Chapter 13
“We make a great team,” Nia said as she picked up a tray of meat to take out to the grill.
“Sure.” Shay held the door open for her and smiled.
They’d worked well together, almost dancing around each other in the relatively small kitchen space, but she wouldn’t go as far as saying there’d been anything great about it.
Deflecting personal and probing questions wasn’t her idea of fun.
What was it about civvies that made them so very interested in an ex-vet’s service?
And why did Nia just assume that she’d be happy to talk about it?
Nia hadn’t asked once if Shay was okay with the questions she’d bombarded her with.
And she’d somehow been oblivious to the many unsubtle clues Shay had given about her reluctance to discuss it.
As soon as she left the kitchen, Cyrus caught her gaze and gave her a questioning look.
He was way too invested in her sex life, but maybe that’s what happened when someone was curtailing their own adventures to just one person.
She could be accused of doing the same thing with Rosie, but that was different.
The option to expand her horizons hadn’t been taken off the table.
Nia had her good points for certain, but her incessant chatter had soon extinguished any interest Shay might have had the moment she emerged from the pantry with her momma’s sauce bottle.
In the Army, she’d been accomplished at keeping her emotions in check, but the past five years had made her soft, and she was easier to read. Too easy, apparently.
Aaron pulled her closer after Nia walked away, and Shay placed the burgers on the table next to him. “Thanks, Shay. I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
“You’re lucky you don’t have to,” she said, avoiding the look in his eyes.
He held on when she tried to head back to the kitchen for more of the platters she and Nia had prepared. “I’m serious, Shay. We don’t say it enough. The family would’ve fallen apart if you hadn’t come out of the Army to look after us.”
Jesus, how was she supposed to keep it together with this kind of gratitude flying around? “It’s what Momma would’ve wanted.”
He shook his head and began placing the ribs and burgers on the grill. “I don’t think so. She was so proud of you going in the Army.”
Shay frowned. “What do you mean?” She’d escaped her family responsibilities once, and she thought her momma had forgiven her but had never been proud of her for running away.
“I was supposed to be the good daughter, staying close to home to help Momma with the family, which I would’ve been able to do if I’d stuck with my original plan. ”
Aaron scoffed and slapped Shay on the back.
“If you’d become a math professor, you would’ve been miserable.
Having a genius IQ doesn’t mean that you have to use it the way people expect.
” He waved the BBQ fork at her. “Look at you! You were blessed with everything: brains, beauty, and physicality. It’s kinda unfair, really…
Momma loved that you were doing what you wanted to do, and not for one second did she want anything else for you. ”
Shay sucked in a long, deep breath and released it slowly. If she focused on her breathing, maybe she could make it through the rest of this conversation without breaking down.
Aaron nudged her shoulder. “Don’t get all weird on me, Shay Shay. I just wanted to tell you how I feel. Bisa’s therapy is rubbing off on me, and she’s encouraging me to get ‘in touch with my feelings.’”
“Bisa’s going to therapy?” she asked, more than a little surprised that something was going on in the family that not only didn’t she know about, but also that she hadn’t been instrumental in organizing.
“Okay, we’re both going.” He glanced around then leaned in closer. “She got scared that I was getting too much like Pops, and she wants the kids to have a daddy they can always talk to.”
Shay frowned. “What was your reaction to that?” As the first-born son, their father had been the most interested in Aaron, and he’d gotten away with so much more than her or their other brothers.
Consequently, Aaron thought their father hung the moon.
Maybe he’d started to see the imperfections over the past few years now that Momma wasn’t there to soften his edges.
Aaron arched his eyebrows and scowled. “What do you think? It wasn’t pretty. But I finally agreed to see someone who helped me view Pops through a different lens. He’s not the god I built him up to be.”
“Wow.” A lengthier response evaded her. “When did you discover that?”
“Last week.” Aaron took a long pull on his beer. “So I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to appreciate you and everything you do for this family.”
Shay smiled and squeezed his forearm. “Thanks, little bro.” She gestured back to the kitchen, where she was desperate to go for some emotional respite even though Nia was still hanging around.
