Three
THREE
Reagan
I never considered myself to be a woman who backed down from anything. The life I’d lived for thirty-one years now had been wrought with struggle and disappointment. I’d learned at an early age that it was up to me to make myself happy.
For the most part, I’d been succeeding in accomplishing that in recent years. Even now, though there were aspects of my life that I had wished were different, I could still confidently say I was the happiest I’d ever been.
But there was one small part of me that felt a flicker of disappointment in recent weeks. The last two, to be precise.
For the last two Tuesdays, I’d shown up at Grant’s Deli for lunch, like always. Hart hadn’t been there either time. And considering I’d seen him just about every single week for the last four months, I couldn’t help but think I was responsible for his sudden absence.
Had I taken things too far and led to him avoiding his favorite Tuesday afternoon lunch spot altogether?
I felt bad about it.
And if I had the opportunity to see him again, I was certain an apology would be the first thing out of my mouth.
I didn’t want to have to stop coming to the deli—I loved getting my favorite sandwich each week and supporting a small business—but I didn’t think it was fair for me to keep the Tuesday spot when I was the one who’d said something to make Hart feel uncomfortable.
So, I was going to make the effort to do something about it.
I had no means to contact him, but I wondered if Mallory did. She’d been friendly enough with me for a very long time, so it was entirely possible that things had been the same for her with Hart. Maybe, just as she knew that I worked as a realtor, she might know where he worked. Maybe she’d know of a way I could contact him, so I could apologize.
On that thought, having pulled to a stop and parked my car, I got out and made my way to the entrance.
It was on my way there when I got a massive shock and ground to a halt.
Hart had just stepped out of the deli with his lunch, and his eyes met mine. I watched the way his body tensed slightly, but he didn’t slow his forward movement. Better yet, he made his way in my direction, and my belly was a ball of quaking nerves.
“Reagan. Hi.”
“Hello.”
“How are you doing?”
I shook my head. “Not so great. Well, better now, I guess. I’ve been hoping to run into you.”
He frowned. “Me? Why? What’s going on?”
My hand went to my abdomen, resting there on my trembling stomach. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I wanted to apologize.”
“For what? I don’t understand.”
My belly was in knots. Feeling such disappointment with myself, I shook my head slowly and said, “I’m such an idiot. You had done such a sweet thing by bringing me that birdhouse a few weeks ago, and after our conversation about love and relationships, I took things too far. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for making you uncomfortable, and I feel so much remorse for scaring you away from here.”
Hart’s eyebrows rose as he leaned in closer. I noticed the scent of him surrounding me in a way it hadn’t when we had less space between us a few weeks ago. “You didn’t scare me away from here. What would ever make you think that?”
I jerked back with surprise. “I didn’t? But you haven’t been here. I assumed it was because I made things awkward with my… offer.”
His lips spread into a wide smile, one that showed off his dazzling white teeth. “Your offer did not make things awkward, Reagan. I’ve been tied up with things at work the last few weeks. That’s all.”
My hand flew up from my stomach to my forehead and covered my eyes. “Oh. Oh, gosh. Now I really am mortified.”
“You shouldn’t be.”
Reluctantly, I lowered my hand and met his stare. “You don’t think so?”
He shook his head. “No. In fact, I was wondering, if that offer was still on the table, and I decided to take you up on it, where exactly would I go to meet you?”
It was as though my heart had frozen in my chest while my mouth went dry. Then it began pounding wildly, and it was a wonder I could hear my own thoughts, for how I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. “Uh, um, really?”
Hart’s grin grew. “Yeah.”
I glanced down at the ground, a smile playing at my lips, and attempted to pull myself together. When I looked up at Hart again, I revealed, “My place isn’t too far from here.”
“What’s the address?”
Hart was holding the bag containing his lunch in one hand, his car key in the other. I could rattle off my address, but I wasn’t quite sure where he was going to jot that information down. “Do you need a pen, or would you like to take out your phone to remember it?”
“I’ll remember it. Just tell me.”
Of their own accord, my lips moved, and the words came out. When Hart had my address, he stood taller and gave me a nod. “Maybe I’ll stop by one of these days. Do you want me to give you a call first?”
I liked the idea of him surprising me. And technically, given that this wasn’t any sort of formal relationship, I thought it was better for it to be very unscheduled. “I’m usually home at lunchtime, so I don’t mind you just showing up whenever is convenient for you. But if you want to save yourself a trip on the off chance that I’m not around, that would be fine with me.”
He jerked his chin down with acknowledgement. “Fair enough. I’ll let you go for now.”
I nodded slowly. “Okay. Enjoy your lunch break.”
The corners of his mouth tipped up. “I intend to.”
With that, Hart stepped to the side and allowed me to walk past him toward the deli. I didn’t turn around to look back at him as I walked there, but I could have sworn I felt his gaze on me. By the time I stepped inside, I dared to look back, but he was gone.
If nothing else, I was relieved that I’d seen him and had been able to clear the air. Now, at least I wouldn’t have to get anyone else involved. If I thought I’d been embarrassed then, I could only imagine how bad it would have been if I’d dragged Mallory into this. Surely, she would have asked for more details at some point—she’d always been super friendly and talkative.
Mallory had a few people already in the deli when I walked in, so I used the time while I was waiting to replay my conversation with Hart in my head. I wondered if he would actually show up on my doorstep one of these days. And if he did, what would it be like to be with him?
What if we weren’t compatible? With a man like him, I didn’t think it was possible for it to be bad. And considering it had been a long time since I’d been with anyone, it wasn’t like I’d have any reason to complain.
