CHAPTER 27 BEN
I head to the weight room after my meeting with Calvin, and I work off the beer for a couple hours.
Calvin’s words replayed over and over during my workout. Fix your reputation, kid.
I didn’t realize there was anything to fix. Nobody’s pulling sponsorships. So a few internet trolls gave their opinions about me. As I learned early in my career, opinions are like assholes. Everyone’s got one. And I don’t care what people say about me. I know who I am.
Except as I whip the battle ropes with all my might, I think for the first time that maybe I don’t know who I am.
I’m a thirty-two-year-old man who works his ass off every day to stay in shape and to be ready for the game I play every Sunday during the season. I like women, beer, and laughing. I have money in the bank and friends in every city.
I like my life just the way it is. I have sponsorships that promote bachelor life—whiskey and shaving kits and athletic equipment and energy drinks.
I’ve worked hard to build a brand showcasing a certain lifestyle, and when men see me selling their favorite products, they think they can live a life like mine if they use that product, too. I’m living the dream.
So why does it all feel a little empty?
I don’t have a girlfriend because I don’t do commitment.
I don’t own a house in Vegas because I don’t know how long I’ll be here.
I don’t know what’s coming next for me when my playing days—which are numbered, I know—are over.
Nothing feels permanent, and I’m okay with that.
Except…
I want to give back. I want to do something. I want to leave a mark on the world. And it’s during this workout with Calvin’s voice in my head that I realize I don’t know what that means or where to start.
I text my publicist, shower, and head over to Luke’s place since his wife, my publicist, works from home.
“Come on in,” Ellie says, and I follow her through the house to her office. I’ve been here a few times, and I wave my hello to Kate, who works part time with Ellie as an assistant, but she’s getting her degree in interior design and probably won’t work here much longer since she graduates soon.
I collapse onto the purple couch in Ellie’s home office and let out a deep sigh before I shift to lie back across the entire couch. It’s really comfortable here as I stare up at the ceiling.
“Everything okay, Ben?” Ellie asks.
I heave out another long breath before I glance over at her. She’s making eyes at Kate, like they’re both a little concerned for my well-being.
It feels too much like a therapist’s office like this. I swing my legs over and sit up again, leaning my elbows onto my legs and folding my hands in front of me.
“No,” I admit. “I’m in a bit of a tight spot. Calvin has now yelled at me twice in the last couple weeks in the off-season for my behavior. He wants me to be a better example for kids to look up to.” I roll my eyes.
“Well, the stripper thing last night wasn’t, like, your best shining example,” Ellie says.
“But it’s who I am,” I point out, ignoring the little voice nagging in my mind that it’s not necessarily who I want to be anymore. Nobody has to know about that voice, so I shut it the fuck up. “He knew that when the Aces acquired me.”
“They took you because you’re a hell of a tight end, Ben,” Ellie says. Kate’s quiet over on her laptop as she pretends not to listen. “You helped lead the team to the Super Bowl this year, and that’s an incredible accomplishment.”
“Yeah, and I did all that with my current reputation. Why the fuck should I change it?”
“Because Calvin cares about you guys,” she says gently.
“He doesn’t want you getting into trouble with the league or worse.
One thing I’ve learned about Calvin is that he really does have the best interest of the people he cares about at heart even though it’s really hard to see that sometimes.
As your publicist, don’t get mad at me, but I have to err on the side of agreeing with him on this one. ”
I press my lips together before I say something out of anger.
“I said don’t get mad at me,” Ellie says, holding up both hands in surrender.
“I know. I’m not mad. I just…I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’ve built an entire brand around being a guy who enjoys football, drinking, women, and partying.” I shrug. “Who am I if I’m not that guy?”
Ellie stands and walks around her desk. She leans on the edge of it as she studies me for a beat, and then she starts pacing on the fluffy white rug that lies between us.
She taps her chin while she walks, and it’s like a cartoon of a person thinking. “We need to do something that’ll help you look like a good guy but that doesn’t interfere with the brand you’ve built.”
I nod.
“Charity work?” Kate suggests, and aha! I knew she was listening to every word.
Ellie nods slowly. “Definitely. Volunteering with kids is always a bonus. Something to show how respectful he is of women, too. Maybe volunteering at a women’s shelter? Or speaking engagements, those are always good.”
“Sure, I can do any of that.”
“Stay out of strip clubs,” Ellie warns. “We need more, though. Something that shows you’re serious and committed.”
“Committed?” I repeat. “To…what?”
“To being a stand-up member of society,” Ellie says, inflecting her voice at the end like she’s asking a question.
My brows dip. “Instead of a stripper loving douchebag?”
“Well I wasn’t going to use quite such eloquent terms, but…yeah.” She’s still pacing and thinking, pacing and thinking, until she suddenly stops. She holds one finger up in the air. “I’ve got it.”
