Chapter 29 Knox
Knox
“What the hell are you wearing?” I ask when Taylor makes his way into the living room. I’ve been ready for half an hour, but he needed more time.
He looks down at his jeans and button-up shirt.
“Too formal?” he asks, sounding unsure of himself.
“No. I mean, you look great, but you also look so…” I trail off while I search for the right word, finally settling on “uncomfortable.”
Taylor gives me a tight smile. “Not uncomfortable. Just want to make a good impression.”
My head cocks to the side while I try to understand the words coming from his mouth.
I move toward him, unable to stay away any longer.
“Let me be very clear,” I tell him, cupping his face. “I don’t care what my friends think. They’re just happy that I’m happy, and I want you to show up exactly as yourself, not who you think they want to see.” I smooth the longer strands of his hair away from his left eye and lean down to kiss him.
He kisses me back, but barely.
“Tay, we aren’t leaving this house until you tell me what’s got you in a funk,” I tell him.
He blows out a heavy sigh, and I have a feeling I’m not going to like what comes next.
“I’m just nervous. The last time my boyfriend’s family found out about me, it ended in a disaster, and my own family still hasn’t recovered.”
There are so many times when Taylor’s large personality makes me forget he can be vulnerable, too. That he has a past that’s cut him as deeply as mine.
Oddly, it doesn’t bother me like it did at the very beginning. Yes, he’s young, but he’s Taylor. He lives out loud, and he makes me smile. He’s certainly taught me that sexuality is just a suggestion and age is just a number.
I sit on the arm of my couch and pull him between my legs.
Even sadness looks good on him.
“Hey,” I say, gripping his hips. “It’s not the same. You’re not forcing me to be here. You didn’t con me into this, and I don’t believe you conned him either. I think he was a coward put in a tough position, and he made the wrong choice.”
“But I did force you into this, didn’t I?” he asks, his arms hanging limply at his sides instead of touching me. “I wouldn’t back off even when you told me to. I purposely put myself in your path and forced you to interact with me.”
I can’t help the smile spreading across my face. “Taylor Landry, are you telling me you got thrown from that jet ski on purpose so that I’d take care of you?”
“What? No!” he cries indignantly.
“Baby, relax. I’m just teasing. I know you didn’t. Yes, you pushed a little hard, but Tay, I needed that push.”
I can’t explain how his presence in my life pulled me back from the brink of despair.
He’s given me a sense of purpose and a place to focus my protective nature and my need to nurture.
I have so much knowledge about life that I can share with him in return for the energy, joy, and spontaneity he gives me.
“Look,” I continue. “There’s no pressure tonight.
I want you to wear what you want, say what you want, and act how you want.
I just want you there. I want my worlds to collide.
My friends are obnoxious as fuck, but they’re good guys.
I’m not going to deny what we are. I’m not going to push you away in front of them. I’m not Patrick.”
Taylor’s jaw clenches as his ex-lover’s name falls from my lips, and I can see the pain in his eyes.
It makes me irate to know he’s still hurting over that jackass.
“I feel like such an asshole,” Taylor finally says.
“Why?”
“Because I think I was unintentionally using you to distract myself while I was stuck at home.” His words shock me, but not as much as the tears he’s trying to prevent from spilling over onto his cheeks.
“I want to do this with you, but I’m afraid.
You once called me brave for living the way I do, but you’re the brave one.
You’ve just embraced all of this so easily.
You were beautifully unexpected, and now I feel like I fucked up because watching you heal has made me realize I’m still broken. ”
My fucking heart stops in my chest as his first tear escapes and rolls down his face. Crushing him to me, I rub his back and talk into his hair.
“Baby, it’s okay to be broken. I’ll help put you back together.
I’ve had five years to hurt, to be angry and numb.
Your timeline is much different. On one of the worst nights of my life, you told me, It’s okay to hurt…
to be mad…to be sad. It doesn’t make you weak, and even if it did, it’s okay to let someone else be the strong one every now and then.
So, now it’s my turn to be the strong one. ”
Taylor’s body wracks with a sob as he presses deeper into my neck, his tears soaking my skin.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I’m so tired of being upset over the whole thing, but I lost so more than just Patrick that night.”
I push Taylor back by the shoulders so I can kiss his cheeks, drinking in his salty tears.
“You don’t have to apologize. I want to help you through this if you’ll let me.”
He sniffles and nods.
“Good. I know your outfits often reflect your mood, and you’re in no mood to party, but would you rather wear something less stuffy?” I ask with a smile, bringing my hands to the buttons on his shirt.
He gives me another nod and allows me to open all the buttons and push the shirt off his shoulders.
Unable to stop myself, I lean forward and plant kisses on his pecs, his sternum, and trail my wet tongue across his abs, finally taking a deep breath when his hands move to my hair and I pull him into the moment with me.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I remind him.
“Are you sure we have to go tonight?” he asks. There’s a hint of playfulness back in his tone, and it feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest.
“Yes, but we can leave right after dinner.”
“Fiiiiiine,” he says dramatically. “Let me go change.”
