Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Payden
I should have joined the others, got out of the cabin for a while, but they’d see my puffy eyes, and I didn’t want to bring down the party with my sob story. What a waste.
I should’ve seen it coming.
I should’ve listened to Mom.
Instead, I followed my heart and now it’s broken.
Stupid heart. Stupid love. Stupid… me.
I glanced at the phone again, huge mistake, re-reading his message for the thousandth time.
Daddy: Payden, I’m sorry but this isn’t working out for me. It’s over. Enjoy your vacation.
Enjoy my vacation? How was that even possible. I wanted to curse and call him all kinds of bad names, but that wasn’t me. I wasn’t raised to be mean or hateful. But to end it like that? Not even with a simple I’ll always love you or you’re a good boy just a plain old brush off.
Like I never meant anything to him.
What’s worse is I tried to text back to ask what I did wrong, thinking maybe I can fix this, but I’m blocked.
The message wouldn’t even go through. It just sat there, taunting me.
I erased it, just like he had done to me.
Too bad I couldn’t take an eraser to my brain and remove all traces of him and the hurt I felt.
The lull of the train running over the tracks rocked me in and out of sleep.
I know I should at least find the dining car and get some food in me but the thought of seeing happy couples was killing me.
My mother would read me the riot act for pouting and tell me to get back out there, that the right man was waiting for me.
Hadn’t planned to spend the first twenty-some-odd hours holed up in my tiny cabin living off the snacks I’d brought.
It was time to get real food in me and dangit, I wanted to wear my new unicorn costume.
If I pulled the hood down far enough it would cover most of my face.
Then the others won’t notice I’ve got a bad case of the sads.
The first thought when I stepped into the tiny shower space that was shared with the toilet was that Daddy would never have fit in here. Then it hit me, I no longer had a Daddy, and I wondered if I ever really did.
“Enough of this. I’m on vacation.” Hopefully saying those words aloud will trigger the sads to go away. At least long enough for me to enjoy the expensive perks I paid extra for. Determined to make the most of the rest of this trip, I put on my costume and didn’t bother to cover my face.
Most of the cars were quiet, guess it was too early for the partiers to be awake. Following the car map, I managed to get to the dining car without getting lost. Yay me!
“Good morning, sir, I like your costume,” the nice hostess said as soon as I slipped inside.
Blush heated my cheeks, but I was a super cute unicorn. “Thank you. Do you have a table for one?”
“Right this way.”
She seated me at a two-seater that had a wonderful view with a peek at the ocean and handed me a menu. I loved the beach, playing in the sand, wading waist deep into the chilly water to cool down then back to my sand toys. Always one of my favorite things to do when I have a rare day off.
“Excuse me, do you know when our next stop is?”
“Yes, it’s in about an hour and I hear they have a wonderful toy selection in their store there,” she winked. These were my people. I was a fool for ignoring them during my pity party for one. Tonight, I’d join the fun and maybe, just maybe make new friends.
Everything on the menu was Pride themed and they even had a special section for littles. I nearly squealed aloud and barely managed to contain it. “I’ll have the teddy bear pancakes with bacon, please.”
“Juice or coffee?”
“Apple juice please, if you have it.”
“We do. I’ll bring it right out, sir. Enjoy the view.”
With each passing moment, my happiness and my little were working their way toward the surface.
In hindsight, I should’ve seen this coming.
Now it was time to embrace this new beginning and take my life back.
No more pining for a Daddy who didn’t want me.
I was going after what I wanted and not bowing to anyone. I was worth more than that.
Holy moly, I sounded like my mother.
I finished eating just as the train began to slow, left a tip for the wonderful waitress, and ran back to my room to grab my stuff. Phone, wallet, and an empty bladder later I was ready for an adventure. As I hopped off, the porter told me we had an hour, something about making a quick supply run.
As soon as I opened the doors to the train shop I stilled, taking it all in. “I’ve died and gone to train heaven.”
A young girl passing by giggled. “Mommy’s getting me a Thomas stuffy. I like your unicorn costume.”
“Thank you, I think I’m gonna get a Thomas stuffy too.” She smiled and waved, heading toward the woman waving at her. Hopefully it was her mother. I watched and waited until the girl took the lady’s hand and started chatting away. One just never knew and I’d always help anyone in need.
I did a quick once around the shop, aligning my wants versus what I truly desired.
So much for having a Daddy to spoil me. None of that, Payden, spoil yourself for once.
I did live frugally, tucking away as much as I could into savings.
One of each item in the store wasn’t in the budget, nor was it wise, but there were so many great toys to choose from. Splurge I deserved and splurge I would.
The Thomas the Train display was my first stop after the initial loop around the store.
