Chapter Twelve
Macy
The clubhouse was… a lot.
Not in a threatening way. It was just overwhelming in the way something big and unfamiliar always was at first. It was like a bar and a pub and a game room all smashed together, layers of noise in the form of laughter, clinking bottles, conversation, and kids playing.
The main room was full of camaraderie and family, of a kind of togetherness I’d only ever experienced with Drew.
Men who I learned were prospects, which meant they weren’t full-fledged members of the Steel Demons MC yet, moved around the space with ease and confidence.
The women, old ladies and club girls, coexisted as one unit, serving food and drinks, and caring for children as needed. It was more than overwhelming.
What the fuck was more than overwhelming?
Nobody stared or ogled. A few heads had turned my way when I walked in with Drew but that seemed to be more out of curiosity than anything else. Being here the second time was as intimidating as the first.
I wasn’t comfortable, but I was less wary.
I still clocked the exits and counted the doors, but not because I was scared of anyone inside these walls, but because I was always looking for a way out.
Vigilance had been drilled into me out of necessity years ago, but here I was calmer than most places.
The last time I was here, I hadn’t paid attention to anything beyond the noise and the people. Today I noticed just how lived-in this place was with scuffed tables, the dartboards, and pool tables that were well maintained, and even the chalkboard menu written in someone’s careful script.
My heart still raced a little faster than normal, but I felt oddly relaxed. Maybe it was the early morning orgasm from Drew. Or maybe it was just because he’d chosen to trust these people which meant, in a way, I’d also chosen that. Or something like that.
Ellie spotted me first, approaching with a smile so bright it almost felt unreal, like she’d stepped out of a fairytale instead of a biker clubhouse. “Hey, Macy. How are you holding up?”
I shrugged. “I’m sleeping better and still alive, so that’s good.” I tilted my head. “How are you?”
“Busy,” she sighed. “There’s always stuff to do here, plus, I’m editing my latest book.” She paused for a moment and I was about to ask her what she wrote, when she continued. “Worrying about you.”
I blinked. “Me? Why are you wasting your time worrying about me?” She didn’t even know me.
She nodded. “Vandal said you left without a lot of clothes.”
My eyes went wide and I felt that old mortification rise up and sting my eyes. “He didn’t.” Instantly I was a teenager again with ratty, old clothes and ill-fitting shoes that made me the subject of scorn and ridicule.
“He did,” she answered with a nod. “I can help if you want?”
Help. I shook my head immediately. Everyone was so nice here, but I didn’t need charity.
I also didn’t want to be more of a nuisance than I was already.
“I can’t ask you to do that. You have so much to worry about already and you don’t need to add me to that list.” I was done being a burden on the world.
I hesitated, then added more honestly. “But you’re right, I do need a few more items. So if you want to help, I would love the names of a few secondhand shops? ”
Her smile wavered and surprise flashed in her eyes.
“Oh. Yeah. Sure.” She looked away and I couldn’t tell if she was hurt or just disappointed.
I was no good at connecting with people, even when I wanted to.
Still, she rattled off a few names, still looking unsure.
“They have good deals and trendy pieces.”
I didn’t bother telling her I didn’t care about what was trendy, only comfortable and affordable. “Thanks,” I said instead.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Drew asked when he approached.
“Not much,” Ellie smiled. “I was just giving Macy the names of a few secondhand shops in town so she can grab a few things. But it might be better if you took her and got her some decent stuff?”
My gaze narrowed at the woman who only appeared to be sweet and innocent. She’d clearly seen through my act. “Traitor,” I murmured under my breath and she laughed.
“Look, the club helps out those who need it. Don’t worry about payment and don’t feel embarrassed about needing help. We’ve all been there at some point in our lives.”
I gave her a weak smile.
Drew’s hand settled on my hip like it was second nature. “We can do that now if you want?”
My shoulders relaxed. I wasn’t used to kindness, and Drew’s club was so welcoming.
Relief pulsed through me and I nodded, already starting a mental list of what I needed to grab.
A couple pairs of jeans, some t-shirts and maybe a hoodie or a sweater.
Possibly a jacket depending on how cold it got in the desert.
