CHAPTER 1 BEN
Kaylee’s head whips in my direction as her eyes dart to mine. “Are you serious?”
I break our eye contact as my eyes move down to my feet. Jesus. Am I serious? I don’t know, but this is a real fucking mess and I’m not sure how to fix it, keep Calvin happy, and still get to play the game I live for.
I need to think this through.
Ellie bounces on the balls of her feet a little as she waits for my answer, and I feel like I just need her to go.
I love her both as my publicist and as someone who has become a friend, but she’s acting in the best interest of my image—not of me.
She pulls me in one direction while I keep trying to push back, and I’m not sure who’s going to win.
I’m not sure who should win. Me, I guess, since it’s my life…but I did hire her to perform a job, and she’s just doing it.
Do I want to marry Kaylee?
That’s a big fuck yes. When I think about the time we spent together in Montana, that is what I want. I see it in our future.
But should I marry her?
I’m not so sure about that.
Just because I have a clear picture of what life would be like with her doesn’t mean she sees the same picture. It doesn’t even mean she wants that picture, though I’d put money on the fact she does.
We still have a pretty big obstacle standing in our way that tells me marrying her is destined to end a certain way, and it isn’t when death parts us.
I finally look up at Kaylee and toss the ball back into her court. “What do you think?”
Ellie opens her mouth to say something, but I turn and look at her, cutting her off before she gets the chance to speak.
“Would you excuse us for a minute?”
This conversation should be between the two of us—without outside forces trying to wiggle in their opinions.
She looks surprised, and rather than ask her to leave, I usher Kaylee out to the patio.
I wish Buddy was here. He’d help us figure this out.
I want to take her into my arms and hold her against me because I feel like that’s the only thing that will calm the turbulent storm inside me right now, but Ellie’s watching.
“Are you okay?” Kaylee murmurs.
“Not really. You?”
She shrugs. “I’ve had that weird feeling in my stomach for a few days and it seems like it was an omen, like my body knew something bad was coming.”
“This is bad. Really bad.”
She nods. “I know. But we’ll fix it.”
“How?” I ask. I blow out a breath.
“I don’t know. We’ll get Eric to tell the truth?”
“Maybe,” I murmur. I keep my voice soft just in case Ellie can hear through the glass doors.
“I don’t want to put any more pressure on you.
I want to toss this into your court. If you’re comfortable with it, I would marry you.
It wouldn’t just be because of my image, though that’s certainly a driving factor.
It would be because I like spending time with you.
I like what we’ve created. I like you. I want what we had at my place in Montana when it was just you, me, Buddy, and the horses. ”
“I want that too. I want Homecoming dances and lazy, sexy mornings and cooking lessons and the view over all those gorgeous acres you own. I keep thinking ahead to what the future might look like, and after talking with your grandma…” she trails off and glances up at me a little nervously.
My chest tightens as I brace for what she’s about to say. This is it, isn’t it?
She’s going to end things with me.
What the hell did Gramma say to her?
It’s not just that I’m going to have to face this scandal alone or that I’m going to have to explain a sudden break-up along with the accusations Kitty’s tossing around, which will only make me look guiltier since my woman wouldn’t stick by my side.
That will all suck, and maybe I’ll lose my job and the respect of people I care about and other shit I haven’t even begun to consider.
But I don’t really care about any of that…because nothing would be worse than losing Kaylee at this point.
I’m not sure when I got so damn invested in her, but I am.
And that’s scary as fuck.
She exhales a puff of air. “I think I can change my vision of the future if it means I get to hang onto what we have.”
Whoa.
That’s not what I was expecting to come out of her mouth.
“What?” I ask stupidly.
“I want to marry you—like you said. Not because of your image, though yes, I have this driving need to protect you and to shout to the world what a great man you are. I want to marry you because I am so in love with you that the thought of being without you is far worse than the thought of changing whatever mythical dream I once had about the future.”
My jaw slackens in surprise at her words. “Holy fuck do I want to kiss you right now.”
“She’s watching,” she says softly.
“I don’t care.” I wrap my arms around her and lower my lips to hers, but I keep it brief, hoping our hug was enough to hide the kiss from Ellie’s view.
We break apart.
“So we’re really doing this?” she asks.
I nod. “We’re really doing this.”
“Holy shit,” she murmurs. “When?”
An icy fear grips my heart, but I force it to melt away. We’ve got this. Kaylee has me, and I have her. That’s all we need. And so, when I say my next words, I say them with a calm confidence that I’m not sure I really feel. “Before camp.”
Her eyes widen. “But camp starts next month.”
I nod. “Before camp,” I say again, this time with a little more conviction.
“Okay, then.” She nods resolutely. “I’ve got a lot of work to do.”
I offer a smile of gratitude, and for the first time since I woke up this morning, the knots in my stomach start to loosen. I glance inside and find Ellie in there looking down at her phone. I look back at Kaylee. “I’ll find a way to thank you later.”
She raises a brow and squirms a little. “I’m holding you to that.”
We head inside, and I nod at Kaylee as if to tell her she can have the honors.
“We’re doing it,” she says.
Ellie’s eyes widen. “Oh, shit.”
“What?” Kaylee asks.
“I didn’t think you’d really do it,” she says. “When?”
“Before camp,” I say.
Ellie scrolls her phone and I see she’s looking at the calendar. She lets out a maniacal little laugh. “Wow. Okay. Here or Montana?”
I glance at Kaylee. I’m going to let her make the big decisions, but I cross my fingers she says Montana.
“Montana,” she says.
“Big or small?” Ellie asks.
“Small,” Kaylee says. “Private but with a lot of pictures.”
“Oh, I have a contact at People who would pay a fortune for the exclusive,” Ellie says, tapping out some notes on her phone.
“Add it to our charity numbers,” Kaylee says, and it’s just another reason why I fucking love her.
Ellie flips back to her calendar. “Day of the week? Any opinion on that?”
“Weekend. Saturday is preferred but not a dealbreaker,” Kaylee says.
I’m watching them like this is a damn tennis match.
“So any weekend in July except the Fourth,” Ellie says.
Kaylee raises a brow and purses her lips in thought. “I mean, we did have fireworks at the engagement party…” She looks at me, and I shrug.
“Whatever you want.”
“The Saturday before the Fourth,” Kaylee says.
“We’re looking at July second,” Ellie says.
“That’s two and a half weeks away,” I say. I try to keep the panic out of my voice. It didn’t seem like a big deal when it was just conversation, but now that plans are being made…it’s becoming real.
Too real.
Disturbingly real.
Two and a half weeks away real.
“Yep,” Ellie says. “Jack is going to kill us all, but this will definitely help with the image. Okay, let me run home and put together a plan moving forward. I’ve got a few different planners who will be able to rush this for us, so let me make a few calls and I’ll be in touch.
And Ben, let me know how it goes with Calvin.
I know you want to abide by your stupid man code, but honestly, just level with Calvin.
Let him know Eric heard everything. Or at least see if Jaxon or Cory can help. ”
I nod, and I give her a hug. “Thanks, Ellie.”
“Of course. And just for the record, I need a raise.” She winks as she waves and heads out the door.
As soon as it clicks shut behind her, my eyes fix on Kaylee. “You sure you’re okay with all this?”
She swallows, and then she nods. “Yeah. Regardless of what the future holds, you’ve somehow become my best friend over the last few weeks. I will stand by your side and do whatever it takes to prove you didn’t do those awful things she’s saying you did.”
My eyes soften as I stare down at her. God, I love her.
I don’t know how I got so lucky, and I definitely don’t deserve her…but I’m going to hold onto this feeling for as long as I can.