Chapter 9
Ainsley
N o man should look like this, especially when in a deep sleep, but of course the monster does. Even with his mouth gaping open and his hair a tangled mess, he’s still devilishly handsome. It was easier to look at him with the mask on, though I have to admit even that was hard for me to do.
The mask was a safety net for me. I learned to confide in the mask, trusted the mask, formed a bond with it and eventually fell in love with it. The mask is more of a weakness to me than his face is. His face brings me back to all the dreams I had of him, where he would comfort me and promise to rescue me. It brings me back to the night he rescued me, when I thought he was so gorgeous that there was no way he was real.
When I found him in the bathroom and realized what he was doing, I was angry. So angry that I wanted him to know how it felt to find him with slices across his skin and blood soaking into his pants. I probably shouldn’t have made him carve his name into my skin in retaliation, especially since I plan on walking away and never seeing him at the end of this week. But when he was doing it, it felt right. Like he should have marked me in such a way a long time ago.
Now that it’s happened, there’s no going back. I can hide it under clothes, or maybe get it covered with a tattoo, but I’ll always know it’s there. I’ll always have a reminder of what happened today.
The monster’s phone vibrates on the nightstand, but he doesn’t even stir. As carefully as I can, I climb out of the bed and walk around to the nightstand, where I grab his phone and see who’s calling.
Ethan.
He didn’t take my phone this time, but I haven’t exactly had a chance to call Ethan and talk to him yet. I’ve given up on being mad at him for anything concerning the monster. No matter what he says or does, the monster will never change his mind, so Ethan is better off just going along with it. He could at least warn me, though.
“Ethan,” I breathe into the phone as I answer the call.
There’s a pause on the other end before I hear Ethan’s voice. “Ainsley? Why are you answering C - his phone?”
Ethan knows better than to say his name in front of me. It was one of the first rules I made when I arrived at his house. He was only ever to be referred to as the monster, and he was to be brought up as little as possible. Ethan has always been good about following those rules.
“He’s sleeping,” I answer. “Why are you calling him?”
“To demand your release,” he tells me, doing his best to sound like my knight in shining armor. “He’s been ignoring me since he told me his plan yesterday.”
I almost forgot that the monster told me that Ethan knew about this plan. When the monster kidnapped me the first time, I wanted to hate Ethan for having any part of it. And I did, for about as long as my anger could last. But by the time he came to visit me, I was just so relieved that someone was giving me answers, that I couldn’t be mad at him.
This time, I’m not sure how I feel. I’m angry that he didn’t at least warn me about what the monster was planning. Not that a warning would have changed anything, but I wouldn’t have been caught by surprise. I could have brought uglier pajamas.
On the other hand, it’s clear the monster and I both need this time to heal from what happened. Even though I tried to act like I was too strong to be affected by it, I wasn’t fooling anyone. And though the monster has thrown himself into finding and killing my captors, he clearly hasn’t dealt with the guilt and pain of losing me.
“Ainsley? Don’t tell me you’re falling for him again,” Ethan says through the speaker after my silence stretches on for too long.
“No, no, I’m not,” I assure him. “I was just thinking that this time might be good for us. We both need to heal and move on from what happened, and maybe if he can get past his guilt, he’ll finally be able to let me go.”
Now it’s Ethan’s turn to stay quiet as I capture my lip between my teeth, waiting to hear his response. He’s always been afraid that walking away and never speaking of the monster again wouldn’t be enough. He thinks I’m not strong enough to forget the love I once felt for him. Maybe a few months ago, he would have been right. Not now, though.
“You don’t know him very well if you think he’s ever going to let you go. He’s been pining after you for years, and you didn’t even know it. Do you really think he’s going to give up just because he has to wait for your feelings to resurface? And that’s if they haven’t started to already.”
My cheeks heat at the implication, but not being able to deny it makes it that much worse. I don’t love the monster. Not anymore. But, I’m remembering why I fell for him in the first place. It’s in the way he takes care of me, and the way he holds me when I’m crying or just having a nightmare. I can see it when he’s being gentle with me, and also when he’s pushing me because he knows I can handle it.
Just because I can remember why I fell for him, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen again. I have that much self control.
“It’s fine, Ethan. After this week, I’ll go back to school and we’ll never see each other again. Well, he’ll still have that stupid camera until I move out, but I won’t have to see him,” I tell him, knowing in my soul that all I need is to stay strong for a few more days and then it’ll be over, and I can grieve the love I could have had and move on.
Ethan chuckles through the speaker, a humorless sound that instantly puts me on alert. “Ainsley, he’s been in your apartment more times than I have this semester, you just didn’t know it. Do you really think that’s going to change just because you spent some time together?”
He’s never told me this. As far as I knew, the monster kept his distance, choosing to watch me through cameras and send the occasional text that I always ignored. I’m not really sure how to feel about him creeping around my apartment. I mean, I’m not surprised, he’s broken into my apartment while I was home more than once before. But something about him breaking in just to watch me up close feels… different.
“Why didn’t you tell me he’s been coming to my apartment?” I ask accusingly, feeling betrayed by my best friend all over again.
“Because I threatened to take you away from him forever if he told you,” comes a husky voice from behind me. Whirling around with my heart in my throat, I find the monster standing in the now open doorway, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. I was so lost in my thoughts, I never even heard him come outside.
“Why were you coming to my apartment?” I know what his answer is going to be. I’m just asking for the punishment of knowing the answer.
