Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
VIOLET
OCTOBER | COLUMBUS, OHIO
I lifted my hand over my opposite shoulder and took a steeling breath.
“He’ll like this,” I whispered to myself. “He likes you. He wants to see you. He wants to put four babies in you.”
I stood in my bathroom wearing only Colton’s college jersey and a ribbon to hold my hair half back. His name was across the top of my back, my hair swept over one shoulder so he could clearly see it. When I lifted my arm, the jersey raised just enough to show the bottom of my butt.
I should have been in bed hours ago. Hell, for all I knew, Colt was already in bed. But probably not. It took the team forever to go back to the hotel after a game. I sent my first text as I got into bed, his jersey still on, but naked otherwise.
VIOLET
back at the hotel?
COLTON
yeah gummy starting to kick in
VIOLET
ok to send you a consolation prize
COLTON
***
VIOLET
a picture to make you feel better
COLTON
hell yeah
VIOLET
(pic)
My phone rang in my hand, so I answered.
“Holy shit, baby.”
“Well, hello to you too,” I said.
“I was already getting hard thinking of you.”
His voice sounded dreamy, not as stressed as I expected him to be after loss number seven.
“Whatever happened to hello?” I teased. “How are you?”
“Well, I was bad, then I took a gummy, then my girlfriend sent a very fucking sexy picture. So I’m doing fine on cloud nine.”
Girlfriend. He didn’t put “fake” in front of it. He was the one who wanted us to be fake to begin with, and now he was dropping the fake part?
He was just high.
I laughed. “You are so stupid.”
“Stupid for you,” he sang, then giggled.
“Since when do you smoke weed? You’re usually a goody two shoes. Are you even allowed to smoke? Don’t they drug test you?”
He scoffed. “I’m civilized. I eat my weed. And yes, we’re allowed to have it. Royce got me into it as a way to relax.”
I hummed. “Well, you do need some relaxation.”
He was quiet for a few seconds. “Shit sucks lately, Vi.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.”
“I just feel like I only let everybody down, you know? Even you.”
It made me so sad to hear how hard he was on himself. The best person I knew was also his own worst critic. “Hey. It’s okay to be frustrated. You’re allowed to have bad days. You’re not going to lose every game this season.”
He let out a skeptical guffaw.
“You won’t, Colt. And don’t worry about us. We’re fine.”
“You’re too nice to me,” he said.
“And you’re too hard on yourself.”
Colton paused, and I pictured the way he shifted when he was uncomfortable. All I wanted was to be there with him and give him a hug. “People say really mean stuff online. I know I’m supposed to use it as fuel but . . . it hurts, you know? A lot of it’s true.”
“I bet,” I said, trying to think of a way to help him. “People are going to say negative things even if you do everything perfectly. It’s part of being on a public stage. It takes a lot of courage. That’s why they pay you the big bucks.”
“I think they pay me the big bucks for the brain damage and the fact that I’ll be retired by forty,” he chuckled, but it was humorless.
“Well, whatever. But where I was going with that is, people are going to be negative no matter what. You don’t have to read it. It’s not your responsibility. Your responsibility is your team and yourself. There will always be noise, but you get to choose whether you listen to it.”
Colt snorted. “You sound like Sorrento. I think he’d take my phone away entirely if I let him.”
“Maybe Sorrento’s onto something.”
Colt’s voice was strained. “Thanks for being back in my life, Vi. You’re good to me.”
“You’re better than good,” I said. “I’m happy you’re back too.”
“Even if I’m a loser?”
“You are not a loser,” I said. “Your team lost some games. There’s a big difference.”
“Not really,” he mumbled.
“Look, I can pump you up every minute of every day, but until you believe it yourself, you won’t feel it. Promise me something?”
“Maybe.”
“Go see somebody about this. I’m sure the team has someone you can talk to. I know you’re on meds, but it worries me how much you’re down on yourself. You’re a great captain, but I think you put pressure on yourself to be perfect all the time. Happy all the time.”
Colton sighed. “You know how annoying it is, how smart you are?”
I chuckled. “I’ll remind you of this conversation when you’re not high.”
He sucked air through his teeth, a noise I associated with him squeezing his cock. His sentence affirmed that’s where his mind was going. “You still wearing that jersey?”
“Maybe,” I said.
“You know what’s the hottest part about it?”
“That I’m wearing your name, and per Ice Crew Kiss Cam, hockey players are obsessed with that?”
“Ice Crew Kiss Cam is based in reality, first of all,” he said. “That locker room scene . . . that’s like deepest fantasy stuff.”
