Chapter 20
MAVERICK
I shouldn’t have done that. That’s all I can think as I pound out the miles on the treadmill at the stadium.
When I woke up, it was still dark out. And I was wrapped around Sadie’s warm, luscious body, touching every part of her I could. She was holding my hand tightly to her chest, and I could feel the soft exhale of her breath on my skin.
It was the same exquisite torture as when I woke up in bed with her after the wedding, only this time she had no fucking idea I was there.
I’m a goddamn asshole. She was mostly asleep when I laid her in bed and she didn’t know what she was doing, grabbing my hand and murmuring stay in that sleepy, sexy voice of hers.
I had no fucking business climbing in behind her and letting my arm drape over her body.
It doesn’t matter that she wouldn’t let go of my hand, or that even asleep, she shifted backward until her ass was tucked up into my pelvis, making things instantly hard under my pants.
Fucking hell. I should’ve waited until she was fully asleep and then left.
No, I should’ve let go of her hand in the first place and never laid down.
Because the second my body came into contact with hers, it was like a shot of calm straight into my veins.
Everything from the day melted away, the bolt of desire I felt seeing her lace bra in the bathroom, the panic when she cut herself, the overwhelming sense of rightness when I bandaged her up.
All the mixed-up feelings I’ve no business having disappeared, and I wanted to stay wrapped around her forever.
It’s why I snuck out in the early morning hours, long before anyone else would reasonably be up, and came to the stadium.
Thank fuck we’ve all got twenty-four-hour access.
I took a plunge in one of the ice baths that are always ready, then hit the gym.
I know I pushed my luck carrying Sadie last night, and fuck if my shoulder isn’t mad at me today.
But even if it sets me back, I can’t bring myself to say I regret it.
Feeling her sweet, sleepy surrender into my arms was heaven.
She trusts me to protect her, to take care of her.
And that’s the most heady feeling in the goddamn world.
The swish of the gym doors opening reaches me, and I know my solitude is over. Damn, guess I’ve been here longer than I realized. Punching the buttons on the treadmill, I slow my pace down to a fast walk and start cooling down, returning my heartrate to normal.
“Hey Mav, you’re here early.”
Glancing to my side, I see Rhett, or Darling as we call him, stepping onto the machine next to me. He’s a solid player in the outfield, with an accuracy to his throws that’s impressive, even here in the major leagues.
I give him a grunt of acknowledgment. The guys know I don’t talk a lot, so there’s no expectation for more.
Except a part of me wants more. I can’t explain it, but part of me is sick and tired of holding everyone at arm’s length.
I see the other guys and their friendships, the camaraderie going deeper than just teammates, the way it is with me.
I’ve never had that kind of connection with anyone except Colin.
And I can’t help but wonder what I’m missing.
Clearing my throat, I slow down my pace even more. “Yeah, couldn’t sleep so I figured I’d come in and get an early start.”
Darling’s head whips over to me, shock registering on his face. I get it, that’s probably the first time I’ve just engaged in casual conversation with him, despite our playing together for years. When I talk to the guys, it’s always about baseball. Never anything personal.
“Are they gonna let you play in a game soon?”
“Fuck, I hope so.” My words come out sharper than I intended. “Sorry. Just, y’know.”
“Yeah, man. I get it. Being on the IL as long as you have must have been tough.” Darling glances over at me before increasing to a run. “We’ve missed you on the field.”
Six words. Six fucking words, and that unfamiliar part of me that suddenly wants more of a relationship with these guys that I spend so much of my time with over half of the year cracks wide open.
“Thanks,” I reply gruffly, punching the stop button on the machine. I don’t know how to respond. I want to, but I don’t know how. And that makes me feel like a fucking dumbass with the emotional intelligence of an ant.
“See you soon,” Darling calls out as I walk away.
“Yeah.”
There I go with those fucking one-word answers again. If I’m gonna try this whole connecting with people thing, maybe I need How to Have a Conversation for Dummies or something. Jesus.
The building is busier now as players and staff arrive for the day. I’m due in to see Lark for a PT session, then if all goes well, I’m headed out to the field for practice in a couple of hours.
“Hey, Mav.” Lark’s bright voice reaches me as soon as I enter the therapy area. The short blonde is bouncing up to me with way too much peppy energy to handle right now. “I saw you on the treadmill when I arrived. Did you already go through a set of weights?”
“Yeah. And an ice bath.”
She nods and leads me into her treatment room. “Okay, well, let’s check your range and see how things are going. What did you do for upper body?”
We go through the stretching program, testing my range of motion and strength in my injured side. I can’t tell from her expression if Lark is pleased with my progress or not, leaving me hoping like hell I haven’t set myself back between last night and this morning.
