Chapter 23
Knox
Taylor leans forward, planting his elbows on his knees as he sighs deeply.
“Why do you want me to stay in your room and not the guest room I stayed in last night?” he asks.
My answer is immediate because we’ve already been over this. “Because it has the bigger bed.”
“So, you can keep an eye on me without having to touch me?” he clarifies.
My brows knit together.
“No. So that when I spoon you, I’m not trying to keep you from falling off the bed at the same time.
Last night, my options were either sleep with my back against the literal wall or practically push you onto the floor, and while I managed to sleep quite deeply, I thought having a little more space might make it even better,” I explain.
“Oh,” he whispers. But then he rallies like he’s looking for any reason not to stay here again and asks, “Well, I heard you tell Hudson that I’m only in here because it’s connected to the bathroom.
You told him you were sleeping down the hall.
” Taylor breaks eye contact as he finishes his sentence.
“I’ve already done the whole relationship with a man who’s too afraid to tell the world he’s in a relationship with me too thing. I really don’t want to do it again.”
His words make me sit up a little straighter.
“Is that what you thought I was doing? Hiding you because I’m embarrassed?”
“That’s what it sounded like.”
“Taylor, look at me,” I command. “I’m forty-five years old.
I was married to a woman for twenty of those years.
I never gave a single thought to gay men until my friends came out.
And I sure as fuck never thought about messing around with one until you and I met that night at the bar.
I didn’t tell Hudson I plan on sharing this bed with you because my friends are nosy fuckers who won’t give me a minute’s peace as soon as they find out we’re already sleeping together.
I just wanted a little more time to settle in to what this means for me before announcing it from the rooftops…
and trust me, my friends will announce it from literal rooftops. It’s a miracle they haven’t already.”
Taylor snorts a laugh like he thinks I’m kidding.
“Look, I’ve already talked to them about being attracted to you, and they saw my reaction to your injury.
They know something’s up, but until I say it out loud and give it a name, they’ll respect our privacy, but once the lid is blown off this thing, be prepared to gain five more brothers and a couple of sisters whose noses will be so far up our asses their sneezes will come out of our mouths. ”
Taylor groans. “I’m already maxed out on sibling drama.”
Unable to tolerate the distance anymore, I hold my hand out, beckoning him to me. “Please get back into bed.”
He stands. “Are we expecting any more visitors?”
“Not that I’m aware of,” I reply.
Instead of answering, Taylor gets completely naked and heads back toward the bathroom, once again leaving me astonished at his confidence. I mean, he should be confident. He’s fucking gorgeous. I’ve just never seen someone so comfortable putting themselves on display.
All I can do is stare.
I watch as he brushes his teeth and turns on the shower before flashing me a look. “I’m overdue,” he says. This time, when he laughs, another chain around my sad, guarded heart falls off.
I follow him into the bathroom. “I’ll stand watch in case you get lightheaded.”
“How much help can you be to me out here? If you’re trying to keep me safe, you should probably get in with me.”
I know Taylor won’t need me to take care of him like this all the time, but it’s been nice having someone to dote on.
Hell, just having someone else in my space has been nice.
Not being alone last night, not wasting time wondering what everyone else was doing, and just being occupied with my own life, worked wonders for my mental health.
“I’ll get to you in time,” I tell him, staying rooted to my spot. “You’re not supposed to spike your heart rate, and if I get in that shower with you, we both know how it’ll end.”
Taylor opens the glass shower door, wearing an oh really? expression. “And how’s that?” he asks playfully.
“Your head must be feeling better,” I deadpan.
“You know what?” he asks seriously. “It actually is.” Then, a delicious smirk pulls one corner of his mouth up. “The one that sits on my shoulders at least…but now, the other one is starting to ache something fierce.”
Taylor reaches for the shampoo, and I’m fucking awestruck at the way his muscles dance and move as he lathers his hair. He lets out a groan of pleasure as he trails his soapy hands over his body.
His wonderfully hard, smooth body.
Wow, I’m really stepping into this gay thing. Or maybe I’d be bi since I was married to a woman?
