Chapter 31
Choosing Happiness
Elizabeth
The police officer left, and I held the girls for the rest of the night.
We lay on my bed, our arms wrapped around each other until the early hours of the next morning.
Once the clock turned eight, Grace and I got to work.
I sat with her in the clubhouse’s kitchen as she booked the funeral home and ordered flowers.
I didn’t have the paperwork for the cemetery, but Grace worked with them.
She didn’t break until the arrangements were done.
We were going to make the four-hour trip south to bury Gerry next to Madalyn.
Not knowing what to expect, Sabre had asked the regular club members not to attend the funeral.
The clubhouse was a safer bet, since he wasn’t sure someone wouldn’t take advantage, knowing exactly where we would be.
Count had taken over as the executive member, and Grace had called Kelly to babysit the kids.
It was the best solution, but every member of the club offered their sympathy to Grace, Meredith, and even me.
I felt numb for the next few days, but on the morning of the funeral, my stomach knotted.
Saying goodbye to Gerry came with a mixed set of emotions.
I’d always remember the good times, especially when the girls had gotten older.
He’d often stop on his way home, eating dinner with me and discussing whatever was going on.
We’d attend charity functions together, gossiping about our social circle.
It had been a good life, filled with companionship.
I wouldn’t tarnish my memories of Gerry, but there was a part of me that was relieved. I didn’t for one second think the cartel was going to stop, but at least they couldn’t convince Gerry to sell them any more secrets.
At the end of the burial, the funeral director announced we would hold a luncheon, and most people made their way to their cars to leave. I stood in front of the stone, staring at my sister’s name carved into the face.
“Do you need a minute?” Thunder’s arm over my shoulder pinned me to his side.
“Stay.” My eyes roamed from her name to her birthday, but never the last day I saw her. “I miss you,” I whispered. A tear fell from the corner of my eye, and I didn’t bother to wipe it away.
“Tell me something about her.”
“Blonde.” A watery chuckle escaped. “Newly…weds. Gerry bought…their home. When…my house…available. She talked…my dad…into buying as a…rental. So, we…would be…close.”
Thunder stood by my side the rest of the day. Through the luncheon, on the drive back to my house, and even through the exhaustion as we all sat around my kitchen table. No one paid attention to the bullet holes and torn-up grass in the front.
“Did anyone else think that was a who’s who of the underworld?” Pretty asked, eating his sandwich with his mouth full.
“I thought a fight was going to break out, so I had a hold on Aunt E’s back, and Zook stood behind me taking pictures. We sent them to Cyph already.” How sat at my counter, eating potato salad out of the plastic container. Pretty wasn’t interested, so How was safe. It wasn’t my mother’s recipe.
“Seriously?” Sabre reached for the bag of chips, pouring some onto his plate. “I wanted pictures, but I couldn’t figure out a way to do it without drawing attention.”
“No, the best part was when that woman asked Grizz what he did for a living.” Op laughed. He hadn’t been on the list of bodyguards, but Stella had pulled through the gates by herself, and he’d volunteered.
“Who was…that?” There had been people from every section of Gerry’s life, and I couldn’t place the woman they were talking about.
“I’m not sure, but when she asked me, all I could think of was the time Gerry questioned if I was ‘one of those starving artist types.’ I told her I was a carpenter.” He jiggled Meredith as she sat curled in his lap. “Don’t think she expected that.”
“At least it wasn’t the man who propositioned me.” Pretty continued to eat his sandwich.
“Who did that?” Wreck leaned forward, forgetting the plate in front of him as his elbow dragged through the ranch dressing.
“Some lawyer type. He asked how I knew Gerry, and when I said I was family, he got a little too close. The dude pushed up on me, grazed my ass and shit. I was bored and thought about hitting it, but lawyers are not worth the energy.”
“I’m glad…it’s over,” I said, changing the topic.
“Me, too.” Grace leaned towards Sabre. “When are we going home?”
“Whenever you’re ready. I didn’t know if you had anything to do while we’re here. Count’s closed the tit show until we get back. I also called Kelly. She’ll stay as long as you need, but when she has class, Pebbles is going to take over.”
“Take…whatever you…want from… your Dad’s house.”
Her brow puckered. “What do you mean?” she asked, confused.
“In case…looted. Take what…you want. Dad’s.” Silent tears fell from Meredith’s eyes as she tucked her face between Grizz’s neck and shoulder.
“Tomorrow. I also need to get the rest of my stuff from the pool house.” Her lips tipped up at the corners. “You never grabbed JR’s college fund from the closet,” Grace directed at Sabre.
He shrugged. “Oops. I already had Count create a fund for JR, so if the money’s still there, we’ll start saving for this one.” He nodded towards her.
“Just let me know when you’re leaving, and I’ll walk over.” Stella’s curls bounced around her heart-shaped face.
“No.” Dead’s voice rang out across the table.
“My parents live in this neighborhood.” I hadn’t seen them in several years, but it was nice that they supported Meredith. Gerry hadn’t made very many friends in this neighborhood.
“I don’t care.”
“Her parents offered me their spare bedroom when they figured out I’m her bodyguard.” Op yawned, stretching his arms toward the sky. “I’ll take care of it.” Dead stared at Op, but Op wouldn’t back down. “I said I’d take care of it.”
