Chapter 15 Kayla
Kayla
Iwalked inside my dressing room, adrenaline pumping through me, leaving me with a floating high.
Sebastian’s clients really liked to hear me sing.
I could hardly believe it. After years of being literal background noise—not even glorified background noise—I was the main attraction. I fought the urge to pinch myself.
It just didn’t feel real.
I’d missed singing in front of a live audience, though. Even the one in The Neutral Zone really hadn’t given me any feedback at all.
The fact this audience reacted and responded…Well, that was all just so much extra. It left me almost jittery. I was buzzing on the atmosphere, still.
My smile was fixed in place.
I’d just reached around my back and begun to unzip my dress when there was a knock at my door. I hesitated. I knew that knock.
It was Sebastian.
As angry as I still was over him knowing about Lettie and not telling me, there was a dart of excitement at knowing I was about to see him.
I couldn’t even explain that traitorous dart.
It was more like an instinct or an urge, like my subconscious knew Sebastian and recognized him as something more than just a guy who’d really gotten on my nerves, even though I was trying to maintain my annoyance so I could find the strength to deal with our issues properly.
“Just a minute.” I rearranged my dress so it didn’t gape at the front and wrapped an arm across my breasts to hold the fabric in place before I unlocked the door and opened it.
“You were amazing, again.” Sebastian’s words tumbled from him. “The crowd loves you.” His soft, blue-eyed gaze caressed me as he spoke, and his tumble of hair was so naturally mussed that it was hard not to reach out and muss it some more.
It was hard to see him in his dark suit and not give in to absurd urge to press myself against him, but… I resisted.
Even still, I couldn’t help the excitement that bubbled up inside me once more as I relived my final moments on the stage, soaking in the reaction of the watching supernaturals. “It feels amazing,” I gushed, before I stepped back to let him inside my dressing room.
Although, despite the thrill I had at seeing him, my logical self spoke up, and the fact he was here again galvanized my annoyance.
I really did need some space. I needed to be alone to feel excited and not be confronted by the new vampire who owned my contract now — the new vampire who seemed to lie as easily as the old vampire.
But I’d never had feelings for Francois. Sebastian had complicated everything with feelings.
I was so torn every time I looked at him. I loved the singing job but not the idea that I was essentially on a leash to spell cast if those services were required. I also didn’t love that I lived in his home.
Although…perhaps living there had saved me from being injured when my own home was broken into.
I sighed. I just didn’t know anymore.
“Nothing about this is easy, is it, Sebastian?” I whispered as I turned from him and dragged my robe on over my dress.
“It can be,” he replied. “We can complete the mating bond and even turn you, and suddenly things will seem very easy indeed.” Desperation shone in his eyes, and I shook my head.
Maybe there was no time like right now to just lay everything out again for him.
“Right. So you lied to me, and I forget all about that and just throw myself into some sort of ritual I don’t understand and don’t even know if I want.
One that has the ability to magically fix everything?
” I shook my head emphatically. “I don’t think so. ”
“Kayla.” He had a way of making my name a plea.
But I shook my head. Regardless of my feelings for this man in front of me, I wasn’t about to let them roam free when he essentially owned me, and when I didn’t even know enough about being turned. How many vampire witches existed? Did I even need to be turned? Would my own magic be enough?
Perhaps that kind of thing was mentioned in one of my grimoires.
It almost didn’t matter, though. Even if Sebastian were the most perfect man in the world for me—and I wasn’t even convinced that sort of fairytale guy existed—I needed more from him. It wasn’t enough to simply tell me pretty things. The best lies were always pretty.
Sebastian had lied as soon as he chose to hide Lettie’s death from me. He’d lied and betrayed me in one fell swoop because I’d chosen to trust him.
“I don’t think you should be here, Sebastian.” I tried to keep my voice neutral. Cold, even, but a hint of desperate plea crept into it as I almost mirrored his tone.
But he shook his head, his face serious as he closed my dressing room door. “I think this is exactly where I need to be.” He took a seat on my chaise and patted the space next to him. “We should talk about this. Talk about what I did, how you feel, how I feel… How I’d do anything to change it.”
