Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Laz
I haven't fucked Kris in a very long time.
Years. But when she came back after Brooks left, there was no other choice.
She just knew he'd get hooked by my heat since he sought out an appointment, and she planned her time accordingly.
But she doesn't actually know Brooks or our history.
She came home to find me huddled under my bed, deliriously screaming out my agony.
It was either she help me immediately, or I simultaneously peel off my skin and abandon my sanity.
She chose to save her financial endeavor.
She gave me a weak apology after it was over, but this was the final nail in the coffin.
I was finally ready to give up this mess of a life before, but now I'm determined to leave as soon as possible.
I was originally going to stay here long enough to wean myself off of the R cocktail she gives me, but it has become abundantly clear that that's not an option.
She won't let me stop taking it, and she's more than willing to give it to me without my consent if it gets her what she wants.
That's all this has ever been. I've been basking in a window of miserable, sober clarity for the past few days, and I've had time to really reacquaint myself with my situation.
I've come to the depressing conclusion that the only thing Kris saw in me from the very beginning is a junkie she could use to fill her pockets and climb her ladders.
If I had kept a clear, rational head for longer than a few hours, I would have seen it sooner.
I'm so stupid. I deserve everything I've gotten.
I should have realized what was happening during the very first ball she took me to.
She dressed me up, and I was so excited to go.
I had been to Scarlet Selection balls before, but after I met Brooks, I didn't want to go anymore.
Kris wanted to take me and I wanted to go.
It was fun. Even thinking back on it now and realizing what was happening around me that I missed, it was fun.
I danced. I laughed. I accepted a few roses, and Kris accepted a bouquet on my behalf as my escort and chaperon.
Then we went back to our hotel room, and she gave me the biggest dose of R I'd ever experienced.
I woke up next to the current police chief three days later, covered in bruises and stale cum.
She told me I picked his rose from the pile.
I believed her. But it happened again a week later with a judge.
And a week after that with the Alpha who runs the docks.
I didn't notice the pattern because I didn't want to.
I didn't want to be inside my own skull back then.
I wanted to forget the hurt I'd caused myself and the one person who tried to love me, and Kris was helping me do it.
She was taking care of me and keeping me safe while we kept me under an ocean of glorious heat.
But it took a turn when she started aiming higher.
One night, she dosed me into oblivion and gave me to a Valla.
He was the first Valla I had been with since leaving Brooks.
I don't remember very much of what happened, but what I do remember is sickening.
I must have accidentally called out for Brooks instead of the Valla, and he took it poorly.
I have a vague recollection of being forced to say his name over and over again.
I woke up in a medical clinic with Kris wringing her hands in the bedside chair.
She promised me no more Valla, but that was a lie, too.
There have been many Vallas, and they have all been very strategic choices for her.
I overheard her on the phone one night telling someone that there's nothing more delicious than an Omega in heat and that my heat could go on for as long as she wanted it to, and whoever was on the other end of the call needed to make a choice because my client list was long and plentiful.
I'm not sure what choice they made, but she didn't give me an injection until I was sitting between the two Alphas who showed up.
They were a mated pair who needed an Omega go-between to even out their dynamic.
They paid Kris to try me out. They wanted to keep me.
I remember the astronomical amount of money they offered her.
She shut that down so fast. I remember being so grateful to her because there's no way that couple would have been able to find the quality of R that I was accustomed to.
I also knew that once the heat wore off and the drug left my system, they wouldn't like the mess that was left afterwards.
Things have shifted over the years. I've been in one stage of heat or another for most of them.
I can be honest with myself enough to admit that I love it.
I love being in heat. I love heat spikes.
I love the attention and the feeling of being needed.
But enough is enough. I don't even remember the last time I went into a natural heat.
I can't remember what that actually feels like. And I miss Brooks.
I don't let myself think about him often, but it's unavoidable now that he was here.
I've cried over him so much, even though I made the choice that ended us.
I created my own heartbreak, I know that.
Sometimes I imagine the life we could have had together, and I hate myself even more.
He loved me. I think he still loves me. That's why he came.
That's why he was so angry when he was here.
That's why he brought me food and asked about my nest. I don't deserve it.
I don't deserve him. He doesn't deserve my depravity or filth, or the things I've allowed to happen to me.
It was one thing when he knew I was choosing to chase the thrill of constant heights of pleasure instead of building a life with him, but now he knows that I'm a whore.
I could have had a good life. I could have had a Valla who loves me.
Even if we weren't mated, he loved me. And I loved him.
I'm done. I don't want this life anymore. I don't want the clients. I don't want the drugs. I don't want the money or the lifestyle. I want to go home. I want to run to Brooks. He's home.
I have to make a plan and pray that it's enough.
Kris comes in a few hours later to rip open the drapes and shove a cup of coffee at me.
“Oh, sweetie. Stop sulking. It's a beautiful day outside. I'm going to walk around the block later. Maybe cross over to the cafe for lunch. Go with me. It will do you good to get some fresh air.”
I put the coffee on the nightstand without tasting it. “I'm not feeling fresh air and sunshine, Kris. Maybe we can go for dinner.”
I have every intention of putting her off then, too.
I've been avoiding going anywhere with her if I can help it.
I never know when it's an actual outing or if it's a guise to introduce me to another potential client.
So far she hasn't pushed me into anything, but I can tell it's starting to get to her.
She'll become insistent soon, and then she'll start distributing ultimatums. I hope to be gone before then.
“No,” she says, plopping down on my bed and sipping her own coffee. “I have other plans this evening. Can't you just enjoy an afternoon walk with me?”
