Chapter 30 Colton
THIRTY
COLTON
OCTOBER | COLUMBUS, OHIO
Late night garbage food consumed, Violet and I got ready for bed at my place.
She looked both at home and out of place.
The double sink in my bathroom looked strange with her standing in front of it.
She was all feminine, soft lines, and my bathroom was dark and masculine, the only light touch a fake white orchid between the two sinks.
Violet seemed unaffected by her environment.
She had on one of my worn-out t-shirts and it made my heart squeeze.
She’d mentioned wanting to wear a broken-in shirt that smelled of boy, and I gave that to her.
I, for the night, was that guy for her. She looked through my skin products, opting for a basic lotion after washing her face.
I stood beside her and wrapped my arm around her waist. “You still doing okay? We were kind of rough at the party.”
“The roughness was fine. Fun, actually.” Vi hesitated, twisting her lips. “But I realized when you were undoing your belt that the sound was both hot and . . . scary. I got a flash of that fear, that lack of control.”
My god. Rage scorched my veins. I was going to murder Pete Doyle the next time I played against him. I drew a shuddering breath to bring myself back to Violet and what she needed. She was who mattered. Not Pete.
But I would annihilate him, given the chance.
“I can stop wearing a belt. That’s no big deal.”
She shook her head with a sad smile. “No. I don’t think that’s the answer. It’s probably good to get a better association with that sound than . . . yeah. That.”
I pulled her into my arms for a tight hug and kissed her temple.
We watched each other in my bathroom mirror.
We looked good. I liked that I could wrap my arms all the way around her, that I could fill my palm with her shoulder for that extra touch of comfort.
“Thank you for telling me. I know this is hard.”
Her eyes went glassy. “Thank you for doing this with me. You’re a sweet guy, Colt.”
I pressed my lips to the top of her head and left them there for a moment, breathing in her shampoo’s soft scent. I wanted to be more than a sweet guy.
I wanted to be the guy for her.
But I also knew, even if I was never that guy for her, there was nothing that could keep me from hoping for more.
I was forever terrified. She wasn’t running because of sex, or because of her need to stay focused. But could I get her to stay for just me? Could I get her to commit? To own up to this being more than sex and friendship? To it being the ultimate exercise in trust?
No matter what, I’d continue to prove my worth, to be what she needed.
My voice was raspy, choked by everything I couldn’t say for fear of losing her. “Anything you need, baby. I’ll do it.”
COMMENTS (9):
What a surprise, the Rusties are mid again
TAKE THE C FROM JONES. HE DOESN’T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES
Who the fuck says shit like that? Keyboard warriors who knew I couldn’t get to them, that’s who.
We were down one fucking game. The first game of the season!
And already, the talking heads had somehow put out videos with the “here we go again with the Rusties” bullshit.
The comments sections were full of agreement.
“Classic Rusties” and “wash-ups” and “snoozefest.” The sheets pooled in my lap where I sat up in bed.
Violet was asleep beside me, the only thing keeping me from shouting back at my phone screen.
“Fucking dickheads,” I swore. “When was the last time you played, C-Nasty? So renowned for your storied career in fucking Arizona.”
With a hum, Violet stirred. Her fingertips dragged down my bare back. “Who are you cussing out?”
“The fuckin’ . . . ugh.” I tossed my phone to the end of the bed and nestled back into the sheets to face her. “It doesn’t matter. You’re here, and I’d rather be with you.”
She pouted her lip and combed my hair from the side of my face. “You wanna talk about it? Better out than in.”
“Don’t use Shrek’s words against me,” I sighed. Our legs tangled and I rested my hand on her waist over the sheets.
“Fine. But stop delaying.”
I huffed. “I just . . . really want the team to do well this year, you know? We ended last season so close to something big, and I’m so scared I don’t have what it takes.”
“You mean ‘we don’t have what it takes?’”
“No. I meant me.”
Vi’s brow furrowed and she nodded. “You’re not the only person on the team.”
I lifted a shoulder. “I’m the captain, though. It was actually kind of shitty of me to have a good game while everyone else was floundering.”
She propped up on an elbow. “Colton Jones, I’m not going to sit here and let you dim your shine just because everybody’s not up to your speed right now.”
She didn’t get it. I had a major responsibility at the highest level of my sport. I couldn’t be selfish. I had to bring everyone up with me.