“Hey, Tay?” I ask, the nickname rolling off my tongue easily.
“Mmhm?” he hums, rinsing his hands of shampoo before lathering up with the bar of soap.
“Am I gay or bi? And what are the other words? Twinky is one of them, right?”
The look he flashes me tells me I got something wrong, but before I can be too self-conscious about it, he bursts into laughter.
“The term is twink, but why are you so eager to put everyone in a box?” He rinses his body before stepping out of the shower and into the towel I’m holding up for him.
“I’m not, I’m just trying to understand who I am,” I argue, rubbing another towel over his wet hair as he turns to face me and puts his hands on my chest.
“Who you are is Knox Bennett. Contractor extraordinaire. You’re a forty-five-year-old divorcé who lives in suburbia for some ungodly reason.
You have a pack of meddling friends, an affinity for bourbon, and you’re repairing a broken heart with a person you find attractive and utterly irresistible.
” He flashes me another wink. “That’s who you are.
The fact that I’m a guy doesn’t change any of that. ”
His words make me want to pull him close, so I do.
He mumbles his next question into my chest. “You’ve gotta tell me what you want this to look like, though. I tend to fall hard and fast, and I’m more than happy to see where this goes, but I need to know the expectations here. My heart won’t survive another break like the last one.”
I squeeze him tighter. “I hate that guy for hurting you, but I’m also thankful for any role he played in driving you to me.”
It’s too early for confessions like that, but fuck it. If I’m in, I’m in. And being in Taylor’s presence makes breathing easier. He’s a light shining into all my dark corners.
Let me be what you need in this moment.
I think I’m ready to find out exactly what that is.
“Are you hungry?” I ask him.
“Still not too much, but the pounding in my head is only a dull ache when I stand now.”
“Do you want to get into bed or—”
“Bed,” he says, interrupting me. “Definitely bed.”
My lips split into a smile, the movement using muscles that are sorely out of shape.
“Fine, but we aren’t doing anything more than talking and cuddling.
I want to know all about you. What are you most excited about in life?
What’s your happiest memory? Tell me what it’s like to be a twin, and, uh,” I pause at the awkwardness of the next question.
Even though Taylor’s an adult, he’s obviously close with his family, and his parents trusted me to do a job at their home.
I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be happy to know I’ve been doing things to their son as well.
“Do you think Livvy’s told your parents that you’re here? ”
“No,” is all he says.
Taylor lets the towel around his body fall to the floor, and I get the feeling it’s to distract me from talking about his parents, but I allow it to work anyway. Especially when he snakes an arm around my neck and stands on his tiptoes so his mouth is only an inch from mine.
“Why do you have so many clothes on?” he asks.
“Because you’ll get too worked up if I take them off,” I reply, dropping the towel from his head and linking my fingers behind his naked back, pulling him flush against me.
Staring down into his eyes, the rest of the world disappears.
Anything that was previously on my mind fades into the background and completely ceases to exist. His eyes aren’t a brilliant green like Phoenix’s or icy blue like Dylan’s.
But they hold all of Taylor’s emotions, his intelligence, his fire, and his confidence.
My gaze lowers to his lips.
“Take,” he whispers, urging me to close the gap between us.
So I do.
Slowly, I explore his mouth, the way our tongues tangle, the way he kisses with his whole self. Kissing Taylor isn’t just a kiss. It’s a religious experience, a call to arms, a declaration of humanity’s ability to love, persevere, and survive. And I never want it to end.
Until he starts grinding his cock into me.
Not wanting to send his health in the wrong direction, I pull away from him, leading him toward the bed.
Two hours later, I’m hoarse from talking so much. I don’t think I’ve said this many words in the last two years combined.
Tay’s still naked, and I gave in, letting him strip me down to my boxers. But those had to stay on because he wouldn’t stop touching my dick, and he’s not supposed to be getting all worked up.
Now, his fingers are combing through my chest hair as he slowly rolls his hips, dragging his cock along my thigh.
“Behave,” I warn, reaching down to pinch his ass cheek, the gesture feeling oddly natural.