Aaron had given her too much to think about right now, and she needed to concentrate on his party.
She’d consider everything else on the drive back home. “I’ll get the rest of the meat.”
The guests poured in over the next couple of hours, and the cookout went better than Shay had thought possible under the rushed circumstances.
If her momma was looking down on them, she hoped she’d be proud of the party.
Shay had thought that her daddy might be tempted to take over grilling duties, but he hovered on the outskirts of it all and busied himself talking to Aaron’s in-laws.
When he occasionally glanced her way, the distance in his eyes was too much to bear, and she couldn’t hold his gaze.
At around seven, she slipped away from the backyard and went around the front to sit on the porch swing. She pulled out her phone and acknowledged the slight disappointment at there being no messages from Rosie. Shay had only been alone a few moments when Nia came out holding two glasses of wine.
“I’ve been looking for you,” she said and offered Shay a glass.
She shook her head and pointed to her car. “I’m driving.”
“Nice car.” Nia gestured to her house next door with a wine glass. “Or you could not drive until the morning…”
“I’m not really looking—”
“Don’t panic,” Nia said. “Bisa’s told me all about you. I know you’re not interested in anything serious.” She licked her lips and stepped closer to Shay so that their legs touched. “Neither am I.”
Usually, that’d be enough of an invitation, but Nia’s connection to the family made a quick hookup too close to home—literally.
And that was before Shay considered Nia’s need to fill every silence.
And why would she think about any of that when she had something sweet and simple with Rosie waiting at the end of a quick text?
Before she could answer, the front door opened again, and her daddy came out onto the deck.
From the way Nia reacted—glancing between the two of them as if they might spontaneously combust and then hot-footing it back to the party without another word—it was clear that she had inside information on their relationship.
Shay wasn’t interested in pursuing anything with Nia, but she disliked the effect her father had on people.
“Where’d you get the sauce for the ribs?”
The accusation in his words was clear, and she inched back into the porch swing. “Aaron had a bottle of Mom’s special sauce stashed in his kitchen.”
“And you used it?”
Shay bit her bottom lip. She wanted to jump up, stand toe-to-toe with him, and not let him stand over her, but her respect for him kept her exactly where she was. “Seemed like a good idea since that’s what she made it for.” Her respect didn’t make it to her vocal cords.
His face reddened and his jaw clenched then twitched wildly. “Who are you talking to with that attitude, Shanae?”
She held up her hands and shook her head. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m just tired, and it’d be nice not to lock horns with you when I’ve just busted my ass to save Aaron’s party.”
“There’s no need for that language either.”
His expression softened slightly, and she caught a fleeting glimpse of the face she used to love looking up into, the face her momma used to cup in her hands while she kissed his forehead.
She drew strength from Aaron’s courage in revealing his issues to his therapist. Maybe this would be a good time to finally talk to him and find out what the hell she was supposed to do with the way things had gone between them.
“You’ve been distant since Mom died. Since I came back.”
All essence of softness disappeared, and he turned away. “It’s been hard on all of us, Shay. You’re not a child anymore. Not everything is about you.”
She scoffed quietly and bit back any retort that she’d immediately regret. “I know that. But you’re angry and cold, and you’ve shut me out emotionally. I don’t understand why.”
“Shut you out? Who do I call when I need help?” He chuffed and slapped his palms on one of the wooden struts. “You shut yourself out when you left… And you came back too late.”
“Is that what all this is about? You blame me for leaving, so you punish me every time you see me?”
He turned back toward her, eyes blazing.
“See, that’s the problem. You’re the problem.
You think it’s punishment to come help me out, or fix my car, or spend time with us.
I can see you don’t want to be here, Shanae.
Everyone can see it. But you’re too busy blaming everyone else instead of taking a hard look in the mirror. ”
Shay was glad she’d stayed in her seat. If she’d been standing, the punch of his words would’ve floored her.
She wasn’t blaming everyone—just him. But was he right about everything being her fault?
Was it obvious she didn’t want to be there, to see the family, to act like the matriarch when she wanted none of the responsibility?
She had run away from the expectations and the pressure, thinking her momma would live forever.