“To watch you sleep. I didn’t know you were having nightmares until the other night, because you never had them while I was with you. Sometimes, I would sneak in while you were in class, just so I could feel like I was close to you again.”
He walks closer to me, invading my personal space as I stand my ground. When his hand brushes my hair back and he leans down to whisper in my ear, I don’t even flinch away from him.
“Sometimes, you cry out in your sleep for me, begging me to take you away again. But you didn’t know that, did you?”
No. I wouldn’t do that. I never wanted to see the monster again, let alone be taken by him. He’s lying to me, just to get a reaction out of me. I won’t give him the satisfaction.
“Now, I believe this is my phone, which means he was calling to speak to me,” the monster says as he pulls away from me and holds out his hand, reminding me I still have his phone pressed against my ear with Ethan on the other line.
“I want to see him,” I announce as I hand the phone to him.
“What?” He says into the phone, greeting Ethan with as much warmth as he can muster for his little brother. There’s a long pause as Ethan makes his demand, and the monster doesn’t break eye contact.
“No.” Another long pause, and I can feel my cheeks heating the longer the monster stares at me.
“She hasn’t even asked. Stop assuming you know what’s best for my girl and let me handle this.”
My entire body heats from the way he claims me as his, even though I don’t want it to. Those words shouldn’t affect me like they do, not this time around.
The monster hangs up the phone without a goodbye and drops it into the pocket of his still bloody sweatpants.
“I want to see him,” I announce again, since he clearly didn’t take my request to heart the first time.
“Okay,” he answers.
“This week. I want to see him this week, before spring break is over,” I clarify.
“Fine,” he answers, again not fighting me.
“Really?”
There’s no way. The monster hates seeing me around other men, even Ethan. I expected some kind of fight, so why is he just giving in?
“What’s the catch?”
“I’m going with you,” he answers right away, but that still doesn’t seem like enough. I expected him to go with me. It’s not like he would just give up his forced time with me.
“I want to see his parents, too,” I add, wondering if that will deter him.
“I’ll set up a dinner so we can all sit down and spend time together,” he responds, still not fighting me. I eye him with suspicion just before a wicked grin spreads across his face. “There will be rules, though.”
“Fine,” I hurriedly agree, willing to do anything to spend time at my second home. Well, almost anything.
“You’ll wear a dress I approve of,” he starts, and I vigorously nod my head in agreement. That’s not so bad, especially since we’ve never disagreed on my attire before. “You can’t call me the monster in front of them.”
“What am I supposed to call you, then?”
“You can call me Cain or the love of your life, I don’t really have a preference.”
I refuse to do both. I’m sure I can get through a dinner without having to address him at all. Especially since I’ll be there to see Ethan and his parents, not to spend time with the monster.
“What I say goes, little one, understand?”
“Understood,” I agree. He won’t do anything to ruin this for me, at least I hope not. I can follow his rules for just one night.
“Good girl,” he praises me. “Now, you can either go put a shirt on or I can take you back to bed.”
I look down, just now remembering I took my shirt off when he carved into my back. I walked outside without knowing I was half naked. Going to bed with him doesn’t sound the least bit enticing, but neither does putting a shirt over my still burning back. Hopefully, having a bandage on it will keep the shirt from rubbing, but…
“Can I borrow one of your shirts? They’re bigger and a lot easier for me to get into without disturbing my back,” I explain, not wanting him to think I want to wear his clothes for any other reason.
Judging by the smirk on his face, that’s exactly where his thoughts went, despite my explanation. He turns his back to me and walks inside, heading straight for his closet. I follow him in, much slower to allow him time to get the shirt.
When he comes out of the closet, he’s holding one of his typical black t-shirts and a new pair of sweatpants for him.
“I would much rather you walk around like that all day,” he tells me as he hands over the shirt. Gritting my teeth, I slowly pull the shirt on, feeling the pull in my skin as I stretch my arms.
The monster takes his dirty sweatpants off and replaces them with the new ones, and together we walk downstairs. “Why don’t you sit and pick out a movie, I’ll find us something to eat.”
“That’s it? You just want a movie day?”
“No, I wanted to keep training you, but that’s probably not the best idea, considering your current state,” he answers as we reach the living room. We veer apart; me, into the living room, and him, into the kitchen.
By the time I’ve picked some action packed movie that couldn’t possibly give the monster the wrong idea, he comes waltzing back into the living room with two sandwiches on separate plates and a bowl full of popcorn.
“Thanks,” I mumble as he hands a plate to me. I breathe a sigh of relief as he takes the other side of the couch and places the bowl of popcorn between us.
We eat in silence as my eyes stay glued on the TV, refusing to acknowledge the monster beside me. Except, as soon as he finishes his sandwich, he places his plate on the coffee table and takes the place of the popcorn bowl, placing it on his lap instead of on the couch.
“Is this okay?” he asks. I nod and make a sound of acknowledgement, but still refuse to look at him. I don’t want him this close. Having him on the other side of the couch would be easier, or better yet, the other side of the world.
After a few minutes, he moves closer until our thighs are touching. He’s acting like a nervous highschool boy on his first date, trying to figure out how to be cool about putting his arm around me. The thought makes me laugh, and from the corner of my eye, I see him look over at me.
Out of nowhere, or maybe it was built up since I wasn’t really paying attention, two characters on the screen go at it against a wall. Mouths war against each other, clothes go flying, and the tension in this living room thickens until it’s hard to breathe.