“I don't feel well.”
“You're being ridiculous. You aren't sick. You're sad and pouting. A simple phone call would fix everything right up.”
I just look at her.
“Look, Laz. You're going to have to forgive me and let all this go. I didn't know that Valla would turn out to be such an ass. I thought he was the epitome of your dreams come to rescue you. Come on. Have lunch with me. It'll be fun, like it used to be before you turned into a pitiful bore.”
Before I'd had enough of this shit. I've grown weary before, but this feels different. It's final. I'm already out the door; my physical presence just needs to catch up.
“I'll go next time.”
She looks at me, then at my coffee then sighs. “We're going. You need to leave this room. You have a choice. You can choose to put on some nice clothes and comb your hair and go have a cheerful lunch with me, or I can make the choice for you. Either way, we're going. Decide how it's going to go.”
Fine.
I roll my eyes like a moody teenager and roll out of bed. She stays in the room while I get dressed. Her talent for small talk is endless, and she drones on about nothing until I slide my feet into my shoes.
“There,” she says. “That wasn't so hard, was it? Let's go.”
I leave my coffee untouched and cold on the nightstand.
I don't think Kris would put anything in my coffee, but I don't exactly think she wouldn't, either.
The edible forms of most of the R compounds are slow acting, but they take double the time to wear off.
If she's going to give me medicine, I'd rather it be an injection like usual. At least then I know what to expect.
She's given me two small doses since the last heat lifted.
Just enough to keep me from getting sick.
All I have to do is avoid any large doses for a while, and then I can go down to smaller and smaller amounts until I can go without indefinitely.
That's what all the posters and pamphlets at the clinic say to do.
They all advise against stopping all at once, and I know firsthand why.
Stopping abruptly leads to a violent, painful sickness that may or may not be worse than death.
It is a nice day out, and the sunshine does feel good on my skin. The scents and sounds of the city are so much brighter now than the last time I was out. Maybe Kris genuinely wanted what was actually best for me today.
We cross the street to the cafe and take a small table on the outdoor patio.
I love to watch people on their way to live their lives.
I create entire stories and scenarios for every one of them.
Kris used to ask me about it, and we'd make a day of speculating where people might be on their way to or where they're coming from.
That was before there were clients and appointments.
As if reading my mind, she gestures towards an incredibly well-dressed Beta rushing down the sidewalk. “Where's he going?”
I watch his quick steps and the way he checks his phone twice before he gets to the crosswalk at the corner.
“He's late for his appointment at the spa. His Alpha expects him to be shiny and smooth when he gets home, but he has to go on his lunch break. Maybe we can hand him a to-go order on his way back to the office?”
She blinks at me and then lets out a laugh I haven't heard in years. “You're ridiculous.”
“Just wait,” I tell her. “He'll come limping back down the sidewalk in about forty-five minutes.”
She laughs again, but it dissipates when the server comes to take our order. She doesn't order her usual and opts instead for the special.
“And for you, sir?” the server asks expectantly. “Would you also like the special?”
I don't know what the special is, but I only ever order one thing from this place. I don't like to deviate from what works. “No, thank you. I'd like to get the basil pesto mozzarella melt with a veg medley.”
“You always get that,” Kris chuckles.
“It's my favorite.”
“Alright,” the server says brightly. “It'll be out shortly. Would you like to be topped off?”
Kris nods and taps her glass.
“I'd like to switch to water, please,” I say. “With lemon.”
“No problem.” The server nods and disappears inside the cafe.
Kris's brows bunch together. “You didn't want more wine?”
I didn't want the first glass, but she ordered it for me without asking. I drank half of it, but I wasn't in the mood for wine. Honestly, what I want is tea. I'd like a gallon of hot, steamy raspberry tea.
I shake my head. “I feel dehydrated. And the lemon will be good with my sandwich.”
“If you say so,” she hums and looks back toward the sidewalk across the street. “What about her?” she asks, nodding at the only woman currently on that side of the street.
She's wearing a suit, but she's carrying the large rectangular case of an artist. A complete contrast. “She's easy.”
“Is she?”
I nod. “She's on her lunch break, too. But she's going to the park. She's got to finish painting that cherry tree before all the blossoms blow away.”
“How observant.”
“I guess.”
The rest of our lunch outing goes well. The special turns out to be a cream-based soup that reeks of too much garlic, but Kris eats every drop like it's the best thing she's ever tasted.
She convinces me to order dessert, and I choose a raspberry mousse since I can't get the tea I want.
I even enjoy the walk back to our building.
But it was too good to be true. I feel the drop as soon as I step off of the elevator, and a flush heats up my cheeks.
“Kris,” I whisper, devastated. “What did you do?”
“Did you think I was going to let you waste away in that bedroom?”
“Kris.”
“Sweetie, you really need to walk a little faster. We need to get you settled before he gets here.”
“He?” I ask as the first cramp pinches my stomach.
She smiles at me, but it doesn't leave her twisted red mouth. “You've met him before.”
Then everything spins sideways and fire consumes me.
The next thing I'm aware of is the feel of slick sheets underneath me. They're too hot, and they stick to my damp skin as I writhe against them.
“He's ready for you now,” Kris says cheerfully, but she sounds far away and underwater.
The door opens wide, and the silhouette that takes up the frame causes my mouth to dry and my throat to constrict as terror becomes the very air I'm trying to suck into my lungs. He steps into his room, unbuckling his belt.
“Hello again, Omega.”