25. Tatiana
25
TATIANA
M y hands shake as I cap the small stick I stopped by a convenience store to pick up on my way home. I set it onto the bathroom counter to wait the appropriate amount of time. Anxious nerves roil in my belly as I think about the possibility of being pregnant with Lucian’s child.
The thought of being a mother sends a thrill through me.
At the same time, learning that Natasha has been waiting to start a family until after she sees where things end up with the Agostis makes me feel so much more guilty. What if I’ve made matters exponentially worse by getting pregnant so quickly? A baby isn’t going to help me unsnarl this tangled mess my life has become.
Tangling my fingers together, I pace back and forth in front of the counter, glancing at the time every couple of seconds as they drag on with agonizing slowness. Finally, my three minutes are up, and I snatch the pregnancy test from the counter. Two innocent pink lines confirm my suspicion, and bile rises in my throat.
I’m pregnant.
It terrifies me to think about the consequences of carrying Lucian’s child. Not that it was really an option before, but there’s definitely no turning back now. We’re bound together in a deep, resounding way. My decisions no longer just involve me. Every choice I make will directly impact the baby growing inside me. The realization rocks me to my very core, and an intense instinct to protect my unborn child surges up inside me.
Nothing else matters now. Not the pain I’ve been through, not the losses I’ve suffered. Not my happiness or even the fate of my men matter compared to this tiny, innocent life. My palm settles over my stomach, still relatively smooth because I’m not far along.
I don’t know how the story with Lucian is going to end. Does he intend to betray me? Or is he a better man than the sum of his parts? I have no way of knowing. But what I do know is that I can’t tell him about this child—at least not until I figure out what I want to do about Lucian in the long run.
Should I kill him? Overthrow him? Or should I submit to him completely like my body has been urging me to do since our first night together?
It would be too easy—especially with his child in my belly—to accept the fate I’ve been dealt. To acknowledge that he’s my husband, the father of my child, and the partner that I’ve agreed to have by my side.
Since the day he took me as his bride, Lucian has done nothing but show me loyalty and love. The way he tells it, he’s been lovesick from the start, incapable of staying away just because my father told him to. It could almost be romantic—if he weren’t also the same man who murdered my parents.
Setting the test on the corner of the counter, I brace my palms against the edge, supporting my weight as my knees grow weak with indecision.
How did I wind up in this position?
Just a few short months ago, I was somebody else’s daughter. With only the looming potential for taking responsibility on my shoulders. Now, I’m the pakhansha for a Bratva that controls all of Manhattan. I’m married to my family’s sworn enemy, and I’m carrying his child.
My reflection looks haunted when I catch a glimpse of it in the mirror, and I swallow hard. This is supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my life. I never dreamed I would be blessed enough to become a mother, and having it become a possibility uncovered something inside me I hadn’t entirely anticipated. I didn’t realize how much I could want to be a mother. But just like my wedding day, this feels sprung upon me somehow. I knew it would happen eventually. Lucian and I have been having nonstop sex, and he hasn’t once used protection. But it still feels so fast. I haven’t even found my footing as his wife.
The thought that I could enjoy being his wife terrifies me. The idea of raising his child should terrify me. But the excitement bubbling up inside me is completely at odds with the position I’ve been put in. It feels wrong to be happy, it feels bad to want this, and I feel crazy as I argue back and forth with myself in the mirror.
“Tatiana?”
My heart leaps into my throat at the unexpected sound of Lucian’s voice. He’s not supposed to be home for hours, and the pregnancy test is still sitting out on the counter. I can hear the bedroom door close, and I fling the test into the trash can beneath the bathroom sink, slamming the cabinet closed just as Lucian finds me.
His eyes flick down to the door I shut with far too much aggression, his eyebrows rising before his gaze shifts back to my face. “Everything okay?” he asks, taking a step toward me.
Oh God. I can’t let him find that pregnancy test. Not if I want the time I need to sort out my emotions and figure out a plan.
“Fine, fine,” I gasp, my voice breathy with nerves. And to distract him, I do the first thing that comes to my head.
