40. Azzie
Forty
Azzie
Finn and I walked through the door, and into a large sitting room. It took my mind a heartbeat to catch up with the fact we were no longer in the Salt Lake apartment. A patterned rug was under our feet, reaching almost to the walls. This single space was larger than the entire apartment I'd shared with Davyn.
There was a fireplace at the far end of the room. A pair of matching couches, and four chairs with the same dark, flowered upholstery that looked anything but inviting. A coffee table sat in the middle of it all, while bookshelves and paintings covered the walls.
You're doing brilliantly, daughter .
A shiver raced down my spine. That wasn't my mother's voice.
"What's wrong with you?" Finn's irritation shattered the bubble of weird swelling in my head.
"The voice. Who was that?"
He furrowed his brow and stared at me. “What voice?"
"Just now. The—“ I snapped my jaw shut.
"Are you hearing things?" Finn asked.
No. I most certainly was not. I didn't hear voices or see visions or imagine things that weren't there. I was sane.
What are you afraid of, child?
"Snakes, heights, and the number thirteen..." I trailed off when the look Finn was giving me slid further toward confusion.
He tilted his head, studying me. "Who are you talking to?"
"Myself." The laugh I meant to make sound casual came out strangled instead.
The voice I wasn't hearing... That wasn't my other paren?—
No.
I wasn't hearing voices. Not imagined ones or that of a parent sealed away from the world.
"What else do you know about my powers that you're keeping from me?" There wasn't time for me to freak out; we had to find Davyn and Zeke and get out of here.
Finn shook his head and turned toward the doorway at the far end of the room. "I'm not keeping things from you. How am I supposed to know what the dozens of teachers you've had, and Davyn, have seen but not shared about what you can do?"
"Davyn doesn't keep things from me."
Finn glanced over his shoulder at me. "No. Of course he doesn't. Do you understand the words equal but opposite ?"
The prophecy about Zeke and me. "Of course I do."
"Do you?" Finn walked toward the doorway. Despite it being open, there was no field of vision beyond the border of the room. He pressed a palm to blackness and an invisible force seemed to stop him.
He was so infuriating. What did he know that he hadn't told me? "Do you really think this is the time and place to be smug about how much you know?" I didn't try to hide my frustration. "Unless you like it in here." Unless he wanted us to be in here.
Where did that thought come from?
Finn let out a heavy sigh and turned to me again. "Zeke can already do things that aren't human. He can create art. Protection. He draws inspiration from nowhere."
That wasn't helpful. The hint of mocking in Finn's voice made me think it wasn't meant to be.
"So if Zeke is creation, I'm destruction?" My retort was flippant, but the words didn't feel right.
"Zeke doesn't represent creation."
Holy-- "Just fucking tell me already." I pushed command into my voice, and the sound reverberated back at me.
"You're--" Finn worked his jaw and clenched his hand. "Not listening." The words sounded forced.
That wasn't what he started to say. In the less than five minutes that I'd spent with Loki, despite how cryptic he'd been, he gave me more information than Finn was.
He's lying. Kill him .
The ax was in my hand before I registered summoning a weapon, and I was moving within striking distance of Finn.
"Whoa." He grabbed my wrist, his fingers digging into the tendon. My joins creaked and the bone ached, and my fingers loosened without my permission.
He reached for the weapon as it fell, and a sharp zzt filled the air.
" Fuck ." He jerked back, and the ax fell to the ground.
The same thing that happened when someone who wasn’t me or Zeke tried to wield one of my enchanted blades. The ones that had bonded with me so only I could wield them.
Finn eyed me from a few meters back, with an expression I might call fear if I thought I was any sort of threat to him. "How is a weapon you don't want already yours?" He asked.
That was something Loki did to it. A trick. He was a trickster god, right? "It's not mi--"
"Fucking Hel. It only answers to you and you can summon it out of midair."
Great. And now we were back to what Finn thought he knew about my abilities that I didn't. He was wrong, though. I'd been trying for as long as I could remember to manifest anything that would prove I was something. "Because Loki--"
"Because you ."
I waited for the voice it seemed only I could hear to argue with him.
Nothing.
"For someone who's so convinced you're going to be a god, who spends all her time looking for a way to do so, you sure do miss out on the obvious," Finn said.
"Nothing to add?" I asked the empty air.
Finn looked around us. "Who are you talking to? That's it, isn't it? You're crazy." The instant the words passed his lips, regret sank into his expression. "I didn't mean that."
Too late. I wasn't insane and Mom hadn't been either. Fury and doubt spilled through me and the ax was back in my hand.
"We're done," I said.
