9. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
W hat had he wanted?
Carrie wondered what Jackson had wanted when he’d stopped by the chocolate shop just after their lunch. She felt like there was more Jackson had wanted to say to her. She wished they hadn’t been interrupted.
After the mayor had praised not just the chocolate she’d sampled but the whole shop. Carrie had gone next door to see Jackson. He hadn’t been there. Mark said he’d left for the day, and he didn’t expect him back. She’d tried calling, but it went directly to voicemail.
Now that the shop was closed, she was headed home to her parents’ house. When she slowed to turn into the driveway, she noticed lights on next door. It looked like Jackson was home.
She kept going and instead turned into the Wrights’ driveaway. She parked next to Jackson’s rental car. As she made her way to the front door, she heard music. She paused on the porch and listened. It was guitar music.
And there was singing. She would know that baritone voice anywhere. Jackson was playing the guitar and singing. The moment took her back in time.
She hadn’t heard him sing since before he went away to college. She remembered a time when they’d spent a sunny afternoon sitting by the pond. She’d just been dumped by her latest boyfriend. She hadn’t wanted to leave her bedroom, but Jackson had coaxed her into going to the pond with him.
She’d pouted on the ride there. She’d been all caught up in her teenage drama, but once they got there, Jackson had distracted her with his guitar and his singing. He temporarily made her forget about the pain and humiliation of being dumped. That afternoon was one of her favorite memories.
She approached the door and rang the doorbell. Immediately, the music and singing ceased. She thought about asking him to play more. She never tired of hearing his voice. If he hadn’t gone to college and pursued a business career, he could have been a country singer heartthrob. The thought brought a smile to her face.
It was at precisely that moment, the door swung open. Jackson’s eyes momentarily widened when he saw her big smile. And then the corners of his mouth lifted, making her stomach dip.
“Hey, Carrie.” He stepped back, pulling the door wide open. “Come on in.”
It had been years since she was in this house. As she stepped inside and took her coat off, she searched her thoughts for the last time she was there, and then she recalled it. The last time had been after Jackson’s father’s funeral. The smile slipped from her face. His death had been unexpected and sudden. There hadn’t been any time for the family to say goodbye. Jackson and his mother were blindsided with grief. Carrie tried to be there for Jackson as much as he would let her. It was then that she really felt the distance that had grown between them.
“So, what brings you by?” He led her into the living room.
“I felt bad that I wasn’t available when you stopped by earlier at the shop. After the mayor left, I went next door to find you, but Mark told me that you’d left for the day.”
Jackson nodded. “I, uh, had some things to do.” He gestured to the couch. “Sit down.”
She took a seat. When he sat down in the armchair, she said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t talk earlier.”
“How did it go with the mayor?”
She got the feeling he was avoiding whatever it was that he had on his mind. “She loved the chocolate. She said she would help promote Totally Chocolate every chance she got.”
While she sat there, she glanced around the living room. As a kid, she’d spent so much of her childhood in this house. They were such good memories. It amazed her how quickly time had passed since those days.
“We had a lot of good times in this room.” Carrie recalled movie nights, which included hot popcorn with butter and salt. Sometimes, they would end up in a popcorn battle. His mother would make them crawl around on the floor until they’d picked up every single piece.
“We did,” he said. “It seems so long ago now.”
She noticed that a number of decorations were missing. “Are you packing up the place?”
“Not yet. Why?”
“Oh.” That was strange. “It’s nothing. I just noticed that some of the decorations are missing.”
He was quiet for a moment. “I think my mother started selling things so she’d have more money to gamble.”
Carrie’s heart sank. She knew his mother had problems, but for her to sink to selling her very own possessions... Wow! She had no idea it was that bad.
“She even sold off my father’s autographed baseball collection and the baseball cards.”
“Weren’t those supposed to go to you?” When he nodded, her heart sank clear down to her feet.
“My grandfather started collecting the baseball cards, then it was given to my father, and he added the signed baseballs. I thought someday that I’d hand it down to my children.”
Carrie was surprised to hear him mention children. When they were younger, he said he didn’t want any children. He wanted the freedom to focus on his career. It appeared he’d changed his mind. Interesting.
She’d always wanted children and her own business. So far, her business was starting to take off, but she hadn’t met the right guy to settle down with. She was beginning to wonder if she would ever meet him.
