Chapter 33
The following day Kelly was still waiting to hear back from Jack. The files she’d given him were big, and it might take a while for them to get through it and then figure out what they had and what it all meant.
The silence didn’t mean there was nothing in it to be found. She had to keep reminding herself.
But her time was running out. Any day now, his suspicions might lead Wes to pry into her business and discover something about her real identity. Any day now, her mother might die, and it would be too late to give her justice.
Any day now, Kelly might finally give in completely to her feelings and spill everything to Caleb.
She was out of sorts all day though, and she was uncomfortable with how vulnerable she had made herself the day before. She’d never get through this if she didn’t stay a little stronger.
She was in such a tangle now, there wasn’t any way to unravel herself. She was as trapped as a person could be in this—like Hamlet in the endless downward spiral—so all she could do was hold out until the end, when the events set in motion would finally come to fruition.
Because she was worried about a repeat of the day before, she told Caleb she was seeing a client who could only meet in the evening and so she wouldn’t have time to make it out to the house after work.
He told her he was going to stay at his apartment in the city that night, so she should just come over for an hour or two before she went to meet her client.
She hadn’t been expecting the offer, so she ended up agreeing to it.
She’d never been to his apartment downtown before.
Security was tighter at his house, so they’d made a habit of always spending time there.
She wasn’t quite sure why he’d never invited her over to his apartment, but she’d assumed maybe he thought about it as some kind of bachelor pad.
He’d probably had all kinds of one-night stands there, and his relationship with Kelly was different, so he’d kept the spaces separate.
She followed the directions he gave her, and she showed up at his door a little after six. He must have just gotten there after work since he was still dressed in a suit and hadn’t even loosened his tie when he opened the door.
“Hey,” she said with a smile, hiding the jump in her heart at the sight of him.
It was so completely wrong—to be so thrilled to see him like this.
He smiled at her, but he looked tired, and he just stepped aside to let her in.
She didn’t like the apartment as much as she liked the house. It was sleek and modern and kind of cold, without the warmth and history of the house. It felt like the man Caleb had been before he’d started to soften with her.
“I don’t have very much time,” she said, remembering her vow not to melt into spinelessness again today.
“I know. I’ve got work to do this evening anyway.”
She looked around, noting the minimalistic furniture and blacks and grays of the apartment. “I was just wondering why I’ve never been over here before.”
Caleb glanced around a little distractedly. “I’ve barely been here myself for the past couple of months. It feels…”
“What?”
He gave a half shrug. “It feels foreign. Like I don’t belong here anymore.”
Yes. That fit with her own thoughts from before. The place represented a person that wasn’t really him now.
“Do you want something to eat?” he asked.
“I’m not really very hungry.”
“Something to drink? I opened a bottle of wine.”
“Sure. Sounds good.”
He walked to the kitchen, taking off his suit jacket as he did and slinging it on a chair.
She stared at the jacket for a minute, feeling a weird heaviness in her gut. She didn’t know why. It was just a piece of clothing. He wore suits most of the time, and his taking off the jacket wasn’t unusual. She didn’t know why it felt so personal, intimate, domestic at the moment.
She didn’t like this apartment. She felt like a stranger here.
So did Caleb.
She walked over to the large windows on the far wall. There was no balcony, and the building was only four stories, so she could easily see the street from her vantage point.
It was just after six on a Wednesday in DC.
The sidewalks were crowded with workers heading home and tourists.
They weren’t very far from the Mall, and she watched a family with three blond girls trying to cross the street.
Two of the girls were laughing, and the other was soberly holding her mother’s hand.
The father was obviously checking street signs, trying to figure out where they were going.
Kelly tried to imagine what it would feel like. To be those girls. To be that mother.
She couldn’t even imagine having a family like that, going on a vacation, doing what so many other people did all the time.
“It’s strange, isn’t it?” Caleb’s voice came closer with each word, and before she could turn around to face him, he’d slipped an arm around her waist.
“What is?” she asked, still looking out the window since he seemed to be looking out too.
“To look at all those normal people, going along with their normal lives.”