Even if he did tell me what he'd witnessed, there was no way I could trust he was telling the truth. Best case scenario, Finn tolerated me for Zeke's sake, and any friendship we had was shaded by prophecy. More likely, Finn was obsessed with Zeke, and would do whatever it took to ensure I couldn't be any sort of threat.
Where did that thought come from?
It seemed I'd been observing more than I realized.
"I'll find my own way out." I didn't dare turn my back on him, so I pointed at the void that sat on the other side of the doorway. "You first."
Finn shook his head. "I can't leave without you. As we've seen."
"Then tell me how to get us out of here."
"I have." Finn bit back.
This was so useless. Cyclical. Stupid. I just wanted Davyn back. Zeke. I wanted this entire house gone. I clenched the handle of the ax so hard my fingers ached. What did I need to do? What was I missing?
I could leave the room. If I didn't want to be in here, I could walk out the same way I came in—that was how doors worked. It would be nice if I could destroy the house as well, but until I knew Davyn and Zeke were safe, I'd settle for knowing this room, with the creepy someone's watching vibe, was gone.
"Let's go." I touched my senses enough to feel the same fuzzy spot in the room we'd walked in through, and with Finn next to me, stalked out.
Into a forest? As the door behind us vanished, the sounds of creaking wood and falling timbers echoed behind me. Fire crackled. Was that smoke?
The image of the entire room we'd been in, collapsing in on itself in flame, flickered in my mind, and I whirled toward the doorway. Closed.
I didn't really just destroy--
" Arrghhhh. " The beastly shout—half growl, half-roar—filled the air.
"Where the fuck did you drop us?" Finn slid into a fighting stance.
The thunk of metal on wood and the clang of metal on metal spilled through the air. And the screams… So much rage and pain.
“No. Not this,” Finn muttered.
Not what? Dread pooled in my belly. What did we walk into?
“Sadhbh.” Finn’s voice was so soft, I barely heard it above the noise. He knelt next to a woman who sat half-reclined with her back to a tree. Black hair fell over her face, contrasting sharply with pale skin, and a dark spot had spread across her leather tunic, from her stomach to her chest.
She was hurt.
The shouting grew closer, and I whirled toward the sound of branches and underbrush being crushed by thundering footsteps. A creature who looked like a human turned wolf crashed into the clearing and charged us on all fours.
Berserker.
I side-stepped, swung, and brought the butt of the axe handle down against the small of his back. Adrenaline pushed instinct through my veins.
He turned, swinging a clawed and fur-covered hand at my chest. I sliced and caught his forearm, leaving a deep gash.
The wolf recoiled with a howl of pain, and lunged again. There was no time for thinking. I acted. Slicing him to the dirt, and already moving to the next attacker. This was different from fighting with my knives, but it felt natural. The ax was a part of me. Mind and body and weapon were one.
Attack. Block. Counter. Slice. Repeat.
“I could use some help here,” I shouted at Finn.
No response. A glance revealed he knelt on the forest floor, next to the woman.
Son of a?—
“Behind you,” she shouted, her voice pitching higher.
I whirled, but not in time to prevent the man in leather armor from swinging a broadsword at my neck.
It glanced off without a scratch, and he furrowed his brow.
I was back in the fight, pushing him away, until he fell like those before him. Until he vanished.
Where were the bodies? None of them had run away, but if they weren’t lying on the ground at my feet, I hadn’t killed them.
“We have to go.” Finn was talking to her. Focused on her . So much for the man he loves .
This wasn’t the time for that train of thought.
“You can’t stop this Fionn. You know that. Save yourself. Take her. She’s not supposed to be here.”
Her tone reminded me of Mom. The cadence. The feeling that she wasn’t quite here. My gut churned at the memory.
Two more attackers charged, and I tried to stop them both. One slipped by, but Finn dropped him in an instant before the wolf-like man could reach Sadhbh. There was no time to talk, as three more fighters were rushing me.
My limbs were tired. Cuts and gashes ran along my arms and side. I pushed harder, and weakness screamed back from every inch of me.
While I was holding off a Berserker, two more slipped past me.
“Help me, Azzie,” Finn shouted. “Stop fucking around.”
“I can’t.” I wanted to. Why couldn’t I do this? “I don’t have my daggers.”
“You don’t need a fucking crutch.” Despite his complaints, he took both of his foes out, then turned back to Sadhbh.
I continued to push my opponent back, until he fell as well. My muscles burned. Every inch of me wanted to collapse.
“You promised me you wouldn’t bring her here,” Sadhbh said.
