Chapter 23
Chapter twenty-three
Sunday night dinners with my family used to be one of my favourite nights of the week.
It’s one of the few things that brings me peace.
Being at The Wayside keeps me busy—it gives me purpose and a sense of achievement.
Working out and tending to my garden helps me see progress—it quiets dark thoughts and gives me a sense of order and routine.
Group therapy and volunteering with Life Vine heal my mind, unleashing the burden, giving me peace that I’m helping others.
No matter how small something may seem to you, the person on the other side of kindness could feel it so much bigger.
But now, Isabelle has entered my life. She brings excitement in a way I didn’t think was possible. A sense of happiness that feels free and without obligation. But then there’s the side of desire she evokes. The absolute need that never feels like enough. Isabelle is the last thing I was ready for.
Add to the fact that she’s the first person I’ve talked to about August, apart from his mum, and I’m a goner.
I’ve always felt too scared, too broken, to bring him up before, but Isabelle eases the judgement.
She helps me find a kind of strength that I’ve left dormant for so long.
She makes me feel brave to utter the words I’ve only said in my mind.
I think it’s because she has the same effortlessly freeing charm that August had.
In a way, I feel connected to him through her.
When I’m with her, her presence feels like a hand holding mine, guiding me into the light, where I’m free from the grief that binds me.
It’s been a month since we slept together, and just like I knew it would, everything has changed.
An incomprehensible level of unfiltered euphoria.
Completion. Weightless freedom. Every week, I count down the days until I see her.
Tuesday nights, where we play and explore at Nella Notte, weekends, where we flirt at The Wayside, and every night in between, when I let myself into her apartment after work to feed the beast that can’t live without her.
This weekend, she’s been spending time with her family, helping her sister and brother-in-law move into their new house.
She sent me endless selfies of her with her family, including her baby niece. I can’t believe how all the women in her family share those blonde curls. It’s fucking adorable.
I’m trying to discreetly text Isabelle under the table, since I’ve barely been able to talk to her all day.
I’m sitting at the end with Grandpa beside me, the least nosy of the bunch.
Caleb, Beth, and Mason are on the other side of the table, so I think I’m safe from suspicion, which is good, because the second another text comes through from Iz, I can’t help but check it. Like now.
BUTTERCUP:
Finally home! I’m so tired. My feet hurt. Do you think ice cream is an acceptable dinner?
I lean back in my chair so I can read my phone under the table and bring up a food delivery app, searching for a pizza place. I know from our messages this week that a veggie supreme is her favourite. I send the order to her house for immediate delivery and quickly shove my phone back in my pocket.
“Gage, how’s your new club coming along?” Aunt Hettie asks from the head of the table. She spends most of her time in the northern part of the state, where the H&H Mining sites are, only coming back to the city every few weeks.
“Good. We had a team come in to recover all the features we want to retain from the existing building. Siteworks for where the extension is going will start next week.”
“Excellent.” She nods, then picks up her wine glass. “When do you think you’ll open?”
“We’re hoping within twelve months. So far, we’re on track for sooner.”
“Lee’s team are great with their schedules, and always top quality,” Mason says across from me.
“They’ve been really organised with everything. Thanks for setting that up.”
“Happy to help, brother.” Mason smiles and raises his drink in cheers. “And speaking of the club, when is someone going to give me Isabelle’s number?”
Apparently, my brother has a death wish.
“Pfft. Forget it, Mase, she’s way out of your league,” says Beth.
“Whaaat?” Mason shrieks. “I’m in everyone’s league.”
Caleb snorts. “I think you mean pants.”
“Oh, get off your high horse. You were the same before Lex,” Mason argues.
Caleb’s nose scrunches. “We do not speak of that time.”
“Doesn’t make it less true, Mr Double Standard,” says Mason, leaning into Caleb’s face.
“Drama queen.”
Mason gasps, with a hand to his chest. “Four eyes!”
“Hey! Women like men with glasses.”
“Ohh, I’ll confirm that one,” Lex says as she walks back into the room with Dad, carrying extra drinks for the table.
I watch as she places a beer in front of Mason, then puts two more in front of Caleb.
He’s got a dopey grin on his face, and his glasses are crooked on his nose.