I glanced at the velvet fabric — an ostentatious purple, but I loved it anyway — and images of what we’d done the last time we were on the chaise together invaded my mind. My cheeks heated and I grew wet just thinking of Sebastian’s tongue on me.
My resolve kicked in, though, and I drew my robe tightly around myself and perched gingerly on the edge of the seat. I didn’t want to be too close to him but at the same time there was an almost magnetic force pulling me toward him, like there was no point even trying to resist him.
I didn’t look at him, though. I clasped my hands together and rested them on my lap so I didn’t reach for him either, and I stared at the wall on the opposite side of the room. If I looked at him or touched him, I’d give in, and I couldn’t do that.
Too much rested on this. It wasn’t just a point of principle. It was about how I needed to be treated. It was about respect and my self-worth, and I’d spent far too long not demanding either.
“I’m so sorry, Kayla.” He stopped for a moment. “I can’t tell you how sorry. I’ve handled all of this really badly. There are things I should have told you when we first met or as we went along. Things I should have said and didn’t. But there are things I’d like to share with you now.”
I nodded. Just once, but it was permission enough for him to continue.
“I was scared, and I was desperate. I know it not an excuse.” He sighed and leaned back against the chaise then rubbed a hand over his face.
“I was exiled here and then I met you and it was like it was meant to be, and I didn’t want to do or say anything that would drive you away.
I was afraid if you thought I was a monster, you wouldn’t have stayed. ”
I half-turned to him, my mouth open to tell him he never even gave me a chance to form any sort of opinion, but he continued to talk.
“I told you I was exiled here by Nic because I tried to turn Leia, but what I didn’t tell you was that I’d believed myself in love with Leia.
But I wasn’t. My feelings for Leia were nothing compared to what I feel for you.
My feelings for you consume me. They excite and scare me in equal parts.
Initially, keeping the news about Lettie from you was a necessity.
I couldn’t be that messenger. I didn’t want you to turn from me, and I’m so used to making those sorts of decisions on behalf of other people that I didn’t even think about it.
It just felt… just felt necessary. Like I could protect both of us.
I didn’t have to break the awful news to you, and you wouldn’t hate me for delivering the message.
” He shrugged. “I’ve got no excuse. No good reason.
But I regret it now. I can see how much I’ve hurt you, and I can see the damage I’ve caused.
What I’ve done is unforgiveable… But I need to ask you to try. Please forgive me.”
I merely watched him, and he touched my cheek fleetingly. The moment the touch was gone, I missed it, and I closed my eyes, imagining it still there.
“I should have told you exactly what happened during the war with Francois and émile, and I should have told you about my role in that. I can tell you now, if you’d like to listen?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think I need to hear all of that.
It’s just a distraction from the things you really should have told me.
No need for backstories or tales of sadness, Sebastian.
I needed someone who would tell me the truth.
Turns out, you’re not that guy.” I forced myself to shrug nonchalantly even as my knuckles whitened as I clasped my hands tighter together.
“Can I fix it?” He sounded a little bit broken, and my heart ached.
I wanted to kiss him, to make it better. Despite my harsh words, everything in me said that Sebastian was still the man for me, that I shouldn’t be this mad at him because he’d made a mistake.
I almost scoffed. Some mistake, though. It had been a huge breach of my trust.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I just…really don’t know.” What else could I say? I couldn’t exactly make promises.
“Please, Kayla? At least say you’ll try?” His hand was warm when he covered mine, and the touch weakened me.
I was still so conflicted, but I didn’t detect any dishonesty in him, and maybe he hadn’t understood exactly how much Lettie meant to me. Perhaps I hadn’t made him fully understand. I shook my head a little, not prepared to fully shoulder the blame for this.
Regardless of how much detail I’d gone into, he’d known I was worried about Lettie. But a second chance wasn’t necessarily a bad thing…
I stood abruptly. “Let me get changed and we can go back to the house. There’s something I want to show you.” I shrugged my robe off and changed into my jeans and T-shirt as quickly and efficiently as I could, then wiped my make-up off with wide, hard strokes.
“Your performance was amazing again,” Sebastian said as he drove us back to his house, his movements confident and competent at the wheel.
I wanted to purr contentedly at his praise, but instead I just nodded. “Thank you.”