Chapter 37 #2
I leave out the parts that matter, like that I’d been fucking Vanguard like silly, that for once I can be with someone intimately without killing them, that I’ve been falling in love with my target the whole bloody time.
Cal listens carefully, asking questions at intervals, clarifying details, probing for gaps in my intel.
“The trafficking pipeline,” he says. “Kozlov mentioned Eastern Europe. Did he specify which routes?”
“No. Just that he controls the flow of refugees, displaced people. The ones nobody notices are gone.”
“And Marsh…did he mention any other partners? Anyone else involved in the supply chain?”
I frown. “No. Why?”
“Just trying to build a complete picture. I mean, wouldn’t you like to know?” He takes a sip of his drink. “What about documentation? Records? Anything that could trace back to…”
“Trace back to what?” I ask.
“To Global Dynamix. Obviously.” He waves a hand dismissively. “I’m just wondering how deep this goes. Whether there are other players we don’t know about yet.”
“Like the government.”
“Yes. Like the government.”
I study him for a moment, taking in the tilt of his mouth, the angle of his brows, the way he’s rubbing his thumb over his forefinger nail.
Agents, especially SOE agents, are known for their ability to hide the truth and believe their own lies but we’re also good at recognizing the lies in others.
Cal is holding something back from me and I don’t know what it is. But I don’t like it.
“Cal, is there something you’re not telling me?”
He gives me a smile that looks forced. “What do you mean?”
I mean that, I think. None of this feels real.
“I don’t know,” I say, truthfully.
“You’re paranoid, Mia,” he says. “That’s completely understandable too, given everything you’ve been through. But I’m just trying to understand the scope of what we’re dealing with.” He leans forward, his expression softening. “I’m on your side. You know that. I’ll always be on your side.”
I do know that. At least, I think I do. Cal has been my friend for years. He’s had my back on a dozen missions. He offered me something precious once, and I turned him away, and he stayed anyway, right by my side.
I chalk it up to exhaustion, to the rawness of everything that’s happened. And to the fact that I’m lying to everyone I care about and the weight of it is starting to crush me.
“I know,” I say. “Sorry. Like I said—it’s been a trying mission.”
He nods, accepting the apology. Then his expression changes, becomes something more complicated, a look that makes my gut twist.
“Speaking of which,” he says carefully. “Bayo mentioned you’ve gotten, well, close to the target. Very close.”
My chest tightens. This is why Cal is really here, isn’t it?
“Bayo talks too much.”
“He’s worried about you. We all are.” Cal swirls the cognac in his glass, not meeting my eyes. “Vanguard’s not just any mark, Mia. He’s powerful, he’s dangerous, and he’s connected to people who make other powerful, dangerous people look like children playing dress-up.”
“I’m aware.”
“Are you?” Now he’s looking at me, and there’s something sharp in his gaze. “Because from what I’m hearing, it sounds like you’ve lost perspective.”
He might be right but still, I narrow my eyes at him, my hackles raised. “I haven’t lost anything.”
“You’re fucking him, Mia,” he says, the words sounding bitter. “I was briefed on everything, including the fact that he’s immune to your poison.”
I bury my head in my hands, shaking it. “Ugh, I do not want to be having this conversation with you.”
“Why? Because you think I can’t handle it?
Because a long time ago I told you that I loved you and you turned me down?
Look, I get it, I always have, but I don’t carry that torch for you anymore, Mia.
I’m here as a friend and nothing else. I’m looking out for you because I don’t want you to make a big fucking mistake, because that’s what’s going to happen if you keep going on this way. ”
“Alright,” I say quietly, surprised by his outburst.
“You’re in too deep,” he goes on. “We all know it. And we’re worried.
We’re worried that you don’t know how to separate your job from your heart, or whatever part of you is calling those shots.
We’re worried that you’re putting that first, and not the mission, not the job, not your role as a NOC.
Frankly, we’re worried that you’re compromised, and if that’s the case… ”
“I’m not compromised,” I snap at him. I believe it, I have to.
His eyes flick over my face, trying to read the signs, just as I was doing to him.
“Good,” he says finally. “Otherwise that would be a problem. For you and for the mission.”
“I know what’s at stake, Cal.”
“Do you?” He sets his glass down and stands, moving toward me. Not threatening—just close. “Because the moment you’re in too deep and can’t reach the surface, we might not be there to pull you out. Understood?”
“Loud and clear.”
Leave no one behind doesn’t apply to NOCs.
He picks up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. “I should go. Find a hotel, check in with Bayo, all the proper protocol things. Or maybe I’ll just be a tourist for a day. Haven’t seen this city in a long time.”
“Cal—” I say but stop myself. Because what I want to say is, I’m sorry it wasn’t you.
“I’m glad you’re okay, Mia.” He pauses at the door, his hand on the knob. “Really. When you went dark, I…” He shakes his head. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
The sincerity in his voice makes me feel like the worst person alive.
“Me too,” I say quietly.
He opens the door, then hesitates.
“Oh yeah,” he says, not looking at me. “Whatever happened during those three days and whatever happened before, whatever you’re not telling me—just…
be careful. Okay? People like Vanguard, they don’t fall for people like us.
Not really. And when they figure out what we are…
” He turns, and his expression is unreadable. “It never ends well.”
Then he’s gone, the door closing shut, the sound echoing across the room like a punctuation mark.
People like Vanguard don’t fall for people like us.
It never ends well.
I think about the way Vanguard looked at me after the fall. The rawness in his voice when he said we’d start over. The fragile, impossible thing we’re trying to build from the wreckage of everything we destroyed.
Cal’s wrong, he has to be.
But as I stand there alone in my hotel room, something cold settles in my stomach.
Something that feels a lot like doubt.
What the fuck am I going to do?