28. Chapter 27
Chapter 27
Elsie
August 12 — 32 Weeks 2 Days, Pineapple
G uilt is not an emotion I’m intimately familiar with. It’s just not something I’ve ever made room for in my life. I pursue what I want and accept the consequences of my actions when needed.
For the first time, the overwhelming feeling of guilt and a bit of shame in my chest is battling with my head for dominance.
I’m doing my job. It’s as simple as that.
I keep trying to justify to myself that I’m doing the right thing, but there’s a pervasive feeling that today is a mistake.
It feels like a betrayal of trust, even if I don’t intend it to be.
“You sure you want to do this?” Oliver asks through the phone.
“I have to.” I sigh. “If we want to keep this client, I need to be at this inspection.”
“We could send someone else. You’re eight months pregnant. You’re not supposed to be traveling. They would understand.” Oliver is quiet for a minute before speaking again. “It’s the only thing he asked of you.”
“What Marshall doesn’t know won’t kill him.” I snap back. “Sorry. I’m just...”
“I know.” He takes a fortifying breath. “I’m going to tell this to you as your friend, not your employee. If you do this, it’s going to blow up in your face.”
“I know,” I reply.
“You know I’ll support your decision, but the marshmallow has kind of grown on me. I don’t want to see him hurt either.” Oliver says solemnly.
“Marshmallow?”
“What? It fits. He’s like a big marshmallow, sickeningly sweet and adorably squishy.” He laughs.
I chuckle before I can help myself and before reality sets back in.
When Marshall quit his job, his only ask from me was that I stop traveling and begin to prioritize our chid, our family, more.
The reminder of the joy on his face when I agreed flashes through my mind and doubles the intense tightness in my chest.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that Marshall cares for me.
I can tell he’s stopped himself from admitting he loves me several times now, but I know why.
He doesn’t know how I’ll respond.
Which is fair, considering I don’t know how I’d respond either.
I care about him. I do .
Wanting what’s best for him and treasuring the time we’ve had together is one thing, but building a life with another person is an entirely different.
Relationships aren’t dependable. You can only depend on yourself.
Protest as much as he likes. There’s nothing he can say that would change my mind.
It’s better to be alone than to rely on another person.
The car rolls to a stop, and my driver opens the door, letting in the ear-shattering sound of helicopter blades whirring through the air and picking up speed. My driver helps me out of the SUV and steps to the side, letting me waddle off in the direction of the waiting helicopter.
When I spot the executives I’m meeting with, I give them a wave and a small smile, but a faint noise from behind me has me stopping in my tracks.
“Elsie!” Marshall’s voice calls out over the whir of the helicopter blades spinning. “Elsie!”
I look back to find the gorgeous man jogging to catch up with me.
I’ve always loved how tall Marshall is and how he makes me feel safe when he towers over my 4’11” frame, but right now, the long strides he’s capable of have anxiety clawing at my chest.
“Marshall?” I yell over the noise.
“Elsie, please don’t do this.” He says as he approaches.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
“Selene spilled that you’re leaving. Please don’t leave.” He pleads.
“I’m going on a quick trip, Marshall. I’m not leaving.” I say .
“Elsie, you promised. You promised to prioritize this, us.” He says, placing his palm on my belly. “Getting on that helicopter puts all of this at risk. I can’t watch you do that.”
“Marshall. You’re not being reasonable.”
“ I’m not being reasonable?” He scoffs. “Elsie, you’re eight months pregnant and about to go on a helicopter to visit an oil rig in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. You can barely walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath, and you think this is a good idea ?”
“And if I don’t go, then we lose this client. A client we’ve been courting since long before you came into my life.” I snap. “You don’t get to make decisions about my business for me.”
“That may be true, but I do get input on the well-being of you and my child.” He says.
“Your child, maybe. But it’s my body that’s carrying this little parasite, and you don’t have ownership over that.” I growl. “Plus, it’s not like you’re in love with me!”
“Would it make a difference?” He says, his expression wide with shock.
“I don’t know. But you’re not. So, it doesn’t really matter. Does it?” I sigh.
“Oh, but I am. I most definitely am.” He asserts, his face growing serious. “But I know myself, and I know if I told you how much I love you and you weren’t able to say it back... it would break me.”
He steps into my space. The only thing keeping us from being any closer is our baby between us, and he cups my face.
“Please don’t do this. I’m asking you not to. I can’t watch you put the two things I treasure most in this world at risk. Please, Elsie. ”
“You’re giving me an ultimatum,” I say over the hum of the helicopter. “You’re telling me I have to choose.”
“It’s not an ultimatum, Elsie. I’m setting a boundary and asking you to make a choice about how you respond to that boundary. I’m asking you to respect me enough, to care about me enough, to agree to this.”
“You’re being a manipulative asshole, Marshall.”
“Just a regular asshole, Elsie.” He smirks.
“I knew this day would come. I knew this would happen eventually.” I back away from the warmth of Marshall’s touch. “If you want to play the victim, fine. Leave. I don’t care. I’ll do this on my own. Like I planned.”
Turning away might be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I can feel him standing there, watching me as I walk toward the helicopter to take off.
The feeling of his gaze on me stays the entire time that I converse with my clients, and we all make our way into the massive machine, mine more of a struggle than the others.
It’s not until I feel the jolt of us taking off that I finally look back to where Marshall stands at the edge of the helicopter pad, looking devastated.
He may be right, and maybe he loves me.
But he doesn’t own me.