Chapter Eighteen
Macy
They found me. They fucking found me.
The thought looped in my head like a chant I couldn’t shut off. No matter how fast the bike had gone. No matter how hard Drew had pushed it. No matter how far we were from the house when he finally slowed and pulled us into the lot behind the clubhouse. They were here. They’d found me anyway.
I sat on an uncomfortable metal chair at the back of the clubhouse, my arms wrapped around my body with my hands tucked under them.
The clubhouse buzzed around me in low voices and motorcycle boots shuffling across the concrete floor.
The scrape of chairs each time someone joined or left a table.
The sounds were distant though, like I was hearing everything from underwater.
I watched the world move all around me, but I wasn’t part of it.
Last night, I’d fallen asleep in Drew’s arms, thinking we’d have more time together. More time for there to be a Drew and me. Time for us. Time for more orgasms and laughter, for waking up tangled together like that’s how it was supposed to be.
I had stupidly let myself believe in a fucking fairytale. I knew better than that. My life was only a fairytale in the twisted German version, but I’d let myself believe. That friendship and fucking could maybe—eventually—turn into something more.
But the past didn’t give a shit about what I wanted.
Never had.
“Hey.” Ellie’s hand landed softly on my shoulder, and I gasped before I could hold it back. My heart kicked hard against my chest and my breaths came out too fast. With concern etched in her eyes, she crouched in front of me. “Hey, sorry. It’s just me.”
I nodded, willing my lungs to work how they were supposed to. I focused on her face, her soft, girl next door beauty darkened by concern. And exhaustion. “Hey,” I said, trying for casual.
She smiled. “How are you holding up?”
It was such a ridiculous question to my mind, but as I looked at this woman, I realized that despite her worry and her exhaustion, she wasn’t freaking out.
Lucky her. A bitter laugh escaped and I shook my head.
“I don’t know. Scared shitless is at the top of the list, though.
Guilt is a close second. That I brought all this to your doorstep. ”
She didn’t flinch and she didn’t look offended. “That’s understandable,” she said as she got to her feet and pressed a cold bottle of beer into my palm. “Drink. It’ll help.”
I did, letting the icy drink go down my throat while I waited for it to work. The beer was decent, but the carbonation helped, making my eyes water and reminding me I was still here. So are they.
Ellie took the empty chair across from me. “This isn’t easy. It never is.” She sighed, but her voice was quiet and reassuring. “The good news is that you’re exactly where you need to be. The boys will handle it.”
Boys seemed like such a tame word for leather-clad, tattooed bikers who weren’t afraid to get bloody when necessary. But it also increased the guilt that pushed against my chest. “But this isn’t their fight.” That was the part that I kept coming back to.
She tilted her head, studying me closely.
I nodded. “I know, I know,” I said, holding my hands up.
“I knew all that when I came here, knew what I was dragging behind me. I just… I think I foolishly believed I’d be safe here.
That it was far enough away that I could be safe.
I let myself forget that my life doesn’t work that way.
” My jaw tightened angrily. “Stupid, right?”
“Not at all,” she said, with a gentle shake of her head. “Hopeful.”
I snorted. “Hope gets people hurt. Or worse.” My gaze flicked to the door just beyond the office where Drew and the others had disappeared behind at least an hour ago. No one but patched members were allowed inside and that told me, more than anything else, it wasn’t just preparation.
It was serious.
Ellie moved until she blocked my view of that damn door. “You’ll be safe here, Macy,” she said, her tone firmer now. “Stay calm and don’t leave the clubhouse,” she grinned. “But most of all, do what you’re told.”
I nodded at her advice because it was good advice, but I wondered if she would say the same if Diesel, her husband and the father of her children, was killed trying to protect me. I didn’t like that thought at all and took another swig of beer to wash it away.
I didn’t like the idea of sitting around while people planned my life around me. I’d had too much of that shit growing up with social workers, counselors, and cops telling me where to go or where I would be safe when they didn’t know shit.
I reminded myself that this time it was different. I asked for this help.
Which was why I sat there like a good little girl and waited to hear what the plan was to keep me safe from Halloran and ultimately, Diego.
“Do what I’m told?”
Ellie nodded. “When it comes to your safety, that’s the best course of action.” Her gaze held a hint of steel. “All the men in the club are bossy as hell in general, but when it comes to keeping the people they love safe? They push past manners and boundaries, everything really.”
I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes, trying like hell to slow my racing heart.
I worked hard to ground myself in this moment with the cold beer in my hand, the sounds and smells all around me.
“Still, I don’t like the idea of all these people putting themselves and their families in danger for me. ”
“You think I do?” She shook her head. “Diesel is the Prez and he’s such a good man, protective to a fault.
He feels responsible for every single person here and he won’t send his men into battle without him.
Even now I’m fucking terrified because I know who the men after you are and what they’re capable of, but I went into this with my eyes wide open. ”
Her words brought forth the image of Drew, just an hour ago.
The way he woke me up gently, his gaze serious as he told me what needed to be done.
The way he kept a protective hand near at all times.
He hadn’t hesitated, not even for a fucking second when gunshots rang out around us.
He was the Drew I’d always known, who had always protected me, only now he was a man sharpened into a deadly weapon.
And he was prepared to unleash all that. For me.
My thumb absently rubbed the tattoo on my middle finger.
“What’s the story?” Ellie asked with a soft smile, clearly trying to distract me.
I looked at the tattoo with a wistful smile.
“Drew and I were too cool for friendship bracelets and this guy he knew did tattoos in his garage.” I rolled my eyes.
“We thought matching tattoos would be a way to link us.” How many times over the years had I rubbed that tattoo and thought of my old friend and protector? My, if I was being honest, first love.
Too many to count.
“That’s sweet,” she said.
I nodded. “Yeah. He was the sweetest person I ever knew.” Which only made my life worse when I was taken away from him. “It was a culture shock realizing just how shitty people really were.”
She nodded, her gaze filled with sympathy. “Makes him even better, doesn’t it?”
I hadn’t really thought of it like that, but she was right. The fact that Drew had been dealt a shitty hand too and still decided to be good only made him better.
And it made me more unworthy.
He didn’t deserve this trouble, this danger I brought into his life. “Shit,” I whispered to myself. “This was a bad idea. Fucking terrible, really. I shouldn’t have come to Nevada. I should have headed north.”
Ellie’s hand shot out and laid on top of mine, her thumb swiping back and forth in what was supposed to be a soothing motion. “You did the right thing, Macy. You’re scared, I know that.”
“Do you?”
She nodded, ignoring my brittle tone. “I do, and when this is all over and you’re not worried or freaking out, I’ll tell you all about it.
” She gave me a pointed look. “But according to Diesel you are family, Vandal’s only family as far as I can tell.
No matter how hard this fight is, it’s happening, so please, I’m begging you for all of us, don’t do anything that will make it harder to keep you safe. ”
I swallowed the fear that crept up my throat and nodded. “I won’t. I promise.” The last thing I wanted was to make things worse for any of these people who had stepped up to keep me safe when they didn’t even know me. “I promise.” I repeated the words over and over to myself until they were true.
I’d asked for this help, and it was too late to back out.