Chapter Four
Thoughts raced through Kyrie’s head so fast, he couldn’t hang on to them.
Technically, in the bare minimum way, Fen had claimed him.
Kyrie hadn’t done the same. He didn’t know how Fen would ultimately react.
Kyrie wasn’t sure Fen knew how to react either.
It was like he was paralyzed. Kyrie didn’t think he even blinked.
They stood awkwardly in Frost’s hallway while Fen did whatever he was doing.
Kyrie had felt terrible for a while now.
He wanted to go home and rest before he had to go to work and kill himself while already half dead.
His nerves snapped. “It’s fine if you don’t want me.
I know you think I’m too young and it’s barely a scar.
Who knows if it even fully took? I don’t have to claim you. We can just pretend—”
Fen lunged forward. His mouth cut off Kyrie’s nervous, racing speech.
As Fen’s tongue curled around his, the air changed.
Kyrie knew Fen had transported him home simply by the familiar smells surrounding them.
Fen held him lovingly while exploring Kyrie’s mouth.
Kyrie almost felt treasured, but he still didn’t think Fen wanted this.
He knew next to nothing about mates. No one really bothered to explain it to him.
He felt pretty fucking desperate to crawl under Fen’s skin so they could live as one person. That probably wasn’t normal.
Fen chuckled against Kyrie’s lips. “Your thoughts are hilariously all over the place.”
Kyrie didn’t know if he should huff or cry. He didn’t think people were supposed to laugh under these circumstances.
Fen held Kyrie’s face between his hands and pressed his forehead against Kyrie’s. They held each other’s stare. Fen's eyes were even more beautiful up close. “I’m laughing because I’m happy. Also, a little because I’m not crazy.”
That one stumped him. “What made you think you’re crazy?”
“Lots of things.” Fen sounded very matter of fact. “How I felt at dinner the other night. Why the scent of your blood makes me ravenous.” He stole another quick kiss. “Why you taste so damn good.”
Kyrie’s heart turned over in his chest.
Fen didn’t stop. “How it felt when you dropped.” Fen’s expression turned to pain. “It was suddenly like part of me died. The pain was excruciating. You can nae do that to me again. I thought I’d go insane.”
Kyrie reached up and held on to Fen’s wrist where Fen still cupped Kyrie’s face. He didn’t want Fen to disappear. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I don’t plan on going anywhere. But I also have no clue what to do next, and it feels like someone is crushing my chest.”
Fen swept Kyrie from his feet and headed for the bedroom like he had been there a million times before.
“I want you to claim me, but I don’t know if you’re strong enough right now.
I don’t even know how a Were reacts to vampire blood.
Waylon and Audor are the first case ever of this type of mixed mating, as far as I know.
We’re evenly going into this blind.” He gently placed Kyrie on the bed and then climbed in beside him.
Fen tucked the covers around them, ensuring Kyrie was as warm as possible. “There.”
Kyrie took a chance and cuddled against Fen’s huge body.
Fen dragged him even closer.
Kyrie hid a smile against Fen’s chest. He had literally no clue where this was headed, but Fen hadn’t left.
That was something. The desperation to tear into Fen’s skin and make him his was nearly crippling.
Unfortunately, his weak body cared nothing about Kyrie’s emotions or desires. Weakness owned him.
Fen’s brain and body were all over the place.
Kyrie was his mate. All these years with nothing.
Maybe he had always been fated to have a wolf mate, but it had been impossible until recently.
Fen fought a snort. Kyrie hadn’t been alive that long.
Fen had to get past that shit. Really, he already was.
He just needed to tell himself anything right now to stop his urge to rip into Kyrie’s throat and give him the mark he deserved.
Matters weren’t helped by Kyrie not claiming him.
Kyrie had literally died earlier. This wasn’t the time.
He needed to regain his strength. Kyrie would tolerate his arms around him.
That was one right he couldn’t abandon—illness or no.
Fen’s mind betrayed him by making up excuses for a blood exchange.
Maybe Fen’s blood was exactly what Kyrie needed.
Vampire blood was stronger than wolf blood.
Fen forced the idea away. He still didn’t know Kyrie’s heritage.
For all he knew, Fen’s blood could make him worse.
The taste of Kyrie’s blood that he had gotten was so fast and small; he couldn’t even recall the taste, much less decipher its makeup.
They were mates, though. Technically, Fen could just reach into Kyrie’s mind and find the information needed.
Fen immediately discarded the idea. Kyrie could probably feel him poking around in there.