“Hey, we don’t need to talk about this. I’m sure you didn’t stop by to hear about the shattered remnants of this… Well, this mess.” His face was creased with worry lines. Beneath his eyes were shadows, as though all of these problems kept him up at night.
“You do know that if there’s anything I can do, all you have to do is let me know. I’m always here for you.”
His gaze met and held hers. The intensity of his stare sent her heart racing. There was something in his gaze that caused the breath to catch in the back of her throat. The stare was so intense she found herself glancing away.
When she did, the spell or whatever had come over her was broken. She was able to take a breath. But what had just happened between them? She’d never felt something that intense before.
Finding herself staring into his eyes longer than she should, she glanced away. “Have you had any dinner?”
He shook his head. “After I visited my mother, I just didn’t feel like eating.”
Carrie’s brows drew together. “Aren’t things going well for her?”
“She’s doing well.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “But things are getting more complicated.”
Carrie nodded. “Why don’t you tell me about it while I make us something to eat. Do you have any food in the fridge? Otherwise, we can go over to my parents’ place.”
“I don’t have a lot, but you don’t have to cook. You’ve got to be tired after working all day.” He gave it some thought. “We could eat in town.”
“Or we could get some takeout.”
“Just tell me what you want.” He reached for his phone.
They both opted for burgers and curly fries. Jackson went to pick up their order while Carrie went home to change clothes.
A half hour later, Jackson arrived at Carrie’s family home with food in hand. After they ate in the kitchen, they moved to the living room. She’d surprised herself and found that she’d been quite hungry. And now that she’d eaten, she felt a renewed sense of energy. She didn’t know how long it would last, but she definitely wasn’t ready to go to bed this early.
“Let’s watch a movie.” She sat down on the couch.
Jackson sat next to her. “Only if I get to pick it out.”
“What?” Was he serious? She arched a brow as she gave him a funny look. “The last time you picked out a movie, it had subtitles.”
“Hey, how was I supposed to know? And that doesn’t count.”
She sighed as she rolled her eyes. “Why doesn’t that count?”
“Because it was in a movie theatre.”
“But it was still a movie. So, I win. Let’s watch a…”
“Rom-com,” he finished her sentence for her. “Some things never change.”
When she reached for the television remote, Jackson lunged for it. With his long arms, he reached it first. With a victorious grin, he lifted it above his head.
“Oh, no, you don’t.” She leaned toward him, reaching out for the remote.
As they wrestled for the remote, a smile tugged at her lips. This moment brought back so many memories. Oh, how she missed him.
She wiggled around on the couch until she was sitting on her knees. With both of her hands, she tugged on his arm. He lowered his arm, but he didn’t release his hold on the remote.
When he yanked on his arm, as though to position the remote to turn on the television, Carrie’s hold on his arm was so tight it pulled her over to him. When she lifted her head, she found her face only an inch or two from his.
Her heart pitter-pattered. She stared into his brown eyes. Had she ever noticed the gold flecks in his irises? Or the way when he looked at her so intently that she had a hard time breathing?
She should move. Yes, that definitely sounded like a good idea. And yet, her body refused to budge, not even so much as an inch.
It felt like by staring into his eyes, he’d once more cast a spell over her. And then she noticed how his gaze dipped to her lips. Her heart skipped a beat. Was he thinking about kissing her?
She didn’t have time to answer that question before Jackson leaned toward her. And then his lips were pressed to hers. Her thoughts short-circuited as his mouth moved gently over hers.
The remote clattered to the floor as he reached out to her. His hands cupped her face. His thumb gently stroked her cheek.
This shouldn’t be happening. And yet she didn’t want it to end. His lips moved gently over hers. All the while, her heart was beating so loud that it echoed in her ears.
It was the best kiss she’d ever experienced. She never wanted it to end. It was like it was just the two of them, and the rest of the world had faded away.
When Jackson pulled back, she wanted to draw him back to her. She wanted to press her lips to his once more. Nothing had ever felt so right…and wrong at the same time. As the conflicting emotions grew within her, she resisted the temptation of kissing him again.
Jackson gazed deeply into her eyes. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?”
She had a pretty good idea—ever since the prom. She wondered if it was as good as he’d hoped. Before she could vocalize her thoughts, she pressed her lips together. She mustered up all of her strength to pull herself together and pretend that he hadn’t just rocked her world.
His hand was gently gripping her forearm. When had that happened? His thumb stroked her skin, causing a delicious sensation to pulse up her arm and settle in her chest.
