Chapter 28
Rico
“Penny for your thoughts?”
I blink and realize I’ve probably been staring at the ceiling of the bunk room for longer than I thought. I sit up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, and smile at Anton. He perches opposite on the bed next to mine. “Is everything okay?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Everything’s fine, Lieutenant. I just noticed you’ve been quiet the last couple of shifts and wanted to check in. I know finding those overdose victims rattled you a few days ago.”
I sigh and nod, not bothering to deny it.
My team deserves better than that. It’s generally frowned upon to follow up on the people we bring in, but there’s an unspoken rule that once in a while everyone needs a little extra closure.
Dr. Kidd over at San Clemente General owes me a favor and was kind enough to look into the three DOAs we brought in from that office fire.
It’s a small mercy, but the M.E. ruled that the heroin had killed them before the fire broke out. It’s still a shitty situation that gets me in my feels. But at least the team knows there wasn’t anything we could have done to save them.
“Yeah,” I tell Anton. “I’ve had a few things on my mind recently. That call really got me. I guess I’m just processing.”
He nods and slaps my knee. “If you ever want to talk, you know we’re here.” He goes to stand up, but I’m suddenly struck by a thought.
“Actually,” I say. He pauses and raises his eyebrows at me. “There is something I’ve been chewing over. I understand if you’d rather not talk about it, though.”
“Ask and we’ll find out,” he says, clasping his hands between his knees and giving me his full attention.
I appreciate him not blindly agreeing to help. This might be too close to home for him, and I’d hate it if he felt obliged to drag up his past if it makes him uncomfortable.
“I had a…tense conversation with my parents yesterday,” I begin explaining.
“We’ve never really had a good rapport and we’re not close.
But they were very disrespectful about Jesse and our relationship, and I eventually hung up.
I know they’re my parents and I shouldn’t give up on them, but I’m not sure how much I’m going to feel like talking to them unless they change their tune.
I guess I just wanted to talk to someone who might understand what that feels like, but only if you’d feel able. ”
Anton sighs and rubs his chin. “I appreciate your thoughtfulness, Lieutenant. Some people couldn’t imagine cutting ties with their parents, and I love that for them.
Those people would probably tell you to make nice and try and win your folks over.
But toxic is toxic and just because they gave birth to you or raised you doesn’t give them the right to abuse you.
So maybe this is a storm in a teacup, and they’ll realize they were dicks to you and apologize.
But if they aren’t going to respect the man you love, do you really want to subject yourself or him to that? ”
I shake my head. “I’d love it if they wanted to make amends.
But I feel like emotionally they walked away from me a long time ago.
” The squad doesn’t know the details about my sister’s death.
Only Captain Valentine does and whoever else has clearance to read my psych evaluation.
But luckily, Anton doesn’t pry any further into the specifics.
“It sounds like you know what you want,” he says to me. “If you need someone to give you permission, then I’ll happily do that for you.”
I chuckle ruefully. “I think I just want someone to agree that it’s kind of shitty and I’m okay to be sad for a while.”
“Oh,” he scoffs and nods. “I can also do that with bells on. You know, most days I just get on with life. I love my family so much. Rebecca is more remarkable to me every day. I got so lucky with Meagan, and Brent is like the brother I never had. And I guess you guys don’t suck.”
I give him the finger and he laughs.
“But then one day,” he continues, “something will remind me of my parents, and it’ll take me out like a truck.
Or my mom will post something to me or Becca even though she knows she’s not supposed to.
They act like they just want what’s best for me and her, but since that involves torturing me with conversion therapy—”
“Yeah, no, they can fuck right off,” I growl.
He smiles and leans over to briefly squeeze my knee.
“I doubt they’ll ever change,” he muses sadly.
“Especially my mom. She’s fanatical. Rebecca’s school knows the whole situation, but it wakes me up some nights thinking what if they forcibly try and take custody of her?
That doesn’t mean that I don’t grieve their loss, though.
It helps to remind myself that I don’t actually miss them, because they put me through hell.
What I miss is the idea of a relationship we never had but I worked so hard toward anyway.
I mourn the fantasy of them that never existed. ”
I nod, rolling his words over in my mind. “That makes a lot of sense,” I say. Is that what I’ve been chasing after since I was a teenager? The parents I so desperately wanted and needed, but never had? I rub my chest. “Urgh, why is life so hard?”
He laughs. “I know, right? This is why humans need to go on vacation regularly. Just stop and look at sunsets and pretty shit like that. Speaking of which, are you and Jesse thinking about a honeymoon? Maybe that’s what you need.”
To be honest, it hadn’t even occurred to me to book something like that. But seeing as Jesse’s recovery is going so well, perhaps we could consider it later this year.
I open my mouth to say as much when the tones sound and we both groan. “Thanks for the pep talk,” I say instead as we jump to our feet and run toward the rigs.
But then I catch the address and stumble to a halt, grabbing the wall to steady myself as my vision starts to white out.
“Lieutenant?” Anton cries in alarm.
I force my feet to start running again. “That’s my address.”
“What?” he cries, just as we enter the main garage area of the station. The lights are flashing as everyone runs to step into their turnouts.
“That’s my fucking address,” I yell, sprinting toward my gear. Shit, shit, shit!
Jesse.
Are Jesse and Klaus okay? Was it him that called 911? Is he already asleep?
I stumble as my breath catches. What if he’s asleep and has no idea?
What if the smoke has already reached him?
“Lieutenant,” Captain Valentine says in a warning tone. I glance around to see everyone looking my way.
“What are you all waiting for?” I roar. “You’re wasting precious seconds!”
The rest of the squad hop to it, but Julian marches over to me. “Are you sure you should be on this call?”
