49. Azzie
My entire life I’d been waiting for… something . And in the siren’s realm I felt hints of it. Power that had flowed through me as if it had always been there.
Out here, I couldn’t grasp it. That right feeling that made me whole. I’d been struggling for weeks to find it again.
When I was around Davyn, it was easy to pretend all was right in the world.
With Zeke though… I could taste the edges of more. The world was sharper. Maybe not in a good way.
As he kissed me now, as our mouths warred and our tongues fought and our hands roamed each other’s bodies, I swore that feeling I was searching for was within my grasp. If we could just get closer, we would both be more.
And if we couldn’t… if we weren’t? How long until he was gone. How long until Davyn was?
Not thoughts I could focus on now. I needed more of this. Of Zeke. That would make things right.
I was barely aware of our clothes coming off, aside from that driving desire to keep going . We stumbled into the living room, and I shoved him back onto the couch so I could straddle his legs.
When he drove his cock inside me, the ache to be part of him ebbed, but didn’t vanish. We thrust against each other in a frantic grind.
“I can’t believe you stayed away for a month.” Zeke’s voice was rough and his words punctuated.
“So did you.”
He grabbed my face between his palms and kissed me hard. “That was a mistake.” The desperate crash of our lips into each other muffled his words.
Talking wasn’t going to work here. I needed to shut off my mind, and let the moment consume me. I dove into the frantic grind, losing myself in the sensations. Losing track of everything but pleasure wrapping around us. Ignoring everything but the needy push to climax. For both of us.
I wanted to stay wrapped in this pleasure for as long as possible, but as the grinding slowed, the bliss faded. Zeke and I sat wrapped in each other until he softened and slipped out of me.
We rearranged ourselves, so we could lay on the couch instead. Being next to Zeke now, bare skin on bare skin… This was a moment I’d remember for a long time.
He kissed lightly along my shoulder, his hand draped over my stomach.
“How was Davyn?” His tone was playful.
I should be bothered that Zeke wanted to have this conversation instead of cuddling.
It was one of the things I liked about what I had with him, though. We could talk, we could be open, and there was no judgement.
What was he expecting as an answer, though? “It wasn’t really Davyn.”
“No, it was Davyn from your dreams.”
It wasn’t. The big picture had been right with Davyn in the illusion, but the details were all wrong. “No, it was Davyn from my worst fears.”
Zeke pressed closer. “So he was horrible in bed.”
“I don’t fear bad sex.” Gods knew I’d experienced enough of it in real life to realize it was something that happened.
“Then he was incredible?” Zeke asked.
Sex with pretend Davyn had been amazing. Enough that remembering it after what I’d just done with Zeke almost felt wrong. Heat spread over my cheeks. “Why?”
“Did you know when you blush, it covers your whole body?” Zeke kissed the back of my neck. “If you’re not going to fuck him, I will.”
The words hit hard. Like I’d been doused in a hot bath full of ice cubes. I both wanted to see the men together, and hated the thought. Especially since Davyn and I agreed we wouldn’t do that.
Especially since Davyn believed Zeke and I were only temporary.
The only answer I could summon was a hard laugh.
“What?” Zeke prodded.
“You hate each other.”
“There are things we strongly dislike about each other.”
I couldn’t reconcile the idea. Zeke was teasing me, but the possibility felt real—him and Davyn together—and I both liked and loathed the idea. “Then it’s not even hate fucking, it’s strong-dislike fucking. That’s not a thing.”
“I’m just saying…” Zeke trailed off.
“Saying what?”
“If you don’t grab him, you’re going to have to watch him with someone else.”
Someone else , rather than watch him with me. I hated that idea completely, but it wasn’t my choice. After the conversation I’d had with Davyn, both of us agreeing we were better off not getting physical, seeing him with other people was going to happen.
It felt odd to have Zeke pushing this, though. “What about you and me?”
“What about us?” He sounded curious rather than cold.
“I know we haven’t promised each other forever, but there’s something here.” This was a conversation we needed to have anyway, but it terrified me and I couldn’t put the why into words. “I don’t get this close to people.” But I can’t breathe when you’re not around . “Are we exclusive?” No .
