Chapter 15 #2
She could feel an orgasm swelling up below her belly, but it was still just the beginnings.
The friction of his hard length as it slid slickly within her wet channel sent tingles out from their joining.
And the shaking of the sofa, the sound of the leather, and the feel of its rubbing against her bare skin all seemed strangely concrete and visceral—primitive on the most basic level.
Caleb’s motion sped up until he was driving into her fiercely, and the slapping of their skin mingled with their panting and the squeaking of the sofa. But then he stopped, his eyes shut and his head jerked away from her.
“Caleb?” she gasped, her body shaking beneath him from more things than she could process. She realized that she was digging the fingers of one hand into the sinews of his neck and so she forced herself to relax her grip. Instead, she clung desperately to the arm of the sofa behind her head.
He didn’t answer. Didn’t move. But he was breathing in heavy rasps, and his body was wet with perspiration under his clothes.
“Caleb,” she said again, this time her voice was an obvious plea. “Caleb, please.”
“Kelly,” he gritted out, his jaw clenched and his eyes almost desperate when he opened them. “Can you”—he paused to breathe—“I don’t know if I?—”
Kelly tightened her legs and inner muscles around him in a way that made him groan. He tried to draw his pelvis away, sliding his cock out of her body, but her legs around him restricted his movement.
“Kelly,” he said thickly, his breath, his voice, wafting over the damp skin of her cheek.
She didn’t know why she wasn’t faking an orgasm the way she had before. But for some reason she couldn’t seem to manage it now. Couldn’t tense up her body. Couldn’t release it in shudders and whimpers. She didn’t want to.
It felt like a lie.
“Maybe,” she answered hoarsely. “But it would take too long. I’m good.”
Caleb released a guttural sound and jerked a final times.
Then he came—and all the coiled tension in his hard, heated body freed itself with a throbbing, shaking release.
She could feel his climax throughout her own body, and it made the ache in her throat, in her chest, and between her legs even deeper, even more insistent.
She was as leveled as she’d been from her most powerful orgasms, and she didn’t even know why.
Caleb had collapsed over her, his warm, sated weight pressing her into the leather of the sofa. His face was buried in her hair at the crook between her neck and shoulder. He was breathing rapidly, and she could feel his body relax and grow almost pliant in the silence.
If she could just make herself think strategically, she would know this was good. He hadn’t just come. He’d come before he wanted to. She should be able to use it.
But she couldn’t seem to make herself think that way.
She accepted his weight for a minute, until emotion burned in her throat, in her chest. She poked him in the shoulder.
“You all right?” she asked softly.
“Yes,” he breathed with a huff of ironic, self-deprecating amusement.
“The condom,” she reminded him, feeling his cock softening inside her.
With an agonized moan, he pulled off her, leaving her body feeling cold and shaky.
While he took care of the condom, she grabbed a soft throw and pulled it over her nakedness. She was rarely embarrassed or self-conscious by her unclothed body, but she felt strange and vulnerable at the moment and was hoping the blanket would help.
When Caleb returned, he’d fastened his pants again, leaving his shirt untucked.
He lowered himself onto the sofa, slouching against the back of it.
Kelly was perfectly comfortable curled up in a ball under the throw, but she didn’t resist when Caleb reached out and pulled her against him, draping his arm around her.
Truth be told, she really liked the way he was holding her.
He was silent for so long that Kelly felt anxious and unsettled. Finally she asked, “You’re not going to beat yourself up, are you?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “It wasn’t my most impressive performance.”
She shrugged. “Felt pretty good to me. I have no complaints.”
He gave her an impatient look.
She didn’t try to convince him any further. If he wanted to believe his performance had been a flop, she wasn’t going to go out of her way to persuade him otherwise.
It gave her a different kind of advantage, at least temporarily, and she needed every advantage she could get.
They sat together for a long time, and neither said anything. But Caleb didn’t pull away, and that really surprised her.
She just couldn’t figure out what was going on with him. The sex had obviously been real. His desire for her must be real. And he was definitely softening to her. But everything else—she had no idea.
“Why won’t you let me go down on you?” he asked with no warning or segue.
She was so surprised she gave a little jump, until he settled her beside him again. “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. You don’t want me to go down on you. I was wondering why.”
She wasn’t ready for this conversation. She felt too vulnerable from her conflicted feelings, and she needed some time to recover emotionally before she could tell good lies again. All she could manage was a little shrug.
“Tell me.”
“Is it something everyone is supposed to like?”
“I don’t know. Maybe not. But you won’t even let me try.”
He wasn’t whining or complaining. His tone was slow, thoughtful, putting clues together to solve a mystery.
It was terrifying since she wasn’t sure what he might discover about her in the pursuit. He could expose her damaged soul.
“It’s just not my thing.”
“How do you know? Has anyone gone down on you before?”
She had no idea how he’d known to ask that question, but she was trembling slightly so she pulled out from under his arm. “Of course,” she lied. “I’m twenty-seven, and I’ve had a lot of sex. You think I’ve made it this long without oral sex?”
“You’re lying to me,” he murmured, his gaze seeing far more than it should. “You’ve never done it before.”
He didn’t look pleased or gloating or even particularly surprised. It was more like he understood something, understood her.
“What’s the big deal?” she demanded, trying not to sound too bristly, although that was the way she felt.
“It’s not a big deal, but you’re making it into one. What are you afraid of, Blossom?” He reached out to cup her cheek with his warm hand.
She hated and loved when he called her that. It felt intimate, special, a little secret between just the two of them. She heard herself admitting, “It’s just always felt like… like surrendering control, and you know how I feel about that.”
He nodded and reached over to pull her against him again. “I know.”
She expected him to ask her to let him try, to prove that she might enjoy it, but he didn’t. He didn’t say anything, just held her, and it felt like he was protecting her, taking care of her, in a way she couldn’t begin to articulate.
He was too smart to trust her completely so early. And he was too guarded and paranoid to reveal himself fully to her even if he was starting to have some real feelings.
She wasn’t stupid enough to think he could ever fall in love with her. But there were things nearly as strong as love in the world. Things like obsession, like need.
Still, he wasn’t acting the way she had predicted. In fact, in some ways he seemed totally out of character. None of this felt quite right.
It wasn’t right. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be doing this. It was as wrong as a wrong thing could be.
If she could think of anything else to do, she would do it, but all other options would mean losing even more.
There must be more to uncover about Caleb—secrets he wanted to hide from the world.
If his computer didn’t offer those secrets, then something else would, if she could stay close enough, if she could get him to really lower his guard.
If she left now, all hope for either justice or retribution—or even closure—would be gone.
She had to see this through.