Chapter 25 Knox
Knox
My phone rings, so I put it on silent mode only for it to begin buzzing a minute later.
It’s the weekend. I’m not working today, and I don’t have plans with the guys.
It’s the first time in a long time that I’m exactly where I want to be and I’m not concerned with trying to stay busy to fight my loneliness.
For once, I don’t care what the guys are doing or what’s happening at the fire station.
With Taylor in my arms, nothing is more important right now so I reach over and turn the damn thing off.
I drift back to sleep, warm and happy, pulling Taylor close and loving how he burrows into me, his fingers threading through my chest hair even in his sleep.
Sometime later, I’m woken up by someone beating on my front door. Begrudgingly, I slide away from Taylor’s warm body, slip into my discarded pants from the night before, and head toward the obnoxious pounding.
I swear to God, if Phoenix is on the other side of…
“Oh, shit.”
If I’d thought my world had tilted on its axis the night Karen called, it has nothing on seeing her standing on my doorstep.
Subconsciously, I rub a hand over my bare chest, feeling a little smug that she follows the movement across my pecs until her eyes land on the tender spot under my fingers.
Taylor’s hickey and bite mark.
Her eyes coast back up to mine, and I feel the need to apologize.
Not for the mark.
For missing coffee.
“Karen, hi. I’m sorry, I completely forgot about our meeting.” I almost add it’s nice to see you because manners are sort of my thing, but I stop myself. I may have forgotten about coffee, but she forgot our wedding vows, so I let the nicety die on my tongue.
She looks…unchanged. Actually, she looks less happy than I remember.
She used to have beautiful, silky brown hair, and it’s now dull, no doubt damaged from numerous flat irons over the years.
Her makeup is thicker, obviously trying to hide the signs of aging.
And her mouth is set in a scowl, making her look even older.
“Obviously,” she says with a tight smile, thrusting a paper coffee cup at me. “Still take it black?”
Apparently, these days, I like a little cream with things.
The humorous thought is so unexpected, I cough to hide my grin.
“Hmhm. Uh, yeah. Thanks.”
This is one of the strangest moments I’ve ever had in my life. It feels like the sky should split open. Lightning should strike the doorstep where she’s standing. The ground should shake.
Something.
But as she and I face off, the moment is lacking. Looking down at her now, this woman I once loved…this woman I’d convinced myself was my everything and whose absence I’ve been paralyzed by for years…I find myself simply wondering why I’d been so devastated.
Why did I allow it to break me?
Why have I missed her?
Why did I never notice the lack of a spark, passion, and desire?
Karen stands there, unblinking, looking at me expectantly, and that’s when I realize she wants me to invite her in.
I meant what I told Taylor. I would never hide him.
If I’m embarrassed by him, then I don’t need to be going down this road at all.
But there’s a big difference in accepting myself in private, accepting myself in the safety-net of my friends, then strangers, and finally, at the tippy-top of the pyramid—like so far up, I never expected to have to do it—is accepting this part of myself in front of my ex-wife.
I’ve barely made it through the first phase, let alone rushing into the fourth.
Although, I must admit, the crisis of being face-to-face with Karen is not as overwhelming as it could’ve been, while the prospect of my…boyfriend? Fuck buddy? Friend with benefits?...walking in on this meeting looms overhead.
My silence must clue Karen in to my discomfort because she says, “I’ll only be here a minute.” Her eyes travel to the bite mark on my chest before coming back up to my eyes. “I’d hate to keep you from your company.”
How had I missed the condescending tone while we were married?
Or had I missed it? Maybe I’d just accepted it because things were easier that way.
I’d made vows, and I was prepared to see them through, even when it became clear Karen was in love with the financial security I could provide more than she was with me.
I was the plan, but my money and responsible nature were the prize.
Keeping my tone as neutral as I can manage, I respond to put her in her place. “You will refrain from making any comments about my company should they make an appearance.”
“They? As in more than one?” She asks in a judgmental tone while cocking a brow in surprise.
