Chapter 21 Francois
Francois
Itightened my hold on Maeve, trying to fight the desperation crawling through my body. It had been a long time since panic had seized me in a grip this strong. I’d searched so long for my mate, searched when other vampires hadn’t bothered at all.
I’d wanted her. And now I had her.
And she was rejecting me.
Or that was what it felt like.
She was willing to forsake all of the gifts I could provide—immortal life, abundant wealth… Once, I would have added prestige and position to that list, but I really no longer had either. I existed at the whim of Nicolas, and I had to be grateful for that.
Except today, I wasn’t.
Not when I wanted to give my mate everything. Hadn’t I told her everything? Did I need to say more?
I glanced at Maeve, looking at the profile of her nose as she rested against me. Love for her welled inside me. So long. It had been so long and I’d made so many mistakes.
No, I couldn’t say any more.
I needed to treasure her exactly as she was and throw away my own selfish desires for my life…our lives. I couldn’t do anything to influence her decision. It wouldn’t be fair.
And how often had I tried to force my decision on others before? That had never worked out well.
I couldn’t force Maeve. She was my true mate and I couldn’t do it to her…but where exactly did that leave me?
It left me even more dependent on Nicolas and his family. I hated being grateful. It was exhausting—to continuously remember that you had someone else to thank for everything and live your life accordingly.
I squashed the bitterness trying to take root inside me. I couldn’t blame Maeve, and it wasn’t Nicolas’s fault.
But it had to be someone’s fault because fucking life just wasn’t fair. It was another hit. Again and again. I had the rest of a cursed immortal life for this kind of punishment.
The bitterness tasted ugly.
And I’d made promises I might not be able to keep. What if I lost control when I finally took her to my bed properly? What if I lost my control? I could kill my mate the way I’d killed so many before.
The thought was unbearable.
But I couldn’t deny it was possible.
I’d defy any vampire to keep his instincts at bay while loving his mate. Even now my gums ached and I longed to taste her.
I moved abruptly, needing to put some space between us but not wanting to be too far away.
“Come to the kitchen, mon ange.” If nothing else, I could still feed my mate. Well, perhaps. It had been many years since I’d ventured into a kitchen. I hadn’t needed to.
“Okay.” She sounded unsure, and I smiled to try to assuage any worry.
“I need to brush up my skills if I’m to love a human.”
Her smile faltered for a moment before brightening again. “And what am I to eat?” She sounded so shy that I dodged forward and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, holding my breath so as not to take in any more of her delicious scent.
I paused before I answered, though. This could all go horribly wrong.
Then I couldn’t help my grin as memories of my mother rushed back.
“A dish my mother used to cook. I think it reminded her of her childhood. A time before she was turned. She ate it whenever she was sad, even when she had no need of the food.”
“Comfort food? Sounds like a plan.” Although Maeve smiled, my heart squeezed. Was she sad? In need of comfort?
“Are you sad, Maeve?” I needed to know.
I led her to a barstool as I spoke, but instead of answering, her eyes widened as she looked around the gleaming white kitchen space. “Wow. This is a better setup than most restaurants, surely?”
I shrugged. “Je ne sais pas.” I didn’t know.
She laughed. “Of course you don’t, and why would you? You don’t eat. But didn’t Leia mention a chef?”
I paused as I reached for a saucepan. I’d forgotten about Chef. He didn’t like anyone else in his kitchen. Then I glanced over my shoulder at Maeve. Admiration was plain to see on her face, and it was admiration for me.
I’d deal with Chef’s temper later. I’d deal with anything for Maeve.
And at least with Chef in residence, the kitchen was well stocked, so I didn’t need to worry about not finding the things I needed and losing the admiration I’d just gained.
Seeing Maeve impressed with me… Someone so important being impressed with me.
It was everything. I’d forgotten. Or maybe I’d never known it.
Perhaps the respect my position had always commanded had simply been driven by fear of my family name.
Where I wouldn’t have cared before and didn’t care then, it mattered now.
I didn’t want Maeve’s fear. I wanted her admiration and respect. I wanted her love.
I wanted forever.
But I’d start with tonight.
And I’d start with aligot.
Except… I’d neglected an important step. As I arranged the potatoes on the counter, I looked at Maeve. “Do you like potatoes? I should have asked before.”