But I didn’t want to mansplain sports leadership to her, so I accepted her forehead kiss and snuggle. Vi sealed her arms around me and pressed my face into her chest. “Thanks.”
She stilled. “But if you guys could get it together so I don’t have to rearrange my fantasy team, that’d be great.”
I gasped. “You’d trade me?”
“Well, not you. You’re performing.”
“Give me your phone. Let me see your roster. I’ll fix it.”
“Absolutely not!” Vi scrambled to get to her phone on her side of the bed and chucked it into the armchair across the room. “Do you know how many times I’ve been accused of insider trading because you and I used to date?”
Used to. I knew I said no labels. I knew she needed space. But her waking up in my bed with my shirt on sure didn’t feel like “used to.”
“Do I need to sign an NDA? A non-compete?” I joked.
“Honestly, don’t plant it in Vince’s head. He’d probably make you. I’ve already told them I’m not passing on any requests to inflict injuries.”
My pulse picked up and I fought to breathe evenly. What had she told her friends about me? “People know we’re hanging out?”
“Not that I know of. I mean, Jeanine and Mara know, obviously, since I sat with them. Kitty and probably Guy since they’re a package deal. Oh, speaking of J and Mara, is it too soon to suggest a hockey romance for our next book?”
I pulled back from her. “I’m sorry, a what?”
“They’re pretty popular. Jeanine gave me some recs. I think I’m going to read one with her and Mara. It’s where guys like you sweep us off our feet and you’re only toxic in the fun ways.”
“I’m not toxic!” I objected.
“No, but can you speak for all of you?”
“Well, no.” I released a heavy sigh. If Violet wanted it, I’d do it. “What’s it called? Let me see if I can get it on my e-reader.”
Vi squealed and kicked her feet. “I can’t believe you said yes! Wait till I tell Jeanine. Maybe she can make Dylan read it and you can have a buddy to read with.”
I couldn’t stop my smile. “Sounds like you guys got along. And let me get a head start so I can check it for you.”
“Oh.” She waved me off. “Jeanine said it’s good. I told her I can’t read assault and that content warnings are sometimes wrong.”
A jolt of something akin to fear pulsed through me. Would she not need me for romance books anymore? My insecurity spilled out. “Wait, are you dumping me as your reading buddy?”
Vi nestled into the crook of my arm and kissed my cheek. “Of course not. I can’t act out the scenes with Jeanine.”
My throat dried out and I could feel my pinky toe dipping into the icy darkness that lurked under all my days.
The threat of Vi leaving always loomed, casting a pall over my time with her.
Each time she left, she shredded another piece of me, and the more we went on, the less I believed those parts would grow back.
Every encounter was shadowed by whether or not she’d stay.
And yet, I’d let her have those pieces of me if it meant I had a chance of keeping her for good someday.
But what was I to her now? Was I just sex? Just a safe friend?
It was on the tip of my tongue. I want more. But one wrong move, and she’d be out the door.
So I held my words.
Until my phone chimed. Twice. I slapped at it on my nightstand.
But then her phone buzzed in the armchair. We looked at each other suspiciously.
“Do you think maybe . . .”
Her phone started to buzz again and she rolled out of bed. “It’s Kitty.” She swiped to answer, taking a video call and walking back to the bed. “Hey, bestie.”
“Heyyyyy, bestie,” Kitty said cautiously. Violet slid back into bed with me, where I sat up, shirtless. “I should have known you two would be in such a position. In bed together, huh? Hi, Colt.”
I waved. “What’s up, Kitty?”
She twirled her ponytail around her finger and grimaced. “Have you . . . been on the internet today?”
My breath caught in my chest. “No,” Vi said. “Why?”
“Um, well?” Kitty coughed a nervous laugh. “You two made Slapped Shot. Were you at a college party last night?”
I knew the account well. It was essentially hockey’s burn book online, a gossip page that kept up with all of pro hockey’s movers and shakers. Kitty tapped her screen a few times, and then a text came through with a link. Violet opened it. Her eyes widened and a hand clapped over her mouth.
There we were, grinding on each other against the wall in that dim basement.
A leaden feeling pinned my limbs down. “Fuck.”
“I mean, bright side, you guys look great?” Kitty tried. “Love the energy. Very passionate.”
Vi coughed out a laugh. “Yeah, I guess we have that going for us.” Then she stared longer. “It’s probably not a big deal, right? What’s the worst that could happen?”
My phone rang again, and I had the sinking feeling that there was probably something worse.