He knew this was going to happen? She’d seen it? I faltered in my step, and the Berserker buried his claws in my shoulder.
Rage spilled inside me and I whirled, cutting my attacker down.
“I had to,” Finn said.
“I know.” She sounded sad and resigned. “I saw it.”
I knew the conversation, or close enough, because I’d had variations on it with Mom when she was alive.
My legs wobbled and gave out as I stumbled. I landed on my knees. I was so weak in here. So mortal. I fucking hated it.
Pounding footsteps and a loud roar grew closer. Another Berserker. I struggled to push to my feet—to fight him off—but I couldn’t find the strength.
He rushed past me, and pinned Sadhbh to the tree with a mace.
“ No .” Finn’s shout rattled the trees and shook me to my core.
I’d let someone else die on my watch. I couldn’t save her.
“You’re fucking useless like this.” Finn shoved past me.
I didn’t have the strength to argue. Had he always been this much of an asshole? I needed to get back on my feet. Be ready for the next wave.
“Pull yourself together and get us the fuck out of here.” Finn’s voice went cold, and. He gripped my good arm, yanking me to my feet.
My fury tasted foul. “Me? You were willing to let me take care of this myself—to let me die—so you could tend to a memory. She’s fucking dead. She was before we got here.” I hated the acrid taste of the truth. Hated how callous saying those words made me feel.
“This isn’t my test.” Finn ground out the words. “You wanted to come here. You wanted to prove how incredible you are. This is for you, and you’re failing. Lugh was wrong about you, and he was an asshole to set this?—”
To set this up . I knew without hearing it. I’d walked into a fucking trap, set by an ancient god. Of course I was. I was such an idiot. “What did Lugh do?” I wanted to hear Finn say it.
“Get us out of here. Take us to Zeke so we can leave.”
“Or what?” I dreaded the answer, but defiance drove me.
Finn fixed me with a glare and stalked closer until his face was inches from mine. “Or I’ll make you suffer until the end of eternity.” His voice was low and even, and I couldn’t look away. “Out there. In here. I don’t care where it is. If Zeke dies so you can ascend, if you don’t take me to him, I’ll torture you in ways your tiny. Mortal. Brain. Can’t begin to fathom. Your pathetic human soul will be ripped to shreds again and again, and I’ll enjoy it.”
It wasn’t the threat that made my blood run cold, it was that he meant it. I’d wondered before now if Finn was a friend or merely an acquaintance. He was my fucking enemy.
I’d also made a blood oath to Zeke that I would do anything in my power to keep harm from coming to Finn.
The world swam in front of my eyes, and I dropped to my knees again. The ax fell from my hand and landed softly in the leaves next to me.
This sucks . The thought hit before the pain caught up.
There was so much blood. I’d been hurt before, but it had never looked like this.
"What are you doing?" Finn glanced at me, then did a double take. "Fuck me."
I leaned against a nearby tree. Adrenaline pumped hard and fast through my veins, muting the pain, but I couldn’t move the limb. That couldn’t be good.
Finn gave me a look of disbelief. "Stop fucking around, and heal that."
I ain’t got time to bleed . The line from Predator almost made me smile. “Fuck you.” I needed another weapon. To wield my ax. The lull in the fight wouldn’t last long, and I was with a god who had just stopped hiding how badly he wanted me dead.
"You need to not bleed out on the battlefield." Finn spun away from me as a Berserker wolf charged him. Finn moved so quickly I barely saw it, blocking. Countering. Slicing with a battle ax he’d grabbed from a fallen fighter.
He drove the wolf into the ground with a ruthless efficiency that made my stomach churn, and turned away from the body without so much as a second glance.
Why was Finn protecting me?
I was his only way to Zeke, and out of here.
"Are you still hurt?" Finn made it sound like my injury was an inconvenience rather than life threatening. "You want to be a god? Act like it."
Thank the gods I was still conscious, but my limbs were heavy and my thoughts were fogging. "Why don’t you heal me?" I countered.
"You know why."
Because he’d rather leave me here to die.
He wouldn’t heal me because very few gods could heal others. I’d been told more than once it was because there was no point, seeing as they were surrounded by other immortals. "Then I’m not the problem, am I?"
"You’re very much the problem." Finn rested the head of his ax against the soft ground and used the handle to lean. "In fact, getting rid of you would solve so many problems."
He needed me. I had to remember that and make sure he did as well, until he told me what I needed to know to get out of here.
The thought was bitter and wrong. What was this place doing to me?
All the other sounds were gone. "What happened to the battle?" I was asking myself rather than Finn. In fact, a lot of questions bounced in my thoughts. Like why did it take me so long to admit Finn never stopped trying to get rid of me.
