Chapter 19
TOBIAS
The relief of his gambit working was profound.
Tobias felt like he could breathe again, lying there in Alexander’s arms, but the fact that his relief was driven mostly by having Alexander back by his side was startling, to say the least.
He could no longer deny what Alexander meant to him, and from the look on Alexander’s face as he blinked awake, the professor couldn’t either.
Tobias let his eyelids flutter shut as Alexander cupped his jaw and ran a thumb across his cheek.
If only he was a different man. If only Alexander wasn’t a Damianos.
Even if he could convince Alexander to run away somewhere, he’d be betraying the family that he’d killed, the family that Vladimir had effectively destroyed hundreds of years prior.
Tobias didn’t know if he could live with that guilt, if he could allow himself to be damned even further, but he also didn’t know if he could add Alexander’s death to his conscience.
It had all turned into a horrific kind of arithmetic, wondering if past vengeance was worth current pain.
Whether avenging his family was worth the death of a good man.
How strange, that so much love could spring from such deep hate.
He wasn’t sure if either of them really slept, curled up into each other.
It was around six in the morning when Alexander’s phone began to ring.
His stomach clenched because he knew it was nothing good, and he wished that Alexander would just ignore it.
That they could keep to this bubble they were in, curled up together, free from having to reckon with choices and their consequences.
To Tobias’ dismay, Alexander groaned and reached for it blindly.
“Hello?” Alexander answered in a sleep-rough voice. A stream of high-pitched chatter sounded from the other end of the line. Tobias put money on it being his sister who’d called.
Alexander sat up, the hard planes of his stomach rippling with the sudden movement.
His eyes were wide, his fist clutching the sheet as though his life depended on it.
Tobias followed, holding the thin sheet over his chest. No matter how hard Tobias tried to listen, he couldn’t work out what was being said.
Alexander was pin-straight and silent, but it was the expression on his handsome face that made Tobias feel sick.
All his pondering was answered when Alexander reached for the remote, pointed it at the TV on the cabinet opposite the bed, and turned it on. After finding the news channel, both men sat in silence and watched the reports of chaos unfold.
There had been multiple attacks last night. The reporter spoke of the return of Oxford’s serial assailant. They’d returned to the three locations of their last attacks: the club, Oxford University, and just outside the Turf Tavern.
Places Tobias knew well, because he was the one who’d visited them and hurt the three innocent people as the first parts of his plot to disturb Alexander’s life, and trap him in Oxford.
And yet he’d been in bed all night. He hadn’t done this. For a brief moment, relief rose up in him. It was quickly followed by panic.
Because now there were multiple deaths. The bodies were missing. Oxford was in lockdown. Scenes from the three locations flashed on the TV, showing police standing around interviewing potential witnesses, white tents erected over dead bodies and entire streets sectioned off by tape.
At some point Alexander ended his phone call. He sat beside Tobias, arm wrapping around his side, clutching Tobias to him. “It’s not safe here anymore.”
Tobias swallowed hard, knowing what was coming. “I mean, I don’t have anywhere else to go. I’ve got to stay in Oxford. And if they’re targeting your family, would you really be safe anywhere you went? We can’t run away from this.”
“Yes,” Alexander said as the TV shifted to a screen full of photographs. Each one was of a person, smiling and happy, enjoying their normal lives, but now with the label “deceased” in the chyron. “Yes, we can, and we will. I’m taking you to stay with my family until the killer is found.”
“Your…” Tobias’ world fell away from beneath him. “You want me to go with you?”
Tobias didn’t even know what was going on, because if he wasn’t the one killing these mortals, then who was?
He should have been elated to be taken back to Rothburn, but the only thing he could think about was that he didn’t want to have to choose between Alexander and his life’s purpose. Not right now.
“Someone is after my family, and you are now tied up with us because of me. I’m so, so sorry – truly. This is my fault.”
Tobias laid a hand over Alexander’s, noticing how badly he shook. “I can’t just leave. I have my job, my life, my…”
He couldn’t leave because that would mean the choice was made for him. He didn’t know if he could face Vladimir Damianos and stand strong against the urge to kill him.
“I’ll smooth everything over with the university, make sure you keep your position, but we can’t stay here. Not if there’s even the most remote chance that you’re next on this killer’s list.”
Everything Tobias had done, everything he had wanted, all led up to this very moment.
And yet he didn’t feel joy, or satisfaction, or any of the emotions he’d pictured experiencing in all the times he’d envisioned the triumph of finally being able to put a stake through Vladimir Damianos’ heart.
He didn’t feel anything but the sinking dread that he was finally to be faced with his life’s only purpose.
And that he wasn’t even sure if he wanted that anymore.