If he wasn’t careful and came off as controlling, Kyrie might never claim him.
Fen already wanted to claw at his skin like an addict needing a fix.
Having a mate and staying unclaimed was physically painful, especially since Fen had claimed Kyrie.
He felt adrift and out of control. Kyrie hadn’t even mentioned claiming him, had he?
Fuck. Fen had been slightly out of his head since seeing those faint fang marks on Kyrie’s wrist. He had given up hope too long ago to recall.
Now he had all these growing desperations.
Finding his other half had him fucked up.
The impatience was thick. That didn’t matter, though.
A good mate would cater to Kyrie’s health first, and that was exactly what he planned to do.
Even though Fen held Kyrie, it wasn’t enough.
He hoped he didn’t feel this lost and unwanted forever.
What if Kyrie didn’t want an old vamp? He hadn’t enjoyed any real freedom yet.
Hell, he might be a virgin for all Fen knew.
Oh, Goddess. Was he a virgin? Fuck it. Fen tried gently slipping into Kyrie’s mind.
A smile exploded across Fen’s face. All his fears vanished.
Kyrie slept and dreams filled his head. All Fen could do was linger and watch. He was too captivated to move. Kyrie was in wolf form, on his back in the snow, with paws in the air like he tried to catch the sunlight. The dream was too peaceful for Fen to look away.
I know you’re there. Come play with me.
It took Fen a second to realize Kyrie spoke to him. Kyrie had to turn his head and focus on Fen for him to see the truth. Only if it’s okay for me to disturb your peace.
Actually, I find your company very soothing.
Fen sat in the snow next to Kyrie. Without thinking, he ran his fingers through Kyrie’s white fur. It was thick and fluffy.
I’m an Artic wolf. This is my happy place, but I also love the sun. Oh, and the beach. And the sea. The water is so much fun, but not so much when I’m a wolf. The fur gets kind of heavy in the ocean.
Fen loved the purity of Kyrie’s thoughts. He was nothing like the warriors that had surrounded Fen his entire life. The quiet that settled into Fen’s soul was comforting as hell. Kyrie was very much a soft place to land.
You probably wish you had some of my fur on your butt right about now.
A loud bark of laughter burst from Fen. His face hurt from how big his smile had grown.
Just the way Kyrie held his head with his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth was too cute.
It was the most adorable of wolfy smiles.
Fen felt good on the inside. “My plaid keeps me warm. Plus, it’s nae likely to bother me too much in a dream.
I could probably just picture having a hairy arse. ”
Kyrie turned human. The transformation happened in a blink. The happiness had gone from his expression. He wasn’t laughing. “Do you think you can’t hurt in a dream?”
“Holy fuck.” Fen reacted on total instinct. He scooped the very nude Kyrie from the ground and used as much of his body as he could to protect Kyrie from the cold.
Kyrie’s serious expression never wavered. His gaze moved over Fen, as if searching for something only he knew. “Do you want this? Are you mad you got stuck with me? I saw your face when I told you my age. I’m not who you wanted. What’s he like?”
Fen was confused as fuck. He felt the heavy sadness inside Kyrie. Kyrie truly believed Fen wouldn’t have chosen him if given the chance. That there was someone else out there Fen longed to have.
I can only hear the thoughts you give me, but I can feel your disappointment.
As the thought brushed Fen’s mind, he remembered a crucial detail.
Fen had claimed Kyrie. He saw and felt everything Kyrie did.
Fen could reassure himself with a single dip into Kyrie’s mind.
Kyrie hadn’t claimed him. He couldn’t do the same.
Fen kept forgetting that, and he was hurting Kyrie.
“Wake up. Take my blood. I want you to have the ability to run through my mind and see how blessed I feel.”
Kyrie slowly shook his head. Deep sadness filled every corner inside him and the pressure of his misery nearly choked Fen.
“Something isn’t right. Something feels forced.
If I claim you and feel a single ounce of rejection from you.
” Kyrie shook his head again. “Being unwanted by you might be the thing that finally stops this heart for good. I feel weak all the time anymore. Weary. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I know I can’t carry the weight of your discontent.
That’s too much. Having a mate for all eternity who would’ve chosen anyone but me, you can’t ask that of me. ”
Fen was beyond devastated. He was in Kyrie’s head.
Kyrie believed every word he said with his entire being.
Fen’s reaction to his age had been a blow at just the right time.
The perfect storm of a day. He couldn’t see what happened, but he felt every ounce of emotion attached.
Kyrie was defeated inside. Fen had just found his mate, and already he failed him.