Chapter 19
Taking Root
Elizabeth
“How’s…painting?” I asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, kicking my feet. I wore my dog slippers, and the ears flopped, amusing me.
“It’s almost done. We’re supposed to finish today,” Thunder said as he pulled the same shirt he’d worn for the last couple of days over his head. There were paint splotches everywhere, and no matter what happened, his clothes wouldn’t survive the project.
Thunder dropped a kiss onto the top of my head before he sat in the chair near our bedroom door to put his socks and shoes on. I wasn’t sure what time he was supposed to leave, but I didn’t want him late.
He tilted his head back against the chair, staring at me. “I’ll be glad when this is over. I swear every time I pick up a roller, my back screams in agony.”
“You…poor baby.” I didn’t hide from his stare, but I shifted. Heat spread from the center of my chest, and I tried to ignore it, changing the subject. “Grace’s…dream.” I smiled at him, hoping that it would help smooth his ruffled feathers.
“Yeah. I know, and she’ll be amazing at it.
” Thunder’s eyes blazed as they trapped me within his gaze.
The intensity was a little hard to handle.
I stood, shifting towards him. His knees parted as I approached, and I stood within his circle, surrounding myself with nothing but him.
I placed my hands on his shoulders, and his arms instantly wrapped around my waist.
Every morning should feel this good, but how long can it last? Life always took the people I loved most from me.
“What’s your dream?” he asked me, pulling me closer to him.
“Happy.”
Thunder’s booming laugh escaped, wrapping itself around me. Weeks ago, I would have remained a respectable distance from him. It was a slippery slope between what was still friendly and what had progressed to more. I didn’t want to be wrong and have our relationship explode.
“I know, Liz. One day, you’ll admit it.” He sat back in the chair, pulling me with him.
I was hesitant, resisting the hold, but he reached behind my kneecap, gently guiding me until it was on the outside of his thigh.
“You know the deal. You hurt, you tell me.” Thunder held onto my waist as I slid my other knee, sitting in his lap. He let out a hiss at the contact.
“I…I…” What do I even say to that?
He pulled me against his chest, his lips a hair’s breadth away from mine. “What’s your dream?”
“I…I…don’t know.” I could have rambled, trying to explain, but the air was already heavy. My heart pounded, and I was afraid it was going to burst through my chest.
Someone pounded on our door, and I jumped in his arms.
“Rise ’n shine. It’s painting time.”
Thunder stole a kiss before he picked me up and sat me on the edge of the bed. Kneeling, he didn’t have to say a word to command my complete attention. “When you’re ready, I’m here to make whatever it is a reality.”
What if I take a flying leap? Will I let Thunder catch me?
***
My heart was beating so loudly that I couldn’t focus on the puzzle book in front of me. I’d find a word, and then Thunder’s voice would replay, asking me about my dreams.
I needed an escape, so I searched for Meredith near the TV. I didn’t want to walk by myself, but she wasn’t in her spot, so I slid my chair out from underneath the table, shuffling towards the door.
“Where are you going, Aunt E?” Dead asked me, still staring at the TV.
“Walk.”
“She’s changing Pumpkin. It could be a while, considering how much that baby shits.” He snorted. “Kyle could use some sun.”
I didn’t bother thanking Dead for the idea as I headed towards Kyle’s room. Knocking on the door, I waited, but when he opened it, I had to take a step back. He was ghostly pale, his veins popping to the surface of his skin.
“Alright?” I asked, concerned.
“Rough morning.” His voice was gravelly, and something about it reminded me of when I’d first arrived. I had walked on eggshells, trying to heal, with too many personalities offering suggestions.
“Come.” I reached for his hand, and he let me pull him down the hallway toward the backyard.
I didn’t want to overstep, preferring to let him lead, but he wrapped my hand around his skinny arm as we made small laps—past the grills, behind the firepit, to the little pathway that led to Grace and Sabre’s home.
“This is the longest I’ve been clean,” he whispered as we rounded the firepit for the third time. “I’m grateful for the club’s support, but what if I relapse? I can’t afford to let them down.”
“Can’t…think like…that.” I squeezed his arm.
“Yeah, I know.” He looked down at me, his lips turning up in a small smile.
“I’m not delusional enough to think I can go cold turkey.
Been there. Done that.” We rounded the grills again, but his eyes were staring off into the distance.