He’d somehow managed to pinpoint what she was feeling exactly. She had no idea how he’d done it.
The knowledge caused that same knot of heavy feeling to tighten in her gut. She wished they weren’t so connected like this, but there was no way to deny it. She couldn’t help but lean back against him. “Maybe those people don’t think their lives are all that normal.”
“Maybe.” His mouth was now at her ear, and she shivered as she felt the vibrations from his voice against her skin.
“But you and I both know there’s something different about us.
Have you ever even thought about having a family like that?
” He nodded down toward the family of the blond girls, who were now on the other side of the street, waiting as the father checked his phone, probably for directions.
“No,” she admitted. “It’s never even crossed my mind as a possibility.”
Caleb pulled her against him more firmly, pressing his chest and pelvis into her back. “Me either. You and I are different.” His breath gusted lightly, blowing a few strands of hair away from her neck. “You are like me.”
She felt her heart start to beat a little bit faster at the shift in his tone. She was beginning to recognize his bedroom voice—even if they weren’t actually in bed at the moment.
But she couldn’t let herself get caught up in it completely. She needed to not cave like yesterday. She needed to keep enough emotional distance to be able to finally bring this whole charade to a close.
So instead of doing the easy thing and melting into his arms, she kept looking out the window.
“I am like you. But there’s a kind of arrogance to assuming that we’re different from everyone else.
Who knows what is going on in that woman’s mind?
” She was focused on the mother of the family, who was looking aggravated at both her husband and her three little girls.
“I guarantee it’s not what’s going on in your mind right now,” he said huskily, tilting his face down to skim his lips along the side of her neck.
The quality of his voice caused shudders to begin low in her spine. But at the same time something heavy settled in her gut—something felt just a little off about Caleb’s mood or maybe about her own mood. She wasn’t even sure what it was.
Caleb was acting in his usual sexy way, but things didn’t feel quite like normal.
Since she wasn’t sure how to handle it, she stalled. “What makes you think you know what’s going on in my mind right now?”
“Don’t fool yourself,” he murmured, his voice still at her ear since he was holding her against him so she couldn’t turn around. “I know what’s going on in your mind, no matter what you try to hide from me.”
Her whole body tightened since the words came so close to her deepest fears. He didn’t know. So far she’d succeeded in hiding the most important thing from him.
But it wouldn’t last forever, and then both their hearts would be broken.
To hide her reaction, she smiled. “Well, it’s not very hard to know what’s going on in your mind at least.”
He leaned over and mouthed the side of her throat. “I’m not trying to hide it from you.” He pushed into her from behind, and she felt that he was growing aroused.
So was she, although she was so conflicted it was hard to enjoy it.
He raised a hand to her breast, rubbing with his fingers until her nipple peaked under the fabric of the light, casual dress she’d put on because she was pretending to meet a client later this evening.
She grabbed the heavy window frame with one hand as the stimulation on her nipple caused tingling pleasure to gather between her legs.
Caleb unzipped her dress, kissing her back as the zipper lowered. “If I was hiding something, you wouldn’t know about it.” He pushed the dress off over her shoulders, and it slid down her body to pool at her feet.
Kelly felt almost dizzy. She was becoming deeply aroused by Caleb’s attention, but her heart was torn in two, and she still had that off feeling that wouldn’t go away. “You might be surprised by what you can’t hide from me.”
“Nothing about you would surprise me.” He unhooked her bra and pulled the thin fabric away from her body.
Then both his hands were on her breasts, and Kelly arched backward as the resulting sensations weakened her knees. “But?—”
“But nothing,” Caleb said almost curtly, even as he was sliding a hand between her legs.
She opened her mouth to continue the conversation or maybe just to moan with intensifying pleasure. Caleb’s finger was sliding into the wet heat of her pussy.
“You can’t hide anything from me.” He was tonguing the hollow of her neck.
Kelly had to reach out and grab the other side of the window frame as well. She wasn’t confident of her ability to stay on her feet. Something inside her was weeping at his words, at how he clearly believed them.
At how wrong he was.
“Everyone hides something.”