I grinned. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” He sat in silence for a second. “Sorry, I forgot what I was saying. Can’t stop thinking about whether you’re naked under my jersey.”
My face flamed. “And if I am?”
Colt groaned. “Then I hope your hand is under it. And if it is, I’m jealous of it. Because you know what’s so sexy about you, Violet?”
“What?” I lifted a hand to actually fan myself. This was hot—almost too hot. A month ago, I would have panicked and shut this down. But each encounter with Colton showed me just how safe he was for me.
“You’re such a fucking woman.”
“What do you mean?” I croaked.
“I loved you when we were young, but the way you are now? Fuck. Twenty-year-old me wishes he could have you.”
“It’s not like I got a bunch more experience since the last time,” I said, then grimaced. I’d never admitted that to him. That he was my last. He seemed undeterred.
“Coulda fooled me,” he drawled.
“You’re really pouring it on thick tonight,” I said. “Should I leave you to your private business?”
“You don’t want to stay?” Colt rasped. “Have a little fun with me?”
I hesitated. “We, uh, don’t have any book scenes to work from. With phone calls.”
“True,” he said. “Up to you.”
My throat tightened. The thought of him, in another city, in another hotel room, thinking of me, wanting me. “But, since we’re not touching, it’s probably okay. Right?”
“I’m down. Been thinking about you all day.”
I couldn’t hold back my smile. “Me too.”
“What did you think about?” he asked. I didn’t speak, nervous to say what I wanted out loud. There was no hiding now. No character, no role to play. My chest felt tight. “It’s just me, baby. You could say you thought about me boiling a pot of water and I’d figure out a way to get off on it.”
I giggled. “You’re the best.”
“I know. But I’m waiting. I need you to tell me.”
I drew a deep breath and held it. “I liked what we did in that bathroom. Feeling you pulse into my mouth. Knowing I made you feel that good.”
“Fuck,” he groaned. “Loved filling you up like that. And god, how you came on my hand after that.”
I squirmed and could feel wetness spreading onto my thighs. I should tell him. I can do this. “I-I’m really wet, Colt.”
He hummed. “Wish you were here to put it on me. To taste you. Fuck, you tasted so good the other night. I get hard every time I think about it. So hard for you now.”
I moaned out his name.
“That’s it, pretty girl. Touch yourself. Touch that perfect pussy for me.”
My fingers sank to the hem of the jersey and slipped between my legs. He had me so turned on that I only needed a light touch.
“Sometimes I think about fucking you with nothing between us. Railing you so fucking hard, making you scream, then filling you up.”
“Getting me pregnant?” I supplied.
“Would you want that, baby? You want to be so full of me that we make a baby?”
I knew I wasn’t supposed to like it. I spent my adult life on contraception so I could put my career first. But lately, all my body had been saying was, Now.
Make a baby right now. With him. I was getting tired of resisting.
When I took my pill every day, some demon in me wanted me to chuck the whole pack in the trash and let nature do its bidding.
“Yes,” I gasped, and my fingers moved faster. “It’s so hot, Colton.”
Fake boyfriend? What was that? All I could think about was forever. Being loved. Having a family with the guy on the other end of the phone.
“You’d be so beautiful, Vi. Leaking me, letting me push it back inside.”
I arched my back, my edge creeping nearer. “Sometimes, I think about going off the pill.”
“Fuck, Violet,” he whined. “I’d fill you up with fucking twins.”
My breathing hitched. “Colt, I’m going to come.”
“Me too,” he choked out. “Violet.”
His sounds. His fucking sounds. His sigh and groan, another time saying my name. “You’re so fucking sexy,” he breathed. “Can’t even see you, but just hearing you, fuck. Everything about you turns me on.”
He was high, at least a little bit, but god, did it feel nice to hear that. I’d had a couple of partners after Colton, but the trust was never there like it was with him. The way Colton treasured my sexuality was a gift, one that he’d been giving since our first time together.
My knees pinched together and trapped my hand between my legs while I came to Colt’s soft praise. “That’s my pretty girl.”
I had taken no substances, but the relaxation spreading through me felt just as powerful. And apparently, it loosened my tongue.
“I heard it’s quadruplets,” I panted as I came down.
Colt’s voice was incredulous. “Wait, what?”
“I heard,” I said more slowly, “you want me to have your quadruplets.”
“Those fucking traitors,” he grumbled.
We laughed together, we got sleepy, and I said goodnight with the biggest smile on my face.
And not a damn thing about it felt fake.