I ignore the comment, allowing her to believe her own assumptions. I don’t feel the need to out myself unnecessarily to Karen, of all people.
“Need I remind you, you left me, Karen. You walked out on our marriage. Not me. How I’ve chosen to heal and move on is none of your business.
” I could stop there, but I’m on a roll and it seems I’ve got quite a few things on my chest that I’d like to get off.
“I’m sorry I forgot about our meeting, but it’s extremely inappropriate for you to show up here. ”
Jake would be so proud of me, I think to myself.
Not backing down, Karen pulls a folder out from under her arm and holds it up. “Then let’s make this quick.”
Finally, I take a step back from the door so she can come inside.
She goes straight to the kitchen table and pulls out the chair she always sat in. It’s surreal seeing her in this space again. For so long, it’s all I wanted. Now that she’s here, interfering with my peace, I’m ready for her to go.
At least I’m getting closure.
She opens the folder and starts spreading pages out in front of the chair next to her.
“I’ve made you a copy. If you sign these sixteen sheets, it’ll take your name off the deed. I’ve paid the property taxes for the last five years, so there’s no payout coming to you or anything.”
I choose to take a seat across the table from her and start pulling pages to me one by one, reading them over. I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her.
She rolls her eyes. “You could have just sat here. I don’t bite.” Her eyes flit back to my chest. “But maybe I should have. Seems you’re into that.”
I smack the pen down on the table and stand.
“Where are you going? This is awkward enough for both of us. Just sign the damn papers, Knox.”
“I’m going to grab a shirt.”
Entering my room, I check on a sleeping Taylor and plant a kiss on his cheek, hoping to draw from his strength before I rip a T-shirt from my closet and pull it over my head.
Returning to my seat at the table, I pick up where I left off.
After five minutes, I’ve only made it through three pages, which apparently isn’t fast enough for her Highness as she begins tapping her foot.
I’d love nothing more than to just sign this shit and send her on her way, but for all I know, the fine print in here has me agreeing to give her half my business or retirement accounts.
Half an hour later, I’m on page eleven of sixteen when I hear my name being called from the bedroom.
“Knox?”
Taylor’s body may occasionally be covered in makeup, satin, and rhinestones, but his voice is unmistakably male.
Karen’s head whips toward me, and I have to stifle a laugh over this whole situation. This is so far from anything I imagined going down on a random Saturday that it’s beyond comical.
Perhaps I’m in shock. Maybe seeing Karen again has sent me for such a loop that I’m losing my marbles at this table. Hell, maybe I’ve already lost them. Maybe that’s why I spent the morning hours with my dick wedged between the ass cheeks of the twenty-four-year-old guy currently calling my name.
But thoughts of Taylor make my chest tighten, and suddenly, this isn’t so funny anymore. I may have lost my mind, but I’ve found something better.
Is that crazy? Maybe.
Unhealthy? Probably.
Do I care? Not really.
I stare into Karen’s cold eyes as I answer Taylor. “In the kitchen, Tay. We have company,” I add, just to make sure he at least covers his dick before coming into view.
I’m not entirely sure I’d consider wearing a pair of my boxers as being clothed since my waist is much bigger than his and the waistband hangs dangerously low on his hips, but his dick isn’t visible, so I’m calling it a win.
“Karen, this is Taylor. Taylor, Karen.” I keep the introduction short and go back to reading, assuming Taylor will help himself to the coffee in the pot and whatever he wants for breakfast.
Instead, he stammers through a greeting and tries to leave.
“Tay!” I bark. “Coffee’s ready. Aren’t you hungry? You’ve barely eaten since Thursday.”
His eyes bounce back and forth like he’s trying to gauge how I’m playing this.
Although I may not be ready to send out postcards announcing everything we’re doing together, I’m also not fucked up enough to ask him to closet himself for my comfort.
Despite already deciding I wasn’t going to hide Taylor, the smug look on Karen’s face as she watches this unfold—like she’s waiting for me to lie—makes me want the truth out there even more.