But what if he did? Oh, God. Maybe I really would need to stop coming to the deli, if only to avoid the embarrassment of seeing the man who knew I was lacking.
“Reagan?”
Mallory’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. “Yes. Hi. Sorry.”
“You look a little dazed. Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “Yeah, I’ve just got a couple of things on my mind. Work’s been busy. No big deal, though.”
“I get it. Well, I’ve got your order ready to go.”
“Perfect.”
A few minutes later, I’d paid and was out the door. I tossed my purse and my lunch into the passenger’s seat and made my way home, doing my best to focus on the road and where I was going instead of the humiliation I’d experience if I’d ever gotten the chance for an afternoon of fun with Hart and screwed it up.
When I pulled into my driveway, I realized I was going to have my opportunity to get answers to all the questions that had been rattling around in my brain.
Because, much to my surprise, Hart was there. He was standing with his back leaning against his truck, his legs crossed at his ankles, and his arms over his chest. Even from the distance, I could see the gleam in his eye and the smirk on his face.
He knew.
He knew the entire time he’d been talking to me that he intended to come here right after he left the deli.
My throat was parched, and I felt a flutter in the center of my chest.
I parked, reached across the center console to the opposite seat, and grabbed my things. When I got out, I walked right up to him and waited.
“I’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately.”
Hart wasn’t messing around, apparently.
“Yeah. Me, too. Would you like to come inside?”
He dipped his chin. “Yes. But I wanted to talk to you for a minute first.”
My grip tightened on my poor sandwich. “Sure. What’s up?”
“I want to make sure we’re both on the same page,” he declared. “I know the conversation we had a couple of weeks ago led to you giving me your card and offering up this suggestion, but I want to be clear about my intentions. If what I say now is something you don’t agree with or don’t want, no harm done. We can still say hello to one another at Grant’s Deli whenever we see one another, and everything will be fine. What I want to avoid is the situation where one of us winds up feeling like Tuesday lunch at the deli is no longer an option, because we need to avoid the other.”
I forced a tight smile on my face. “That makes sense. What concerns do you have?”
“I want to be clear about where I stand. I’m not looking for a relationship, and that will never be the case. I know you said you feel the same, but if something changes or if you think that it’s something you might want at any point in the future, I will not be the man who can give that to you. I have no problem with us having some fun in the meantime, if that’s something you’re okay with. If not, like I said, I can happily walk away now. No hard feelings.”
This was perfect.
This was exactly what I needed.
A guy who, even if he didn’t know what led me to where I was right now, understood where I was coming from.
While I could appreciate his need to set things straight before we took things further, it was entirely unnecessary.
Tipping my head to the side, I smiled at him. “When I told you that I wasn’t interested in ever dating anyone, I was serious. You don’t need to worry about things changing for me, because I have no desire for anything more. If we do this, it’s strictly a fun physical thing for me. I promise I will not have any expectations of you. No strings. Just sex.”
Hart seemed pleased with my response, because the tension I hadn’t realized he’d been holding on to left his body as his shoulders relaxed. “Okay. Fair enough.”
“Now, would you like to come inside?”
He grinned. “Lead the way.”
“I wouldn’t recommend leaving your lunch out in the car. You can bring it in and toss it in the fridge if you’d like.”
Hart followed me inside, and I found myself struggling to maintain eye contact with him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want what we were about to do—I was the one who’d offered it. The issue was that I hadn’t exactly done this kind of thing before.
I didn’t do random hookups. And since relationships were pretty much out of the question for me, I’d taken the task of finding physical pleasure into my own hands… Literally.
Now, I’d have this fine specimen of a man to deliver some of that. Or, well, I hoped that would be the case. It’d be awful if he was the kind of guy who just got what he wanted and didn’t care about someone else’s pleasure.
After dumping our food off in the kitchen, I cleared my throat, tucked my chin toward my chest, and offered a shy smile.
“You seem nervous.”
Was it that obvious?
“Sorry. It’s just that I’ve never done this before. Should we… Would you like to follow me up to my bedroom?”
He tipped his head to the side, his eyes assessing me. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes.” The word came out sounding a bit eager, and Hart chuckled.
He stepped toward me, closing the distance between us, and reached out for me. Once he’d tugged me against him, my palms landing flat on his chest, the firm hold of his arm around my waist and the heated look in his eyes had the nervousness dissipating.
My lips parted slightly, and the flutter in my chest made me feel like I was struggling to breathe. Hart was cool as a cucumber, seemingly amused by my response to him, because his lips twitched.
When my eyes dropped to his mouth, my tongue darted out to lick my lips. Hart groaned in response just before he brushed his lips against mine.
My fingertips pressed in firmly against his chest, a vain attempt to keep myself upright. The moment that gentle brush grew firm, his lips capturing mine in a full-fledged kiss, my knees buckled, and a whimper escaped.
Hart was unfazed, merely allowing his arm to tighten around me. I hadn’t been held like this in… Heck, I hadn’t been held like this ever. Not even when I’d dared to be bold enough to date.
And there wasn’t a question I hadn’t ever been kissed like this.
Hart’s free hand came up to the side of my head, and his fingers drove into my hair. The scent of him consumed me as he continued to kiss and taste me. When his hand settled at the back of my skull, he offered a light tug and tore his mouth from mine.
We stared at one another in silence, blinking slow but breathing fast. “Do you still want to do this?”
His tone was light, teasing.
My lips curved into a slow smile. “More than I did before you kissed me.”
Before he had the chance to respond, I stepped back, took him by the hand, and led him up to my bedroom.