Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
Kiara
“Everything’s going to be fine,” Ruby assures me when I hesitate with my hand on the door. “Just go in there and talk to Crew. That omega loves you, Kiki.”
I nod jerkily, trying to ignore the rapid beating of my heart. I’ve never worried about having a conversation with Crew before. I’ve never felt uncomfortable with the idea of being in his presence.
Yet, I can’t seem to calm myself down.
Why do I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack sitting here, just thinking about talking to him about this?
Because I’m afraid.
“Kiki?”
“I’m fine. Thank you both for getting me out of here earlier and for distracting me.”
Allison turns around in her seat so she can see me. “We’re here for you any time you need us, but you need to get your ass in there and talk to your omega.”
“Right. Because he’s most definitely freaking out right now.” I shove the door open. “I’ve got this. Love you both!”
I climb out and start up the stairs to the front door. I know the sooner I get this over with, the better it’ll be, but I can’t seem to help myself from dragging it out.
The fear of the unknown is holding me back.
Being aware of this doesn’t make it any easier to push through.
Squaring my shoulders, I push open the front door and step inside.
“Hello?” I call out, but my only answer is silence.
I have no idea if Alexander, Davis, and Mason are still here. It’s Sunday, but they don’t exactly work traditional Monday through Friday jobs, so they could’ve gone into work. Or they could be in Crew’s nest fucking his brains out.
Okay, that’s not likely to be happening, but it could be.
And Crew’s the only one I’m worried about right now. I need to find him.
Heading up the stairs, I curse myself for not staying to find out where the parental pack was planning on putting us. I’d like to think they’d put us in the same room, but who the hell knows?
I beeline for my room, pausing as I wonder if I should knock before shaking my head. Why the hell would I knock on my own door? I don’t even know if Crew is in here.
Shoving the door open, my eyes immediately go to my bed where Crew has built himself a nest and curled up inside. “Crew?”
“Kiki?” He shoots up, eyes wide as he blinks at me. It takes a moment for his eyes to focus on me, and I realize he must’ve been sleeping. “You’re home.”
“I am. I’m sorry for leaving like that.”
He shuffles over and pats the spot beside him. “Come sit with me?”
How can I say no to that?
I climb into the bed, and he immediately pulls me into his arms.
“You were overwhelmed, Kiki, so I understand why you ran. In the future, can you not run without your omega, though? I feel like I’m a pretty well-balanced omega, but having you leave me behind? It was one of the worst things I’ve ever felt. It felt like you abandoned me.”
“Fuck.” I bury my head in his neck. “I’m so fucking sorry, Crew. And I did abandon you, which is fucked up on so many levels. It doesn’t matter how overwhelmed I was, I never should’ve left you.”
Crew pulls back so he can meet my eyes. “I forgive you, but just know, if you ever do it again, I’m going to throw an omega tantrum like nothing you’ve ever seen before. You’ll be groveling for years.”
A giggle sneaks out at the idea of Crew throwing a tantrum.
While tending to be on the emotional side—just like me, which makes for some fun times—he’s never been someone to make a scene.
Even when we were kids, I think the only time I saw him have a tantrum was when we were five and his parents said he couldn’t stay over on my birthday since I was having a sleepover.
He didn’t understand why it wasn’t okay for him to be the only boy.
I guess I didn’t at the time either. I’m pretty sure I was at his side, also having a tantrum.
“We need to talk,” he says, and I automatically nod—even as my heart starts pounding double-time in my chest.
Those are four words no one ever wants to hear.
“Stop freaking out, Kiara.” His hands come up to cup my cheeks as a soft smile forms on his lips. “I’m not breaking up with you or anything. But shit happened today, and we need to talk about it like adults. Because we are—adults, I mean.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Do we have to be?”
I can’t help smiling at his scoff, even with how serious this conversation is.
“Yeah, we do.”
“Right. Of course we do.” I take a deep breath as Crew takes my hands in his and gives them a squeeze. “Davis, Alexander, and Mason are your scent matches.”
“They are, and you freaked out about it.”
I don’t bother denying his words. How can I? I literally ran away from him—from them. “I did.”
“Because you think I’m going to leave you for them.” He pauses, waiting until I nod before continuing, “And because you’ve been in love with them since you were a teenager.”
“I wouldn’t say I was in love with them,” I correct. “I was infatuated with them, and yes, I still have a crush. How can I not? They’re hot. But I love you.”
He makes a face. “Fine, we’ll go with that. Yes, they’re hot, and I love you, too. But I’m not going to leave you for them—something I’ve already shared with them.