That would be plenty to get me through. Oh and underwear.
I only had about five pairs, so I definitely needed to stock up.
I wasn’t taking charity, though. I still had some money, and I would try and pay my way. Though I wasn’t under any illusions that Drew would make this easy or that he wouldn’t argue, so I was ready for a fight.
“Come on.” His hand moved from my back to my hand as he guided me out of the clubhouse and across the parking lot where his bike sat.
We left on his bike, my hands sliding around his slender waist automatically.
My body still remembered the way he ate my pussy earlier, the way he’d taken his time like he had nowhere else to be.
Heat pulsed through me and a full body shiver shook me.
Drew put the ball in my court so if I wanted a replay, if I wanted more, it would have to be me who made the next move.
As if I could do that. I didn’t make the first move, not because I wanted to be chased but just because… I didn’t do that. Never had. I wasn’t opposed to it, but I had no clue where to even start with something like that. But I really wanted to push this thing with my oldest friend. My first crush.
How?
That question was quickly pushed to the back of my mind when the bike came to a stop inside a big ass parking lot and I looked at our surroundings. It was a mall.
A goddamn mall. “What the hell is this?” I demanded, glaring at the offensive structure and then my alleged friend. “Well?”
Drew grinned, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. “This is a place where people come to buy tons of shit.”
“This is not a secondhand shop,” I reminded him through clenched teeth.
“Nope,” he agreed cheerfully, taking my hand as if this wasn’t a total betrayal. As if my budget could handle mall prices. “Come on, Mace.”
Inside was madness. The lights were too bright, the air was stale and smelled like a mixture of breath and nacho cheese while Top 40 pop music blared from speakers in almost every store we passed.
There were too many people and too many smells.
In short, it was pure hell. This was why I hadn’t been to a mall in ages.
Online shopping was easier and safer and left me feeling far less exposed.
Drew stepped into a lingerie store first because of course he did, and no amount of pulling him made his big body budge.
I tried to relax and browse like a normal person, but my eyes bugged out of my head with every glance at a price tag. “I can’t afford this, Drew. Let’s just hit up a big box store, they have better deals.” I didn’t need anything frilly or sexy, just functional and affordable.
His answer was to lift up a lace thong that dangled from his middle finger, the same one that had been buried deep inside me earlier, and my breath hitched before I could stop it. “How about this?” he asked, his voice dripping with innocence.
I glared at him as hard as I could.
He watched me for a long beat and then laughed.
Before I could make my next argument, Drew grabbed a basket that looked tiny in his massive hands and started filling it with panties in every color, style and fabric that caught his eyes.
Cotton. Lace. Silk. Thong. French cut. Boy cut.
Low-rise. Things that were sexy and pretty, some things I’d never have picked for myself.
“That’s too much. I really can’t afford it. I know what Ellie said about the club helping, but I want to pay my way,” I whispered, gripping his wrist to stop him from adding even more panties to the basket.
Drew turned soft, unyielding gray eyes on me. “Get what you need and let me worry about the rest.”
“I can —”
He covered my mouth with his hand, not hard, but enough to stop the argument before it left my lips. “I said let me worry about it.” His voice was low and dark. So forceful it was like a physical touch against my skin.
My pulse skipped. “Fine,” I agreed after a beat. “But I will pay you back.”
“No, you won’t,” he said quickly. “This is what we do. We take care of each other.”
I wanted to argue. I knew it wouldn’t work because Drew was more stubborn today than he’d been as a teenage boy. So I thought about all the ways I could take care of him instead.
Once we made it through underwear shopping, Drew remained steady at my side as we moved through the mall, browsing jeans and t-shirts on clearance racks. I found a hoodie on sale and I barely winced when I tallied up the receipts at the end of the day.
By the time we left the mall, I felt better.
My shoulders were no longer up by my ears even though I found myself glancing over my shoulder and noticing men who stared a little too long.
I stuck close to Drew’s side and kept my anxiety to myself.
But I also felt alive and when I caught a glimpse of my reflection, I looked alive too.
I wasn’t magically healed, I knew that, but today was the first day in a long time that I spent more time enjoying myself than worrying about my safety.
In my book, that was a win.