Stepping forward to close the distance between us, I throw my arms around his neck, pressing my body against his firm, muscular one as I rise onto my toes to kiss him. The force of my inertia makes him take a half step back, and he freezes, stunned. I can hardly blame him. I’ve been less than civil with him since finding out about his deal with Saturo. Whether that’s fair of me or not, I can’t decide, but I can’t help it when Lucian leaves me feeling so utterly out of control.
It only takes a second before his lips soften, curving into a smug smile as his arms wrap around my waist, his hands splaying across my back.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve this—” he says, pulling back slightly, but I refuse to let him finish.
I need to be certain he won’t look under the sink, so I cut him off as I comb my fingers into the back of his hair and delve my tongue between his teeth. He releases a low, agonized groan as he curves around me, making my back arch.
“But I’ll take it,” he rasps, one arm encircling my waist.
He lifts me effortlessly to deposit me on the edge of the sink, then steps forward, spreading my knees with his hips. I can feel his arousal growing, his cock hardening as it presses adamantly against my abdomen.
Heat rushes through my body. My panties are suddenly soaked and clinging to my flesh as my excitement grows. My white double-breasted blazer dress parts at the seam, riding up my thighs as the fabric strains against the buttons. Before I can even think to release them, Lucian undoes the two simple fastenings, opening my dress to grant him better access.
Then his lips are on the curve of my breasts, his palms cradling the lacy cups as he breathes deeply, as if to savor the smell of my skin.
“You want to tell me what this is about?” he asks, his hazel eyes burning with anticipation as he looks up at me from below my cleavage.
“Do you want to ruin the moment with talking?” I pant, my fingers tugging lightly on his locks as he returns his lips to my body, trailing dangerously closer to the peak of my thighs.
His lack of response is answer enough, but that doesn’t calm my nerves in the least, because as he lowers himself between my thighs, it would take nothing for him to open that door and take a peek inside. But I know making a scene about it will only raise his suspicion, so instead, I rock my hips forward, greedily demanding he put his lips where I want them.
Lucian releases a low, soft chuckle, his eyes flicking back up to mine as he hooks his fingers around the waist of my lace panties, and he drags them down my hips. I lift off the counter to help him, and goosebumps erupt across my flesh as his hot breath washes across my pussy.
Dear God, I wasn’t at all turned on a second before he walked in, but suddenly I’m ravenous for Lucian’s cock. I don’t understand it in the slightest, but right now, when I have bigger things to worry about, I’m not going to second-guess my body’s irrational response to my husband.
He hooks my thighs over his shoulders. Still dressed in his expensive blue dress shirt rolled up to the elbows, black slacks, and Italian shoes, Lucian kneels before me to run his tongue along my slick seam. Tingling relief floods my veins as my core tightens in response, my body eager to have him inside me. But Lucian’s taking his time, his eyes locked on my face as he runs the tip of his tongue between my folds before swirling it around my clit. Electric euphoria crackles up my spine, and I moan, my head falling back against the mirror as I brace myself with my palms.
Enjoying the pleasure of Lucian eating me out is both incredibly erotic and shockingly empowering. I love to watch the man who out maneuvered me get on his knees to give me pleasure, and God he does it well.
Every time he wraps his lips around my clit and starts to suck, I know I’m going to come. He understands just how to touch me, he senses exactly what I want, and it’s intoxicating to feel so powerful and at the same time utterly at his mercy. He could get me to say almost anything right now. With his tongue lapping up my juices and his lips suctioned to my most sensitive point, I can barely keep my head on straight, and I bite my lips together to avoid saying anything I might regret.
Another lascivious moan rushes from my mouth, and my nipples strain against the flimsy fabric confining them as my muscles start to quiver with the need for release. I’m close to the brink, teetering on the edge of bliss as Lucian goes from zero to sixty in about 3.5 seconds.
“Oh God!” I whimper, my hips rolling forward uncontrollably as he brings me to climax without even putting a finger inside of me. I pant as my clit flutters against his mouth, my pussy clenching as I ache to feel him filling me up.
But as I slowly come down from my euphoric high, all I can think about is the secret I need to hide. Tugging on the roots of Lucian’s hair, I force his eyes up to mine.
“I want you,” I murmur, my cheeks flushed, my chest still heaving.
A sultry grin curls his lips, and Lucian slowly rises, keeping my knees hooked over his arms as he stands. “Then take me out and put me where you want me.”