where she dabbled in technology and the sciences.
She was only fourteen when her research paper about the futuristic benefits of quantum computing caught the attention of a visiting professor from Harvard.
On her eighteenth birthday, she launched the private messaging app, DXMessenger, and now she co-owns that company with her cousin in order to focus entirely on leading CatchCo.
I’m prepared to feel small and insignificant in front of her.
Then the office door sweeps open.
“Hi! Hello! Sorry, I’m late!”
With her Jimmy Choos clicking across the hardwood, Stella rushes into the office carrying a plate of fresh cinnamon buns.
She shakes her head. Her sleek ponytail swishes back and forth as she huffs. “I was arguing with my uncle on FaceTime. He’s asking for money again, and I told him I would stop supporting him after his second marriage.”
A small laugh escapes me, and the words come out easier than I thought. “I mean, if you don’t have an uncle who’s asking for money, are you really Asian?”
“Finally! Someone who gets it!” Stella playfully rolls her eyes before she sticks out her hand and smiles at me. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Diana.”
Stella is everything I wish I could be: beautiful, confident, and full of light.
She takes up space in her royal blue blazer dress, strappy silver rhinestone heels, and matching headband, which crowns her soft black waves.
Her brown eyes take me in, so bright and curious against the faint mischievous curve to her lips.
I rise onto my feet and smile back at her in relief. “Thanks so much for getting back to me.”
“Oh, of course! Sit, sit.” Stella sets down the plate of sugary pastries in front of me. “Here, have some cinnamon buns.”
With a heavy sigh, she plops down into her swivel chair, kicks off her heels, and sinks her feet into the foot massager beneath her desk.
“Alrighty.” She pulls out a file and flips it open, looking over the document before she glances back up at me and leans in like a conspiring criminal. “CatchCo doesn’t usually do this, but there’s a reason why I reached out to you personally.”
“There is?”
“I have been keeping up with what happened to you since September.” She shakes her head as a wry, bitter smile crosses her lips. “When I first heard about the scandal, I saw it had Jonathan Huang written all over it.”
“How do you know Jonathan?”
“I know him because I dated him.”
My eyes widen.
Stella waves her hand.
“It was a secret, and no one knew,” she explains. “That’s why it took me a while to decide whether or not I wanted to get personally involved. But then, I remembered why I started CatchCo in the first place.”
I scramble to get the words out. “I-It was because of him?”
Stella nods. For a moment, her spirit dies a little and it’s like watching a star sputter in its light.
“He had photos of me. I was able to stop it before it leaked, but the scars didn’t fade. I still remember what it was like to be one of his victims.”
Stella takes in a deep, steadying breath before her face hardens in determination.
“We might’ve dated two years ago, but I know things about Jonathan that you don’t.
I know who he keeps on a leash to do his dirty work.
We can get physical evidence and a whistleblower to clear your name.
So, if you’re still willing to work with me to take down Jonathan and everyone else involved in this scandal… ”
Stella plucks up a cinnamon bun and smirks.
“Name your targets, Diana. I’d be happy to help.”
KAI
Misty rain drips into my hair as I push myself up Grouse Mountain.
So much sweat clings to my gray compression shirt, it looks black on my body. I flex my shoulders back and look up. The logs go up in a spiral, creating a brutal stairway that leads to the peak.
The Grouse Grind is a forty-five minute hike we do every year to strengthen team bonding and keep our morale up, so we don’t end up slacking. It’s easy to get cocky when you have a streak of wins.
The Grouse Grind is there to remind us that we need to keep pushing each other hard no matter what.
“Just let me die,” Luke croaks. He slumps over the stairs with tears in his eyes.
“Come on, buddy.” I smack his ass, urging him onto his feet. “There you go. You got this.”
Luke groans. He drags a hand through his sweaty blond hair before he pushes on, his face flush and red.
The tall pine trees rise around us. Their damp leaves are slick with fresh morning rain that drips down to cool the heat billowing from our heaving chests.
I grit my teeth and climb up another step.
Diana’s hair clip latches to the band of my gym shorts. It should feel distracting and uncomfortable, but it only makes me think about her during the entire hike. Our night on the phone plays in my head over and over. When I see raindrops drip from the leaves, a smile cracks across my face.
I just smiled for the camera, completely oblivious to the giant booger hanging down my nose.
“You psychopath!” Luke gasps. “Are you seriously smiling?”
“I just can’t wait to get to the top,” I pant.
Rowan grunts, wiping sweat off his forehead. He glares at me. “You’re a shitty liar.”
A breathy laugh puffs out of me. The adrenaline pumping through my veins falls flat when I remember what Diana told me last night. My smile falls. I scoop up a pebble and chuck it into the bushes.
“What’s happening between us might end sooner than we thought, though.”
The boys pause. They drop back against the tree as they look back at me, confused. “What do you mean?”