Lex laughs as she adjusts them and pops a quick kiss on his lips, only for Caleb to haul her back in.
Gross. Could do without that at the dinner table.
Mum and Grams walk into the room carrying a huge pot of pasta and a bowl of salad.
“Is the garlic bread ready, Queenie?” Grandpa asks, pushing out his chair already.
“Yes, my love, it’s just on the bench if you wouldn’t mind.” Grams smiles, then raises her cheek for him to kiss on his way past.
We grew up with the way Grams and Grandpa bantered back and forth with sass and sweetness.
Mum and Dad have been best friends from the start.
They move together as one, always leaning on the other.
Their love is built on solidarity and open communication.
Now, Caleb has Lex. She’s not been around the family long, but she’s integrated seamlessly because her foundation is the same as Caleb’s.
They’re both loyal and family-orientated.
Determined and savvy, they appreciate all the little layers underneath.
As I watch Caleb and Lex from over the table, I wonder how my brother got to where he is.
Lex is beautiful and kind, I can see that easily enough, but how did Caleb let himself fall in love?
Wasn’t he scared? Was there a shred of doubt along the way?
I know he lost his mind a bit before they got together.
The guy couldn’t focus on anything but her.
Is that the point? Falling in love is like the world out of focus.
Thoughts and feelings are nothing but a blur, and when you finally make it to the other side, it all becomes clear.
Caleb links their hands on the table, while his other hand picks up the ladle and starts serving food onto their plates. It looks infinitely harder to do one-handed, but he doesn’t seem to mind. It’s like he has to touch her.
My phone buzzes in my pocket again. The table is engrossed in various discussions, so I pull my phone out, keeping it hidden under the table.
BUTTERCUP:
Did you do this?
She sends through a photo of a pizza box with a receipt stuck on top with the order name as Buttercup.
ME:
In answer to your question, no, ice cream is not an acceptable dinner.
I’m about to put my phone back when an arresting thought hits me. I just sent her dinner. I’m not even there with her. It was like second nature to take care of her. Another message comes through, and I taper the smile threatening to burst free as I scan the text.
BUTTERCUP:
Thank you <3 That’s so sweet! Perfect timing, I was just about to get in the bath. The pizza guy got a good look at my fuzzy yellow bathrobe and bunny slippers. *laughing-face-emoji*
He fucking what? My leg starts bouncing, jaw ticking as I work through the tidal wave of possessive thoughts that just hit me. Only I should get to see my Buttercup like that. Oh god, I hope she wasn’t naked underneath, like the time I knocked on her door to find her only wearing that.
I don’t know how to respond to her, but a new photo has popped into our chat, and my heart stops. Isabelle is in the bath, bubbles up to her neck, and her hair gathered on top of her head. Her eyes are squeezed shut as she smiles around a bite of pizza.
Like a down bad creep, I save the photo to my camera roll before giving her my honest thoughts.
ME:
You’re beautiful.
BUTTERCUP:
You make me feel beautiful.
BUTTERCUP:
You make me feel alive. Empowered. I’ve never felt so wanted in my life.
I’m starting to feel like Isabelle was brought into my life for a reason. Is my friend trying to tell me it’s time to start living? To stop closing myself off from life? Everything feels so easy with her.
A bowl of pasta is placed in front of me, followed by the touch of Grams’s hand as she runs it over my head.
I meet her eyes, and she looks down at me with a soft smile. “Are you okay, angel?”
I offer her a small smile. “Yeah. Thanks, Grams.”
She leans down to kiss the side of my head and whispers, “Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I pick up my fork and start eating, taking time to look at all the people in my family. There’s nothing but love and understanding here. Unbreakable loyalty. We’re amongst the richest families in Australia, but it has nothing to do with money. I don’t know what I’d do without them.
My phone beeps again, my watch buzzing with the notification.
BUTTERCUP:
Is it weird to say I kinda miss you?
I’ve been so surprised by the way I’ve needed Isabelle. I’ve been curious about her, protective over her, all driven by a force I can’t control or comprehend. Before I could even get a handle on the way I felt drawn to her, I didn’t consider the fact that maybe she was needing me right back.
Is it possible that I could be something to someone again?