Chapter Twenty-Three
Stardew Valley is lyfe.
Will
Family dinner. Also known as the one night a month that I am surrounded by allies.
I freaking love family dinner.
Rhonda and Roger started the official tradition after Roman and I moved away for college and “abandoned” the family. Throughout middle and high school, a schedule wasn’t necessary. I was at the Vanns’ house more nights than I wasn’t, and in a household where dinner was upheld as peak bonding time, that meant I experienced thousands of family dinners before we started scheduling them out.
Over the years, the dinners have evolved from somewhat casual meals to themed soirées for five, complete with dress codes and pre-approved menus. January’s theme is based on Rhonda’s favorite video game, Stardew Valley . She assigned us each a non-playable character to emulate for the evening. Emails were sent out two days after our last dinner — figure skater murder mystery, I played Tonya Harding! — with dossiers on our characters.
I’m dressed as Sam, an aspiring musician and part-time janitor. He loves pizza, maple donuts, and cactus fruit. He dislikes mushrooms, and he absolutely loathes a pickle. He lives with his mom, Jodi, and his younger brother, Vincent, and takes on a man-of-the-house role while his father is away at war.
Sam spends his days skateboarding, hanging out with his friends, and assuring young Vincent that their father will make it home alive.
Sam’s a pretty cool guy, which I assume is why I’ve been assigned him as my character. That, and the fact that I was once a wee blond lad, just like him.
Ruby is playing Penny, a local redheaded character who lives with her alcoholic mother and teaches the town youth, including Sam’s brother. Penny and Sam get up to some mischief in a tree, apparently. Rhonda says that if they weren’t romanceable players, they’d be free to love each other.
I’ve seen their character portraits. They’d totally be the cutest couple.
Roman represents Gus, the town chef and saloon owner. Not a redhead, but I think we can overlook that, considering their shared obsession with fish tacos.
Rhonda’s donned a spiky blue top and a pink wig for her role as Sandy, a sweet desert girl who, by the way Rhonda greeted us, really needs some more friends.
And last but certainly not least, we have Roger, who’s painted his entire body blue to play the part of Mr. Qi. I can hardly take him seriously in his dark cosmic suit and giant hat. When he slides on a pair of round purple sunglasses, it takes me a full twenty minutes to recover from my fit of laughter.
The costumes are just the tip of the iceberg, though. From experience, I know that every single thing we eat will be food from the game, and when Roger opens the curtain that’s been hung to hide the dining room from view until the Big Reveal, I’ll be transported straight into a scene from Stardew Valley . I won’t just be dressed as Sam, I’ll be in his world, eating his food, hanging out with the townspeople.
I’ll be Sam.
It’s glorious.
But the best part?
“I bought a dress this past weekend for the wedding – baby blue, Ruby, because I know it’s your favorite – and while I was out, I passed this beautiful little florist, so I stopped in, you know, just to see, and they told me they could get a whole slew of baby blue flowers!”
Rhonda and Roger are so totally on board with me wooing their daughter.
“Mom,” Ruby grumbles, eye twitching. “Nobody is getting married.”
Rhonda’s hand waves through the air, dismissing her daughter’s silly, silly words.
“You will be eventually,” she says. “Your father and I aren’t getting any younger, you know. We’d like grandchildren before we die.”
“Mom!” Ruby protests, face flushing.
I share an amused grin with Roger, who looks extra mischievous behind his shades.
“And what about Roman?” Ruby asks. “He’s the oldest! Marry him off!”
“Yes, dear, but you already have a fiancé,” Rhonda reminds her.
Ruby’s fingers clench around the book in her hand – a Penny prop titled Teaching Children for Dummies . She turns to Roger.
“Dad,” she grits through clenched teeth. “Can you kindly tell your wife that she’s lost her mind?”
“I’d love to, Rubes, but then she’d figure out she lost it fifty years ago when she married me, and we can’t have that, now can we?” He shakes his head mournfully, a smile tugging at his lips before it wins, spreading across his face.
Honestly, how these two cheery rays of sunshine birthed the grumpiest set of children the world has ever seen, I’ll never know. It’s like they sucked every ounce of joy from life that they could, so nary but a trickle made it down the umbilical cord.
Ruby scowls at her father.
He snorts.
“Can we eat now?” Roman asks, trying to peek through the curtain. “I’m starving.”
Rhonda smacks his hand away from the fabric.
“You all suck,” Ruby says, moving to line up side-by-side in front of the dining room. Roman and I join her.
“What about me, fianceé?” I ask as my hand lands on her shoulder. “Do I suck?” My arm slides across her shoulder blades, wrapping around her to deliver a squeeze.
She huffs.
“You’re the most sucky,” she grunts. “You’re the reason they’re like this.”
I chuckle. “Me? What have I done?” You know, besides declaring my undying love loudly, everywhere, for over a decade.
“How about when you were going around declaring your love for me loudly, everywhere, for over a decade?” she retorts dryly.
I blink.
