28. A Confession #2
“It’s not your fault. My family and I kept it under wraps pretty good,” I say with a shrug. “Like I said, I’ve managed it well.”
“Well, for the record, I’ll probably feel shitty about the way everything’s gone down for the rest of our lives.”
Before I can joke, agree, or even argue, he blows out a breath. “Alright. You managed it well before I came along. Let’s keep the streak alive, yeah? I already fucked up enough with you this week.”
I wrinkle my nose at that, but he keeps going, tapping the bottle lightly. “What’s the dosage on these? Can you take one now?”
I hesitate. I just told him I was okay. Will I sound like I’m lying if I say no?
Trust him. Go with the truth.
“I…” God, I hope he believes me. “I can’t take them.”
He eyes me. Concern and ember shadows carve deep lines across his brow before he pleads. “Come on, baby…”
“I’m not on birth control.”
His head jerks. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“What if…” I worry my lip. “What if we’ve made a baby? You never know.”
“I hope we did.” A smile tugs at his mouth, and my stomach flutters with need. Then that smile turns wicked. “You’ll be a lot less of a pain in the ass to catch if you’re waddling away from me down the aisle with a beach ball under your gown.”
I don’t laugh, though, and he sobers fast, clearing his throat before asking the right question. “But what does being pregnant have to do with your medicine…”
Understanding softens his face. He shakes his head. “Baby, it’s so early, that’s not even on my radar. I don’t think we need to worry about that.”
“How could you know?”
“I don’t know, but I do know that you’re what matters most to me. Don’t get me wrong, anything we create between us matters to me too. But you’re the most important person in my life. Whatever you need to do for your health, I want—no, I need you to do it. So please. Take the medicine.”
My skin tingles at everything he’s saying, all the right words. It’s not enough, though.
“I’m already coming down. I can feel it. And we’ll make it to Benoit’s car by tomorrow afternoon, right? Where we’ll probably have good cell service again?”
He keeps studying me as he slides my friend’s phone out, then thumbs through the screen. “We should.”
“Then I’ll be fine. You may not be worried, but I need to know.
I can wait another day to call my psych.
” His lips thin, and my voice gentles. “Respect this. Please. I already have to fight for that sometimes with this disorder, even against people with the best intentions. I don’t want to have to fight for it with you too. ”
His shoulders slump as my plea seems to break through to him.
“Okay, baby. I trust you. But if I feel like it’s something you’re not catching yourself, will you trust me ?”
I give him an earnest nod that ends in a laugh. “No problem. I already have that setup with everyone else. I suppose for the man that knows ‘everything’ about me, I should give some thought to your opinion.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He pockets the pill bottle, rolling his eyes.
I give him a cheeky grin. “What? Don’t blame me. You’re the creep.”
It’s a joke, but I swear, even in the firelight, Orion’s tan face pales. His eyes drop but not before I catch some awful, horrible emotion crumpling his face.
I freeze. “What is it?”
He refuses to look at me, studying the ground and curling in on himself as he nervously pops each lettered knuckle.
“Orion?”
When he finally looks up, his eyes are glassy with tears, and my heart drops to my stomach.
“Luna, did I…” he clears his throat, but his voice is still ragged. “Did I take advantage of you?”
“ What ?” I blurt, nearly laughing, but I keep my reaction sort of in check. “Where the hell did you get that idea?”
Okay, not in check at all, but seriously ?
He swallows, his eyes dropping again. “Something your mom said.”
“Oh my God ,” I growl my frustration, leaping up and off my seat with all the angry energy thrumming in my veins. “I’m gonna shoot that messenger right in her dainty little damn foot.” I’m pacing the fire’s edge when I turn on him. “What could she have possibly said that would make you think you?—”
I stop, my blood running cold. All the fight leaves my posture, and my voice softens. “She told you about the lowered sexual inhibitions part.”
He nods once, eyes still on the ground.
I round the fire slowly and kneel in front of him, taking his hands. They tighten around mine like his been desperate to hold me, and he finally meets my gaze.
“Orion,” I murmur, keeping my tone careful but firm. “Listen to me loud and clear. And if there’s ever something you need to trust me on, it’s this, alright?”
His multicolored eyes blaze in the light like a forest fire, begging me to tell him he’s wrong. I lick my lips nervously, hoping what I say next resonates so he never, ever has that question again.
“Everything… everything we did, I wanted. Do you understand?”
Hope glimmers across his destroyed expression as the tightness around his eyes and jaw eases.
“My inhibitions might be lowered, but they’re still my feelings.
My desires. I’ve tracked my disorder like my life depends on it.
I know the difference between being impulsive and unsafe and being run-of-the-mill reckless Luna,” I joke, but it lands flat, so I squeeze his large hands, brushing my thumbs along the glossy scars.
“What we did together was none of those. I haven’t regretted a single thing with you. Ever.”
A hard swallow trails down his throat as he leans forward, silently hanging on every word.
“I wanted you last year when you gave me my first kiss on my birthday and I was totally healthy.”
His eyes glint with memory, and I smile.
“I wanted you the night you asked me to dance, before any symptoms even showed.”
His face darkens now with the same hesitant hunger burning in my lower belly. My heart pounds as I release his hands to place mine on his hard thighs, sliding closer to the heat radiating from him.
“I wanted you when you came inside me under the waterfall…”
“ Fuck , Luna,” he mutters through clenched teeth. His hands fist on his knees, but he lets me keep exploring.
I breathe deeply, getting my nerves under control. His gaze flicks to my breasts nearly spilling out of my bodice, then back to my lips, landing on my eyes with reverent softness.
“And I wanted you when I begged you to claim me in the forest.”
He growls low, and his hands slip beneath the jacket, finding the curve of my waist.
“And I want you right now.”
Closing the gap between us, I kiss him without hesitation.
My nails dig into his jeans as I bite his lip then soften the nip with my tongue.
A curse rumbles from his chest, vibrating the air between us as he pulls me into his heat, flush against his hardening cock.
He lifts my face to deepen the kiss, curving around me for a better angle, his tongue dancing with mine in a pas de deux of sexual tension and need.
I sneak my fingers under his shirt, willing them not to tremble despite my excitement and anticipation. My nails scratch his abs, and he groans as I follow down the light trail of hair leading to his waistband.
He kisses me like my truth healed his soul, and maybe it did.
His singular obsession with consuming me means he doesn’t even register when I unbuckle him.
Not until I drag my lips from his. He tries to move with me, but he seems to finally realize I’ve already unbuttoned his jeans, and he starts as I slowly draw his zipper down.
I whisper against his lips, and he shudders when I repeat a version of what he said a lifetime ago in the dressing room.
“Let me show you. Just. How. Fucking . Badly. I want everything with you, Orion Fury.”