“I’m afraid the clinic is going to make me face my demons, and I’m not sure I’m ready. ”
“Small steps,” I said, making sure he caught the gist as I shuffled slower than normal, making my point. “Time. Each day…gets…easier.”
Kyle nodded, understanding. “Do you know who’s paying? Grizz said Dr.Scrub’s a club member, so his services were free, but the clinic won’t be. I need to know how much so I can pay it back. I don’t want a handout.”
I shrugged, not knowing. I didn’t involve myself with the club’s finances, but if I had to guess, Grizz was. He’d promised to help Kyle, and money was the way to better care. If there were an issue, I’d step in quietly and cover the bill.
“Yeah, when I’m able to, I’ll work.” His shoulders shook. “So, what’s up with you?”
I shook my head, smiling brightly at him.
“When you’ve been in pain for a long time, you recognize it in others.”
I stopped, stunned, but Kyle didn’t expect the sudden jolt, and I ended up yanking his arm. He was all skin and bones, and I was afraid I’d hurt him.
“What?” he asked. His eyes were wide, his eyebrows raised. “You can’t expect me not to see it. Buster hides hers better than you do.”
“Wise…beyond…years.” Realistically, I knew I couldn’t have protected him, but that didn’t stop my heart from wanting to tear into the people who hadn’t.
“Yeah, I’ve seen some shit.” He reached for my elbow, guiding me over to the fire pit to sit. For someone who was healing, his grip was firm.
“Tell me.” He dropped his hands between his legs as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. The movement reminded me of Thunder. “I won’t break,” Kyle said. “In fact, I’d rather listen to someone else’s drama and hope it drowns out the thoughts in my head.”
“This is it,” I sighed, gesturing to the new brace I wore around my hip. “No more.”
“You’re completely healed, or that’s all they can do for you?”
I wasn’t ready to admit defeat, so I held up two fingers. The therapists were happy to keep trying, but they wanted to give me a realistic expectation. I didn’t blame them, but I would never be the woman I once was. She was gone.
“Do you care?” He wasn’t looking at me, and it made it easier for me to admit I did.
“She…wasn’t…living.” The words slipped out, but I didn’t bother taking them back.
“Are you now?”
“Yes.”
I squeezed Kyle’s arm again, but footsteps rushed from behind us.
Grace was speed-walking up the path that led from her home to the clubhouse.
She held JR in one arm, her phone in the other, and her ponytail swung from side to side.
When she saw us, she beelined towards where we were sitting.
She was huffing, trying to catch her breath, and I waved for her to sit on the log next to us.
“I can’t.” Her chest was pumping hard as she adjusted her arm around JR. “You didn’t order any baby stuff, did you, Aunt E?”
I shook my head. I’d left everything in my home the night the cartel had done a drive-by, and I hadn’t asked for anything to be replaced. It was nice to be unplugged.
“Didn’t think so. There’s a delivery truck at the gate.”
“Did you order it?” Kyle asked her. His hands reached out for JR, but when the baby squealed, he instantly dropped them back into his lap.
“No, that’s why the prospect called. I’m going to grab Dead and check it out.”
Kyle stood, trying again to take JR from her. The baby was wiggly, and she was spending more energy making sure he was secure in her arms. JR didn’t let just anyone hold him, so when he reached out for Kyle, I smiled, but Grace didn’t let him go.
“I know you don’t trust me, but I wouldn’t hurt the kid. I have siblings, so…” He dropped his hands. “Even if you grab Dead, I don’t think it’s a good idea to go out there. You didn’t order it, Aunt E didn’t, and I doubt Buster would without telling you.”
Grace paused, thinking it over before handing JR over to Kyle. “Walk with me, and we’ll see who’s in the clubhouse. The delivery drivers can wait.” She tried to kneel to my level, but gave up when her knees buckled. Her body was changing, even if she still wasn’t showing. “Are you coming, Aunt E?”
I shook my head. They didn’t need me, and the sun felt good against my face.
I watched them walk away, but when they were out of my line of sight, I tilted my head towards the sky.
My thoughts drifted to this morning. Thunder had planted the seed, and no matter how many times I’d tried to kill it today, it had grown, taking root until it was all I could think about.
The last couple of weeks hadn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, but I could breathe easier. I smiled more. Thunder had never said a word as he lightened the load. I groaned, not wanting to admit what was obvious.
I’d fallen in love with my husband.