“Things…to do. I stay.” Every eye at the table turned to focus on me, but I didn’t elaborate. I wasn’t ready to return to the clubhouse when I needed to deal with this house. It hadn’t been a home, and it was time to take what I wanted and leave.
Thunder and I hadn’t talked since he’d walked out of the bedroom door before I’d left for the dinner with Alex. It had been days, and while we still stood side-by-side, neither one of us had addressed where we were heading.
No one pushed us, but we were awkward with each other.
“Alright,” Thunder said, catching my gaze. He had already accepted whatever fate I decided.
***
The birds chirped as I sat on the back deck of the house, overlooking the pool. It was early, and I soaked up as much of the peace as I could. It had been a rough few weeks. Ones that I never wanted to repeat as long as I lived.
My phone rang. I had left it on the counter the night we’d run, and since I had no use for it, it hadn’t bothered me to be unplugged for a while. The girls had gone home to the clubhouse, but Grace had started calling every morning to check in.
The shrill sound rang again. This time, I picked it up. “Morning,” I said, not bothering to look at the screen. I had Grizz delete all the messages and voicemails from my phone, and since I had returned, no one was looking for me.
“Morning, Auntie. How are you?”
“I should…ask you the…same.”
“Okay, I guess. I go about my day until something makes me think of Dad. In the next instant, I remember he’s dead, and it all comes crashing down.”
I’d had my fair share of days like that. “You’re grieving. Sabre?”
“Good. He’s sympathetic, but there’s no love lost there. He hasn’t said anything, but I think he’s relieved that we don’t have an insider leak anymore.”
“Me, too.” I’d mourn Gerry as my brother-in-law, someone I’d spent a lot of years close to, but I would never forget the times he’d sold all of us out. “Mer?”
“The club picked up on her silence, and they’re not leaving her to wallow. They constantly force her into conversation. She has her moments, though, and I’ve noticed Grizz’s hoodie is back.”
“Talking,” I said, relief clear in my voice.
Meredith had gone silent from the time the police officer had left until we’d buried Gerry a few days later.
No matter how many times we tried, we couldn’t get her to respond.
It warmed my heart to know the club had taken her in as one of their own. “Scared…silent.”
“I know. When Meredith has had enough, Grizz takes her out to the work shed.” Grace huffed into the phone. “Are you coming back?”
“Why would…you ask?”
“Sabre said I shouldn’t say anything, but you’ve been gone two weeks, since the funeral.”
I chuckled, but the sound held no happiness. “Sabre right.”
“I’m not telling him that. Neither one of you said anything, but there’s something going on between you and Thunder. You seem so distant from each other. Do you want us to come for the weekend?”
“No.” Grace had packed the rest of her belongings from the pool house, and as long as the girls had what they wanted from their father’s house, I didn’t see the need for them to come.
“Auntie—“
“No.” This time, I laughed in amusement. “We’ll be fine. Don’t come.”
The patio door slid open, and Thunder sat on the lounger, facing me. He’d stayed with me, and while we slept in the same bed, we didn’t touch. There was a brick wall between us, only growing higher as each day passed.
“I could talk Sabre into it, but I’d have to tell him you said we should.” She lowered her voice, pretending to sound like him. “I don’t get involved in family matters.”
“No, Grace.” I shook my head. “Love you,” I said before hanging up on her. I put the phone on the glass table next to me before sliding to the edge of the lounger. “Morning.”
“Morning.” He propped his elbows on his knees. “How are they?”
“Same.” It was easier to loop all of them into one category rather than trying to detail everything out. If there had been any changes, I would have told him. “She’s worried.”
He said nothing, and I could feel him watching me, but I didn’t turn in his direction.
“Thinks I’m not…coming back.”
Silence settled between us. He hadn’t pushed for answers, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he was afraid our marriage was over and I’d stay in my prison because it was easier.
“Told her…to stay. Don’t need…help to sell.”
“Sell?”
“House.”
I let the word linger, sitting heavily between us, before I turned to face him. The ears on my dog slippers flapped at the movement.
“I told Sabre…you were...good man.”
“I’m not, Liz. I’ve done some shit I’m not proud of, but I don’t live with regrets for the way my life turned out. If I had known about the Shield earlier, I would have skipped the military and found my way to California sooner.”
“A bad man…wouldn’t have…told me. He would have…lied to…my face.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t tell you right away. When I asked you to marry me, I should have told you the truth, and if you still said yes, then so be it.”
“Stop. You don’t…get to tell…me what…I want.”
I watched a bird dance on the railing at the back of the pool. It was simple, and I imagined the happiness radiating from his little jumping feet. I couldn’t let the hurt rule me, and if I wanted a chance at happiness, I had to take it for myself.
“Sell house. Go home. Build a new house…with husband.” I smiled for the first time. “By then, he’ll…know how I feel and…won’t be stupid.”
I saw him smirk as he lifted his head. His eyes found mine across the small divide of the patio.
“How is he supposed to know how you feel?”
I stood, taking a few steps until I stopped between his legs, my hands gripping his bare shoulders. “I’ll tell him. Every day. I…love…him.” I wanted him to see what he meant to me through my eyes. “Needed some…one…to show me how…strong I am.”
“He loves you, too.”
***