“I have a feeling I’m not going to like whatever this is.” I can’t help but voice my concerns.
Her face is so victorious I’m positive she didn’t even hear me. “It worked for Luke. In fact, it always works as long as you sell it right.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “What worked?”
Her wheels are definitely turning, and it’s a little terrifying. “A relationship. Something you can flaunt in front of the media to show you’re not a slimy douche who hangs out at strip clubs every weekend.”
“I don’t want a girlfriend,” I protest.
“You don’t need one.” She says it like the answer is so obvious, but it isn’t. Not to me, anyway. “It doesn’t have to be real. We just need people to think it’s real.”
“Isn’t that the same thing?” I ask. “And what about my endorsement deals? My entire brand is built on me being a bachelor living the single life.”
She shakes her head. “Your brand is built on things that bring you—and as a byproduct, lots of men like you or who want to be like you—joy. Joy. That’s our keyword here.
You’re joyful when you score a touchdown.
Joyful when you roar into the camera with your Big O Thunder.
Joyful when you smash a beer can on your forehead.
You bring this joy of living life to the table just by being you, and that is the crux of your brand.
You can still have all that and prove you’re more than just a spoiled frat boy. ”
“And you think getting me a girlfriend is the way to do that?” I’m still monumentally confused.
“No,” she says pointedly. “I think the way to do that is to show you have another side. You aren’t just this guy who thunders into the camera after he scores.
You aren’t just a guy who crushes cans and hangs with strippers.
You can also be serious and respectful while keeping that joy of life alive.
You can show you’ve got values and morals while still having fun.
Your brand doesn’t have to change one single bit just because you’ve got a girlfriend.
If anything, it might open up more opportunities. ”
“But my life will change,” I say flatly.
She glances up at me. “Why?”
I tilt my head a little uncomfortably. “I can’t, you know, have adult sleepovers with different women on a nightly basis if I’m supposedly in a committed relationship.”
“Do you want to continue having adult sleepovers with different women on a nightly basis?” Ellie asks.
I give her a look like the answer is obvious, which it is.
Isn’t it?
The image of Kaylee’s face as I made her come on my bed while I stood over her fucking her flashes in my mind.
I shake it off.
“Okay,” she concedes. “How important is playing next season?”
“Top priority,” I say.
“Then you just answered your own question. Look, Ben. All you really need to do is show up to a few events with the same woman on your arm. Who you go home with at the end of the night is your business. Just don’t get seen and don’t allow anyone to put anything on social media.
Every woman you touch needs to sign an NDA because if you’re acting like you’re in a relationship, the last thing we need is a cheating scandal. ”
“I’m not agreeing to this,” I begin, mostly to shut both these women down before they take it too far. “But just in case, list out the reasons why you think this is a good idea.”
“You make your boss happy,” she says, holding up a finger as if to say this is reason number one.
“In turn, you get him to back off the threats of benching you.” She holds up another finger and then another.
“You work on that corrupt, tainted image of yours, which might bring in more sponsorships—brands that pay more money that you’ve never worked with because you attract a certain type of product while keeping the scandals at bay.
” She ticks off another finger as she says that last part.
“That’s four reasons just off the top of my head. ”
I lean back on the couch as I realize she’s right. I think I’m sort of stuck here. “Right, fine. I see your point, okay? But who the fuck would even do this with me?”
“Are you kidding? You’d have a line out the door,” Ellie says.
“Shannon would do it,” Kate says, naming her friend with the crazy eyes that was at dinner the other night. “She thinks you’re hot.” She glances over at Ellie and shrugs. “I don’t see it.”
Ellie laughs.
“Or what about Kaylee?” Kate asks, and my chest tightens at the mention of her name. “She already agreed to go with you to your mom’s wedding and she ends up at a lot of the same events you attend anyway.”
I shake my head. “First, Jack would never go for that, and second, fuck no.” And it’s not just because I suddenly can’t stop thinking about her.
Okay, fine. That might have a little something to do with it.
“Don’t worry about Jack,” Kate says. She winks. “I can be pretty persuasive when I want to be.”
Ellie laughs, but I’m not finding any of this very funny at all.
Especially considering what I did to that chick’s body against Jack’s front door. I can’t exactly admit to Ellie and Kate that I’ve got an…entanglement with her. Faking a relationship when we’re noncommittally fucking in secret would only complicate things.
“It doesn’t even matter,” I say. “There’s no way Kaylee would do it.”
Ellie raises an eyebrow. “You don’t think so?
She hates teaching. We sell it like a summer job.
You’ll pay her to attend events with you and act like your girlfriend in public.
Then she can quit teaching and figure out what she really wants to do.
And if that doesn’t sell it, I bet I could convince her. ”
Yeah, because that’s exactly what I need.
But I have a feeling with Ellie and Kate at the helm, my hands are pretty much tied.