Chapter 13
Kelly had completely fallen apart the night before, and she’d almost ruined everything.
There was no excuse. She hadn’t liked the way they were having sex in bed initially—it was too traditional, too personal, too intimate—so she’d tried to turn it into something kinky, a vague scene out of a generic sexual fantasy so it would feel less emotional, less real.
But it hadn’t worked. Even as he’d tied her up, it had felt deep, real, hard, and then he hadn’t even let himself go and taken what he wanted the way she’d been expecting from him.
He must have read some of her conflicted feelings and had responded in a way she never would have imagined.
He’d been gentle, tender, giving as much as he took.
And she’d wanted what he’d given as much as she wanted what he took.
She’d come for real. Again. Couldn’t even begin to fake it.
It was wrong. So wrong in every way that she couldn’t let it happen again. She had to be more careful, or she’d never be able to do what she had come here to do.
All those thoughts filtered through her mind before she’d even opened her eyes the following morning. As soon as she did, she realized she was still in Caleb’s bed.
They’d slept all night together. They’d never done so before.
She watched him for a minute. The way his dark hair, mingled with a few strands of silver, was rumpled and kinked up over his left temple.
The way his bare chest rose and fell, the cover pushed down toward his belly.
The way his long fingers gripped the sheets as if he was under pressure, even in his sleep.
He looked normal—like any other man—when the cool intelligence and innate power in his brown eyes was masked by sleep.
In some ways, he was just like any other man.
In other ways, he was more.
He wasn’t completely a monster. She had to admit that to herself after last night. He’d been careful with her, gentle, undeniably sensitive. He’d held her last night and given her what she needed—even though what she needed was the last thing she’d wanted.
He couldn’t know that though. He’d genuinely tried to be there for her, and there was no way for her to mentally turn it into something else.
It didn’t matter. He didn’t have to be a complete monster to do what he’d done. And a few soft moments weren’t a sign that her mother was wrong about him.
All it meant was that Kelly needed to pick up her pace, or she would never be able to accomplish her purpose.
He trusted her as much now as he would ever trust her, so she needed to get moving. Any more time would only weaken her and allow him a chance to uncover her lies.
Making a sound in his sleep, Caleb rolled over, and Kelly used the shift in position to slip out of the bed without waking him. It was just seven on a Sunday morning, but she couldn’t lie around looking at him anymore. She was already unnerved enough.
He was still sleeping after she showered and dressed, so she went downstairs for coffee, and then she took a walk around the grounds with Ralph, the German shepherd.
His place was really more of an estate than a house. There was a separate building for the garage, a swimming pool, tennis court, and stables—plus acres of grounds, some of it wooded, which she would never venture into.
Just the thought of going into the woods made her queasy, and it made her cringe thinking of what she might have revealed to Caleb of her real self on Saturday in the park. She turned her back on Caleb’s woods and walked toward the stables—which were empty because he didn’t keep horses.
They’d probably been part of the grounds when his father had bought this place.
She and Ralph walked through the stables, and he dug an old battered ball out of a pile of hay and presented it to her.
The ball was really pretty gross, but she took it outside and tossed it for him, watching him bound toward it, catching it on the second bounce.
“I can’t believe you touched that old thing,” a voice came from behind her.
She turned around to see Caleb, unshaven and clearly unshowered since he wore the trousers he’d had on yesterday evening. “It’s a little worse for wear.”
“That was his first ball. He had it when he came to me as a puppy, and he refuses to relinquish it.” Caleb smiled at his dog as he returned, ball in mouth, and then he threw it again when Ralph dropped it.
Kelly kept her eyes on the animal since Caleb was looking far too attractive—half dressed and domestic the way he was.
“Sentimental.”
“Obsessed and deluded. He’s got this idea that it’s the best ball in existence, and every other ball is just a poor second.” He reached out to take her hand, using it to pull her body against his. “You’re up early.”
Kelly forced herself not to tense up at his proximity and the affectionate gesture. “Yeah. Couldn’t sleep any longer.”
He usually woke up before her—always on weekdays and usually on weekends too.