“Oh, uh, I can grab some coffee when you’re done. Um, thanks for letting me crash in your guest room last night.” He starts to turn down the hall until I stop him.
“Taylor,” I say sharply. “You weren’t in my guest room last night. You were in my bed, where you fucking belong. Now get your coffee.” Hell, if I can out myself to Karen, I can take on anyone. “When I wrap this up, we’ll move our lunch date to breakfast. Give me twenty minutes.”
The look on Taylor’s face goes from unsure to downright filthy, flirty, and devious. I’m glad to see his normal demeanor return as he reaches into the cabinet for a mug, taking mine and Karen’s attention with him.
He’s honestly so fucking gorgeous it hurts.
When he stands on his toes, it pushes his ass out and accentuates the taper of his waist. It takes everything in me not to utter the words I’m thinking to my ex. Bet my guy is a fuck-ton hotter than yours.
Turning around with a full mug of fresh coffee, Taylor plants one hand behind him on the counter, his fingers wrapping over the edge. “Whatever you want, Daddy. Oh, and it was nice meeting you, Kathy.” He pushes off the counter and saunters back to my room.
I snort at his blatant misuse of her name…and my balls tingle when he calls me Daddy. I know he’s doing it purely to be a brat, but I’m shocked by how much I like it.
The last time someone called me that, I was at a club with Jake, Dylan, Hudson, and Phoenix. It was a girl, probably close to Taylor’s age, and it made my skin crawl. Hearing it come from Taylor’s sinful lips just now, though? Well, I’m going to have to stay seated for a while.
Taylor’s ability to add levity to this terrible situation makes me realize I was so angry and heartbroken over Karen’s departure because it made me feel like a failure.
As though I didn’t measure up. I had let her down in some way, and it was my responsibility to shoulder our divorce.
But being around Taylor has helped me see the problem was never with me.
I suppose I’ve been missing the life she and I had created more than actually missing her. Just like looking back, it’s easy to see that she was in love with the stability and security I provided more than she was in love with me.
Suddenly, I’m not so angry about it all anymore. Life’s hard. We were just doing the best we could with what we had.
Karen’s accusatory tone breaks me free from my epiphany. “So, you’re gay now? And was that kid even eighteen?”
I hear the door to my bedroom close down the hallway as fury flashes through me. Just because I’ve just reached some kind of understanding and peace with Karen leaving, doesn’t mean I’ll let her walk all over me or abuse my character.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but these days, I view sexuality as being on a spectrum,” I say, reciting Taylor’s explanation from last night. “And he’s an adult, capable of making his own decisions. Hell, he’s a lot smarter than I am.”
The look of disgust on her face tells me she obviously doesn’t agree with anything I’ve said. But she doesn’t have to.
I finish reading the paperwork, sign all the pages, and hand her copy to her as I escort her out.
“At least I get to say goodbye this time.” It’s half joke, half truth.
“Knox, I—”
“Save it,” I say, cutting her off. “I’m no longer interested in hearing your excuses for why you denied me the decency of a conversation before leaving me high and dry after twenty years of marriage, Karen. You made your choices, and now I’m making mine. Let’s just leave it there.”
She nods, and I close the door, waiting for the trauma to hit.
But it doesn’t.
If Taylor hadn’t been here, this visit would’ve killed me.
If I’d been alone when Karen had come knocking, if I’d had to face her happily ever after while being denied mine, it would have been more than I could bear.
It’s far too soon to be picturing a future with Taylor—because what the fuck would that look like—but as it turns out, even without being able to tell him what it was, he was exactly what I needed in this moment.
He was here.
He was present when it mattered the most. And not out of pity or obligation.
For some inexplicable reason, Taylor wants me.
Perhaps Phoenix was right. Maybe not every relationship is meant to be long term. Maybe Taylor was always meant to be temporary or meant just for this moment right here. But as soon as I have the thought, something ugly and possessive unfurls inside me.
No, he and I aren’t done yet.