Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Jax
I feel better rested than I ever have. I’m warm, comfortable, at peace, and—wait, is that Lauren’s honey shampoo I smell?
I register smooth skin under my fingertips and the soft warmth pressed against my entire body before I open my eyes to find a mop of golden hair below my nose.
I’ve somehow slipped my arm around Lauren and pulled her in to be little spoon.
If I wasn’t terrified of her waking up and finding us like this, I’d be over the moon.
Holding Lauren feels right. I remain frozen in place, listening to her rhythmic breathing, which grounds me, even after my spiral last night.
I can’t be upset with Charlie for saying I don’t commit.
It’s true. I’ve never committed to a woman, and for good reason, but hearing him say the words brings out the side of me that wants to prove him wrong.
I’ll show him. I can commit. I want to commit.
Hell, I even think I’m ready to commit, especially to Lauren, the girl I’ve been in love with for so long, and who I’ve only fallen harder for over the last few weeks.
As Lauren gently blows puffs of air out her nose, I fill with a greater resolve to prove myself. I’ll show her I’m capable of committing, that I’m worthy. I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to do that, but she needs to know I’m a good man who’s willing to give her the world.
When she stirs, I quickly draw my arm back.
I’d like to think I’m successful in doing it without her noticing because she doesn’t say anything to indicate she’s displeased.
She just turns to me with half-shut eyes and a dopey smile that puts one on my face too.
“Good morning.” Her voice is gravelly. “What time is it?”
I glance at the clock. “Almost six thirty.”
“No!” She shoots up. “My alarm didn’t go off. I’m supposed to be getting ready. I have to meet with that rancher for breakfast soon.”
I grab a hold of her shoulders and pull her back toward me, wrapping her up in my arms. I could get in my head about how this might be crossing a line, but I’m much more concerned with the look of panic on Lauren’s face.
“Take a few deep breaths. You’re going to make it on time to that breakfast, and you’re going to knock his socks off to the point that he shares every single secret about regenerative ranching with you. I know it.”
Her shoulders slowly lower, and she turns back to me, gifting me a smile. It’s half-hearted, but it’s something. “You think so?”
“I know so. Can I do anything to help you get ready on time?”
“Stay out of my way?”
“I can do that. That’s what I’m here for this weekend.”
She drags herself from my arms, turning back toward me with her nose scrunched up. “You’re here to stay out of my way? It seems like you could’ve done that from Roots.”
A sly smirk touches her lips.
“You know what I meant. I’m here to support you.”
She slides off the bed, grabbing clothes from her suitcase and scrambling to the bathroom, but she pauses briefly in the doorway. “Jax?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. I wouldn’t want to tackle this weekend without you.”
Lauren reaches out to grab my hand, drawing my attention away from the clock on the wall that I may or may not have been checking every thirty seconds. “What’s going on with you? You seem antsy.”
I have the perfect plan to show Lauren what things could be like between us, but it’s going to blow up in my face if we don’t get out the door in ten minutes.
“Nothing. It’s nothing. Take your time finishing your food.”
Pushing her plate away, she says, “I’m done.”
“No, you’re not.” I push it toward her. “I know you. You wouldn’t let a burger go to waste.”
“Well, I’m too nervous to eat now.” She crosses her arms and leans back.
“I’m sorry. I just have a surprise I think you’ll like. I didn’t expect the cocktail hour to go until seven thirty.”
“I’m not trying to ruin your plans. You should’ve told me. We could’ve left early.”
“And draw you away from all the wonderful connections you were making? No way! You were a rockstar in there. Everyone wanted to talk with you.”
She rolls her eyes. “I talked with like three people.”
“It was way more than that,” I insist. “Your breakfast seemed to go well too. He kept lingering and coming back up to you tonight. He couldn’t stay away.” And I hated it.
It was incredible to see Lauren’s excitement and hope after breakfast this morning, but it was less than pleasing to find out at the cocktail hour that the man she had breakfast with was a good-looking, twenty-something instead of some harmless grandpa she’d want nothing to do with.
She pulls her plate back and takes another bite of her burger as the waiter comes to check on us. I request the check, and as soon as we’ve paid, I grab Lauren’s hand and lead her out the door.
“Okay, you have to tell me where we are going in such a rush.”
I tug her into the doorway of the building right next door.
We step into the threshold of an independent bookstore that looks even more vibrant than in the photos I saw online.
Garland is strung along the top of the bookshelves, and a Christmas tree sits in the corner near a café with signs that say it sells both coffee and wine.
“Ta da!” I throw my arms out, feeling a little proud of myself when I catch the look of wonder in her eyes.
“Jax, this is amazing.”
“I figured between the books, the little café, and all the Christmas decor, you’d like it. They close in twenty-five minutes though.”
She wraps me up in a bear hug, and I press a kiss to the top of her head, just like I did last night.
Pulling back, she meets my eyes. “Thank you for bringing me here. I love it. I don’t care if we only have five minutes. I’ll make every second count.”
“You better pick out a book because I know you’ve finished the two I bought you.”
“Okay, okay! I’m going.” She snaps a picture of the Christmas decor in the corner before dashing off toward the romance aisle.
It’s nice to see her growth in only a few weeks.
I didn’t have to drag her away from books that are related to work.
Instead, she’s fully embracing what she enjoys and letting herself be happy.
It’s beautiful to see, and it makes me think maybe I can get there someday too, allowing myself to be happy instead of consumed with regret.
Lauren might be exactly what I need to change that.
By the time the intercom announces the shop is closing, Lauren’s arms are stacked. Watching her struggle to carry the pile already in her hands but reaching out to add another on top makes me love her even more. I rush over to pull the books from her grasp.
“No, I’ve got it.” She pulls away. “I’m fine.”
“Nice try, Freckles.” I shuffle through the books I’ve wrestled from her, a smirk growing on my face. “These look interesting. Brother’s best friend. Brother’s best friend. Brother’s best friend… I’m sensing a pattern here.”
“Clearly you haven’t found the Christmas novella yet.” She reaches to grab them back, but I angle away.
“I might just need to buy you all of these.”
“Really?”
“Now that I know how obsessed with Christmas you are, I wouldn’t dream of depriving you of the Christmas one. And I’m fully supportive of this new interest in your brother’s best friend.”
Her laughter breaks free. “Books are kind of expensive.”
“It’s fine. I want to. Think of it as your early Christmas gift from me.”
“You’re not buying me seven books for Christmas.”
“You’re right.” I stride up to the counter, handing the clerk my credit card. “I’m buying you six books and a novella. There’s a difference.”
She buries her head in her hands, but I don’t miss the excitement blooming on her face. It makes the $130 hit to my credit card more than worth it. I’d buy her a million books if it meant seeing that beautiful look of delight.
As I hand her the bag, she uses a menacing tone to tell me, “There’s going to be payback for this. I’m going to get you the most outrageous Christmas gift. I hope you’re ready.”
“Oh no, you’re going to get me a big present? I’m so disappointed,” I tease.
She presses her lips together in what I think is her best attempt at looking threatening. “I mean it! It’s going to be way better than your gift.”
“I’ll make sure to mentally prepare, but I should let you know I’m not done with my surprise.”
“Oh no.”
“Come with me.” I grab her free hand, pulling her out the door.
“As if I have a choice,” she grumbles.