Chapter 8 #2
I never told Liv about Stone. I couldn't bring myself to do it.
She's heard so much about my past with me that I just couldn't put her through that.
I couldn't put me through that, either. But it also tears me apart to know that I've been the cause of her worry for what sounds like weeks now.
"I made a mistake." Is what I say. "And I'm trying to stop making the same mistake, but somehow I feel like I'm a glutton for punishment. "
"Is this about Steve?"
My eyes widen. "No. I told you I haven't spoken to him since we broke up."
A hand goes to her chest. "Thank God. Anything else we can work through."
"Really? And what about the fact that all of the shit that I went through with him is paralyzing?"
"I told you to speak to a therapist, Lark. I don't know why you won't listen."
"If your face was pasted on bus stops, you wouldn't be caught dead in a therapist's office, either."
She frowns, tilting her head. "True." A moment to digest and she continues. "So, what happened? What mistake did you make?"
I don't have to be reminded that anything I say will be held in strict confidence.
Liv has never betrayed my trust. "There's this rich family, the Lawsons.
" I start with, which isn't a strange opener for me, considering that I practice real estate, primarily for the elite.
"Anyway, I slept with one of them, a cousin of Jagger Lawson, the owner of Lawson Enterprises. "
"Uh huh." She knows that this isn't all the story. God love her but I also hate her for being so goddamn sharp and knowing me all too well.
"He's currently under Lucy's wing. He's a client of hers."
"And she has a strict policy about that?"
"Not exactly. But you have to admit that that would totally be frowned upon, right?"
She winces slightly. "Maybe. Has anyone else done that and been the talk around the water cooler?"
"Not that I'm aware of, no."
"So, is this all that's bothering you? The fact that this is your first relationship since Steve?"
"No." I half lie. "Rejection sucks. It sucks hard."
"I would know nothing about that, seeing as I've never experienced a rich, gorgeous man pining over me."
I give her a disapproving look. "What Steve did to me was disgusting."
"I'm not denying that."
"Then what do you mean?" I ask, irritated.
She levels with me. "Well, what do you mean? What else aren't you telling me?"
My eyes go to my hands. "Alright. I'm afraid. Afraid that he's going to find out and give me the boot just like Steve did. There. I admitted it. He's a handsome, rich man, and I'm stupidly developing strong feelings for him, and I'm setting myself up for another fucking heartbreak."
Her eyes are what ground me. The way that my sister looks at me. You'd swear she's ten years my senior, but we're exactly the same age, less ten minutes on her side. "You're in love with him?"
"I'm headed there. I'm supposed to see him again tonight, but I'm going to cancel."
"Don't you dare!" She hisses.
"Why not? I mean, what's the point?"
"You're healing, Lark. That's the point. Think about it. You and Steve broke up, what, a year, a year and a half ago? And you wouldn't so much as look at another guy all this time. You're moving on. It's healthy, Lark. Don't break your date with him."
"What if he finds out?"
"So, what." Her tone is flat. "Not every guy is going to feel the same way."
"No, but rich, handsome ones will. And believe me, Stone is all that and more."
"Look, don't be na?ve. Just because Steve was a complete dick, a scumbag who deserves to die a long, painful death, that doesn’t mean that every other rich guy is going to be the same."
“But it’s like he’s too good to be true, you know? He’s gorgeous, he’s smart and rich, he’s a god in bed, and he really gets me. It’s like there are far too many things that are good about him, there has to be a flaw."
“Well, of course there's going to be a flaw, Lark. Nobody is perfect. But that doesn’t mean that his flaw is going to be the same flaw that Steve had. That’s all I’m saying."
“I just can’t go through that again. I never planned to meet Stone, and I certainly never planned to get involved with him, either. And, of course, I’ve told him that we can’t get involved because of Lucy. So, for all I know, this whole conversation is for nothing."
“Has he told you that he has feelings for you?"
“Not exactly. But he’s got that look in his eyes, Liv. I try not to look in them, in case it’s there, but it’s impossible. He has beautiful eyes. Everything about him is beautiful. I just can’t believe that I met someone that I can’t have."
“If you really feel that strongly about it, you should talk to Lucy.“
My eyes bulge. “Are you crazy? I’ll lose my job.
Do you have any idea how 'by the book' that woman is? She won’t even date a man that showed up at the office that she once had one hell of a crush on. She feels like the ship has sailed. She feels like she’s too old to pursue anything anymore, and her job comes first. She won’t understand this, and even though there is no written policy stating that you can’t date another colleague's client, I just know Lucy well enough to know that she will not take this well. "
Liv lifts a finger. “Wait a minute. You told me about this, remember? You told me that Lucy lectured you about losing out, about letting your life pass you by. You told me about this guy, is this the dude with the Tilley hat?"
My voice is a mutter. “I forgot I told you about that."
“Then, if she had this conversation with you already, Lark, I think she’ll be on board."
“It’s one thing to miss out on a lost love, it’s another thing entirely to sleep with a current client of hers. It's like comparing apples to oranges."
“Call a spade a spade. If you ask me, I think that as long as Stone continues to do business with Lucy, there’s no problem."
“I can’t guarantee that." I counter. "What if this thing all goes to hell? And he doesn’t want to do business with Lucy anymore, because he may see me at the office?"
“Then you’re risking it either way."
“That’s exactly my point." I say firmly. “I’ve already jeopardized my career, dammit." I rake a hand through my hair in frustration. “If I screw this up with Stone, I’ve already put my career at risk. There’s no denying it. What the hell was I thinking?"
She’s getting pissed off. “If you want to go around, thinking self-destructive things like that, thinking that you can’t live your life how you wish because you think that you might screw up your career by doing something human, you go right on ahead.
But I think that there is more to this than you’re letting on. "
Now I’m getting pissed off. “If you’re such an expert, then why don’t you tell me what you think is going on?"
“I think you’re just scared. You’re scared of starting something new, and you’re setting yourself up to ruin it.
It’s classic. I could kill Steve for what he did to you.
But you’re also to blame, because you refuse to get help.
Well, I’m here to tell you, that if you really have genuine feelings for this guy, and you feel like he does too, then you ending it, you’re risking much, much more.
You’re risking losing the love of your life, potentially.
You’re risking your own mental health, giving into those inner demons.
And that’s way worse than a stupid job."
That went a step too far. I grit my teeth. “It’s not a stupid job. It’s the best job and the best company that I’ve ever worked for."
“If it’s so goddamn wonderful, then why isn’t it letting you live your life? You said so yourself that there’s no written policy against relations with clients."
I’ve had enough of this. I feel like we're going in circles. I rise out of my chair, and leave my salad, which I’ve only taken three bites out of. “You don’t understand. You are self-employed. You don’t have anyone to answer to."
“That’s a cop out and you know it."
My nostrils flare. “Just shove it."
I don’t speak to Liv again, until it’s too late.