“How very remiss of you.” But there was a teasing curve to her lips. Then she nodded. “Yes, I like potatoes. And cheese…butter…cream…” Her eyes widened as she tracked my movements while I grabbed ingredients. “Hang on… Are you just making me mashed potatoes?” She laughed.
I raised my finger and pointed at her. “Non! Not mere mashed potatoes. Nothing so simple for my mate. Have you ever had aligot?”
She shook her head.
“Ah, then you’re in for a treat, mon ange. It’s a dish from the old country. France,” I added when she drew her eyebrows down. “My mother used to make it when there was something wrong or she was sad.” Which had been far too often looking bad. “It was a salve for all ills.”
“Your mother ate?”
I nodded. “Yes. It was almost a reflexive behavior. She didn’t need the food for nutrition and she didn’t need to eat. But I think it was the comfort of an old familiar motion.”
“I think I can understand that.” Her expression dropped a little.
“Something you’d miss?” I tried to sound lighthearted but it was just one more thing she expected I was taking away from her.
“I can’t imagine it.” She said it like a confession while she leaned forward to watch what I was doing.
“You’d be able to eat again. Not right away, but we do retain the ability. And imagine it—eating solely for pleasure.” I looked away, not wanting to apply too much pressure.
Even though I ached to apply all the pressure.
Love me. Choose me.
As I cooked the dish, boiling the potatoes and making the mash and folding in the garlic and cheese until it hung from the spoon in wide, aromatic ribbons that would taste as delicious as they smelled.
She breathed in. “Smells amazing,” she said.
I bit back my tiny smile. “Simply providing for my mate,” I murmured.
I was so lucky to have found her. Even though I’d been searching, that would never have been a guarantee. I hadn’t even been looking in the right city. Fate had truly brought her to me.
She was so beautiful. I was actually falling in love. Nothing I’d ever expected. I hadn’t known, and I hadn’t presumed or dared hope.
“Are you going to eat as well?” She tucked a lock of that red fire behind her ear.
“Of course,” I said like it was a total no-brainer.
If I couldn’t share blood with my mate, even when the urge grew stronger each day, then I’d share her meals. I’d eat actual food until my body couldn’t process anymore so I could share a ritual with her.
I served the aligot into two bowls, huge mounds of potatoes, and Maeve laughed.
“Really? How much do you think I eat?”
“I would hate for you to be left…unsatisfied.”
Her cheeks pinked as soon as the words left my mouth, and she dropped her gaze. I set the food on the bar in front of her, and walked around to the stool next to hers, ignoring the delicate scent of her arousal as I did.
She wound the aligot onto her fork like it was noodles, laughing as it was slow to tear away from itself before she took her first mouthful.
Then she closed her eyes and made a low moan of appreciation.
My cock jerked at the sound. I’d make her aligot every day if she made those kinds of noises when I did.
We spoke as we ate. Things I’d remember, things I probably wouldn’t, but I’d be glad to hear her stories again and again as she distracted me from what she was saying by resting her hand on my arm or laughing without restraint.
“How do you know Nic and his mate?” Her eyes shone curiously as she glanced up from winding a particularly long stretch of cheese around her fork.
I laughed. “You could call is history.”
Her gaze sharpened. “History?”
I smiled and nodded. “We go a long way back. Our fathers were…”
“Friends?” she supplied and I laughed, shaking my head.
“Far from it. No, I used to believe they were peers, but perhaps they were more different than I ever realized. Nicolas’s father was…
” I stopped, almost unable to believe what I was about to say.
“He was good.” Then I shrugged. “My father was rarely good. He was mostly bad. Sometimes with a side of evil, I think.” But despite that, he’d been my father, and his behavior hurt even now.
“But Nicolas and I… More likely we are best described as frenemies. All our lives.”
She laughed then.
She was carefree and she was beautiful.
Radiant.
Vitality shone from her.
Even this was enough. It would have to be. To sit beside her and simply soak her in. It seemed selfish to ask for more than her presence in my life…even though I wanted.
Silence fell as she chewed thoughtfully. After she’d swallowed the mouthful of silky potato and cheese, she met my gaze.
“Have you managed to learn anything new about the spells or what we need to do?”
Before I could answer her, Sam and Kayla came through the door, their chat and laughter bursting the bubble I’d created for Maeve and me. The time that I’d carved out simply to enjoy my mate was at an end.
“We need an ingredient,” Kayla said, and part of me bristled that she was answering the question that Maeve had asked me.