He slid his hands down to her hips, studying her face. “How are you feeling? After last night.”
She tried to tell herself he was mostly curious—since her behavior had been so strange—but there was concern as well as questions in his expression. “I’m fine. Sorry about all that.” She swallowed hard, trying to think of a reasonable excuse for her behavior.
She’d really screwed up.
Caleb paused before he spoke, as if thinking through his next words. “I’m happy to do anything you want to try in the bedroom,” he said at last, his eyes focused on Ralph and his ball. “But only if you really want it.”
He’d obviously sensed that she hadn’t really wanted it last night, even though he didn’t know the full reasons. It was unnerving that he’d read her so well. It was dangerous.
But his comment had given her a good lead-in to the explanation that finally came to her. “I did want it. I mean, I want to want it. It’s just not always easy, trying something new.”
“Yeah.”
She couldn’t tell at all what he was thinking, and it worried her.
She pressed herself against his side, wrapping an arm around him, hoping physical touch might distract him from whatever he was puzzling out about her.
“I’ve never been in a relationship before where I was able to…
to try things out. I want to. I want to be able to…
to stretch myself that way even if it’s hard. ”
Ironically, it was true. It was absolutely true. She’d never once in her life been in this deep with a man. No one had ever been with her sexually the way Caleb was.
He tilted his head down to press a kiss into her hair. “Then we will. Just tell me the truth about what you want, and don’t force yourself to change all at once. I don’t like feeling?—”
When he trailed off, she looked up at him, strangely breathless as she waited for him to continue. “You don’t like feeling what?”
“Like you’re using me to… to hurt yourself.”
She sucked in a breath and ducked her head, hiding her face in his shirt to keep him from seeing her expression.
Because he was right about that too, when she hadn’t even been conscious of it.
Sometimes it felt like she needed to be punished for not hating him enough.
He didn’t press her for a response, just kept an arm around her, and she forced her mind back under control, reminding herself that she needed to act quickly or the situation would spiral even more into chaos than it already had.
So she made herself force down the vulnerability and emotion and instead took the first step in her plan.
“You’re not going to work today, are you?” she asked in a different tone. This one light, feminine, almost flirtatious.
He dropped his arm from around her and shifted his gaze back to meet hers, a different sort of question in his eyes. “Probably later. I always work on Sunday afternoons. Why?”
“I was hoping you wouldn’t. You work all the time.”
A smile lifted the corner of his lips. “Did you have something else in mind?”
“Nothing in particular. I’m not slathering after your irresistible body, if that’s what you think. I just wanted to spend the day with you.”
“We spend plenty of time together.”
If she’d been in a real relationship with him, she would get really tired of coming in a distant second to his work. As it was, it was actually helpful—since he wasn’t always around, getting in her space all the time. She gave him a little, pouty frown and didn’t reply.
He chuckled and wrapped an arm around her again, pulling her into a half hug. “You’re not going to start with that kind of thing, are you?”
“No. I’m not going to start with any sort of thing. You can work all the time for all I care.”
He looked ridiculously pleased and a little smug, as if he’d identified a soft spot in her that he liked. “Don’t lie to me. I can always tell. I’ll work from home this afternoon instead of going into the office. How’s that?”
It was evidently a great concession on his part, and he leaned down to kiss her to seal the deal.
But she had a good idea now, and she’d set things up exactly right to follow through with it. So she told herself it didn’t matter when her arms instinctively wrapped around his neck to return the kiss.
At four in the afternoon, she walked into his home office, wearing a little sundress and carrying the black silk cords he’d used on her the night before.
He’d been working since noon, and she’d waited long enough that he wouldn’t feel genuinely annoyed with her for the interruption.
She had to play this exactly right, or it would never succeed and she needed something dramatic enough to distract him.
After what happened last night, the cords would get his attention.
He was clearly startled by her presence, but fortunately, he wasn’t on the phone. He took in her appearance in about two seconds, which was when she saw his expression shift from surprise—to understanding—to a knowing sort of approval—to pure heat.
She shifted from foot to foot, trying to look exaggeratedly shy. “Are you still working?”