Between Alexander inviting Tobias to Rothburn, and the confusion as to who was mimicking his own attacks, he almost didn’t notice one of the photos on the TV. It was of a face he recognised, someone he had seen only hours before.
His heart stopped.
“Kate,” he gasped, his hand flying to his throat as if that would catch the breath leaving him.
She was… dead. Her face had joined the list of lives lost to the killings last night.
She had become nothing but a name on a news report, another life lost. And Tobias shouldered that responsibility.
Because whoever did this was doing it for a reason, and he couldn’t escape the feeling that it might be tied to him somehow.
To relay a message to him, to mimic him, to use his attacks as cover for their own deviance.
It didn’t matter, because at the end of the day he was the one at fault.
“This can’t be real,” Tobias muttered, falling back into Alexander’s embrace. “She’s gone?”
“I’m sorry,” Alexander whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of Tobias’ head while clearing his damp hair from his forehead. “I’m so sorry, Tobias. I never wanted you to get tied up in this.”
That pained Tobias more. Alexander was taking the blame for something Tobias had caused.
It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Alexander the truth, to offload his sins in hopes it eased the pressure on him.
But he swallowed down the urge. He was evil, allowing Alexander to comfort him when Tobias didn’t deserve any of it.
In the end, his greatest fear was only a glance in the mirror away. He wasn’t any better than Vladimir Damianos.
“My family is sending a car to collect us. There’s so much you need to know about them, but the most important thing is you are safe with me. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Alexander continued stroking Tobias’ head, clutching him to his bare chest. “I swear on my life, Tobias. I swear it.”
Why did it sound as though he was trying to convince himself?
Tobias knew what awaited him at Rothburn.
He would be surrounded by his enemies, something he had spent hundreds of years imagining.
And now that he was on the cusp of actually being where he’d longed to be, he wanted nothing more than to turn his back and run.
Once he entered Rothburn, there really was no turning back. Instead of feeling triumphant, Tobias realised the tragedy of his own situation.
“I’m frightened, Alexander,” Tobias admitted, knowing Alexander would take it one way, although it was meant another. “This is all happening so quickly.”
“I know,” Alexander said, pressing another kiss to his head. “But I’m with you. I’m not going to leave you.”
Yes, you will. Tobias’ thoughts came thick and fast, the insidious voice taunting him. Because when I drive a stake through your father’s heart, you will follow him in death. You all will.
“I don’t have most of my things,” Tobias added, feeling another wave of guilt constrict his throat.
All but two days’ worth of Tobias’ clothes were at his apartment, as was the stake he had saved for this very moment.
He needed to get it, but in the same breath he longed for Alexander to refuse him.
“I can’t just leave everything behind. I have–”
“It will be taken care of. We have money, we have the means to replace everything you have ever owned and more. If it would make you feel better, I could have one of my father’s men go and collect your–”
“No,” Tobias said, trying to draw a deep breath. “No. I’m just panicking. You’re right, I don’t need anything. I have you, Alexander. I have you, and that’s enough.”
He buried his face into the stone-hard chest, squeezing his eyes shut. He knew he had just manipulated Alexander, using his weakness against him. Tobias was his weakness.
“And I have you, little deer.” Alexander’s hold tightened. “I’m never letting you go.”
Through tears, Tobias pulled back enough to look up. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Alexander.”
The TV continued to play loudly in the bedroom.
Alexander’s phone was ringing again. Someone was pressing the buzzer on his front door.
But through the noise and chaos, Alexander held Tobias’ gaze and refused to give up on him.
There was determination in the pools of rich gold, the very same Tobias had seen in his own reflection whenever he contemplated killing Vladimir Damianos.
Tobias knew that if he looked at his reflection now, he would see the very same scared little boy Vladimir had first killed nearly five hundred years ago.
“This wasn’t how I expected I’d be meeting your family.” Tobias tried to add a bit of levity, but it fell completely flat. “Are they going to think I’m smart and accomplished enough to be with their son, the Oxford professor?”
“No time like the present,” Alexander said as the buzzer went off again and his phone continued to ring. “I’m going to go and rip the head off whoever is at my door and calling my phone. Once that’s happened, we are going to shower and get ready to leave. Together, okay?”
Tobias melted into Alexander’s gentle hand as he swept it down the curve of his jaw. “Together?”
“That’s what I said.”
Tobias was desperate for that distraction and dreaded it in the same moment.
But he didn’t say anything more as Alexander got up and left the bedroom.
Only when he heard the front door open, Alexander giving a command to the vampire who had been sent by Vladimir to collect the two of them, did Tobias allow himself to let a few tears fall, before collecting himself and jumping in the shower.
He stood there beneath the warm water until Alexander joined.
They didn’t speak, nor did they rush. Two men, enjoying the last moment of peace, before Tobias knew he would ruin the chance of it forever.