“Did you just read my mind?” I ask, feeling insane.
She blinks.
“Are you insane?” she asks.
“Wow,” I say. “We’re really in sync right now. Quick, let’s form a boy band.”
Her cute little nose crinkles. “You’re an idiot.”
I sigh, content. “Our secret code. You’re sweet, too, my love. Man, we’re cute tonight. Next thing you know we’ll be finishing each other’s…”
“You get dumber every day,” she says, rolling her eyes as she shrugs off my arm.
Well, it was nice while it lasted.
“Okay!” Rhonda announces, clapping her hands in front of us. “If you will just turn your attention this way, we have quite outdone ourselves this time.”
“Your mother has been working on this since last month,” Roger cuts in, chest puffing. “She’s made of magic, I tell you. No mere human could create such beauty.”
“I can’t even see it,” Ruby grumbles. “I don’t know why I have to wait around for a reveal I can’t appreciate. Let me go in early. I’ll test the food, make sure it’s not poisoned.”
I suppress a laugh. She tries this every time, and every time…
“You will wait out here like a good daughter, and then you will ooh and ahh with your brother and Will,” Rhonda moms her.
Ruby’s shoulders drop.
“Well?” Roman asks. “Can we get on to the oohing and ahhing? I’d like to be about twelve steps closer to the food than I currently am.”
Rhonda huffs. “Who raised these kids?” she asks. “No manners!”
“I believe that was us, love,” Roger answers, rocking on his heels.
“Oh,” she says. “Right.”
I beam at her, winking, and she laughs.
“Oh, all right then. Welcome to the Stardrop Saloon!” she exclaims, pulling the curtain aside to reveal a transformation that outdoes any I’ve seen before at family dinner – and that’s saying something, considering she once turned the dining room into a spaceship headed to Mars.
I step forward, jaw on the floor as I take in a room that is nearly identical to the in-game watering hole, making exceptions for space constraints.
The furniture that usually sits in the room has been removed, replaced by a short wooden bar and two bar tables. Red bar stools provide seating, and green and purple rugs smatter the floor. Several gas lanterns provide lighting, as well as what must be battery-powered wall sconces, because surely they did not do electrical work for a family dinner.
Surely.
A faux fireplace reaches up to the ceiling beside the bar, and beside it sits a huge wooden bear statue.
“Where did you even find that thing?” Roman asks, eyeing it.
“An estate sale in Iferous! Isn’t it wonderful?” Rhonda gushes from her place outside the curtain, watching us.
“It’s… something,” Roman mutters, turning his attention to the jukebox, vending machine, and arcade games on the other side of the room.
The vending machine is full of soda cans, all relabeled to be “Joja Cola”s, a popular beverage in the game.
The walls are covered in desert landscapes, broken up by a singular bull skull, which I sincerely hope is fake, because ew.
“This is incredible,” Ruby deadpans. “Someone show me where to sit so we can eat.”
Rhonda rolls her eyes, and Roger steps up to lead Ruby to a table, settling her on one of the tall stools there.
“It really is incredible,” I tell Rhonda. “I feel like I’m there. Does the jukebox work?”
She beams. “Yes! I have it set up with the game soundtracks. Here, let me show you…”
Rhonda and I spend the next several minutes going through the music while Roger makes his way behind the bar and starts to unearth food, covering the bartop in it, with Roman’s help.
“I’ll just sit here, then,” Ruby complains. “Alone. Neglected. Unloved by my parents, who haven’t seen me in a month. That’s fine. Pay attention to the stinky yucky boys. What do I care.”
I turn to her, eyes soft in the face of her pouting.
Makes me want to kiss her.
“I can come pay attention to you,” I offer. “I know just the way to entertain you.” It will involve our mouths and a room that her family is not in.
“I believe I asked for my parents,” she sniffs.
“Oof,” I grunt, hand to my chest. “Just break my heart.”
Her eyes roll, but she doesn’t fool me. I see the quirk of her lips.
“Go, pay tribute to my darling.” I nudge Rhonda toward her daughter’s table. “I’ll get you guys plates.”
She takes a step, then turns back to me, laying her hand on my cheek before she delivers an unexpected punch to my gut in the form of soft, loving words, delivered casual as could be. “You’re a good boy, Will,” she mutters, patting my cheek. “A good son.”
My eyes well as I take in a shuddering breath.
“No fair,” I mutter back. “Sneak attack.”
She laughs, pats my cheek again, then heads to Ruby, unburdened by the emotion she’s left in her wake.
I sniff, turning to the bar. Roger’s head is down, hiding a smile while he adjusts a platter of what looks to be multicolored rock candy. Roman, however, is looking straight at me. The sharp lines of his face are soft, and a wetness to match my own gleams in his eyes.
“Brothers,” he mouths.
A tear escapes my lashes, trickling down my face.
“Brothers,” I mouth back. Then I dry my eyes, make the women’s plates, and enjoy a fun, slightly unhinged meal with my family.