“You’re the woman I’ve been in love with since before I knew what love was.
I would’ve been content to live my life with just the two of us forever.
” He hesitates. “Except during my heats. We would need help then, but that doesn’t mean we needed to have anyone else in this relationship.
But you wanted to be part of a pack, and I know that. I’m more than okay with that.
“I love the idea of a pack that revolves around the two of us, but do you know what I’m not okay with? Living any part of my life without you by my side ever again. I spent four years without you beside me, and it nearly killed me. No pack—scent matches or not—would ever get me to leave you.”
I bite my lip as tears fill my eyes. It’s not the first or even the hundredth time he’s told me this. I want to believe him, but I just don’t see how he could be happy with just me.
I’m just a beta—nothing special.
As if he can read my mind—we’ve known each other long enough that he might be able to—he shakes his head.
“It doesn’t matter what your designation is, Kiara.
It’s never mattered. When I told you I loved you for the first time, neither of us had designated yet.
I don’t care that I’m supposed to want alphas to take care of me.
I want to love you and take care of you.
The only time I need an alpha is during my heats, and we’ve even done those without one before. ”
“Yeah, but that was a disaster, and we said never again.”
His first heat had been a disaster. We’d gotten toys, including a strap-on with an inflatable knot and a toy that recreated the locking mechanics of a female alpha. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the stamina of an alpha, and I ended up in the hospital at the end of his heat.
From then on, we used a heat service so we could have a vetted alpha help us—always a male. But we did keep using the locking toy, as he really enjoys it.
“Which is why I said we’d need an alpha during my heats, but what I need you finally to understand is that you are the one person I need, no matter what. We could make a relationship with just the two of us work—if that’s what you wanted. But it’s not, is it?”
I shake my head. “It’s not. I want a pack. I want what my dad found with Evelyn, Adan, and Dylan.”
“And we can have that with Mason, Davis, and Alexander.”
I’m shaking my head before he even finishes speaking. “We can’t.”
“Why not?” Exasperation paints his words, and I hate that I’m causing him to stress out.
“Because they don’t want me.” Even as I say it, I find myself going back to Allison and Ruby telling me the exact opposite earlier.
“And that’s where you’re wrong, my darling.” Crew leans forward and rests his forehead against mine. “The three of them are so in love with you.”
I want to believe him, I really do. “How would you know that?”
“They told me. They didn’t try to hide it at all.”
“Maybe I could see Davis and Alexander being interested. They used to flirt with me a lot. They asked me out a few times too, but I knew they weren’t being serious about it. How could they be when they were in a relationship with my stepbrother?”
Crew shakes his head. “Kiki, I love you very much, but you are the worst person in the world at knowing when someone is interested in you. For someone with so much confidence in who they are, you really don’t have it when it comes to people being attracted to you.”
Once again, I can’t argue with him. I know I’m pretty, and I can be a knockout if I put in the effort, but I’m not on the same level as the three of them. If I hadn’t grown up with Crew, I would’ve thought the same thing about him.
Okay, yeah. He’s definitely right.
“I also know you won’t take me at my word, and I told them that. I told them it would be up to them to convince you of their intentions,” he continues. “I want to be with you, Kiara Oka, and if you decide this isn’t the pack for us, then we’ll walk away.”
I do a double take. “From your scent matches? You can’t just walk away from your scent matches, Crew!”
“I sure as hell can. You are my person, Kiki, and I want you to be just as happy as me.”
Holy shit. I can’t believe he’s talking about walking away from his scent matches. I can’t let him do that—even if it turns out they’re not interested in anything with me. It’ll hurt like hell, but I’m not taking this away from him.
It would be easier if he’d let me go, but he’s a stubborn ass, and I can tell he won’t let this go. He will really walk away from them for me.
“Fine. I’ll give them a chance, but I’m not forcing things with them, Crew. I don’t have to be with them to be part of the pack. As long as you want me, I’m in.”
He smirks. “I don’t think that’s something you need to worry about, Kiki, but okay. As long as you’re part of my pack, that’s all I care about.”
Crew leans in to kiss me, and as much as I’d love to say all my worries fall away, they don’t. But I can let go of them.
I want Davis, Alexander, and Mason to be mine, but I’ll find a way to be okay with it if they’re not. Even if it’s hard to wrap my mind around the idea of them being interested in me like that.
Fuck it. That’s a problem for tomorrow.
Right now, I need to make up for my earlier behavior toward Crew.