That was selfish of me.
“Not exclusivity,” Zeke said. “Just honesty. If we really have eternity ahead of us, we’re going to want to live and explore, rather than committing to forever before we’re thirty.”
A huff escaped my chest. Nothing about this conversation felt normal, but his words felt right. Was that fucked up?
Did I expect any less?
“What are you thinking?” Zeke asked.
“You’re right. And wise. Wiser than most immortals I’ve known. And for the record, Fake-Davyn was good.”
“Better than me?” This time there was a hint of jealousy in Zeke’s voice.
“Different.” I meant that. “And very much not real.” I had to remind myself of that, over and over. I hadn’t slept with the real Davyn. Not because of the sex, but because if I forgot for a moment that it wasn’t real, I’d lose myself in the fury and hopelessness of watching Finn execute him.
Like that, any lingering arousal died.
“How much of it do you think was real?” Zeke’s question was one I could go my entire existence without ever hearing again. “We were ourselves. The Davyn you encountered was enough like him that you didn’t recognize the deception at first.”
No matter how many times any of us asked that, my answer would be the same. “I don’t know. But the memories seemed real enough.” I didn’t want to say Finn’s name or mention the woman in the woods. “Kirby and Starkad were just like the people I met a few days ago, and if the vision was any indicator…”
“What?”
“I wouldn’t follow her. I can’t imagine who would.” It was an odd thought. Kirby was in charge during the fight, but that was meant to represent a me without prophecies. It was as likely as not that I’d never see her again. For all I knew, she was similar to someone who showed up in a dream—a face that my mind gave to an impression.
Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that my words meant more. That the experience did.
“Since we’re making random observations, I think I was supposed to figure out something about my father in there,” Zeke said.
Given we were equal and opposite… “My mother—the god I’ve never met—is a goddess of destruction and chaos.” Not new information, but was there something in there that pointed to where Zeke came from?
“Mom always said my father was a powerful man. That he led an army that would change the world.”
“That sounds like destruction.” Welcome to our lives. “But order, rather than chaos. Finn implied…” I trailed off when Zeke went rigid against me. I shouldn’t have said Finn’s name.
Zeke pushed out a long exhale, his breath hot against my skin. “He said and implied a lot of things that were bullshit.”
True. It didn’t seem like a good time to point out Finn also said things that were very true, even if his reasons for doing so were less than noble.
“Why didn’t you release us from the blood oath when Davyn told you to?” Zeke asked.
For the same reason you didn’t . How did I know that? The same weird, magical way I felt so much of what Zeke intended. “My plea was the only thing that kept Davyn from killing… him. I assume it was the same for your word and Finn’s. If we released each other from the bond…”
“Finn wouldn’t have felt obligated to me to keep from hurting you.”
“Fucked up, since he was going after me anyway.”
“But he was doing it in a really warped, looking for loopholes kind of way,” Zeke said.
Like most gods and other immortals.
The silence between us was comfortable, the way it had been since we met. I was grateful I could talk to Zeke like this. Davyn as well. Regardless of what Davyn thought, Zeke wasn’t a temporary part of my life.
The thought startled me, but it felt right. It wasn’t as if I was going to swear eternity to anyone. “I know we’ve said before that we’re here for each other, with the blood oath and otherwise, but you should know…” The words jammed in my throat. Saying them out loud felt like taunting fate.
Zeke squeezed me tight. “I do know. Me too.”
“You’re not a mind reader.” One of us had to say it. We couldn’t assume.
“Thank God.” He chuckled. “I’m not here with you because of a blood oath or a prophecy. I’m here because I want to be, and I don’t have an exit strategy.”
His phrasing made me smile. “Me too.”
“See?” He kissed me gently again. “I do know.”
He did. Better than anyone. Regardless of everything I knew, everything the prophecies said and that my mother had seen, the future was a big void of uncertainty. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like I had to face it alone.
Thank you for reading. For the next book in Azzie’s saga, check out VALKYRIE DESTINED . Destiny finally arrives, but despite years of training and waiting, no one is prepared for what comes next.