Chapter 58
DIANA
Of all the times I’ve stood outside Kai’s door, I never once let myself imagine what the last time would be like.
I close my eyes, fighting to keep the tears back.
This is what’s best for him. He’s worked so hard to rebuild his reputation and play in the NHL. That has always been his dream and I’m not going to give bàba a chance to destroy it.
I swallow hard. With a trembling fist, I reach up and knock on the door.
It’s not long before it finally creaks open.
Kai stands there in his white shirt and plaid blue pajama pants. His tattoo peeks out from the wrinkled sleeves as he rustles a hand through his black hair. He smiles at me, green eyes blinking groggily.
“There you are.”
I fall into him. The door shuts behind us as Kai’s arms wrap around me, holding me tight. Tears well in my eyes when I breathe him in. Night rain and pinewood colors the air, comforting me and breaking my heart all at the same time.
“I’m sorry for asking to come over so late. I know it’s incredibly last minute. I just—”
“Hey, hey…” Kai strokes my hair before he leans down to kiss my forehead. I shut my eyes, basking in how warm he feels. “I don’t care what time it is, princess. Every last minute I have is yours.”
I smile meekly as I nestle my cheek into his chest. “How does the NCAA feel about that?”
Kai laughs. The sound radiates all over me like sunlight. He then reaches down to cup my face and tilts my head up.
Oh, dear god.
The dim lights melt down on him like honey; it spills through his black curls, his dark lashes, and unsheathes across the strong ridge of his nose, and his soft, full lips. He stares down at me with so much relief and wonder I feel like I’m made of more than flesh and bone.
Kai brushes my lip with his thumb, coaxing a slow smile from me. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Kai murmurs, “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” A soft breath escapes me as I smile, and run my fingers through his hair. “Where are the boys?”
This time, Kai avoids eye contact with me.
“Kai?” My worry stirs before I cup his jaw, willing him to look at me. “What’s the matter? What happened?”
Has bàba done something? What if Gregory and Jonathan have already gotten their revenge?
“The Vipers.” Kai forces himself to look back at me. That’s when I see the tears in his eyes. “They broke into the arena and, um…” His brows furrow as he struggles to churn the words out. “T-They wrecked the zambonis and trashed our locker room.”
“No,” I gasp.
“All of our jerseys…they’re slashed to pieces, Di. Every one of them.”
“Oh my god.”
A choked sound breaks from his throat. Kai shuts his eyes, and he starts to cry.
“Wallace got beat up because of us.”
My heart sinks. I wipe away the tears streaming down Kai’s face with rage and regret shaking through my fingers. He doesn’t deserve all of this pain. Not after everything he’s endured the last several years for simply doing what he loved.
The tears I’ve been holding back come undone, too.
“I’m sorry, Kai.” I kiss his cheek and his forehead, until his tears mesh with mine. “I’m so sorry.”
“He only has a few broken ribs,” Kai whispers. “The doctor said he’ll be fine, though. Rowan and Luke are still at the hospital with him. I wanted to stay, but Rowan wanted me to get some rest. Captain’s orders.”
He scowls and heads towards the couch. I follow him, my hand still wrapped in his.
Kai tears out a tissue from the box, and his arm twines around my waist before he draws me onto his lap.
He lifts my chin up and dabs the tissue over my tears, his touch delicate and careful as it always is. I fight back the sob in my throat.
You beautiful, loving boy. Out of every heart I have to break, why does it have to be yours?
I struggle to breathe through the ache splintering me in two. I simply close my eyes and lean my forehead against Kai’s, sinking into the arms that wrap around me, so strong and so steadily.
I won’t break the news to him today. I can’t. Not when he’s so beaten down like this.
“Wait…” Kai blinks up at me in confusion. “Why did you want to come over?”
I go still. “What do you mean?”
“You didn’t know the Vipers hurt Wallace and trashed our locker room. You came here for a reason, though.” An ember of hope flickers on his face. “Did you want to talk about us?”
I shake my head. “Kai, this isn’t the time. You’re stressed and—”
“No,” Kai insists. “Who knows what else the Vipers want to do to us? We need to have this conversation sooner rather than later. I can’t keep wondering where we stand with each other, Di.”
I swallow hard.
He’s been cut down so painfully in the last several hours, I want to scream at the fact that I'm the one who has to give the killing blow. But as painful and heart wrenching and unfair as it is, Kai has a point. Whether this conversation happens now or later, nothing will change the outcome. This fire has been burning long enough, and it’s time to put out the flames before it takes us down.
“A-Aright,” I give in. I force myself to look back at Kai, tracing and remembering every inch of him before I have to say goodbye to him forever. “Let’s talk about it.”
He winds his fingers through mine before he kisses my hand, and lets it rest over his heart.
“I know we started off as friends with benefits. I know it was just supposed to be sex, but it’s become something more for me.
Something I don’t want to let go of.” A small, incredulous smile breaks across Kai’s face like the sun rising from the dark.
“I love how I can talk to you about anything, because you understand what I’m going through.
You make me laugh like no one else does.
For the first time, I fucking love Mondays because I know I’ll get to see you the moment I walk through that door. ”
His grief fades ever so slightly as he looks at me with his entire heart in his eyes.
“I’m so in love with you, Di. There’s only so many places where I feel like I have a home, and you’re one of those places.
I don’t just want the sex. I want you. It doesn’t matter if we’re running errands or running from the Vipers…
I want it all as long as it’s with you.”
Kai lets out a big breath. My composure breaks as he brushes his knuckles across my jaw. It stiffens in its effort to rein my tears back.
“I know that’s what I want,” he whispers. “What about you? What do you want?”
I shut my eyes. The first tear falls and pricks my trembling lips.
“I want us to stop seeing each other.”