Chapter 19
Sophia still couldn't believe it when Edward said that he had enjoyed her poem.
It made her feel wonderful, as if she could achieve anything from now on.
Although a part of her also remained doubtful that he had really enjoyed it.
Surely it was more likely to be the case that he was simply being polite?
Not wishing to hurt her feelings, by giving her the criticism the verse deserved.
She also couldn't help hoping that he hadn't heard all of it, but as it was only short that was unlikely.
If only she hadn't included the first couple of lines about her heart being captured by a lord, but other parts of it were just as bad!
She wasn't a lady anyway, so maybe Ned wouldn't realise the verse was about them.
These thoughts continued to twist and turn through her mind.
Until none of it made any sense to her. The only thing of which she was certain was that she had fallen in love with Edward Carlisle.
There wasn't any doubt about that! Irrespective of his social status, wealth, and whether or not he told the truth about her poetry.
Whatever else might be going on, he would always be Ned.
Although never her Ned, she thought sadly.
Finding comfort however in the thought that he couldn't possibly know she had written the poem for him.
Feeling the intensity of his gaze still on her face, she was by then almost speechless.
Until she managed somehow to compose herself, and politely thanked him, albeit with a small stutter in her voice.
Showing the correct level of modesty, she remained adamant that he was being too kind.
All the while wishing that she hadn’t chosen that particular poem, because of how romantic it was thus quite unsuitable for his, or any other gentleman's ears.
But then how was she to know that he would suddenly appear?
Sophia groaned inwardly. Why couldn't she ever seem to do anything right?
Especially when it concerned someone she thought the world of, and the importance of both Lady Cynthia and the Duke liking her.
If she left Carlfield house now she didn't have anywhere else to go.
Only to possibly throw herself on Lucas' mercy, and hope that she could still marry Lord Dilley, a suitor who was nearly twice her age and completely vile.
How could she possibly do that when neither of them loved each other, and she had given her heart to Ned?
Maybe if Lady Cynthia or the Duke changed the topic of conversation she would begin to feel better, she thought in desperation, and it wasn't long before providence came to her assistance.
It was a huge relief when the Duchess mentioned the charity dinner she would shortly be hosting at Carlfield house.
It had become an annual event, along with the impromptu talent show which took place afterwards, and she assured Sophia was great fun.
However she wished to do something different this year, she said then, with a twinkle in her eye and a huge smile.
It was going to be a literary evening instead.
She might have mentioned it during their carriage ride from London.
She couldn't recall, as they had talked about such a lot.
Lady Cynthia asked Sophia then if she would be so kind as to read her romance poem to the audience after dinner.
Her words were truly wonderful, and meant to be shared.
Sophia thought at first that she must have misheard.
When her employer continued to stare expectantly at her waiting for a reply, she felt dizzy and the room began to spin.
The reality of standing at the front of a large room, filled with the ladies of the ton and their gentlemen, had caused her to panic.
To make matters worse Ned was by now telling his mother that he thought it was a lovely idea.
Quite forgetting his earlier reservations about exposing Sophia to something like this.
When the ladies of the ton might not be impressed by someone whom they regarded as a servant, being given the privilege of entertaining them, and react badly to it.
Even though the standard of Sophia's verse, along with what ought to have been an element of kindness on their part, more than justified her taking part in the readings.
Sophia glanced at Edward who was still smiling warmly at her, and realised that whatever her feelings on the matter might be she couldn't refuse. As a result Cynthia was delighted when Sophia said that she would be honoured to do a short reading.
Shortly afterwards Jenkins announced that dinner was being served.
The Duke took his mother's arm, as she chattered excitedly about the charity event.
Sophia resumed her usual place, and followed them into the dining room feeling relieved when it was eventually time for her to retire to her bedchamber.
However after accompanying Lady Cynthia to hers, and saying goodnight, she met the Duke unexpectedly in the hall outside.
Making her apologies for almost colliding with him as she left the Duchess' room, he smiled charmingly and asked her if he might have a quiet word with her before she retired.
Completely ignoring the fact that they were alone in the hall.
Unable to refuse even if she had wished to, and with her heart beating loudly, Sophia waited for Edward to reveal his reason for wishing to speak to her.
Anxious that it might not be good news. Surely Lucas hadn't discovered her whereabouts, or was the Duke possibly going to terminate her employment?
Sophia's thoughts on what she might have done wrong were however soon interrupted by him.
"Please don't be alarmed. I wished to thank you, Sophia, for the care you have shown to my mother.
I hope that you have settled in well at Carlfield.
If you need anything, or I can help you in any way, please come to me.
I know how much the Duchess values you being here," he said, hesitating.
He wished very much to add that, despite his earlier reservations, he felt the same but thought this might be a step too far at this early stage in her employment.
"I regret that my mother sometimes talks endlessly on a single topic," he said, uncomfortably.
When he recalled the family history Cynthia had spoken a length about in the carriage, and reminiscences of his childhood.
"I have also noticed that age makes her forgetful at times, and it's a considerable reassurance to me that you are with her.
Especially when you are walking in the grounds or have left the estate" He paused again, trying to find the most appropriate words.
"I beg your pardon for my inelegance, but should you deem it necessary to inform me of any matter concerning her health, I would be most grateful if you would not hesitate to do so,because I shall be very grateful to hear it.
I have seen your gentleness with her, which is something I am not able to show her in quite the same way.
" He finished the sentence in a rush. Noticing how uncomfortable Sophia looked, despite giving him her full attention.
"Thank you for your confidence in me, your Lordship.
Although I am still learning my duties as a ladies' companion, I greatly value my position here, and being able to spend so much time with Lady Cynthia.
I admire the Duchess enormously, and feel nothing but affection for her," she said, remembering at the last minute not to call him Ned.
Even though she very much wished to. Adding that although Lady Cynthia usually appeared to be in good health, she was concerned earlier by how exhausted she had been after today's tea party.
Making it her turn to hesitate. As she wondered how much she ought to tell him, but actually finding it a relief to be able to share her fears about Cynthia staring at the wall earlier, which had seemed most odd to her.
Edward immediately looked concerned, and told her that this was what he had been worried about.
It had been a huge shock for his mother when Ruth left suddenly, followed by the journey back to Yorkshire which wasn't very comfortable despite them being in his carriage, and a social event immediately after they arrived at the house.
With more to follow. "Thank you for telling me.
I will speak to her, without repeating what you have said," he hastened to add.
"I had noticed that she was becoming a little confused at times, and I wished to keep an eye on the situation.
Although I equally didn't want to alarm you," he said, unable to stop himself from gazing into her eyes.
On this occasion he was referring to his belief that Cynthia confused Sophia from time to time with the daughter she never had.
Alternatively the other possibility was that she had of course been doing her best to matchmake.
Both of which would have been improper, so not for him to reveal.
"I want you to be very happy here," Edward said, earnestly. Since he couldn't bear the thought now of Sophia leaving Carlfield house. ...Or him!