“But it’s so hard,” he whines, and I know he’s not talking about behaving.
I place my hand on his hip to still his movements and he immediately tries to move it lower. “Can you just hold me? I’ll try to be still. Just please, at least put your hands on me.”
“I am holding you,” I point out even as I let him guide my hand where he wants it.
“I mean, hold me here.” He wraps my hand around his balls and lets out a sigh.
They’re warm and heavy in my hand, and they’re different from my own—not that I spend much time fondling my balls, but a man knows his own sac pretty well.
I expected this to feel a lot weirder than it does.
But here I am, mesmerized like a kid watching the fireworks show at Disney. I fucking love fireworks.
I roll them gently in my hand. Tug on them. Give them a little squeeze.
“If you were planning on telling me you’re not going to make me come, you can fuck right off with that.” Taylor’s voice is strained, but it’s also the strongest I’ve heard it since the accident.
“What if it sends you backwards and you can’t leave on Monday?” I ask as the diabolically selfish thought occurs to me. Maybe I can keep him here with orgasms. I’ll make him so dizzy from coming, he won’t even remember he’s supposed to leave me.
“I won’t be going anywhere but six feet underground if you don’t get me off. My heart rate is already climbing, dumping adrenaline into my system. You might as well give me a release, Knox. I’m going to pay for it either way now.”
Well, in that case…
“Can I…try something?” I ask with a little hesitation, trying my hardest to push thoughts of his imminent departure out of my mind.
“You can literally do any-fucking-thing to me that you want,” he pants.
I’ve never held another man’s dick, let alone put one in my mouth. But unraveling him like this makes me want to try something new. The last time I tried something new, it landed me in Taylor’s orbit, so maybe the guys were right. Change is necessary for growth.
I slide out of his arms.
“Where are you going?” He panics until I move between his legs and bring my eyes up to meet his. “Oh, holy fucking shit. You really don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”
So much for not spiking his heart rate.
“Only one way to find out,” I tell him, pretty sure I want to do this. “I’m sorry if I’m not good at it, but I—”
“Please shut up and put my dick in your mouth. It’s already the best blowjob I’ve ever had.”
I snort because I know he’s lying, but I appreciate his enthusiasm anyway.
Lying down on my stomach, I take a second to let my brain catch up to my body. I’m trying to navigate my way through this while fighting against nerves and lust.
I run my hands over his abs before tracing the lines at his hips with my index fingers. I follow them all the way to his cock before wrapping a hand around it and tugging once.
“Ungh,” he groans, pushing upward, straining to reach my mouth.
I watch with rapt attention as pre-cum beads at his tip. Still holding on, I run my tongue over his cockhead, reveling in his sweet flavor. He shudders beneath my touch, his fingers twisting in my hair, pushing me down.
“Do that again. Fuck, Knox. Do it again,” he pleads.
I obey, taking another swipe, and am rewarded with the most delicious sounds and another burst of flavor on my tongue.
My sexual history isn’t long. In fact, it contains a whopping total of three women.
Even still, not one of those partners—including the one I was married to—has ever been this responsive, needy, or desperate for me to touch them.
And fuck if it doesn’t make me want to rock his world.
Finally done with the teasing, I remove my right hand from his dick and grab a hold of his balls again as I pull his rigid cock into my mouth. Taylor and I groan at the same time. Mine is a wordless vibration. His is my name.
“Knox…fuuuuck, yes.”
I smile and begin to really get into it. It’s not long before I have to adjust the angle—this isn’t a motion my neck is used to. I sit back on my heels and lean forward so I can bob up and down more than back and forth.
I really have no clue what I’m doing, but Taylor seems into it.
The way his body tenses and his muscles tighten with certain motions and speeds clues me in to what he likes, and I focus on those. He doesn’t play coy, try to push me off, or worry about smells, sounds, or tastes. He just lies back and enjoys it, giving in to the pleasure.
And fuck if it’s not the hottest thing I’ve ever witnessed.
I can tell when he starts to get close because his groans become staccato whimpers, so I pull off his cock.
I’m not ready for this to be over.