Chapter 35 Oren #2
Shoving those bitter, ruminating thoughts away, I dove into the task. I wrapped the gauze carefully around his palm, hoping to be gentle enough to prevent any more agony from surfacing. Once tightly secured, I moved to his knuckles, running the small alcohol square over each wound.
He didn’t respond to that either, and only our breathing mingled together.
It was the one thing keeping me from spiraling further because of another mistake.
One I knew had ended with a positive outcome, but that’s all I ever seemed to do with him.
I only seemed to bring him pain first, and then get him out of it.
“Where did you wander off to?” His question sounded distant, part of me not realizing how far I’d fallen.
“I…” I stopped the lie from spewing further, something I was learning to overcome, even if I did still have my secrets.
Stating my emotions had never been easy; I stuffed them so far down that even I had trouble identifying their roots, but I’d made a promise not to do it with him. “I feel bad for hurting you again.”
He looked at me before glancing down at his knuckles. “You didn’t hurt me. I did this to myself.”
“That’s a lie. If I had warned you about Matt—”
“If you had warned me about Matt, I would’ve called off the party, and you know that.” Holding my gaze, he shook his head. “You did not drive my fist into the ground, I did.”
“I-I know, but I can’t help but feel it was still my fault.
I know it’s not, but that guilt… it lingers.
I know it’s not possible to protect you all the time, but I want to.
I never want you to get hurt.” My thumb lightly brushed above his knuckles, a tender expression I hoped got him to understand my point of view.
His fingers curled under my chin, drawing my averted attention back to him. “I know you do, and that is one of the many reasons I love you, Oren.”
“If… If I’m ever not enough, or can’t protect—”
“Stop.” Snaking along my jaw, he hooked his hold around the back of my neck. “Never. Never talk about yourself like that again. You are enough. You are more than enough. More than anything I’ll ever deserve in this life.”
“Then… Then you promise to do the same? You’re more than enough for me, forever. You’re more than I ever dreamed possible.”
“Promise I’ll do the same? Protect you?” he asked for clarity, a sign that he was working on his communication, his understanding.
I shook my head. “Promise to never talk about yourself in negative connotations. Promise… Promise to always say you’re good enough for me, for Mercy, for your friends. Even for Prince,” I added at the end, a slight smile forming.
“That’s a steep ask,” he grumbled, running a hand through his grown, dark locks.
“I’m a fucked up human, Oren. I’m damaged beyond repair, a shattered vase incapable of being put back together enough to ever hold a flower again.
My cracks run deep, and I fear that if I promise you that, it will be a promise I inherently break. ”
“Then… How about a different promise?”
He lifted a brow. “A different promise?”
“A-A different promise.” It was the reason I’d wanted the house party, our friends there, and Matt… Matt to be there, too.
Confusion flooded his features as he shifted to face me. “Out with it then? What other promise?”
“D-Drawer,” I said, unable to hold his gaze. “I-I have to, uhm, get them out of the drawer.”
Concern replaced bewilderment. “Oren. What is going on?”
“It-It’s fine.” I stumbled over to the drawer on my side of the bed, lifting the box out and tucking it close to my chest.
Shutting my eyes, I refused to look as I shoved the box into the air. “I-I got us rings. Well, they aren’t really marriage rings, but I wanted to make it official. I wanted something to c-claim you with, and—”
“O-Oren,” my name fractured, emotion prevalent in his timbre. “Are you… Is this you… Asking me… To be… Y-Your husband?”
My cheeks were hot, the ability to correct him evaporated. This wasn’t supposed to be it. These were only fill-ins for the actual… Ah, fuck it.
Tears pooled in his eyes, his bottom lip wavering as he looked at me. “Kind of a… weird way to ask, but… Yes, Oren Valens. I would be honored to be your husband and spend the rest of my life learning your quirks.”
In my hurried state to correct the non-proposal proposal, I tripped over one of his shoes, barely catching myself on the edge of the bed before attempting to brush it off. “God, this… this isn’t going how I pictured it.”
He laughed softly, shifting from where he sat. Wrapping his fingers around my wrist, he tugged me toward him with an ease I didn’t think I’d ever get used to. “You are too clumsy for your own good, and thank fuck you never were put out on the battlefield, because I would’ve had an aneurysm.”
I rubbed the back of my neck, a sheepish grin forming. “Yeah… I think you would’ve spent all your time preventing me from tripping.”
“Among other things, yes.”
“Among other things?” I repeated, a humored glint forming in my irises.
Lifting the box, I pulled out his ring, a deep black that mirrored the off-white of mine.
I’d gotten two, one to imitate the depths of not only our souls, but the color wheel.
He was the reason I’d found solace in painting, and these hues symbolized it.
Black absorbed while white reflected—each necessary to create a spectrum, a vibrancy only he’d crafted my world to be.
A single tear rolled down his cheek as he glanced at the box in my hand before lifting his caramel stare to find me once more. His palms found the sides of my face, cradling me as he brought me in for a kiss so gentle yet still somehow capable of stealing every drop of air from my lungs.
Leaning into his touch, I brought the ring to his finger and put it on. It was a symbol of everything he’d done for me, and everything I knew he still would. Even if this wasn’t the intended plan, he deserved every ounce of happiness this moment brought, because I wanted no one else but him.
We weren’t perfect. Hell, we were far from the definition, but we were perfect for each other.
When two souls are bonded, it’s impossible to keep them from merging completely.
He was everything to me, and I hoped one day he would fully escape the nightmares that haunted his dreams. I hoped one day my love would influence him so profoundly he’d forget the horrors of his past. Maybe…
Maybe that would never happen, but I would always remain.
Always be there as his pillar, his rock, his husband.
Pulling back, I hadn’t even realized he’d snuck the other ring from its place before his hand found mine, gliding it onto my finger with a gentle grace.
“In all your beauty, in all your rawness, you taught me to no longer fear the broken pieces of myself. To accept them and cradle them in the manner they deserved, in the manner I craved to be held. You taught me what love truly felt like, looked like, and that… That healed every ounce of my soul, all the shattered pieces I never thought I’d be able to put back together.
” With a softened smile, he threaded his fingers through my hair.
“So yes, Oren Valens, to be with you for the rest of my life would be an honor, and one I will gladly accept in this timeline and any other we so happen to cross paths in.”
A sob broke through, but this was different from any I’d shared in the past. This was a level of happiness I thought I’d never be granted, a happiness I never believed I deserved or would receive in this lifetime. Yet again, Thorne loved to prove me wrong.
With a fluid motion, I wrapped my arms around him, that cry turning into choked laughter. “Always.”