I tell them everything. Each detail magnifies the ache in my chest. I know there’s gonna be a day when Diana becomes a memory.
I won’t wake up and see her name flash on my phone, I won’t smell her perfume in my bed sheets, and I’ll never be able to vent and rage with her about people neither of us have ever met.
Rowan frowns as he sees the thoughts play across my face. “You’re more than just whipped for Diana at this point, aren’t you?”
I rake my hands through my hair. “I keep trying to convince myself that I can control how I feel by remembering that what we have is temporary. I thought that would stop me from falling for her. But I have and now I can’t stop.”
Luke smirks and slings a limp arm around my shoulder. “Lucky for you, I already got us tickets to the Halloween party. Get Diana to go with you. Since time is ticking and you generally like being around her, this is your chance to spend as much time with her before it all ends.”
Rowan crosses his arms and shakes his head in protest. “No, that’s risky as hell, Kai. You’re already going behind her dad’s back to hook up, and now you’re going to take her to a party as your date? Don’t let the thrill make you forget how badly both of you might crash at the end.”
Doubt fills my mind, unsteadying the decisions I’ve planted.
Maybe Rowan’s right.
He’s been there before.
My eyes trace his tattoo. A flight of swallows wind around his forearm. Pieces of a Japanese name are inked into the spaces between each bird.
It’s been years and he still refuses to tell us why he got the tattoo and why he left his parents in Tokyo.
I rub the back of my neck. Maybe I should play it safe like Rowan says and leave the arrangement as it is: No strings. Just sex.
Luke groans, tossing his head back. “Alright, we know we’re a bunch of twenty-one-year-old dudes who don’t need to have their shit together, right? Not everything is going to work out the way it should.”
Anger rips through the last sentence, making me wonder if he’s really talking about me and Diana.
Rowan’s expression hardens. “We didn’t come all the way to Division I just to throw it all away,” he snaps.
“Everything has a risk, Row. Even the choices you think are safe.”
“That doesn’t mean we should be reckless and make decisions that don’t benefit us on the ice.”
“You can still get to where you want to go and live your life at the same time. Not everything should stay on hold while you try to get signed. You don’t have all the time in the world like you think you do.”
Rowan drops his head in defeat just as Luke blinks the tears from his eyes. His hand brushes the silver bracelet clinging to his wrist. His mom’s initials, CK, glints in the silver light. It’s then I realize that today marks the day when she died from cancer.
She passed away when he was eighteen, which is why Luke didn’t join us at DHU until a year later to start his sports management degree. Because of that, he’s now graduating in 2026 with Rowan who deferred his graduation by doing a kinesiology co-op.
Through thick and thin, Cindy King was a mother to all of us.
Without her, the boys and I wouldn’t have ever become friends.
“Guys, let’s not fight, okay?” I clap my hands on both of their shoulders. “We need each other if we’re ever gonna make it to the top.”
Luke and Rowan ease up.
Standing here among the trees, with our knees dirty and our hands stained with dirt, I feel like we’re back in Sunnyside Park in Surrey.
I remember when we were just three little boys who dreamed about playing in the big leagues with every player we’ve looked up to.
Who shouldered the wide eyes and skepticism of career counsellors who asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up.
I don’t remember when those dreams went from giving us hope to crushing it entirely when it came to wanting something other than playing the game.
But I’ll never forget who I got here with.
I don’t want to.
Together, the boys and I lean against each other and trek up the mountain again.
Luke and Rowan’s opinions clash in my mind on the way up. This time, they quiet down a little against the feeling of Diana’s hair clip pressing into my hip.
Her voice drowns out theirs.
What you want and what you think matters.
I try to wrestle my own voice out of the echo chamber of everyone else’s thoughts.
What do I want?
Fear of what people will think about my decisions, and the excuses I make to protect me from their judgment clamor around me.
I shake my head, trying to hold onto what I want beneath all the distractions. Every sharp breath, every burn and ache in my body eventually gets me to the top of Grouse Mountain.
A bright glint spears into my eye. I wince and squint up. The sun breaches the clouds and colors the fog in soft, golden light.
I wander to the edge of the deck and slump against the railing. The cool mountain air sinks and spreads across my skin, easing the heat blazing underneath it.
The Grouse Grind doesn’t get easier. But when you reach the peak, you remember why the pain is worth it.
I unhitch Diana’s hair clip from my waistband. Her slow, wicked smile and steady brown eyes control my mind. Every doubt that rages in there goes quiet as I look back at the mountains and the skies.
What do you want?
Her.
I want to spend the rest of my time at DHU with Diana. I don’t want to let her go before I really need to. I’ve never felt more alive than I do right now. I don’t want to turn back around and lose out on everything I could’ve had because I was too scared to see it through.
After all the anger, frustration, and anxiety I’ve felt since first year, I don’t want to feel regret, too.