Chapter 15
Elizabeth was vexed when she realized she had spoken to Mr. Darcy about a companion for their journey but that nothing had been settled.
She had thought to speak with Jane and ask her what she would wish to do.
She did not want to deprive her father of all good company, but Jane might like to go.
Of course, she might also say yes only because Elizabeth asked her, so she would have to be careful to make it clear she would be happy to take Mary in her place if Jane would rather stay at the shore.
Of course, Mary had never really traveled anywhere, and she did not have Jane’s beauty or sweet spirit.
It was possible she would never marry, or not for some time.
This might be her only chance for such an experience.
Of course, she might attend Jane on her wedding trip, but Elizabeth thought it likely that Jane would love her new husband, or at least like him, and a companion might not be as important to her.
At least she had two sisters to choose from.
She should speak to Jane and ask her opinion about it all.
Her sister’s level-headedness would be helpful in her decision.
But what if Mr. Darcy said no? It was the custom for the bride to take a companion on the wedding tour, but he would technically be in control of said tour and her sister would be under his protection for the duration.
He could decline if he wished. It would be strange and impolite, certainly, and would look very odd, but he did have the right.
Oh! Why had she not secured an answer the night before?
“Mr. Darcy, Miss.”
Elizabeth looked up from her embroidery as the maid announced her betrothed’s presence. She smiled and stood to greet him.
“Fitzwilliam, I’m glad you’re here. There’s something we must speak of.”
His heart sped up just a tiny bit at her welcoming smile and he felt a little like a green schoolboy as he nodded to her sister and went to Elizabeth. He kissed her hand and sat beside her. “What is it, my dear?”
“The wedding trip! We discussed it yesterday but we came to no conclusions.”
“Ah, yes. I believe you know my sentiments. What do you wish to do?” he asked neutrally.
“I believe I would like my sister to accompany us,” she said quietly, looking at her embroidery. She looked up in time to see his face twitch slightly, his mouth turning down in a frown.
Darcy quickly schooled his features and sighed. “Very well. If that is your wish, I cannot deny you. I will make the necessary arrangements.”
He rose and she impulsively grabbed his sleeve.
He looked down at her and smiled tightly. “I must speak with your father about something. I will return shortly.”
She hated that she felt as if she were hurting him by her answer, even though she knew it was a perfectly acceptable custom for the bride’s sister to accompany the couple. She smiled uneasily as Darcy nodded to Mary and went to her father.
Elizabeth felt unsettled. Guilt and anger fought equally for her attention and she took a deep breath to calm herself.
How dare he make her feel guilty for wanting only what every other woman she knew required?
Well, not every woman. Charlotte had gone directly to Kent following her wedding breakfast with no one to accompany her to her new home.
And when Miss Goulding wed two years prior, she had not taken a companion on their trip to Ireland.
Her own Aunt and Uncle Gardiner had travelled alone following their wedding, but they had been deeply in love.
As Mr. Darcy is in love with you, she told herself.
Oh, dear! Why could she not be selfish and mercenary, caring for no one but herself?
If she were, she would be happy to marry a rich man and not care that he was made unhappy by her decision to bring a companion on their journey.
But no, by some perverse fate, she had to be unhappy she was marrying a man she did not love, and yet still be troubled by the idea of injuring him with her decisions.
She was sure it was a curious error in her own nature that caused her to feel such disparate emotions.
What kind of woman cares for the feelings of a man she is unhappy to be marrying? A Bennet woman, that’s who.
Perhaps she could talk to him. Mayhap they could work something out that would suit them both.
Much to her chagrin, she felt a sick feeling in her stomach at the thought of his expression when she had told him she essentially did not want to be alone with him.
The way he had sighed and squared his shoulders, as if she were thrusting burdens upon him that he must bear alone.
No, she could not live with this uneasiness. She must speak with him.
Her father and Mr. Darcy entered the sitting room together and Darcy resumed his seat next to her. She put her hand on his sleeve and spoke quietly, “Would you walk with me? I need some air.”
“Yes, of course.”
