CHAPTER FORTY-ONE #2
Talyn growls and goes to storm after them, but I’m up and in his way before he can move even a few steps.
Thank you, shadows. “Talyn. She’s not a fledgling anymore.
She’s a grown female and is more than capable of making her own choices.
She’s safe with those males. Fates, even Jesper’s brother is with her.
Just let her go.” I don’t know what comes over me but I place my hand on his wide chest, feeling the erratic beats of his heart. “It’s okay,” I whisper.
He stares down at me with such an intensity my knees begin to shake. After a moment he nods, touching my cheek briefly and storming out of the room.
I let go of the breath I was holding, and Jesper chuckles as his eyes glint with mischief. “Seems you have tamed the beast there, Little Beastie.”
I’m not sure I would say that, but I think we have come to some sort of understanding. My fingers touch my cheek where he brushed it and I can’t help but duck my head. Maybe there’s hope for us after all.
MY MIND WANDERS as I stare into the fire that’s lit in the lounge of the library. I’ve been here for a bit now, curled up in the leather chair with a book perched on my lap, but I can’t focus on anything but tomorrow.
We spent hours in the war room, coming up with plan after plan.
The forest in the area around the location is dense—too dense for dragons, so we will have to land at a distance from it and trek through it to get to the safehouse.
If that’s even what it is. No map we’ve found shows any village, town or ruins.
There’s nothing out there, which most likely means there are creatures we won’t want to cross paths with.
So many things can go wrong, and if we come across wraiths without the dragons, we’re dead.
Not to mention walking through a forest with shadowflame swords is far too dangerous; one spark and the forest would ignite.
I sigh, glancing around the shelves lined with scrolls, parchments and texts. Cynder was supposed to meet me, but I suppose with the blowout she had with her brother she’s opting to keep to herself. I get it. I’ve been on the receiving end of Talyn’s controlling temper.
A noise sounds to my right and I jump up, pulling a blade out.
A tall and wide figure moves out of the shadows and I can’t help the relieved exhale that leaves me. “Killian, you startled me.”
“I’m sorry, Little Warrior. I didn’t know you were in here,” he grumbles, his voice rough with days of disuse. He turns to leave.
“No! Wait!”
He stops and turns his head slightly over his shoulder.
“Please stay. I could really use your company. I also want to apologize for snapping at you that day in the training yard…”
His shoulders sag but he turns back towards me, sitting in the chair across from me. “You don’t need to apologize. I was pushing you for things you weren’t ready for. It’s I who should be apologizing to you. Although I do think you still should have taken a break.”
I wince, and sit back down. “Yes, you were right. I should have eaten. But it’s in the past, we’ve learned from it. I’m more worried about you pulling away from us. The others said to give you space but…”
He grunts, the silver of his scars glinting in the fire light.
“I needed the space. Thank you for listening to them, but I find myself lately getting pulled to you…” His red eyes pierce me with so much emotion I want to go to him, to wrap my arms around him and hold him until he’s ready, but I don’t.
He’s let me touch him, but I don’t want to push him too far in the state he’s in.
“I find myself walking the castle and always ending up outside the rooms you’re in.
The training yard, dining room, weapons room… your bedroom.”
My lower stomach heats at the rough tone of his voice and knowing he’s been outside my room while I slept. Killian’s nostrils flare and his gaze darkens for a moment before he pushes it away.
“I know I’m not okay right now. My mother… I’m not sad exactly, that she’s gone. Relieved is more like it. She won’t be able to be used as a pawn in my father’s sick and twisted games any longer. She won’t be used against me or me against her.”
He pauses and I watch as his fists clench and unclench.
“You know he used to beat me when I did anything he didn’t like or approve of.
After you… disappeared, I was inconsolable.
My father hated how your ‘death’ affected me.
He wanted to break me, and he succeeded.
When my mother tried to stop him, he would make her punish me, saying that if she didn’t perform the cut, he would just kill me.
A little cut is nothing compared to the life of her son.
Eventually, it became too easy for her so the cuts got deeper…
and then he started using iron. When I misbehaved, according to his standards, he would beat her instead of me and make me watch.
” The words catch in his throat and he stops talking for a bit.
Each word he speaks breaks my heart, cracks it into a million pieces. No one should have gone through that. My body itches to go to him, to comfort him, but I can’t. I don’t want to trigger him.
“I can’t stand touch. It makes me violent, unpredictable.
Your touch somehow soothes me. Maybe it’s the mate bond that’s partially formed between us.
But I can’t fully mate you, Ravina. I won’t risk hurting you.
Although I swear to protect you for the rest of my life.
You are the closest thing I have to true happiness, and I won’t risk it. ”
This time my heart breaks for a whole other reason—like the bond between us is fraying.
I shake my head. “No.” I stand, moving right in front of him. “You don’t get to make that choice for me. You have never hurt me, Killian, and you won’t ever hurt me.”
Going against my better judgement, I crawl onto his lap and wrap my arms around him, holding him tight.
“See? You won’t hurt me, Killian. Don’t pull away from me, please.
I need you. I’m not asking you to mate me right now or tomorrow or the next day.
We can take our time. Go at your pace. But there are two of us in this bond.
All I ask is that you try. If down the road you can’t… then I’ll accept it.”
Fear of losing him causes all the words to spill out of me. The pain in my heart, where his and my bond sits, begins to lessen and ever so slowly he wraps his arms around me, holding me close.
“You would want me even though I am scarred? Fae are terrified of the monster I look like,” he whispers, his voice vulnerable.
I pull back and cup his face. “Scars or not, I think you are incredibly handsome and any female would be honored to have a loyal, kind male like you,” I tell him, wiping the tears from both of our faces.
“You’re my Killian. You’ve always been my safe space and I’m over the moon that the fates chose us to be together. I will fight to get you to see that.”
I go to stand up but his grip tightens on my hips. “Please, just stay here with me.”
I search his face, making sure he truly wants this before I settle back against him, nuzzling my face into his neck. “Of course, Kill. For as long as you want.”