" Azzie ." Davyn’s roar in the distance was enough to bolster me.
"Over here," I yelled back, despite Finn trying to shush me.
Finn clenched his jaw. "The war is gone. Poof . Which means this could be another illusion. You don’t know that’s really Davyn."
I trusted a hallucination more than I did Finn. "Your point is?" Fuck , my arm hurt. That felt real enough.
Davyn stalked into the clearing behind Finn. "What happened?" Davyn’s question was as much growl as words, and he turned Finn in an instant. Davyn’s face was rounder than normal, and his beard thicker. His reach was longer, his nails thick and sharp and shaped like claws. "What did you do?"
I’d only seen him go part bear on rare occasions—he’d kept the beast caged around me for as long as I’d known him.
"She was hurt in the fight." Did Finn just flicker, or was I losing blood?
I hadn’t seen Finn and Davyn fight since the day Davyn joined me at Zeke’s, and without being able to teleport, I doubted Finn would last long. He was already backing up, sliding into a defensive position and blocking with the battle axe.
"What fight?" Davyn didn’t move, but he was focused on Finn. A barely controlled rage radiated from him. This wasn’t the Davyn I saw in our illusion of an apartment; this was my Davyn. The hair on his arms darkened and grew thicker and longer. "Why does she have a gash in her shoulder?"
Finn’s knuckles whitened as he gripped the haft of his weapon tighter. "There was just a war here." The derision in his voice was muted by grief.
And fear?
Finn was afraid of Davyn?
Duh . Why didn’t I see it sooner?
"A battle with no other bodies?" Davyn’s words were getting more difficult to understand. "With no blood but hers?"
Finn adjusted his grip. He was preparing to swing first. "Because we’re trapped in a siren’s house of illusions, bear. Have you not realized that yet? What sort of fears were you witness to?"
Davyn let out a long growl and his posture shifted as he grew about a foot.
As tempting as it was to watch, given I’d learned about Finn’s motivations, the Stop , surged up my throat. When I swallowed the words, they seared my insides like hot coals. “St—” I bit back the command. The pain was worse than the wound in my shoulder, as I forced myself to not step between Berserker and god.
The blood oath to Zeke. I’d promised not only to keep from harming him, but to keep Davyn from harming him or Finn.
“Davyn. Stop .” The words tore from me. Some of the agony faded.
Davyn hesitated, but didn’t let Finn go.
If I didn’t do anything else to end this, I could say I tried.
The pain was back. Trying to push the words out again. Davyn would stop if he knew I meant it. What was happening to me that I was willing to suffer to let him destroy Finn?
He may be ready to destroy me, but I wouldn’t change on his behalf. “ Davyn. He’s telling—” but Finn wasn’t. “Finn’s right about the battle. It was here, and then it was gone. Let him go.” I climbed to my feet.
Finn’s gaze was focused on the half-man, half bear in front of him. "See? She backs me up."
“I didn’t say that.” I had so much to tell Davyn, but one thing was critical. “We can’t trust him. He meant for me to die in here.”
“You’re learning .” That was the same voice from the drawing room. The siren?
No.
Why was I so certain?
Davyn bared his teeth, and stared down Finn. This was when I should be terrified. He could slice through me in the best of conditions, and with me wounded…
He wouldn’t hurt me. I knew that at my core.
I would never show Finn my back again, though.
“Not true,” Finn said. “I don’t care if you die; I just want you gone.”
“It’s about time you said it out loud.” Davyn’s height returned to normal, and the fur on his arms and face receded, becoming what it had been before. Yellow still tinged his eyes and his teeth were longer than they should be. "What happened to your arm?" He asked with a frown.
"There actually was a fight here. A war, and a woman…"
Finn clenched his fist.
Davyn raised a human hand with claw-like nails, and squeezed my injured shoulder.
I braced myself for a shock of pain.
He retracted his claws, and poked a thumb through my torn shirt, to meet my bare flesh. Not an open wound, but skin that was intact enough that the contact sent a whisper of comfort through me.
"Not what happened before. Where’s the injury?" Davyn’s voice was almost normal again.
Where was the pain? I glanced down where there should be a gaping wound. There was still blood everywhere, but my wound was gone.
"It’s about fucking time," Finn muttered.
Fucker . The axe was in my hand again before I finished turning on him.
Davyn already had a palm to his chest, shoving him into the nearest tree. “We can leave you here,” he said.
Finn gave him a tight-lipped smile, and kept his mouth shut.
The instant we were free of this place, I wanted him as far away from me as possible.