Chapter 10 #2
“Not all doctors do. There are a number of factors involved. For now, why don't you think about it. I’ll send you for an ultrasound and I’ll give you a prescription for some prenatal vitamins, so that first we know how far along you are, and how much time you have before you need to make a decision. "
I take a deep breath.
“Do you need a moment alone? I don’t want you getting back into your car upset."
“No, I’m fine. I just need some time. A lot of time."
“Give me a minute. Sometimes the ultrasound lab has a cancellation, especially first thing in the morning."
I feel numb as she leaves. A few moments later, she returns.
“It's you’re lucky day. You’ll have to drink a couple of bottles of water, but they do have an opening in an hour, if you want it.
It’ll at least put your mind at ease, knowing exactly how much time you have before you have to make a choice. ”
“I really appreciate it, doctor. Thank you so much.”
“Good luck.” She says with a tentative smile.
I sit on a bench just outside the lab, drinking water, feeling completely numb, and yet a small part of me wants to go back in time and punch Steve in the face.
Another small part of me wants to puff my chest out with pride.
It's stupid, I know, because how many women out there get pregnant by accident, right?
But the pride part comes from the fact that I was once dumped because of the assumption that I was the fertility problem.
Yet again, the fear, it's also in there.
Fear for losing my job, not only because Lucy is going to know that I had an affair with her client, but also because I'm going to have a baby, and that means that her and my boss are going to look at me differently.
They're going to look at me and think that I'll need special treatment.
And finally, the fear that Stone doesn't want to have children, and worse, that he doesn't want to see me anymore, because I'm pregnant with his unwanted child.
That's when I start to think do I even want this child?
My mind rewinds back to Dr. Allen. So many women can't have babies.
There was a time when I also thought that I couldn't. And now that I know that I can, I'm not sure if I want to squander that gift, even if it means losing everything else that means something to me.
It's such a difficult choice to make. And as I'm called into the office, to have cold gel squeezed on my belly, it all stops.
The racing mind, the constant worry, the unending thoughts, when the baby's heartbeat fills the room.
It's surreal. It's foreign, and it takes me a moment to realize that that sound is coming from inside me.
It's my living, breathing, developing baby, that I made with Stone.
"You're about seven weeks, almost eight weeks along, by the size of the fetus. "
I give the technician a look, wanting badly to correct her.
That's not a fetus, that's my baby. But I stop myself.
Because inside my head I realize that I just defended my child.
It might have been all inside my head, but I defended it.
The thought confuses me. Part of me wants to want this baby, but I'm not ready to admit it yet.
I'm not ready to believe that I could be a mother and still have all the things that I want in life.
All the things that I already have that I love.
The lump in my throat is almost too much to bear, and she has the grace to turn her back, while I try to compose myself.
She hands me a sheaf of paper with the image of my child in my belly, and I leave.
The air conditioning has blasted on and off a dozen times as I sit in my car, staring at the photograph.
My thoughts are interrupted as my phone pings with a text message.
It's one of my clients, telling me that they want to see a property, and while I did call in sick to the office, there is no such thing as taking a day off when you're a realtor.
Deciding that my best course of action for today is to divert my thoughts to something else, I drive myself home, shower again, and choose a blouse with a comfortable shelf bra, instead of my all too tight undergarment.
"At least now I know why." I tell myself, trying to reconcile the fact that at least I'm healthy, and there is now an explanation for the strange physical changes that I was trying to dismiss.
I'm driving to meet a client at a property, when I look at my current listings, and see that I'm missing one.
"What the fuck?" I whisper to myself, thinking that maybe the site is glitched.
I try refreshing it. It's still showing one less property.
Scrolling through the listed properties, I see the one that's missing.
It's been there for so long now, I almost ignore it.
It's the listing with the slanted addition.
It's gone. It's not even showing as 'sold', it's just gone.
I refresh it again, and now it shows as 'sold'.
"Something is wrong with the site." I say to myself, looking up Lucy's number.
She doesn't answer, and as I pull up to the property where I'm meeting my client, I try her again.
Still no answer. This is the first time I've ever called the woman and didn't get an answer.
As I continue driving, I hear a ping on my phone, and thinking that it's Lucy, I look over, only to see that it's Stone.