Exercise is the best way to chase away my demons, but between carrying Sadie to bed, and pushing it in the gym, I’m now realizing I could have fucked everything up. But just as my panic is starting to climb, Lark steps back with a beaming smile.
“This is incredible, Mav. You’re healing really well.
Like, better than expected. Your range is almost back to normal, and I think you’re good to increase the load on that arm.
Still not quite game-play level, but definitely back to daily practice and warm-ups with the team.
If things keep going this well, my guess is you’ll be back to full capacity in the next couple of weeks. ”
I exhale a loud curse. “Thank fuck.”
Lark just laughs. “I know it hasn’t been easy being off for so long, but really, you’re lucky your injuries weren’t more serious.”
The unspoken message is received. I got lucky this time, in a lot of ways. The accident could have injured me worse than it did, and not only that, it could have hurt someone else. I know I can’t let myself get in a situation like that again.
Which means Colin’s right, the fucker. I have to talk to Eli. And make it clear I won’t be roped into his bullshit any longer.
“Alright, let me tape your shoulder for practice today. We’ll continue with that for a few more weeks, probably even when you’re back in the game. It’s good to give that injured joint some added support.”
Lark’s efficient movements have my shoulder covered in athletic tape in no time, and she makes me go through a few more movements to make sure the tape isn’t impeding anything.
“You’re good to go. But I want another ice bath session after practice, and let’s get Jorge to review your weight training program tomorrow to make sure that’s all in good shape.”
After finishing up with Lark, I make my way to the executive offices in response to an email from Willow.
I knock on her door, and her head lifts to greet me with a smile. “Mav, hey! How are you doing? Come on in.”
Willow Lawson is a force of nature. She’s someone I respect and she’s friends with Sadie, making me just a touch nervous, seeing as I have no idea what this meeting is about.
“Doing good,” I reply, sitting down in a chair. “Lark thinks I’ll be cleared to play in a couple weeks, depending on what Doc says.”
Willow’s smile is genuine and stretches wider. “That’s fantastic to hear. But I wanted to talk about something else.” Her smile falls ever so slightly. “I probably shouldn’t be saying any of this here since it’s not work-Willow talking right now. But I wanted to touch base with you about Sadie.”
My spine stiffens. “What about her?”
Willow drops her gaze to her hands for a minute before looking at me again.
“She’s a really good person. Amazing, really.
Has a heart of gold and would give you the shirt off her own back if you asked.
She loves her work, and her family, and puts all of that first, every single day.
In the few years I’ve known her, I’ve never once seen her be cared for the way she takes care of everyone around her.
She’s the girl that insists on covering the tab, even when she only has one drink.
She makes sure everyone else is happy, that their needs are met, and she leaves nothing for herself.
It’s why she put up with her asshole of an ex for so long.
And it’ll be the reason she’ll stay with you unless you give her a different one.
She’ll want to make you happy, make your life easier, do whatever she thinks you need her to do.
And she won’t stop unless you make her see that her worth isn’t in what she can do for others, but simply in who she is.
That you want her, not what she does for you.
” Willow pauses and drops her forehead in her hand.
“I don’t know if I’m making sense, and I’m probably overstepping my boundary as her friend and your coworker.
But I keep seeing photos of you two, and she looks at you with such hope in her eyes.
Like you could be the one to finally give her what she wants — her own happiness, and actual love.
And if that’s not you, if that’s not what you see yourself doing with her, then I’m just saying, break it off now.
If you’re only in this because she makes you happy, or because it’s easy, and not because you could love her the way she deserves, then do the right thing and let her go. ”
Willow falls silent, and all I can hear is the roaring sound of my heart racing. Everything she said is so accurate, so eerily on the nose, it sends me into a moment of panic that she might know Sadie and I are just pretending.
But fast on the heels of that panic comes something else.
Willow just confirmed what I was already figuring out about my Specs.
That she’s the type to sacrifice herself, her own happiness, for everyone else.
And isn’t that exactly what she’s done? She’s put my needs, my career, my future, first. And in doing so, she’s made my cold heart warm up for the first time.
She’s made me realize I don’t have to keep everyone out, because not everyone is against me.
Her loyalty, her commitment to helping me, it’s changing me.
“She does make me happy,” I start slowly, feeling the words out. “And she does make everything better. Easier. But there’s a hell of a lot more to it than just that.”
I push back my chair and stand up, suddenly filled with an impulsive need to find Sadie.
Except I can’t. I have to go to practice.
Fuck. I finally wrap my head around the idea of telling her that something’s changed, that I don’t want to pretend to have feelings for her, that I actually do have feelings for her, and now I can’t do a goddamn thing about it.
Staring Willow straight in the eyes, I finally say it out loud. “I care about her. A fucking lot. And letting her go is the last goddamn thing I plan to do.”