Almost picking one of each, Thomas needed friends after all, I forced myself to choose one stuffy and Thomas won along with a Thomas the Tank Engine playset.
Next, a Conductor hat. Can’t play trains without a conductor and it would go perfectly with my train onesie.
“Now for a whistle.” Spotted those by the register so I’ll grab one at check out.
Found cute mugs for Mom and Dad too. They’ll love these for their morning coffee.
“Ooohhh they have Polar Express mugs. This will be perfect for hot cocoa nights.” Somehow I managed to get it all to the register without dropping or breaking anything.
“What a wonderful selection of goodies you’ve got,” the nice gentleman behind the counter said. “Let me wrap these mugs so they don’t get broken. Is that your train outside?”
“It is. It’s my first train ride.” The excitement I felt packing for the trip returned.
“I hope you’re enjoying yourself.” He rang it all up and put it in special bags with handles for me. “Have a wonderful day, sir.”
“Thank you, you too.” I couldn’t wait to get back to my room and play.
My unicorn Sassy Pants and Princess, a pink pony stuffy, will be so excited to meet their new friend Thomas.
I can set my trains up on the bottom bunk, I only used it as a couch anyways and still sleep on the top one like I did last night.
I had it all worked out, then tonight, I’ll venture out to the party cars and see what’s happening.
There, I had it all planned out.
Bags in hand, I skipped along toward the train and heard the most wonderful voice singing a familiar tune.
I wanted to see who it was, but this stuff was getting heavy.
I hopped aboard and dropped my bags off, hoping with as much as this trip cost that there weren’t any thieves on board since the doors didn’t lock from the outside.
That voice was like the fabled siren, its song calling me to it and I couldn’t figure out why.
“Mr. Porter, please don’t leave me. I want to see who’s singing over there.”
“We’ll do our best, but I did just find out our delivery is running a bit late. If it shows up and you’re not back I’ll come and get you,” he winked. Gosh, so far this was turning out to be a wonderful trip. Hopefully everyone tonight was equally as nice.
As I rounded the corner my feet stilled, and there I stood frozen in place. The man singing was just as beautiful as his voice was.
Melodic, rich and packed with raw power and emotion, the depth of his range rattled me.
Like deep inside, soul deep. Every note, each word he sung, the pain reflected in his face, though he never stumbled over any of the songs.
How’d he do that? Singing the pain away?
Had he already cried as I did last night?
Too bad I can’t sing, maybe that was just the healing I needed.
Though a bit of shopping therapy had helped today.
I wasn’t a fool though, the pain would hit again once I was alone. Putting on a brave face in front of others was easy. Or so I thought, until I saw this gorgeous man’s face, a direct reflection of the pain he held inside.
The closer I inched toward him, the stronger the pull became. I could listen to this man sing for hours. Don’t get me wrong, I loved me some Tay-Tay and don’t even get me started on the Goddess Lady Gaga. His music wasn’t one I was normally drawn to nor really had ever heard much of.
His long locks hid the side of his face closest to me. I pulled some cash from my wallet, slowly creeping toward his guitar case to drop it in. As the song came to a close, he opened his eyes.
“You’re gorgeous,” came out. I slapped a hand over my mouth. “S-sorry, that was rude of me.”
He smiled, a brilliant smile at that. “Thank you, you’re pretty cute yourself, little unicorn.”
Goddess above, I was so embarrassed. I’d forgotten I was still in costume. “Oh, um, thanks.” I dropped the money into his case. “You have an amazing voice.” But why was he singing here? This man should be on stage, sharing his gift with the world.
“Thank you,” he grinned and holy hell, my knees almost gave out. “For the tip and the compliment. I’m Stone.”
“Payden,” I gave a ridiculous wave. Gah, get it together Pay. “Do you always play here?”
“Nope,” Stone started fiddling with his guitar strap. “Sometimes in the park and a couple other places around town.”
“Do you live nearby?” WTH Payden, you never ask these questions. New me, I guess…
Stone smirked. “You could say that.”
Why did something feel off and why was I so dead set on not leaving him here.
Mom would smack me upside the head for what I was about to do.
Heck, maybe I should smack my own head, but my little was screaming to play with him, and my heart was screaming don’t walk away.
My brain, well it was all for the smacking part of this internal diatribe.
How do you ask someone if they’re gay? Homophobic? Was he even single?
“You got questions, ask away. I can see them written all over your face. Just need you to put words to the squiggly lines.” How did he know that?
“Are you single?”
“Yup.”
“Homophobic?”
“Nope.”
And the big one. “Are you gay?” Looking for a little to dote on? I’ll save that one for later.
“I am. Where’s this headed, Payden?”
“Ever been on a train?”