She couldn’t think straight when he was looking at her or touching her. Their physical contact caused her pulse to race and her breath came out in short, quick gasps. And her thoughts were all over the place.
She couldn’t let this continue. She pulled her arm away. As soon as she broke the connection, she regretted it. But whatever was going on between them couldn’t continue to happen.
She jumped to her feet. “What just happened?”
Jackson wore a lazy smile as he leaned back on the couch. “If you have to ask me that, I must be out of practice.”
He was most definitely not out of practice, but she wasn’t about to admit it to him. She forced her thoughts away from the memory of the kiss and the way her lips still tingled. She gave herself a mental shake.
He was acting out because he was worried about his mother. He was looking for a distraction from his problems. That was all this was. She had to be the reasonable party.
She looked at the smile on his handsome face. “Stop looking at me that way.” She turned her back to him and moved across the room. She needed some distance to clear her mind. “You shouldn’t have kissed me.”
She lifted her hand, but before she could run her fingertips over her lips, she stopped herself. It was a kiss. Nothing more. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been kissed before.
“Why shouldn’t I kiss you? As I recall, you kissed me back.”
“Stop.” When she spun around, she was shocked to find him standing behind her. “I, uh...” She struggled to string her thoughts together. “We’re friends.”
He took a step toward her. “Carrie, just because we’re friends doesn’t mean we can’t be something more.”
She took a step back. Her thoughts volleyed between falling back into his arms and why she should keep her distance. At last, common sense kicked in. “Lifelong friends are rare. We can’t risk that on, what? On a quick fling?”
“Why does it have to be a fling?” His gaze searched hers. “Why couldn’t it be more?”
She didn’t understand why he kept pushing this. He had to realize that a romantic entanglement would jeopardize their lifelong friendship. When he left, it would be over, and their relationship would be permanently altered—and even with the best of intentions, a long-distance relationship would only last so long.
She realized that she had the answer to his question. She straightened her shoulders and tilted her chin upward ever so slightly until their gazes met. “This isn’t going to work. Your life is in Europe, and my life is here.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “But...”
“But nothing.” She had to be the rational one—the one to protect their friendship just like in the past. “Jackson, you’re tired and worried about your mother. You’re not thinking clearly.” Once he got some rest, she was certain he’d see things quite differently. “It’s getting late. Maybe you should go home and get some rest. We can talk tomorrow.” Hopefully, not about the kiss that had made her whole body tingle, clear down to her toes. Nope. Not talking about it. Not thinking about it either.
His gaze searched hers. “Do you really think the kiss was a mistake?”
She nodded her head. Still, the fact that the kiss had shaken her right down to her foundation scared her. It was the shock of the kiss. That was it. That was why it affected her so much.
He turned his back to her as he grabbed his coat from a nearby chair. When he turned back to her, he asked. “Are we still friends?”
“Of course.” She forced a smile to her lips because right now she felt off-kilter.
“Think about it,” he said. “We could be so much more to each other.”
What was she supposed to say to that? He didn’t mean it—not really. This thing with his mother had really thrown him for a loop. Once it all worked out, he’d realize that they were better off as friends.
She led him to the door and opened it. When he went to pass by her, he paused. He was so close that if she were to lift up on her tiptoes, she’d be able to press a kiss to his lips. As soon as the tempting thought came to her, she banished it.
She didn’t move, not at all. In fact, the breath stilled in her lungs. But her heart pounded. It was so loud that it echoed in her ears.
And then he continued out the door. He didn’t say good night. He just kept walking until he was down the steps and headed for his rental car.
She told herself to close the door and forget this evening had ever happened. And yet she stood there, staring out through the storm door as he walked away, disappearing into the shadows. She closed the door and then leaned back against it.
At last, she allowed her fingers to touch her lips—lips that Jackson had just kissed. She closed her eyes as the moment replayed in her mind.
Then she opened her eyes. She stood fully upright. She was not going to get caught up in something that couldn’t happen for so many reasons.
She had a feeling that instead of sleeping that night, she would be mentally tallying all of the reasons they should not repeat that kiss. But she already knew the biggest reason of all...
To lose a boyfriend after a breakup was hard. But with Jackson, when things ended, she’d not only lose a boyfriend, but she’d also lose her very best friend—the person who could finish her sentences for her. And that just couldn’t happen. She wouldn’t let it.