He's asking if I can meet him at the location where he's waiting to complete a deal.
Where his next hotel is going to be built, but he and Lucy are waiting for clearance.
It's also where I took him the first day that we met.
I confirm that I can meet him there, since it's on the way to where I need to meet my client.
When I arrive, I see his truck parked by a sign that now says 'sold'. I smile for him.
"Congratulations." I call out, as he walks towards me, ankle deep in uncut grass.
"Thanks. Lucy and I just got word earlier. I wanted to tell you the good news myself."
He approaches and hugs me tight. "How are you." He asks, kissing me on the head. There is nobody else around. The area is completely desolate, since the whole lot is totally unaccounted for until now.
"I'm good. Been busy, just like you. How are you?"
"Fantastic now. It's like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. It always feels like that for me when I'm starting a new project. Once the deal goes through, it's all happening, the part I love the most."
"That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you." And I am. I know what it's like to have things come together for you in the professional world. That's exactly how I felt when I got my first sale, and then later, when I got my first sale working at this realty company.
He looks at me. The look is still in his eyes. Part of me is so relieved, yet another part of me is worried that I may never see that look again, when he finds out.
"Come for a quick drive with me?" He asks.
"I have to meet with a client in a half an hour."
"It won't take more than ten minutes."
"Okay."
"We'll take my truck. Leave your car here."
I'm confused, but I go along with him. "Okay."
I get into his truck, and his hand immediately slips into mine.
I never knew how much comfort just one simple gesture could bring me.
I grasp his hand tighter, because it feels so good to feel his touch again, no matter in what capacity.
Going one step further, he lifts my hand and kisses it, as if by rote.
As if he’s done it a thousand times before.
He has no idea, but it means the world to me.
Unconsciously, my hand goes to my belly.
My mind begins to wander, as I start to picture various scenarios, like Stone walking away from me, or him embracing me tightly at the news.
I also picture my boss pointing towards the door, but I also picture Lucy hugging me.
None of it seems rational. None of it seems real.
All I know is that as I sit here in Stone's truck with him, I feel a strange sense of home, coupled with a sense of fear. A fear of losing this feeling.
I don’t even realize it until we pull up to a lot.
I look over and I see it. It’s the house with the crooked addition, and a 'for sale' sign on a stake, sitting on the front lawn.
Only the 'for sale' sign now has that sought after 'sold' bar attached to the bottom.
My mouth is half open, as I wonder if maybe my career has already been pulled out from under my feet.
How can it be sold, yet I am unaware? “What the hell is going on?” I ask him, recognizing the panic in my voice.
Stone squeezes my hand. “My developers for the new property can save me a ton of money on the bill, so I bought this house. I wanted to surprise you, so I made Lucy promise not to tell you."
I blink twice. I’m staring at the 'sold' sign. “You bought it?"
He nods, searching my face. “Are you happy about that?"
I suddenly realize what this means. Not only does this mean that I can be rid of that asshole that gave me such a hard time in the sale of this property, but it also means that Stone may be doing this for more than just a new house. This may be a gesture towards me.
“I really liked this place when you first showed it to me. And to be honest with you, I was trying to figure out a way to make it work. It was just a bonus that everything fell into place as it did."
Suddenly, my mind goes into panic mode. If Stone approached Lucy about this, she’s no fool.
I start to worry that Lucy knows. Lucy knows that I’ve been having an affair with her client.
Regardless of the fact that he asked her not to tell me, as a surprise, I may be in very hot water over this.
The fact that she’s ignoring my calls, makes my hair stand on end.
“Take me back to my car, please. I'm going to be late to meet with my clients. "
“Are you okay?"
“I am fine. I just have so much work to do."
“ I know that Lucy was leaving all the paperwork for you, so you get your proper cut of it. So you don’t need to worry about that part."
I feel terrible, confused, scared, but most of all, I erased that look in the Stone's eyes. Now what’s left is worry. “It’s fine. I just remember that these clients, my new clients, they sometimes show up early. And I need to get back. We can talk about this later, okay?"
But we don’t end up talking about it later.
After a short conversation with my boss, I find myself on a plane to Paris, weaving a web of more lies.