Chapter 61
KAI
I’ve never been in a locker room this quiet.
Not exactly quiet in sound. But quiet in feeling.
Music blasts from Luke’s Bluetooth speakers, except no one talks to each other in the guest locker room at the Valdis Arena.
Not even when Luke’s playlist veers from Travis Scott to Taylor Swift.
No one teases him. We all shove ourselves into our gear and quietly lace up side by side.
I strap on my shin pads. My fingers shake, and there’s a pinch in my chest that makes my breath push out in shallow heaves. I shut my eyes.
You’re fine. You’re okay. This is just a bad period for the team. We’ll get through this. We’ll win our games. Wallace will be out of the hospital. Luke will be Luke again.
Everything is going to be fine.
I force my thoughts onto strapping and shrugging on my gear.
“Socks go on,” I mutter. “Then we’re putting on our pants.”
But the panic edges closer like a wave, and I’m too fucking exhausted to stop it from swallowing me up.
Everything is falling apart right now, and I don’t know how to make sense of the ruins at my feet: Seeing Wallace collapsed, bruised and bloody on the ice; stepping into the locker room and seeing our jerseys slashed to pieces; losing Diana without a chance to get her back.
What made it all worse was the argument I had with my parents last night.
“It’s been three years, Kainoa, and you’re halfway through your senior year.”
“I know, mama.”
“Maybe…” She shakes her head. “I don’t know, maybe it’s time for you to give it up.”
“No, I’m not going to give it up,” I push back. If there’s any chance of convincing the Vancouver Phoenix that I’m worth recruiting, then I’ll do it. “I’ve worked too hard to do that.”
“I know you have, but sometimes what we want isn’t always what’s meant to be,” Papa reasons. “That’s why it’s a good idea to talk about how you can help out the family business.”
My patience snaps and the words fire out before I can even comprehend them.
“You try to say you’re helping me, but I know you’re only doing it because you want papau’s approval. It sucks and I’m sorry that he doesn’t see you’re good enough for mama. But the fact that papau can’t accept you is not my responsibility! It should have never been my responsibility!”
Since then, I’ve grown to accept that my parents will never support what I want to do and if that’s the case, this is a path I’ll have to walk down without them.
The thought makes me break out in a cold sweat.
“Oh, fuck no.”
I shoot to my feet and rush out of my cubby. My eyes dart around to search for the bathroom, but I end up stumbling into a hallway filled with photos of famous Lakefield Vipers who made it to the NHL.
They have this display in every guest locker room. It’s a show of pride and intimidation that reminds the visiting team exactly who they’re going up against.
My steps slow down as I look through every photo. The bright fluorescents flash down on the names engraved on the plaques. My head spins. Hopelessness spirals inside of me when I realize none of the people on the walls look like me.
There has to be someone, right?
But as I trudge farther down the hall, the kind of players who make it from the NCAA to the NHL don’t change. I look down at my gear and suddenly feel so fucking stupid for thinking I can be anything more than a token for the NCAA.
Why would the universe choose you to play in the NHL out of thousands of players? Your dream isn’t rare. You’re not rare. You’re just another na?ve kid who thinks he deserves more than he’s actually worth.
“Kainoa? Are you in here?”
The familiar smell of rain and leather consumes the quiet, sterile room.
I turn around and see Uncle Manu coming in to wrap me in a hug.
“I know this is not the first game of the season, but I thought you might’ve needed some of my mojo.”
I hug him tight. “Don’t ever say that word again.”
Uncle Manu curses and shakes his head. “I told Ron that word wasn’t cool anymore.” His head falls softly on top of mine, as he cups the back of my head. “Your heart is beating fast, petit bouc. You nervous?”
I pull away to sweep my arm across the walls. “Look at all these players, tonton. Why did I ever think I had a chance to play with them?”
“Hey.” Uncle Manu grabs me back and presses his finger to my chest. “Don’t you start thinking like that. You have just as much right to play on the ice as everyone else. You are not beneath them. You never have been.”
For once, the conviction in his voice isn’t enough to kill the doubts festering inside me.
Uncle Manu senses this and frowns. “I know you’re not in a good place right now, but this is temporary. It’s going to pass and you’re gonna get through it. That’s what makes a great athlete. You have that in you. You always have.”
I look back at him with a gratitude I wish I could put into words. “Thanks for being here, tonton.”
“You know I stand with you one hundred percent,” Uncle Manu assures, “Even if you win or lose tonight, remember my words.”
I nod. “Soyez fiers jusqu'à la fin.”
“And don’t you forget that.”
Strobe lights sweep the arena and wash over the Vipers fans decked out in yellow and green.
“Welcome your Lakefield Vipers!”
The crowd cheers as the Vipers skate onto the ice.
When the Griffins come out, those cheers turn to laughter.
The Vipers and their fans jeer at our tattered jerseys, which have been stitched back together with skeletal white thread.
We didn’t want to wait for the new ones to arrive before playing the game.
We wanted these jerseys to send a message: You can try to break us all you want, but you can’t keep us off the ice.
“Oh, that is a look.”
Simon skates up towards the center line with a shit-eating grin.
I fight back the urge to beat his head with my stick.
Because our security cameras couldn’t identify the guys behind the ski masks, the police let the Vipers off the hook.
Technically, no one got in trouble after Halloween night because everyone was too drunk and hidden in costume to make out what actually happened.
Everyone else might be trying to forget that night, but not the Griffins.
Tonight, we’re making the Vipers pay.
I shove him back. “It’s too bad your jaw is still going off. I should’ve done a better job of breaking it last time.”
His grin falls. “Watch your words, mutt. Let’s not forget whose arena you’re playing in tonight.” Simon cocks his head in challenge. “Or rather who’s watching you play tonight.”
His smug gaze draws towards the stands.
I follow after it to find Matthias Valdis talking to a group of men at the top of the stands.
My blood goes cold. Those men are the general managers of the top three NHL teams in the league: the Winnipeg Narwhals, the Seattle Shrikes, and the Vancouver Phoenix.
Matthias’ attention drops to mine and he flashes a grin that would’ve been mistaken for friendliness. But I know better.
I will do everything in my power to make sure you never take Simon’s place.
“Pops knew some of his friends were in town and wanted to invite them for a night out. He’s just that generous,” Simon prattles on. “Hope you got your A game on, because if you don’t…”
There, on the ice, it all comes together: Matthias and Simon were in on this from the very start.
They wanted to throw off our game by riling us up at the Halloween party, and then break our confidence and security just before we played against each other in front of important people who had the power to decide whether or not we made it to the NHL.
Simon smirks when he sees the realization dawn on my face.
I shove him back. “You’re a fucking bastard.”
Simon bursts out laughing. I skate back to the warmup with my body clenched tight with anxiety.
Tonight is going to be a bloodbath and the Valdises are hellbent on making sure I’ll be the first to bleed.