They walked along the shore, Kitty and Mary walking arm in arm ahead of them. He had not offered his arm and she had not taken it. She looked at him from the corner of her eye, wondering if it had been a simple misstep, or if he had deliberately withheld.
“Fitzwilliam,” she said, looping her arm through his. “We must have an awkward conversation.”
He looked at her with a mixture of wariness and surprise. “Very well. I am listening.”
“I hope you will speak as well. Otherwise it will be less a conversation and more an oration.” She smiled and he returned it slightly.
“You have secured my participation. Now what do you wish to speak of?”
“Our wedding journey. And our impending marriage.” She stumbled slightly over the last word but hoped he hadn’t noticed.
“I am from a family of women, sir. I cannot remember a time when I have not had another female near me. Even when I have visited my relations in town, I have been with my aunt or my cousins or accompanied by Jane. The idea of being… alone, with a man, well, it is so very strange. And a bit frightening. I am not saying I am frightened of you, you have been very kind,” she hurriedly added, “but as you said in Kent, it will be a very great adjustment for me. A new name and position, a whole new life, and yours will stay mainly the same, which is why I suppose you never hear of the groom’s brother attending a wedding trip.
” She smiled at her joke and he joined her.
“Elizabeth, you do not have to convince me. It is perfectly normal to wish your sister with you at such a time. It is well within your rights to request it.”
“Yes, but it has made you unhappy,” she looked up at him and he looked away, toward the water.
“I thought I was less obvious than that,” he said after some moments had passed.
“Perhaps not to everyone. Mayhap I am coming to know you better.” She smiled again and pulled him along. “Sir, I do not wish discord between us. I am not built for unhappiness. I wished to suggest that perhaps we find a way that will make us both happy.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Well, perhaps you could tell me how you envision our trip progressing, how we would spend our time, and that might help me to feel less anxious about it all.”
“Very well. At first, we shall be in London. Once we have begun our journey, we will progress in the normal way. Coaching inns, stops to change the horses. The inns have already been notified and we shall have satisfactory accommodations. Our servants will travel ahead with the luggage. I had thought that we might like to take the smaller carriage. It is not as spacious, but the windows open more fully when the weather is fine. I had thought you might like that,” he said self-consciously.
She squeezed his arm. “I would. And what about when we arrive. We are staying in your friend’s house?”
“Yes, he has a rather spacious cottage on the southern side of the lake. There is a cook, housekeeper, and under maids, but no butler. I will bring two of my own footmen in addition to the coachman and groom. Of course, your maid and my valet will be there when we arrive. If you wish, you can write to the housekeeper and tell her your meal preferences before we depart.”
“Thank you, I shall.”
He nodded. “We will likely be tired from our journey, so I thought the first few days we might do nothing other than relax. There is a path leading down to the lake’s edge and another wrapping partially around the shore.
I thought we could sleep as late as we want, take a walk before breakfast, read on the benches in the garden before dressing for dinner, and walk again as the sun sets.
It is a spectacular view from the top of the hill.
There is a small boat we could take out onto the water and have picnics on the shore.
I hoped you might consent to play for me after dinner some evenings, and perhaps sing. ”
He smiled at her as he said it and she unexpectedly colored.
“There is some society, of course, and after a few days of rest we could venture into town and see who is about. There is a concert hall and an assembly room. There will be a calendar of sorts at the cottage when we arrive. You know I am not fond of balls, but if you wished to attend an assembly, I could be convinced.”
She smiled at his flirtation and was happy to see him returned to good spirits. “And how would I do that, sir, for you know I am very fond of dancing?”
His eyes darkened for a moment and he leaned down until his lips nearly touched her ear. “Elizabeth, one kiss from your lips, and I will give you anything you ask of me.”
“Oh.” She blushed and looked down, suddenly discomposed and the skin of her neck tingling where his hot breath had touched it. “I will have to remember that, sir. If there is ever a time when we disagree, I shall know how to carry the day.”
He smiled. “You do that.”
They walked in comfortable silence for several minutes before Elizabeth spoke again.