Chapter 22
Rico
The air is charged.
If I’m being honest, there have been several times recently where Jesse and I have come close to doing more than making out.
Reining myself back in from that level of desire wasn’t always easy.
I did it, of course, because I could tell Jesse was hesitant about something.
I was very determined not to rush into anything and spoil it.
This has meant I’ve spent a considerable amount of time alone in the shower working off some steam, though.
If that’s what’s about to happen again now, I’ll back off immediately, no questions asked.
But it really doesn’t feel as if that’s the case.
Jesse’s desperation is palpable and I’m prepared to give him everything he wants and needs.
We’re long past the point of me worrying whether or not us getting involved is a bad idea or if starting a relationship might derail Jesse’s recovery.
We’re in love. And I am more than ready to explore that sexually.
“I really do love this sweater on you,” I mumble against his lips as I slide my fingers under the hem, just an inch. We’ve done a little of this kind of touching when we’ve made out, but we both know that anything further is going to be unchartered territory.
“I love that you love it on me,” he says back with a grin before his expression becomes more sincere.
“No one’s ever bothered to pay that much attention to me.
The fact that you notice…that you care…I love that it’s you, Rico.
You’ve always been the one who saw me. Is it completely cringe to say that I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for you? ”
I chuckle and shake my head, then kiss him deeply. “I hate that you were right in front of me this whole time,” I tell him with a sigh, pressing our foreheads together. “I’m sorry it took me so long to really see you.”
But he shakes his head against mine. “I think we had to wait for the right place and time. It never would have worked if we’d tried any earlier. I wasn’t ready. I would have ruined it all and you’d have ended up hating me.”
The idea of that kills me. I caress the side of his face and for a moment, we just gaze into each other’s eyes, the heat between us lowering to a simmer.
“I reckon I’d have ruined it, too,” I say truthfully.
“I wasn’t ready to let anyone in the way they deserved.
If it’s not too cringe, Jesse Silverman, I think I’ve spent my whole life waiting for you as well. ”
He grins and rubs our noses together. “How about we be cringe together? It can be our little secret.”
I know he’s only joking, but I hold him still and shake my head. “No more secrets. I want you to meet my friends. I want to go out on dates. And…I want to tell Adam everything.”
Jesse winces and chuckles weakly. “I’m probably good with that in theory. But can we just not talk about my brother right now?”
I laugh as well, and just like that we inch closer together again, the tension building between us once more. “We can do whatever you want, baby,” I purr, kissing my way along his jaw.
He quivers in my arms and starts tugging me toward the bed. “I want you,” he practically begs, pawing at my polo shirt. “I want you naked.”
I hum in amusement. “Really? And what would you like to do once I’m naked? Are you going to be naked as well?”
“Uhh.” He pauses with the backs of his legs against the mattress, looking up at me through his golden lashes. I don’t have much height on him, but in moments like these, the difference is enough to give me a protective, macho rush.
If he’ll let me, I want to take care of him in every way possible.
“We don’t have to do anything you’re not a hundred percent happy with,” I tell him, brushing a lock of blond hair back from his forehead. “But just so we’re clear, I’m almost certainly going to be extremely interested in anything you suggest right now.”
Jesse nods. “I trust you,” he says, and those words seep all the way down to my bones. I’m not sure there’s anything I want more than that.
Well, my dick has some ideas about what I’d quite like right now. But in fairness, that’s because of the trust.
“What do you want, Jesse?” I ask, trailing kisses against his neck and nibbling on his earlobe. “Do you want me to take your clothes off? Do you want me to make you come?”
“Oh, fuck,” he moans, clinging to the front of my shirt, his eyes screwed shut. “Yes, that. Rico, please.”
“Shh, it’s okay,” I say, hugging him to me and rocking him slightly back and forth.
I press our temples together and for a moment, we just breathe. His hard length is pressing against my thigh, so that assures me that he’s hopefully as turned on as I am. But I can’t help but feel like something else is also going on here.
“We don’t have to do anything too complicated,” I assure him. “It’s been a while for me. So I’m warning you now, I’m likely to come on a hair trigger.”