“Are you going to try and stop me?” I fire back, getting the last of my gear on.
The captain sighs and follows me onto the engine. “Okay, but you listen to my orders, understood? What I say, goes. If you fuck with me, I will physically remove you from the scene myself.”
“Yes, sir,” I say as the rigs tear out onto the street.
I know exactly how long it takes to drive from the station to my apartment, and with the sirens on at this time of night, we should get there a couple of minutes quicker. But it feels like it takes an eternity, and I spend the entire ride with my heart racing and my knee bouncing in agitation.
How can there be a fire at my building? What about the sprinklers? We don’t have those inside our apartments, but they’re in the corridors and I have an extinguisher that I made sure to show Jesse and explain how it works.
What could have started it? A kitchen accident? A candle? The building is supposed to be non-smoking but if someone broke the rules maybe they didn’t put a cigarette out properly?
It’s entirely possibly this is a contained incident, and Jesse and the other tenants are already waiting outside, probably being rounded up by Klaus. But as we finally make it to my block, my stomach plummets.
This isn’t a small fire.
“Holy shit,” Sawyer mutters as we all peer out the windows. My building is only six stories high, but the flames have climbed almost to the roof and are clearly spreading from the main stairwell.
Why aren’t the sprinklers holding it back?
It doesn’t matter what started it or why it’s accelerating like that. We’re here and it’s our job to put it out as fast as possible. According to Dispatch, the One-Two-Two and other stations are coming from San Clemente to assist.
To say I’m grateful would be an understatement.
“Thirty seconds out!” Gene yells from the driver’s seat.
“Okay, One-Thirteen,” the captain calls out over the com system.
“We’ve had calls from all six floors. It’s our job to make sure everyone’s made it out okay.
Flores, I want you on the ladder with Bell.
The rest of you, on the hoses. Delacroix and Ortiz, set up a triage area out front. We’ve got this.”
“One-Thirteen, sound out!” I cry.
“ONE-THIREEN,” everyone shouts.
Then the rigs are screeching to a halt and we’re spilling into the night.
For a second I can’t breathe. Maybe Julian was right and I shouldn’t be here.
This isn’t just my home, which is bad enough.
Six months ago, I would still have been upset by this call.
But I was literally just telling Jesse how he’s my whole fucking world and having a meltdown about the possibility of losing him.
My only consolation is that he and Klaus are together. If Jesse was working, I’d be relieved that he’s safe, but I’d still be fighting tooth and nail to save our dog. At least I know they’ll be looking after each other, just like they’d done since the moment they met.
There’s a crowd of people that rush to meet us as we hurriedly unroll the hoses and start cranking up the ladder. There’s a mixture of what look like residents and people from neighboring buildings. I recognize some of them by sight but none by name.
Jesse and Klaus are not here.
“Captain!” Sawyer yells, running toward us with Lili by his side. “The fires are concentrated in both stairwells—the main one at the front but also the fire escape. The way this thing’s burning, there’s no way it wasn’t set deliberately with an accelerant. We are not getting inside on foot.”
“Jesus Christ,” Valentine mutters, getting on the radio. “Dispatch, we need police assistance for a suspected arson attack.”
“What about the sprinkler system?” I ask, feeling sick. Who the hell would do something like this?
Lili shakes her head. “If I had to guess, it’s been tampered with. But it’s definitely not working.”
“Let’s get those hoses working, people!” Captain Valentine bellows, just as the water starts spurting to life. Lili and Sawyer run to help, and I turn around, looking for Lochlan.
“The ladder’s in position, Lieutenant,” he shouts at me.
“Let’s go, Bell!” I cry back, already running to mount the rig and start our accent.
People are hanging out of their windows from the third floor up, screaming for help. I’m guessing those on the second and first floors were able to climb out of their windows safe enough. Thankfully, from the sirens in the distance, more assistance is on the way.
“We’re coming!” I assure them. “Close all your doors and put wet towels at the bases if you can!”
A few people disappear, presumably to do just that. Smoke isn’t coming out of any of their windows, so that gives me hope that the blaze is mostly restricted to the stairwells for now.
That doesn’t help them escape, though.
“Flores, you copy?” the captain’s voice comes over the coms.
“Go ahead,” I reply.
“Dispatch is getting reports that the fourth floor is much worse than the others. The fire is all along the hall, connecting the two stairwells. Focus your rescue efforts there first.”
“The fourth floor?” I repeat in horror.
My floor.
“Please!” one of my immediate neighbors screams, waving her hands at us. I think her name might be Karen or Sharron? She’s a single mom I’ve helped multiple times with her buggy. “The fire’s inside the apartment now! Please help us!”
“Haskell,” I radio down to Gene. “We need to reposition the ladder to that fourth-floor window. Do you see?” I point at my sobbing neighbor.
“On it, Lieutenant,” he says, and the ladder starts swinging her way.
“Bell, get her out,” I order him. “She’s got two little kids and a giant fucking rabbit.”
“Where are you going?” he asks, seeing that I’m already throwing my leg over the side of the ladder.
I point at the next window over. It’s conspicuously empty of anyone begging for help.
“That’s my place,” I tell him.
His eyes widen. “Go!”
He doesn’t need to tell me twice.
The sills are wide enough to stand on, and a ledge runs between them. My adrenaline is pumping, but this is what I’m trained for. I’d be lying, though, if I said the added terror of what I’m going to find in my apartment isn’t complicating the situation.
When I reach my bedroom, I waste no time in smashing the window so I can clamber inside. “Jesse!” I shout. “Klaus! Jesse, where are you?”
Nothing.
I run into the main living area and check the bathroom. Still nothing.
“Fire department! Call out!”
Nothing.
If they’re not in here and not outside…then where the hell are they?