I swat his ass as he turns toward our room.
Our room?
Yeah, I’ve got it bad for this fucker, but for once, I’m just going with it. It’s unpredictable, unstable, and unconventional…all things I tend to avoid.
But when Taylor comes back into the living room, his button-up having been replaced by a boho-style sweater that matches the colors of the painting we made earlier today, with sequins woven into the fabric, I know I don’t want to avoid those things anymore.
He’s put on light blue eyeshadow that’s subtle against his eye liner, his hair is back to hanging over one eye, and he has a smattering of stick-on, light blue rhinestones on his cheeks.
“I can’t wait to get you home and peel you out of these clothes,” I growl in his ear.
He chuckles. “I might have something on underneath that I think you’ll like very much.”
I jerk back, my hands flying to the button on his jeans. “Let me see before we go!” I shout, making Taylor laugh as he bats my hands away.
“No! It’s more fun to make you wait.”
I’m so much bigger than him that it’s easy to grab him by the waist and trap him against me. I playfully tug at the waistband of his jeans, trying to pull it out far enough to see what he’s hiding.
His laughter grows, making me feel like I’m getting this thing right.
“Fun for who?” I ask as he continues to squirm in my arms.
“Me!” he chokes out, unable to catch his breath from laughing so hard as he twists his hips to break my hold.
I let him go, willing to play along if it keeps the smile on his face.
“Fine, but as soon as we get home, I’m ripping off whatever is under there…with my teeth,” I tell him as we head for my truck.
“Works for me!” he sings happily.
It doesn’t take long for my friends to swallow Taylor up once we arrive at Phoenix’s. They’re good-naturedly giving us a hard time about being fifteen minutes late, going straight to sex jokes, which thankfully, is a comfortable space for Tay, and he gives as good as he gets.
It’s not long before I hear Shannon ask, “Does anyone know when Cassie’s getting here? I’m way outnumbered by testosterone here.”
Jake teases back. “Shan, we’re all gay, which is basically like hanging out with a bunch of women.”
“Speak for yourself!” Dylan yells, clearly outraged.
“Yeah, Jake. My balls are offended,” Phoenix chimes in.
“And you know what happens when Phoe’s balls are offended,” says Walker, coming down the stairs of the wraparound front porch to kiss Phoenix.
Leaning into me, Taylor whispers, “This is your friend group, and you didn’t realize you might be into guys until you kissed me?”
Yeah, I knew Taylor might find them attractive. It’s a hazard of being friends with these idiots, but I try to put him at ease.
Pulling Tay into me, I kiss the side of his head. “Yes, this is my friend group, and they’re a bunch of asshats that I’ve never once thought of as anything other than my band of misfit brothers and best friends.”
Unfortunately, I say it loud enough to catch Phoenix’s attention.
“Except that time you did a body shot off Dylan,” Phoenix yells, laughing. “Admit it, you were definitely thinking naughty shit then.”
“Jesus, can you let that go already? It was months ago,” I grumble, uncomfortable that he’s bringing that afternoon up in front of my…boyfriend? “You made me do it. It’s not my fault you never learned how to properly do a body shot.”
“That wasn’t just a body shot,” Phoenix argues. “That was paying homage to every caramel-colored inch of our resident Mexican god.”
Dylan laughs, and the low, seductive sound draws our attention as he joins the group from God knows where. “Yeah, we should do that again,” he jokes.
“Holy shit,” Taylor whispers next to me.
Laying eyes on Dylan Ryder for the first time has that effect. I remember it well.
Dylan’s eyes connect with Taylor at his whispered reverence, and he offers a friendly smile. “Who’s this?”
I’d forgotten Dylan wasn’t on the boat with the rest of us the day Taylor was injured.
I do a quick introduction, and Taylor bats his lashes with zero shame.
“If you’re going to be doing body shots again,” Tay’s hand shoots in the air, “I volunteer as tribute.”
Before I can growl my displeasure at the idea, Jake appears at Dylan’s side, rubbing his hands together. “Hell yes. Payback.”
“Payback?” I screech. “You made me do it! How does that warrant payback?”
It’s Hudson who pipes up this time. “It doesn’t. They’re just using it as a way to lick your boyfriend because he’s hot.”
Under her breath, but loud enough for us to hear, Shannon throws her arms in the air. “Who knew I’d have to compete against six guys for my husband’s attention?”
Hudson laughs and grabs Shannon by the waist before kissing her deeply.
Phoenix is clearly stuck on the body shots as he yells, “I’m down! I’ll grab the tequila!”
I snap my gaze to his.
“You will only do that if you’re planning on meeting your Maker tonight, Phoenix Harding.” My arm instinctively wraps tighter around Taylor’s waist as he whispers in my ear.
“You know, I think possessive Knox is my favorite.”
Our moment earlier had part of me afraid I’ve been coming on too strong. Too out of practice in the dating scene to employ patience or caution the way I probably should considering how new this is.
The other part of me is afraid to admit my fragile, healing heart is in danger of falling for a guy half my age, currently in the throes of fighting his own demons, making me wonder if I’ll be enough this time.