That gets a laugh out of him and he nods. “Me, too. Uh…I guess I haven’t…it’s been a long time since I had sex…sober. A very long time. I used to get so off my face it would feel like I wasn’t really in my body. I’m not sure how I’m going to react to…”
“Being fully present?” I suggest. He nods again, looking embarrassed.
“Hey, it’s totally fine. Thank you so much for telling me.
I think so long as we keep talking to each other about what we want or anything that worries us, we’ll be fine.
Great, actually.” I grin at him. “We can start simple. But I’m honored that I get to be with you when you’re completely in your mind, body and soul. ”
He blinks at me. “That’s so romantic,” he murmurs, then he takes a breath and swallows. “I trust you, Rico. I want to give you everything.”
“There’s no rush,” I remind him. “We don’t have to do everything today. We have all the time in the world.”
The look he gives me is nothing short of wonderous. Perhaps it’s occurring to him in this very moment that it’s not just about being married. I really want a relationship with him. And thanks to that legal technicality, we’re starting from a default of forever.
If I get to spend the rest of my life with this beautiful, talented, kind and thoughtful man, I’ll consider myself very lucky indeed.
“Can we just try…this?” Jesse asks, easing my polo shirt out of where it was tucked into my jeans.
“You mean…this?” I ask back, skimming my hands up his sides, feeling his soft, warm skin as I gently lift his sweater up with the backs of my hands.
Wordlessly, he lets go of me, allowing me to pull the garment over his head and drop it on the floor. Evening is drawing in, giving the room a more intimate feel. Hopefully, if the lighting is a little darker, that might help Jesse be less self-conscious.
I make short work of my shirt, then pull him back against me so we can kiss with our bare stomachs rubbing together.
The skin-on-skin contact is electrifying.
Damn, he smells so good. I just want to drink him all in.
I run my hands up and down his arms, loving how he trembles with pleasure against me.
My fingers drop lower and find his belt buckle.
I pause and raise my eyebrows questioningly at him, but he nods back without hesitation, reaching out for my pants in return.
Between us, we quickly loosen the belts and unzip, then I take the lead, stepping back and shoving my pants down, slipping my socks off as well so that I’m just left in my boxer-briefs.
There’s little left to the imagination from the bulge in my underwear, but something tells me we still need to take that last step carefully.
He watches as I kneel down in front of him and place my hands on either side of his hips, carefully beginning to ease his jeans down his thighs.
His chest rises and falls as he keeps his gaze trained on me, his hands resting on my shoulders.
I drag his pants all the way down to his ankles, then encourage him to step out of those as well as his socks.
Now we’re both in our underwear. Equal, the way I always want it to be.
“C’mere,” I murmur, taking his hand and pulling him down onto the mattress with me.
We kiss, legs tangled as he lays on my chest, one of my hands in his hair and the other clinging to his muscular back.
I feel him relax against me, melting into the embrace.
Although, it’s obvious that one part of his body at least is getting harder instead of softer.
He grinds against me, and I happily shift more on top so our throbbing lengths line up through our cotton briefs.
I can feel I’m leaking and I imagine he is as well.
“What do you want, Jesse?” I mumble against his lips.
He whimpers and digs his fingers into my skin, prompting me to think that this is one of those times he’d rather not have to make any decisions. “Do you want to come?”
“God, yes,” he moans, shivering in my arms as tears cling to his long lashes, eyes closed so they fan against his cheeks. “Rico, please touch me.”
“Like this?” I slide my hand between our bellies and under the waistband of his boxer-briefs. My fingers close around his red-hot, rock-hard shaft, and he hisses and gnashes his teeth in response.
I almost come myself at the mere sight of it.
“Yes, yes!” he wails.
I press our temples together and stroke him reverently, loving how he’s clinging to me like a life raft. “I’ve got you. It’s okay, baby. I want to do this together. Am I okay to take the rest of our clothes off?”
“Please, Rico, yes,” he gasps, immediately scrambling at his underwear.
But I still his hands. “Shh, relax,” I tell him, waiting until he lies back down again and takes a couple of breaths, his arms dropping by his sides. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” I say in disbelief, resting on my heels for a moment as I sweep my gaze up and down his body.